The advice thread for random problems #3

[petitspois]

Just been out in severely overgrown garden to put out dry waste to be collected and after putting it out and standing to get some cool air a massive rat came out severely overgrown grass to head inside. It was a very big and healthy look rat. I jumped and made a bit of noise and it sauntered off and I mean sauntered off, if could have it would have shrugged at me.

The garden is the landlords responsibility. They won’t sort it. Literally been saying for weeks to be patient.

I’ve a severe hoarding problem, but can access zero support, I’ve been forced to have contact with fire brigade, police, social services, mental health team, hoarding uk - am too ill for any treatment programme. I can only access gp for heart attack, stroke or appendicitis because my conditions aren’t ‘fixable’. I’ve lost my benefits because someone stole my forms, I was refused appeal as no medical access since March 2020 due to ‘covid risk’. I was offered a student for two hours to throw everything (literally) i own which would be dumped in the garden to be collected at some point, last time it pushed me into a breakdown a long hospital stay, as it wasn’t collected for a month and was devastating. I’ve no money to replace anything - my income is currently £60 a week. Covid restrictions proved there’s no one I can rely upon for help at all.

I’m terrified I’m going to be blamed for it. I put my waste out when I can, it’s really hard for me to do and, when I put out the dry recycling today I saw my neighbours have dumped loads in the overgrown garden - food, glass, all sorts, including animal waste as they’ve pets not declared to landlord. Last time I spoke to the landlord they had a go at me for putting everyone’s life at risk for being filthy dirty hoarder. My fire alarms and exit is clear, my neighbours have covered all their alarms with socks because they kept setting it off.

Ok long post. If anyone has any advice I’d appreciate it. I usually lurk on tattle except on the Ingham thread. I will try and read responses, sorry it’s long. My ptsd can mean I tend to over explain and get confused, especially right now.

Have a look at this website. It was started by a presenter who's Mum hoards. https://hoarding.support/

Hope Ratty scarpers soon.

 

[didisaythatoutloudoops]

If your daughter is job hunting these are things to consider for her next role. It’s horrible to be excluded like this, particularly after all her hard work, and she deserves to work somewhere that treats her better.

Thank you so much, to you and everyone, she feels validated and a lot more sure of herself after hearing this. I myself had a medical career so I really am grateful for you sharing this, it's advice I could never have given her.

She was playing around with the idea of a career change by doing a STEM masters and I think she is more set than ever. I'm certainly encouraging her to pursue it now!

 

[Phil Anne Throw Pee]

I adore a hot bath and cannot imagine living without a bath.

 

[square_spoon]

Asking this on behalf of my lovely daughter, who doesn't have an account - and I'm not really sure what to advise her here (my career was very different from hers).

'I work as the only communications manager for a small charity, and we hosted a two-day event recently explaining some new legislation that is relevant to us. For months beforehand I had been working on the materials, badges, roll-ups, banners, powerpoint designs, etc as I am the only communications/press person in the office and that's my job. As we are a small office of about 10 people, a lot of my job involves writing articles for magazines on our very niche technical topic. I have a real interest in it and was looking forward to hearing from some experts at the event on this legislation that I have written extensively about for over a year.

About two weeks before the event, my boss called me to say my attendance isn't necessary as we 'aren't doing any social media' and 'I would find it boring anyway'. I was really taken aback but accepted his decision. Several colleagues were really shocked at this and tried to speak to him to say that I should be there for various reasons. My boss was having none of it and said there would be enough people there and I just wasn't needed. I wasn't even invited to the after-working-hours dinner.

In the end, the entire office attended apart from me and our office manager (who stayed in the office as we were having repairs done). I didn't realise quite how hurt I would be seeing pictures of them enjoying drinks and dinner and sharing inside jokes after the event on our office WhatsApp group. I felt disrespected by my boss for brushing me off for an event I'd worked hard on, on a topic I was interested in.

Am I overreacting?'

