The advice thread for random problems

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

So I was speaking to a guy for five years long story short 2 years of that five years he was dating/ had a girlfriend and was still sexting me I found the girlfriend and told her everything.
He blocked me on everything and they stayed together. Last September he unblocked me 5 months after I snitched on him. I waited a couple of days thought this was weird and then messaged him so he knew I noticed what he done he instantly blocked me after.
Yesterday he unblocked me again but hasn’t messaged me. My friends done some fbi work and noticed they’re still together but she’s moving in with him this month (they’re long distance)
So I’m quite confused why’s he unblocked me again. Like I don’t want to block him because then he’ll know that I noticed he’s unblocked me but I can’t see it being the girlfriend that’s done it because I know his routine (been the same for years)

Just ignore it or block him. Don’t let him eat up any more of your time

 

[LaBlonde]

I would be kicking up so much more of a stink about this. Have you blasted the airport and the airline on Twitter? Did she leave the airport with the suitcase or did the theft take place in the airport?

Did you take pictures of her suitcase? I’d be posting online blasting her full name and the flight origin destination time etc etc, I’d be naming out anything identifiable about the case.

Definitely report it to police, get the pulse number and share it with the airport, find specific names and numbers and emails of high up people in the airline and the airport, give these to the police then write your own emails to all of them CC’ing the station/policeman.

And yes I would absolutely show up to the airport for the flight home ready to SWING at anyone who has the same case as you. I’d be on the loudspeaker at the boarding desk roaring ‘JANE SMITH COME TO THE GATE’

this is all outstanding advice, get on twitter and put them on absolute BLAST. get her and her basic ass name. like newaccount says, tweet everyone you can. the airline, the airport, the higher-ups at the airline, keep doing it, retweet it in their replies. make this as public as possible.

i feel better knowing that your boyfriend is there, get your bag and your cards back (what kind of a person opens someone else’s birthday cards?!)

please update us, if i see anyone going off in an airline’s replies i’ll retweet

 

[Slaybutter]

I never thought about it like that. Yes it was heartbreaking watching these two people so distraught and I was thinking I can't even begin to imagine how they are feeling right now to not only have seen this happen but to also be at my door with my little fella in a box.

I say watching these two people but it was at separate times. The lady bought him home to me in the morning ( it happened at 7 am) and later that afternoon the man bought flowers and again was trying to tell me what happened and how but was crying too much to get anything out.

Oh that seems like a lot of pressure to be kind. I think you were deprived the chance to feel angry which segues into sadness.

Sorry for your loss.
I hope this numbness passes quickly.

 

[Orphan_Black]

I have a man problem that I'd appreciate some advice on please. I know what I should do but need it clarified if that makes sense..
I came out of a pretty horrific 10 year relationship 2 years ago, towards the end of that relationship I started speaking to an old male friend that I hadn't spoken to for years, nothing in it, just chat, nothing sleazy etc. Since breaking up with my ex, we've talked a lot, met up, I feel like I've been there for him quite a lot with things he's had going on & really grew to like him, he told me he had feelings for me and we get on really well. However, we haven't spoken now in a week, I have covid which he knows about because I posted something on my story about it & he's not even checked in to see how I am. This has happened before, I deleted him off my social media and then he txt me (forgot to block him) saying he was hurt that I'd removed him and asked the reason why, I told him I just didn't feel effort from him and didn't want to waste my time when things aren't being reciprocated, he apologised and said it wouldn't happen again. I wouldnt usually say this in public but the last time i seen him, we had sex and he lasted about 10 seconds, he kept apologising and i made him feel comfortable, didnt make a big deal out of it but i could tell he was embarrassed. But now he's making no effort again, I know I should just delete him again but his reaction last time makes me feel bad. I haven't messaged him as I've been waiting to see if he actually does reach out. What would you do? Just delete him or reach out to him? I don't want to play in to his hands.

Delete him, move on, you don't even need to give him a reason if he asks. Find a relationship with someone who is invested in you.

Some things grow into something amazing, some things don't. I wouldn't see it as any sort of failing on your part, you tried, the friendship was one sided, and you didn't click sexually. I'd just stay classy and not talk about what went down in the bedroom though to anyone irl.

