The advice thread for random problems

[becca7721]

Not sure if it’s ok to post, assuming if I’m making some huge mistake thread will be locked soon! So I’ve a severe hoarding disorder and just made the mistake of doing a search in case others do too and came across a load of posts that were really nasty about it and it’s really upset me. I tried to cook some food tonight and my cooker won’t heat up, it was previously buried and not used for months and now I’m distressed because of uncovering it, it not working, even more food hoarded and the posts I’ve found on tattle. I’ve pretty much no electric for months as lost my benefits due to care being abandoned by everyone so CAB refused to help (I lost mental heath support - even with fire brigade input I was good enough for them anymore, literally they sent two students with masses of bin liners to throw everything I own. Zero help or support as I’m just ‘filthy and lazy’. Can’t have a hot drink anymore either. No hygiene in years as lost carer as thanks to everything stopping due to covid I was deemed better by local authority. I wanted some hot food/drink as I got soaked yesterday and am still cold and wet today. I tried Samaritans and someone just fired questions at me about why I allowed things to get so bad.

Anyway, can ovens just stop working like that? I can’t let anyone in ever again. I’m being bullied by neighbours in my building and the ‘friend’ I told who called me a filthy tramp. Today I’ve been in bed struggling mentally with my doors blocked to be safe, CAB reported me to Facebook and got my account deleted for ‘lying’ about them not helping me get benefits (I didn’t lie but like so many their word is worth more than mine) and my neighbor making a racket. I’m sick of having to recharge my batteries (phone/iPad) in cafes and being freezing cold, in pain constantly, and lonely all the time.

Finally, just wanted to say that hoarding isn’t simple and if anyone ever confides in you about having the problem they need those things for whatever reason.

 

[ordinaryjelly]

Mindful about derailing - I lost full sight in one eye in my 30’s. It was my better eye! For me (and my ophthalmic consultant confirmed) it’s not necessarily about the size of the print, the choice of font has a massive impact as well. I can read smaller text in a good font but struggle with bigger text in a bad font. And CAPS just blur.

Apologies for the non thread related post. Please delete if necessary.

I'm actually in hospital (i was paralyzed by an ms relapse) and the OT has worked a lot on this. Such clever stuff. Poke me tomorrow to reply properly about this when I'm less spaced out on drugs.

 

[candyland_]

I have a hairdresser’s appointment on Friday to finally get my usual color back. I haven’t been to the hairdresser since the start of the pandemic and my full hair has reverted to my natural color which I hate (jet black). I haven’t sported my natural color in more than a decade and don’t feel myself when I look at the mirror. It makes my soft features more harsh and masculine.

I’m still debating whether I should cancel the appointment because I don’t see the purpose in getting my hair done if I never go out and work from home most of the time. Getting my hair color done would be more of a confidence booster but I honestly don’t see the purpose as my life is BS at the moment (death of a parent a few months ago, work stress, detesting my job with and coworkers).

I don’t know if it’s worth it. It’s within budget but I’m thinking of other things I can do with that amount. I’m torn.

Go and treat yourself and enjoy a couple of hours of pampering. It will give you a boost.

 

[watermelon sugar]

She ain’t getting any lifts off anyone with that attitude!!! Cheeky bitch

 

[Purrrrrrr]

I just posted this in another thread, but feel maybe I should post it in an advice thread


I lost my( just over a yo ) cat,, Friday morning to a tragic accident due to a dog lead breaking. The D link snapped from the lead and the dog chased and caught my cat probably killing him instantly by breaking his neck as he was unmarked.

I feel very strange about it as feel I spent so much time comforting the dog owners that I neglected myself and my own grief and now that grief isn't coming out.

I feel absolutely no ill will towards the dog or its owners it was just one of those things. I'm just sad that I'm not feeling the sadness I normally would at a time like this. I'm not someone who beats my chest over my pets dying even though I love them dearly, but also I'm not blase about them dying either. . Or could it shock at how the little fella died?

 

[monga]

You’re so young and will have so many opportunities to make friends. (I don’t mean this patronising btw).
Just let friendships form naturally. If he sees your stories and is interested in chatting to you, he will.
But please don’t go out of your way to make him notice you. You’ll attract the right friends by just being yourself

I'm so glad we never had SM when I was 17. I detest how young people live their lives through it nowadays ( including my own ) .I think it holds you back in so many ways .