Absolutely not overreacting…but what I will say is that this is often the nature of working in a standalone role (the only Comms Manager) in a charity, and is compounded by the fact that it’s a small one. As your daughter’s job is *adjacent* to the mission as opposed to *critical* to it (as in she doesn’t house the homeless/feed the starving/look after the sick animals) it’ll often be overlooked and taken for granted, and she’ll be in the position where colleagues/managers will think her attendance at mission-related things isn’t necessary, that she’ll be bored…or that her time will be better spent elsewhere doing her comms. A stand-alone role can be quite isolated anyway and working from home can subtly contribute to the division without anyone noticing. I started my career years ago in a small charity and the same thing used to happen to me all the time. I ran back to the private sector and am still here.

If your daughter is job hunting these are things to consider for her next role. It’s horrible to be excluded like this, particularly after all her hard work, and she deserves to work somewhere that treats her better.

 

[JoeBloggs]

Today at work a woman (same level of seniority) of me sent a teams message meant for someone on her team, to a group wide teams chat I’m in, making derogatory comments about me. I’ve not worked with her for over 9 months and they were irrelevant to what I was doing at the time.

I have to keep working with her, any suggestions how I move forward?

I would report it to HR if it is derogatory.

 

[TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo]

I was in a car accident today, my child wasn’t in the car and it was at less than 30mph, does anyone know if I should replace the car seat? Google seems to think not but my gut says I should, am I just being paranoid…

My advice is yes, do. There could be invisible fractures to the plastic, even at low speed. It's not worth risk.

 

[Ingognito.Queen]

Appreciate we’re months away but I’m going to be asked about this soon… Christmas- a family member has been nasty about my little one (nearly 5 months old). She hates kids and sadly this has translated to my little one and she’s let me know her feelings.

Side note - who BEHAVES like this?!
This is a 5 month old baby?!

 

[Thank(space)you]

How do I politely refuse to do work above my pay grade? I put in for a promotion 2 months ago, heard nothing back despite chasing, but I keep being told to do x y z which is time consuming & not my job, on top of my actual job role. I don't mind doing the work if I'm gonna get the pay banding for it.

 

[chickhicks86]

In the sink soaked in napisan then wash in machine with napisan and washing powder. Always works a treat for me x

I would do this, but with Ace laundry bleach. Pink Stuff paste with a toothbrush on the rubber bits.

 

[Carapop]

Thanks @Carapop & @greenvelvet (congrats on the new job!) They got back to me with a much more suitable time and were understanding about it! I have to stop being an overthinker!

Nah. You’re conscientious and caring and likely incredibly empathetic. You keep being you. But share your concerns so you know when you need to worry and when you don’t!

 

[Captainmouse]

Only need a bath in my house coz of my son. Otherwise I’d never use the bath again! I think most people use a shower coz who’s got time for a bath every day seriously

Anything worse than staring at my own naked wet body whilst the water slowly gets colder no thank you

Much nicer than standing under a shower trying not to get hair wet, or full force of water in the face, the bit’s of you that aren’t under the water getting cold and not being able to wash your feet properly. A bath does not have to take long, but a long bath is relaxing and can ease muscle aches.

my last two houses had both, I have never used the shower in either

 

[Meg78]

To top it all off, I now have to pay €5 for my return. What a joke.

Is it the only item you ordered? All stores are required to reimburse postage if the whole order is returned, Zara do it as a standard but most retailers need reminding
---
Also, The Hut Group own Look Fantastic, so might be worth firing a complaint off to them too

 

[Good Egg]

Sounds like my work am forever sending emails an never get a word back, my personal rule is if they haven't gotten back within 3 days then I chase them up telling them I hope the last email found them well, so many times I get responses back like sorry I missed it, or sorry it fell amongst other emails etc

I'd chase them up tomorrow if there's nothing by today, it could have fallen amongst others an they haven't seen it or went into their spam folder etc, if you have deadlines then you can't wait about till they can be bothered to get back, sometimes others need a reminder

OK so I emailed again today.... didn’t want to be tied to my emails (keep refreshing ) so kept busy and guess what.... nothing! I even tagged the original email in the original post! It’s just pissing me off now. If you don’t know why not ask or forward the message on? I even asked and apologised and said if this isn’t something you will do can you put me in touch with the correct person. Just the lack of communication is winding me up...
I could cry. I really could. It hangs over me. I hate being left in limbo and now I feel paranoid I’ve done something wrong. (I have OCD and overthink everything)

 

[Lalla]

I think if a house has 3 'washrooms' then I would expect at least one of those to have a bath.