 

[JoeBloggs]

as much as I agree with this comment, I can’t find another group to do the hobby together because the character is his OC (original character) meaning that he is the creator, and the role can’t be passed to someone else.

probably because I’m torn between continuing the friendship or not, we don’t really have that much in common, but somehow still hangs together from time to time. That, and because I’m not sure whether I am allowed to feel mad about the situation.

Is it right for me to get mad though I understand his reason?

Is it right for me to repress this emotion and not talk about it to avoid further confrontation and to Not look like I’m being pushy?

Is it right of him to only share his opinion and not ask for mine?

Is it even right for me or do I even have the place, rather, to tell him why I’m disappointed knowing it wont change a thing?

You have every right to feel how you feel. However pushing how you feel onto someone else to make them feel guilty or change their mind is not ok. Telling him how you feel without making him feel bad or guilty is ok but I don't think you are in that head space. Perhaps, 'Thank you for being honest with you, I will say I am upset about this but I accept it.'

I appreciate it will be hard to accept his character is gone, but how about starting something new with new people. This may help in distracting your mind and get over things.

 

[WilmaHun]

My friends Mum passed away yesterday. We're the type of friends who don't see each other often but are very close and can always rely on each other. Any of you have advise how to best help them? If you've been in that position what was the best thing someone helped with? I don't want to just say, here if you need anything, it can be hard to reach out when needed.

My friend very suddenly lost her Mum earlier in the year and like you I was really unsure of what I could do to help. Someone suggested to me that because she'll be so consumed in the grief and shock of it all she might not be eating properly, and said I could try taking some food round to her. I made a shepherds pie and took it round to her with a bunch of flowers and she was so grateful as she said she'd been struggling to get the motivation to cook for herself and her little boy. Perhaps you could do that? Shows you are thinking of them and want to help.

 

[becca7721]

I’ve had to cancel my DEXA. i wish that was still all I had to worry about.

My mum who I was talking to this morning is now in intensive care and we have been asked to come home. How does someone go from having breakfast in the morning to fighting for her life?! I haven’t really connected it with being my mum. Right now it’s at all happening to someone else somewhere else.

this isn’t the thread for this. Sorry Everyone! I’m just counting hours to the train home in morning and not sure what to be doing

I’m so sorry to read this. I’m sure people won’t mind you posting here. They seem to be very lovely. The struggle to make sense will be shock and I know it’s easier said than done but it won’t make sense, these things never do, I’ve been through it twice and neither made sense.

For now, don’t be hard on yourself, be kind, are you on your own? Do you feel able to read or listen to an audiobook to get you through the night to the train? Middle of the night is the worst time for bad thoughts and overthinking. I found reading helped, if I was able and when I’m not I listen to an audiobook. At the moment I’m reading about Amish quilt making - I know nothing about Amish or making quilts but it helps keep dark thoughts under control.

I don’t have any answers or other advice; I hope someone else will pop along too. I only had two hours sleep last night so can’t stay up unfortunately as unwell.

 

[playgirlbunny]

I would choose your battles carefully and when you do feel it necessary to be assertive, stick to facts and don’t let emotions get involved. Always remain open minded and make sure you listen to the person you are dealing with. It can be difficult to find the balance but it does get easier!

Thank you. I think I find it hard to choose my battles because as soon as I entered my 20s I’ve come across a lot of people trying to test me and gauge how I would act. A lot of the times I ignore them because I’m quite chilled and I’m also don’t like problems but they seem to think because I appear nice and kind they can walk all over me. The hardest is when I do voice my opinions on something I feel so scared on the inside and sometimes my voice comes across as quite shaky which I find embarrassing

 

[littlepup]

the reason I'm not getting separate glasses is I know I will lose them if I don't wear them all the time. I need things to be a habit.
I might take the antiglare off my order then. I was told it was £10 online but my bill jumped up by almost £40 when that was added.

I highly recommend glasses direct if you find you need a spare pair.
I usually get the 50% off + free pair deal so two pairs come in around £35. They're not designer but they're really nice and you can mix and match frames, one as sunglasses etc.