 

[Snowjoke]

I was thinking of blocking him but I don’t want to give him the satisfaction that I seen he’s unblocked me and it’s got too me.
I’m thinking of leaving it do then he thinks i haven’t noticed or bothered. It’s just strange he does this possibly the day before his girlfriend moves in with him and she knows he use to sext me until I told her

I would block him. You said you’d noticed that he had unblocked you and you messaged him. He’s already going to know youve noticed at this stage lol Not being rude, but if you know he still has a gf I wouldn’t be messaging him at all and vice versa lol I’d just block him and forget about him

 

[Pinhead Larry]

i’m so so sorry. it’s crazy to me that the airline are saying they can’t help when presumably they HAVE the other person’s details and you can confirm that a crime took place? can you report it as a theft to your local police? surely they can force the airline to comply. they caused the theft by mixing the bags up in the first place!

in terms of waiting around, be careful. you don’t know what you’re dealing with here and the type of person who opens someone else’s bag and steals from them may not be someone you want to get involved with. they could also see you take their bag and twist the situation. but i also get where you’re coming from and i think i would want to see them face to face too and get my stuff back. if you’re going to do that then make sure it’s in public and you have someone else with you. the absolute cheek of that person knowing you’re likely going to be on the same flight home!!

this is an awful situation and i can’t believe no one is helping you x

As a completely non violent person I’ve never wanted to punch someone in the face more than this woman. I have her full name and they wouldn’t even put us in contact to sort out swapping the bags because of GDPR. I tried to find her myself but it’s a basic name. I’m with my boyfriend here so I have backup if she was a weirdo I’m more pissed because I’m not rich in the slightest and that bag was something I saved sooooo long for as a treat to myself and she’s took it I hope she has a horrible life going forward

 

[BettyCrockerr]

I didn’t know you could return things after 3 months, thanks so much for your super helpful and kind reply!

Well what are you expecting people to say?! This is the most juvenile nonsense! Who lies about a soda stream?!

 

[justheretoread99]

Yes im part of youth group. And i get what you guys are saying... yes i do have cruah on him but im not interested in any realtionships, i just wanted to be friend with him beacause he lives near my dad and i dont really have any friends there, just few, and to fink someone that have same interests as you like basketball and drawing, put aside F1 in such a samll place is hard, maybe i did express myself wrong on my first post, but yes he is cut and everything but am i crazy about him no. Thank you for being open and giving me advice

You’re so young and will have so many opportunities to make friends. (I don’t mean this patronising btw).
Just let friendships form naturally. If he sees your stories and is interested in chatting to you, he will.
But please don’t go out of your way to make him notice you. You’ll attract the right friends by just being yourself

 

[BettyCrockerr]

What I am saying is, why are we now having to pay for things that were part of being a household and a "free" service?




I hate junk mail with a passion. If I don't want it why on earth should I have to deal with it? A notice on the door asking people not to put it through the letterbox should be enough. I would also say that if I have a notice then a postman should also abide by it. Why should I have to jump through hoops so that the postman doesn't keep posting crap through my letter box? I did fill in all the forms and still, it kept coming.

While we all just pick it up and bin it, companies will just keep sending it. if a notice on our doors asking them to stop means the postie takes it back and returns it to them, they will then see how many people don't want their crap. , in a time when we have it drilled into us about wasting resources, we should be able to refuse it if we want to. as it is we have no choice

If you want the crap, that's fine you can still receive it many of us don't

Think you need to chill out mate!! Getting awfully riled up for a few bits of paper.

 

[Snowjoke]

Yes!! That is what she wanted. I thought she wanted to chat over coffee as she was having some problems.
but turns out after my long reply saying sadly I could not take her there but I can chat if she would like that. but got a awful reply back from her.

Let me fetch mine and her replies and will post now. I got it wrong but you two would have known. hahaha

My reply... ( next morning)


Hi blank
lovely to hear from you. Unfortunately I am agoraphobic and although I now go out. meeting up with a stranger in a strange place would be impossible. But I don't mind chatting here, maybe until we know each other better? ... Also do you go to stand in the park etc? My daughter goes there to chat with like minded people and they also meet up on a Tuesday evening at a local pub. its very casual and people just drop in and out as the feel... I could find out the details if you like? my daughter is coming here this morning to pick up her children, so can ask her then? But if not you can always chat with me here . Many of us are suffering right now, it's been and still is a very intense time. You are not on your own or alone. xx



Her reply to that


Hi Purrrrrrr Thanks for replying.
Firstly, I have myself a lift.
Secondly, please don’t be offended by what I am about to say but I don’t do long chats on text behind a screen. It’s avoiding the issue. I have managed mild agoraphobia for over 30 years as a result of a sexual attack from which I possibly saved myself. I used cognitive behavioural therapy to help deal with the problem which has largely worked except when it comes to being in isolated spots outside. I worked taxis into my budget for many years for dealing with the isolated areas but now the money has run out. This is the resurfaced issue in recent weeks that is my main mental health issue now. I have been very fortunate in that for all the years I did community campaigning for which I asked for nothing in return people have helped me a lot in recent weeks and been incredibly supportive. I have also reached out to new neighbours in face, not from a computer or behind a screen. I feel so very sad for you that you are going to spend your days behind a screen which without I’m sorry to have to say will achieve nothing. I’m not going to waste my days on negativity and social media. I spend hours daily doing meditation which helps me a lot. No I’m not on my own because I’m reaching out to the right people. But you are Purrrrrrr and I feel very sad for you that you are. Look after yourself X

And yet they wonder why no one else has went out with them

 

[JoeBloggs]

Hi all just want to know if you think I'm overthinking and to forget it or whether my idea is a good one or too much!