I'd probably be more inclined to buy a house with all baths, on the basis I can clearly see there's room either for a bath or a shower (and also could still have showers with one of those mixer tap things if there wasn't an electric shower over the bath).

However I am someone who loves a bath so the idea of never having one again in my own home would make me sad!

 

[CoffeeMamma]

I have an auditor coming in to assess my financial reports at work, it's a standard yearly audit but my first one (I got promoted a year ago and that's when I took over the reports) and I am absolutely bricking it I know box breathing and I have some rescue remedy and I know to visualise it going well, but any other calming tips would be great!

The Sleep Zone Podcast do really calming background noise for everyday activities- I use it while I’m working and it is really soothing whilst helping you concentrate. Coffee Shop Jazz is my favourite! Also fresh air, open a window if you can’t get outside and let it on your face. These are things that help me (autistic and very anxious!!)

 

[CoffeeMamma]

Thank you for the advice

I honestly don't think any of his class mates appeared to have the wrong coat on when they came out and most of us mum's have known each other since pre school days we would just sort out a mix up on the spot kinda thing .

My son said this morning that the big boys steal coats on the way back from the toilets and hide or kick them around the hall so that's why Im leaning towards it being 'stolen' kinda thing.

I obsessively name my son’s stuff in odd places because the older kids would swap the coats just to create chaos, then other children would decide they liked the “new” coat better is it clearly named etc so they can check lost property? Agree with above it should be dealt with.
Someone took two pairs of wellies from my son and I spoke to the teacher , explaining it just wasn’t good enough. Those had his name in, in marker so they’d been taken home. They had an assembly about taking things

 

[Snippysnips]

We’ve changed the bedding together today which is unusual as we normally do it solo whilst the other fights for their life with the toddler. It’s caused a bit of a tiff, so I’m putting it to the internet to decide who is right:

On your duvet there are usually seams running across the length to break it into quarters; should they be horizontal or vertical on the bed?

Might be the way it's designed, the way mines run is vertical, if I put it horizontal on the bed then the duvet would only cover half the bed so mine can only go the one way

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Has anyone used a styling service like Stitch Fix?

I’m in a real predicament as I am returning to work from maternity leave at least a size bigger than I left and I feel like I just don’t know what to wear. I just had a look on a few sites and I came away feeling overwhelmed. I feel like if I try and dress myself I’m going to look frumpier than I need to and I just feel a bit lost at this point.

thinking if I sign up to one of these subscription sites they’ll at least be sending me some current styles I can give ago, but I am not sure who to go with, I think there’s another called lookerio or something?

Absolutely don't recommend a service like that. I've tried it and my friend has tried it and it's super hit and miss. I asked for a jumper to be included in my selection and all they sent were 5 different jumpers. Was a complete waste of time.

John Lewis has a PA you can book. They are very good and work within your budget. I've cheated a little before when I used them by letting her pull clothes and help me style outfits and then I've gone and bought it cheaper else where once I knew what styles to buy

 

[saltandvinegarcrisps]

Sold my 12 year old car recently, it was still LEZ compliant, had pretty low mileage (67k) and only 2 owners, full service history, new exhaust, lots of repairs and documented. So I would want to know owners, see service history and understand how it had been used if possible... you will get a better deal buying private than a dealership, especially if cash. I traded mine in.

Please, please tell me someone on this thread can help me.
It's to do with homelessness, and severe difficulties with credit checks meaning we are looking at months upon months of being unable to even rent. Il explain more if anyone can help.

I would contact council , speak to citizens advice. Call up the places you owe money to and see what can be done with your repayments. Speak to agencies about credit checks, get references from your employers and previous landlords to help support an application. Maybe see about private renting via gumtree etc as many landlords rent that way to avoid the agency fee?

 

[stardust1]

Not been seen since

like a fever dream