 

[havee]

not to give too much info but basically my parents are in debt, but are not dealing with it and have left it to me. my mum doesnt speak english and my dad doesnt handle the stuff. he for some reason does not pay the rent or tax etc as his friends do not pay it and have advised him to pay as well. he is rarley home but all the letters of home possessions and tax libality and courts come to me. most of the rent is payed by benefit due to low income but due to me not going into higher education benefits stopped paying for my share of rent and tax. due to covid being in peak and my social anxiety at it worst i wasnt able to find or look for a job. enforcement agents even had to come to get tax payments and extra pirce was added due to agent coming, my dad payed for it but blamed me for it. now the place that is supposed to be home is at stakes due to court hearing of repossesion, my mum blames me for not finding a job and paying it off and my dad is dismissing it. part of the rent is mine and partly is my dads as he earns a little bit more than recomended living wage so has to pay % of extra wage towards rent. but he is refusing to understand that and is saying all the rent is mine but i dont have anyhting to pay for it. i dont know what to do and incomes team arent really helping, how do i explain my situaton?
I am in need of serous help, enforcement agents came today, im scared what to do.

 

[monga]

235 days!

I'd no idea you were still there ,God bless

 

[1001 others]

hi my sister just started dating someone and they hit it off really well. she was miserable at the end of her last relationship and it's so nice seeing her happy again. he seems like a lovely guy, smart, similar to her, very caring and treating her wonderfully. he did mention at the beginning he has some trust issues but i brushed that off thinking my sister will show him he has nothing to worry about. however, the last 2 days or so he's been giving me obsessive vibes, at least from what she's telling me. if she's going somewhere, he drives her there, visits her, and also picks her up. he gets angry when she talks to another guy etc (not angry at her but you know how it is), which she all thinks is sweet and sexy but from an outside point of view it's a bit much. just to note i'm extremely close to my sister and we tell each other everything. i don't want to keep my honest opinion from her but i also don't want to put a downer on her mood by telling her this. i could definitely also be wrong!! does anyone have any advice? thank you in advance!

You definitely have to say something to her sooner rather than later. I don't want to scare or worry you, but this is exactly how a relative's relationship started, and he became extremely unhinged after a short period (by which time they'd got married as she was convinced he was the perfect man for her). It might start off as being flattering, but soon becomes very obsessive.

I'd suggest she puts the brakes on just slightly. She can make her own way to wherever she's going, for a start. Keeping her own set of friends (separate to the relationship) would also be a good idea.

My relative can't escape this bad marriage. She's filed the papers but he refuses to sign, and turns up at places he knows she will be at, just sitting in his car and watching. He has a restraining order but ignores it; she calls the police and they tell her they're too busy to attend. It's a bloody nightmare.

I hope this doesn't sound like I'm overreacting. Perhaps if you can find out some information about his background that would help determine whether or not there is anything to be concerned about?

 

[or JusRollWithIt]

I once had 1 housefly that lasted a whole season indoors should have phoned the Guinness book of records.

Should’ve charged room and board.

 

[Kim Mild]

My kid starts high school in a couple of weeks, and for the first time in my life I'll need to iron clothes!
Any advice on how to iron shirts?
I think I'll need a new iron - any recommendations for a goodun?
I'll also need an ironing board as mine is wonky and too low (I'm dead tall) - any recs for that?
Do I need one of them wee skinny ironing board jobbies for sleeves?

Thank you in advance for not shaming me for my lack of life skills

I didn't iron school shirts, I just hung them on coat hangers straight out of the machine. They sell no/low crease shirts too. Nobody ever commented that the shirts weren't ironed.

Or make your kid iron their own shirts

 

[BettyCrockerr]

Yes but this one had a guaranteed interview option that I clicked on, it plainly stated that if I fell under the mental health/disabilities then I'd be guaranteed a interview as they don't discriminate


It didn't ask me to state what it was, just if I had one, they had a statement up saying they don't discriminate an if I had one then a interview would be guaranteed

It doesn’t mean that if you have a MH condition or disability that you get carte Blanche and go straight to the interview stage though.

im 20. lease is in parents name

Your parents will be liable for the debt. Doesn’t matter what your Dad says or what blame he tries to put on you. The court will come for him and your mum. It’s them that are in debt, not you. Your Dad is being completely unfair and utterly irresponsible here.