Short version: I accidently woke up my friends toddler and he then took forever to go back to sleep meaning his dad missed dinner so I was going to get a voucher for just eat or something so he can have a hot dinner

Long version: I was going round my sisters best friend's house last night to plan her hen do. Another friend was joining us.

I went to my mums beforehand as she lives 10 mins away from sisters BF and it made sense for me to kill 2 birds as it were and not have to go home between working in the office etc. She was winding me up, as she often does, by being a bit of a mug in regards to my sister and she had had a drink which is never good with her.

Anyway I ended up leaving hers to avoid an argument. I had in my head we were meeting at 7 so left at 6:45 got there about 6:55 sat in the car replying to some texts and then rang the doorbell at bang on 7.

This is when I then realise I might have made a mistake. The dog starts barking and then I hear the toddler yell.

BFs husband invites me in. I sit down and he goes up to help with said toddler and swap with BF. On the cross over on the stairs I hear BF say he had just gone off but is awake now

BF comes down and we have a hug and a chat. BF then says other friend is on their way and I realise my error.

We were meant to be meeting at 7:15 not 7. I profusely apologise and BF said it's OK I'm used to your sister (who I have ranted about previously as she is always 30 mins early at least) I said noooooo I just got my times wrong.

When other friend arrives at the right time, they have kids and obvs know not to ring the doorbell!!!! So as they was expecting her at 7:15 the door was ajar ready for her to just walk in

So basically toddler doesn't end up going to sleep until nearly 9pm! And dad missed dinner with us and basically had to eat his pizza cold

My husband was like well BF should have said don't ring the doorbell. I said I shouldn't have been 15 mins early.

Anyway, well done if you have made it this far!!! I was thinking of sending them like £10/£15 just eat voucher or similar with a note apologising and saying treat yourself to some hot pizza?

Am I overthinking and should just leave it? And the voucher is a bit much? Or is that a nice gesture when I woke their kid up? Or will they think "oh dear child free idiot thinks this one bad night was her fault, how silly of her"

If you have a child and you don't want people ringing the door bell, either a sign or text them. Sorry but I don't think you have done anything wrong, kids wake up and that's life. He could have easily put his pizza back in the oven, it's not like it was a 3 course dinner you ruined.

Lesson learnt for your BF and her husband if you ask me.

 

[Purrrrrrr]

.

DELETE & BLOCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I did send a reply and a not very nice one ( not proud of it) and told her to not contact me again but she blocked me after I sent it. but it still played on my mind how the fuck did I get it so wrong so thought I wiould post it here. I feel a lot better now

 

[ordinaryjelly]

I'd no idea you were still there ,God bless

Thanj you !Being here has kind of wiped me out from other threads since I'm not in the community so have nothing to contribute!

 

[monga]

Thanj you !Being here has kind of wiped me out from other threads since I'm not in the community so have nothing to contribute!

You've got plenty to contribute x I love reading your posts ,we don't always have to be around people to know whats going on the pandemic has proved that ...you deserve the George Cross for patient services rendered ,you're one strong lady and an inspiration to your kids ,hang in there x...you know what to do if you see a man with an umbrella

 

[Purrrrrrr]

Maybe your time spent consoling the dog owners (you’re a saint, btw) was also the time you processed the loss

I never thought about it like that. Yes it was heartbreaking watching these two people so distraught and I was thinking I can't even begin to imagine how they are feeling right now to not only have seen this happen but to also be at my door with my little fella in a box.

I say watching these two people but it was at separate times. The lady bought him home to me in the morning ( it happened at 7 am) and later that afternoon the man bought flowers and again was trying to tell me what happened and how but was crying too much to get anything out.

 

[soymilk]

Something beyond my control has arisen

I personally wouldn't use this phrasing, as it reads as though something bad has happened, which it hasn't, you just preferred the other company. I would be honest and say that you received another offer, which you've accepted, thanks for the opportunity... - I wouldn't say, "so sorry to mess you around" either, even if you feel that way, it's better to keep a professional and less personal front!

 

[Very traditional]

Was scrolling to see someone else’s display pic to see if they had given birth yet

It’s quite confusing that you’ve posted this on two advice threads, you’re having the same conversation twice

 

[bourb0nbiscuits]

Brass neck on that one! You spent time replying and offering suggestions ( which you didn’t have to) and they’ve decided to turn it round on you , block block block!