The advice thread for random problems

[Some People!]

100% understand where you are coming from. When you have a family, the pressure is definitely on to keep a close eye on your expenses. However, occasionally, it is good to take care of yourself as I think it certainly helps with mental health as well.

Luckily, I do not have any children or even a partner to worry about, but I nonetheless feel guilty about spending such amount on hair. Thank you for the advice - I will as the colourist and see what we can come up with. You're right, it might be one of the first step to overcome my recent hurdles. Thank you for that!

You're the boss of you and you really are answerable to no one else - you definitely deserve a colour If the only person guilting you over this is your own self, then that voice easily ignored.

And you've inspired me-I've just booked a slot at 11 tomorrow morning for the restyle I've been gagging for for ages!

Can't wait to hear how it goes for you and if it helps you return to a feeling of yourself


(full disclosure: I am actually a hairdresser (although that isn't my current dayjob) . There's something about being able to cut hair myself that stops me from paying someone else to do it regularly. Maybe it's something like how builders never get around to their own DIY jobs at home? Except I can't do a nice job on my own head )

 

[JoeBloggs]

Wow. What a cheek. Didn’t get what she wanted so turned it around on you. I would have done exactly the same, why would you take a stranger somewhere at the drop of a hat, very odd behaviour.

 

[Purrrrrrr]

not to give too much info but basically my parents are in debt, but are not dealing with it and have left it to me. my mum doesnt speak english and my dad doesnt handle the stuff. he for some reason does not pay the rent or tax etc as his friends do not pay it and have advised him to pay as well. he is rarley home but all the letters of home possessions and tax libality and courts come to me. most of the rent is payed by benefit due to low income but due to me not going into higher education benefits stopped paying for my share of rent and tax. due to covid being in peak and my social anxiety at it worst i wasnt able to find or look for a job. enforcement agents even had to come to get tax payments and extra pirce was added due to agent coming, my dad payed for it but blamed me for it. now the place that is supposed to be home is at stakes due to court hearing of repossesion, my mum blames me for not finding a job and paying it off and my dad is dismissing it. part of the rent is mine and partly is my dads as he earns a little bit more than recomended living wage so has to pay % of extra wage towards rent. but he is refusing to understand that and is saying all the rent is mine but i dont have anyhting to pay for it. i dont know what to do and incomes team arent really helping, how do i explain my situaton?
I am in need of serous help, enforcement agents came today, im scared what to do.

Go to, or ring CAB, also find your local adult services online ,also helped the aged or it might be called age UK now. they can all help you. They can all find out if you are all getting the help you are intituled too, form filling telephone calls on your behalf.

 

[1181carmenta]

The thing is though, if she had said, look I'm in dire straights and need a lift. I would have taken her or at least sent her some money. But her post to me didn't read like just needing a lift. I just didn't fancy a meeting in a place I don't know, with a stranger. I have come unstuck a few times in my life with strangers.

Another thought. if she didn't have money for a Taxi how was she going to give me the petrol and who was going to pay for the coffee and last how was she going to buy anything in the garden centre.

I remember I read something in a book called “The Gift of Fear” I believe and it states people who refuse to take no for an answer as being a warning as normal people just respect boundaries and leave it and that. And she reminded me of this in her response only she did it in a really sly way

 

[soymilk]

No the job was literally worded as

If you have MH/disabilities we do not descrimate an you will be *guaranteed* a interview, if you would like to be offered this option then please click yes

Like I say, it was them that said this, if a company cannot be bothered to honour their word then IMO they shouldn't be offering it in the first place, regardless of how many apply or if there was better out there they still broke that

and if you got an interview and weren't successful would you still be this vexed about it? I understand it's frustrating but you can either contact them and ask them why you didn't get an interview or you could just move on and keep applying until the right job comes along!

 

[yankydoo]

Is it safe to park in London, especially in the evening? Thinking about the Stamford Hill area?