 

[Carapop]

@CoffeeMamma @Ticketyboots @becca7721 @Snowjoke

folks, I am having a hell of a week and the influx of unexpected support and guidance I just returned to has filled my heart Thank you all xxx

 

[newaccount2022]

I don't need advice on this one but opinions.

I received this PM on FB from someone that I have only interacted with once or twice on our towns local FB pages.

In your opinion what do you think she is asking me for?


Good evening Purrrrrrr this is a bit of a long shot and probably very short notice. I’m reaching out for support and can’t think why we haven’t met as we’re both on the same page regarding the covid jab etc.
I’m currently going through some mental health issues and I find the ( removed the name but its a a garden centre a bit out of my area) so very therapeutic. Would you be interested in going for a coffee there tomorrow and I will cover petrol costs? I know a lot of people who drive but most of them just don’t message or respond to me like they use to. It’s probably too short notice. Hope you’re well.


I will post my reply and her reply back tomorrow but just wanted some feedback on this as I totally read it wrong. but no matter how many times I read it and even with her reply etc it still reads the same way to me

As a complete stranger, sounds to me that they are lonely and wantan ear/a friendship?

Am I also reading correctly that they want a lift, i.e. for you to drive?

All in all, I’d say maybe a BIT presumptuous to suggest you picking them up and driving to their choice of place for first time meeting, but they chose the place for a reason (therapeutic) and did offer to pay petrol so I wouldn’t be too put off by it. Do you get good vibes from them/do they seem like someone you’d get on with?

editing To add, as above poster ^^^ said I also agree it puts you in an awkward position, given that you have to drive to and from and that it’s a bit out of the area. And very short notice.

 

[Purrrrrrr]

@Purrrrrrr mind my language but what a cunt

Yes! I have felt shocked all day. reading and re-reading and wondering how it came to that.

 

[Snowjoke]

I have jet black hair naturally and would normally go for a lighter brown, so no "at home" colour kit works for me if the base is black

Just wanted to say I think natural black hair is so fab

 

[Purrrrrrr]

Hi all just want to know if you think I'm overthinking and to forget it or whether my idea is a good one or too much!

Short version: I accidently woke up my friends toddler and he then took forever to go back to sleep meaning his dad missed dinner so I was going to get a voucher for just eat or something so he can have a hot dinner

Long version: I was going round my sisters best friend's house last night to plan her hen do. Another friend was joining us.

I went to my mums beforehand as she lives 10 mins away from sisters BF and it made sense for me to kill 2 birds as it were and not have to go home between working in the office etc. She was winding me up, as she often does, by being a bit of a mug in regards to my sister and she had had a drink which is never good with her.

Anyway I ended up leaving hers to avoid an argument. I had in my head we were meeting at 7 so left at 6:45 got there about 6:55 sat in the car replying to some texts and then rang the doorbell at bang on 7.

This is when I then realise I might have made a mistake. The dog starts barking and then I hear the toddler yell.

BFs husband invites me in. I sit down and he goes up to help with said toddler and swap with BF. On the cross over on the stairs I hear BF say he had just gone off but is awake now

BF comes down and we have a hug and a chat. BF then says other friend is on their way and I realise my error.

We were meant to be meeting at 7:15 not 7. I profusely apologise and BF said it's OK I'm used to your sister (who I have ranted about previously as she is always 30 mins early at least) I said noooooo I just got my times wrong.

When other friend arrives at the right time, they have kids and obvs know not to ring the doorbell!!!! So as they was expecting her at 7:15 the door was ajar ready for her to just walk in

So basically toddler doesn't end up going to sleep until nearly 9pm! And dad missed dinner with us and basically had to eat his pizza cold

My husband was like well BF should have said don't ring the doorbell. I said I shouldn't have been 15 mins early.

Anyway, well done if you have made it this far!!! I was thinking of sending them like £10/£15 just eat voucher or similar with a note apologising and saying treat yourself to some hot pizza?

Am I overthinking and should just leave it? And the voucher is a bit much? Or is that a nice gesture when I woke their kid up? Or will they think "oh dear child free idiot thinks this one bad night was her fault, how silly of her"

You are overthinking it and its a lovely gesture but I bet they have had many times like this without someone knocking at the door.