If anyone can provide info I'd be really grateful.

As safe as anywhere else. Just don’t leave anything on show in the car.

 

[JoeBloggs]

I had £75 is my head as the amount where you’d think ‘Gosh that’s really generous’ but not OTT. It’s enough for a really lovely lunch with wine or maybe a spa massage each abroad.

I agree, £75 is not tight at all. Just had my wedding and we generally got £50 couple. My oldest friend gave me £50 plus a gift and I wasn’t expect it all, and they are well off too!

 

[Mamacita]

I was at the Asda, BUT this is my issue. Surely if I’ve hit a car my car would have damage on it? So I’m denying everything to my insurance.

can anyone help with how long these things take to resolve?

Not necessarily. Also you're saying you think you hit a post so you're basically stated you hit something whether it was a car or a post

 

[JoeBloggs]

View attachment 1378630
Does anyone know if I can still use this stamp? I dropped it when getting out of the car, couldn’t find it and then found it about an hour later. It’s a bit soggy at the moment so I was going to let it dry out and then potentially stick it down with tape but I’m not sure what’s allowed thank you

I would.

 

[monga]

Not sure if it’s ok to post, assuming if I’m making some huge mistake thread will be locked soon! So I’ve a severe hoarding disorder and just made the mistake of doing a search in case others do too and came across a load of posts that were really nasty about it and it’s really upset me. I tried to cook some food tonight and my cooker won’t heat up, it was previously buried and not used for months and now I’m distressed because of uncovering it, it not working, even more food hoarded and the posts I’ve found on tattle. I’ve pretty much no electric for months as lost my benefits due to care being abandoned by everyone so CAB refused to help (I lost mental heath support - even with fire brigade input I was good enough for them anymore, literally they sent two students with masses of bin liners to throw everything I own. Zero help or support as I’m just ‘filthy and lazy’. Can’t have a hot drink anymore either. No hygiene in years as lost carer as thanks to everything stopping due to covid I was deemed better by local authority. I wanted some hot food/drink as I got soaked yesterday and am still cold and wet today. I tried Samaritans and someone just fired questions at me about why I allowed things to get so bad.

Anyway, can ovens just stop working like that? I can’t let anyone in ever again. I’m being bullied by neighbours in my building and the ‘friend’ I told who called me a filthy tramp. Today I’ve been in bed struggling mentally with my doors blocked to be safe, CAB reported me to Facebook and got my account deleted for ‘lying’ about them not helping me get benefits (I didn’t lie but like so many their word is worth more than mine) and my neighbor making a racket. I’m sick of having to recharge my batteries (phone/iPad) in cafes and being freezing cold, in pain constantly, and lonely all the time.

Finally, just wanted to say that hoarding isn’t simple and if anyone ever confides in you about having the problem they need those things for whatever reason.

That’s sad to read , is your GP no help ? I don’t think hoarding is laziness it’s clear people have much deeper issues going on.

 

[monga]

We had MSN and Bebo when I was 17. Facebook had only just come out but hardly no one used it. No one had a smart phone, so we could only take photos and message each other via text. That’s if we had enough credit

I agree I’m so glad there wasn’t a social media craze when I was young.

I think the likes of Instagram, TikTok and Snapchat definitely do hold people back from the real world. It’s as if the younger generation can’t communicate properly without it And the fact it’s called “social” media, it seems to make people feel lonelier.

Exactly ! does nothing for self confidence especially if you’re not part of the cliquey group chats etc , more disadvantages than advantages imo , can’t beat face to face conversation’s .

 

[Purrrrrrr]

Best advice! Think I’ll do this. Maybe I would’ve calmed down enough to let it go

I had a mechanic collect my car to take to his garage for repair. It broke down on his way back and he dumped it in a permit area text me the street name and left it there. Im disabled as he well knew and I was fuming and upset I wanted to name and shame him everywhere and as the owner/admin of many FB groups it could have felt wonderful but I never did. But I do look to see if anyone is recommending him and will delete that post

 

[JoeBloggs]

This is a multi-dimensional problem I hope I make it make sense.

I started applying for new jobs. I want to leave my job mainly because I really don't like working for my manager. She is nice enough to me face to face but a really toxic person. We work in a really small team and I feel a bit trapped and stunted in my position, because I have nothing to do most of the time, it is the most boring job ever.

I have been interviewed for 2 jobs, and I have been offered both Job 1 rang and offered the job on Monday, I accepted and they said they would send me through the information, I am yet to receive anything. Job 2 rang yesterday evening and offered the job, I prefer job 2 so I accepted that too.

My manager is going off on annual leave from tomorrow, for 2.5 weeks. I have put her down as a reference, but she obviously won't be able to give one if she is away, so I have provided a different reference for the 2nd job, explaining that she is away.

I am worrying because I haven't had any formal job offer etc through from either of these companies (both public sector) and I don't know when to hand my notice in. Should you wait for something particular? At what point is it risk free to do so, because I can't afford to have no job.

All day today my current manager has been going on about how this is her first holiday where she won't have to work through it in 4 years. She takes work stuff quite personally. I know this isn't my problem but it makes things worse for me to deal with. I know if I hand my notice in before Friday she is likely to not go on holiday, as she doesn't leave until late Friday (sounds extreme but it is true).

What would you do in this situation?

Until you have anything in writing, I would hold fire. Just remember you don't owe your old job anything.

 

[Pinhead Larry]

you could say something like: due to another offer, I wish to withdraw from my position as (role title) with (company's name)...

congratulations on your new job btw

I agree, it's better to just he honest an let them know that you were actually offered two jobs at the same time and when thinking about it the other job is better suited to yourself so yours sorry to withdraw but you are going to pursue the other one

An congrats on the new job

Thank you both! I have been so unhappy in my current role, so I am sure this will feel great once this has been sent and sorted

 

[Lollypad]

Imposter syndrome anyone? It’s all work related, and makes no sense as I keep getting really good feedback from my boss, but I just feel so overwhelmed and like I’m spinning plates at the moment. I’ve tried old CBT worksheets etc, but I just feel like “someone’s going to find out I’m a fraud” or I’m not good enough. Blah.

 

[HowlOwl]

Glad you got sorted I am the same with certain things too so you’re not alone lol the web assistants are so handy and give you more time to think before answering lol

I love the chat option on any website, hate having to phone.

 

[Orphan_Black]

I have a little hand held steamer because I hate ironing. It's brilliant, and useful for cleaning/disinfecting things. I put ironing water in it too so it smells lovely. Great for curtains too!

Top tip, if you have the heat proof gloves you use for hair curling/straightening etc, use those as you steam!

 

[Sunflower91]

I just need to get something off my chest today.

Spoiler: TW possible baby loss

My sister had a scan and found out her baby may have a genetic disorder. She’s currently in limbo waiting to find out more information and weighing up whether termination may be the kindest thing. I’ve never felt so useless in my entire life and my heart is breaking for her. I’m trying to be as supportive as I can to her but I can’t possibly understand what she’s going through, I struggle to find words to say to her. This waiting is killing her piece by piece and it’s so hard to watch. How do I keep her going? What kind of things are helpful?

 

[emmer_moans]

I have reread your initial question and realise you wondered what we think the person wanted. After rereading, I wonder if they wanted a local chauffer (because maybe friends and family have said no), to take her places on demand, I get the feeling the garden centre trip would be the first of many... If she really needed to speak to someone it wouldn't need to be any specific place, a message or phonecall should be sufficient. My MIL had a friend like this, MIL basically became her chauffer and the requests/demands kept coming in, until MIL said 'no more'.

 

[Piff paff puff]

The hair worked out
It was just too lighten my head and get rid of decades old dead hair and my head feels soooooo much lighter