The advice thread for random problems #3

[stargirl23]

Had this electricity problem in my home off and on for the last 5 years.
Sometimes the supply is fine for a year or few months and then the problem just starts up again without me doing anything different.
It overloads and the switch in the main box will trip. Previously when a bulb popped, it's own individual switch in the box would trip so I knew what the problem was. With this problem I have now though it's always the main switch.
I can't use my fridge as the electricity will trip after a few hours even when I have it on the lowest cool settings. I don't have a cooker but I suppose if I did the same thing would happen. It seems to overload the electric supply. It takes hours afterwards for my supply to be good enough to power any appliance again in my home and I'm worried for winter when my electric heaters will be on.
Even though I've not had my fridge on, days later the electric still trips, sometimes a couple of times a day, though on these occasions I can switch it back on and my small appliances stay powered (as long as no big appliances are switched on).
Its making me very paranoid thinking the electricity company are limiting my supply due to net zero. Bills have tripled, they're also helping themselves to hundreds of pounds from me under the pretence is for my benefit for when more electric is used in winter. I did not give them consent to do this.
I've recently had an electrician in who says he couldn't see anything wrong with the wiring in the house and I've unplugged everything and gradually plugged them in again but yet the same irregular but regular pattern of the supply carries on
Helllllllppppppppppp!!!!!!!

I’d get a second opinion from another electrician. My dads been an electrician for 50 years (just retired) and he always said if it trips there’s definitely an issue within the electrics you just need to find out what’s causing it to trip. The wiring could be completely fine but the item itself now faulty causing it to trip so the electrician should’ve tested your items not just the wiring. I hope you get it sorted soon it sounds a nightmare trying to guess what’s tripping it and if/when it’ll work

 

[Slaybutter]

Just been out in severely overgrown garden to put out dry waste to be collected and after putting it out and standing to get some cool air a massive rat came out severely overgrown grass to head inside. It was a very big and healthy look rat. I jumped and made a bit of noise and it sauntered off and I mean sauntered off, if could have it would have shrugged at me.

The garden is the landlords responsibility. They won’t sort it. Literally been saying for weeks to be patient.

I’ve a severe hoarding problem, but can access zero support, I’ve been forced to have contact with fire brigade, police, social services, mental health team, hoarding uk - am too ill for any treatment programme. I can only access gp for heart attack, stroke or appendicitis because my conditions aren’t ‘fixable’. I’ve lost my benefits because someone stole my forms, I was refused appeal as no medical access since March 2020 due to ‘covid risk’. I was offered a student for two hours to throw everything (literally) i own which would be dumped in the garden to be collected at some point, last time it pushed me into a breakdown a long hospital stay, as it wasn’t collected for a month and was devastating. I’ve no money to replace anything - my income is currently £60 a week. Covid restrictions proved there’s no one I can rely upon for help at all.

I’m terrified I’m going to be blamed for it. I put my waste out when I can, it’s really hard for me to do and, when I put out the dry recycling today I saw my neighbours have dumped loads in the overgrown garden - food, glass, all sorts, including animal waste as they’ve pets not declared to landlord. Last time I spoke to the landlord they had a go at me for putting everyone’s life at risk for being filthy dirty hoarder. My fire alarms and exit is clear, my neighbours have covered all their alarms with socks because they kept setting it off.

Ok long post. If anyone has any advice I’d appreciate it. I usually lurk on tattle except on the Ingham thread. I will try and read responses, sorry it’s long. My ptsd can mean I tend to over explain and get confused, especially right now.

There are a lot of people on the hoarding spectrum where I live. It’s baffling how it all flies under the radar instead of putting in support services. Someone turned to Facebook asking for nonjudgmental organizers to help them out. There were so many people with referrals! Maybe you could try doing the same 🩵

 

[Carapop]

I tried nail polish remover this morning as it’s the only thing listed above I had in the house and it worked a treat so thank you @littlepup and thanks all for the great suggestions!

 

[littlepup]

Ah thank you. Bless your memory! She died last October after two weeks in ICU. It was all very sudden and I think we are all still in shock. I had issues before of course, but it just compounded it all. Grief is never easy to handle but when already fragile it can feel impossible. Thank you so much for thinking of me. The kindness of tattlers never ceases to amaze me.

I’m so sorry for your loss.
I’m not sure why I remembered. I think sometimes having lost a parent yourself makes you worried for a person when their turn is coming knowing how painful it is. It’s a horrible club to be part of.

It’s absolutely true that grief isn’t linear. I still have waves some time on but I find it easier to cope with.
This old Reddit post puts it perfectly for me.

Spoiler: Link

https://www.reddit.com/r/Assistance...end_just_died_i_dont_know_what_to_do/c1u0rx2/

 

[or JusRollWithIt]

Hi. Not sure if this is the right place to post but I am in need of advice. My 15 year old son has recently converted to islam. While I am trying to support his decision (my dad was muslim) the impact its having on his life is causing isolation from friends. They are at the dating stage which is not allowed for my son and the daily 5 prayers mean he is restricted from activities. Anyone have any experience with this? Thanks

I don’t have answers but I didn’t want to read this and leave you feeling ignored. I guess there is a lot behind this and needs to be handled sensitively. Does he seem bothered by the fact that he is not allowed to date? Or that prayer seems to interfere with other activities? Perhaps he is at peace with these aspects, or even is drawn to them. I know it may be hard to accept as a parent if you didn’t see this in their future. Are there other muslims his age or in the family (you mentioned your dad was) who he can connect with? I know many muslims who lead active and fulfilling lives, and they tend to have connection and understanding through family and a community. But also, depending where you live, a lot of consideration is given by schools/groups for those who need to take time for prayer. I guess it is hard to know what to do, or if anything needs to be done if it is a path he is exploring or adopting. I say this with no judgment, parenting is difficult and I hope you can find some ways to navigate this with your son.

P.S. These are not questions you need to answer here, just thinking out loud.

 

[MsGilmore]

Really boring one - does anyone have any tricks or old wives tales that work for stopping bananas from going ripe so quickly in the heat? I have a banana stand, I don't know if that makes things better or worse?
I bought some on Sunday that were still 100% green, thinking I'd have a few days until they were ripe - they are still green, but also spotty and close to being too ripe.

I tend to put them in the fridge to try to slow down the ripening!

 

[littlepup]

Thanks, looks like perhaps the models are wearing something under it to make it flare out like that, an images are being photoshopped so wondering if I do manage to get one how easy it will be to put something under it on the coat to make it that way

Try skirt coat too. I like this style.

 

[trudyjudy007]

One of the residents in my building owns a bulldog. I walked into the building and the dog was unleashed as it walked towards me on their way out. I’m honestly super stressed out because I’m not a fan of dogs in general, but an unleashed bulldog in an apartment building is a big no. I’m honestly worried for my safety as these dogs can be unpredictable.

Honestly I would bring it up to building management and ask that all dogs stay leashed, I think that’s a fair ask and it helps the safety of people and the pet. I lived in a small estate years ago and one neighbour always had their dog loose. One day the dog (a big breed) ran towards a child who was part of a family visiting the other house and the dad jumped in front and kicked the dog extremely violently. It was a bad situation for everyone, I don’t think the dog had bad intentions but the dad panicked at seeing a large animal run towards a toddler. It’s safer for everyone for animals to be leashed.

 

[Thank(space)you]

Guys I feel so sad and I’m not sure what to do. I haven’t really been myself the last few weeks due to various things I’ve got going on health wise/personal life wise so I’ve not been my best self but this last week ar work we’ve been really overwhelmed and there’s been more agency workers than full time staff. I was a bit snappy at one of the agency workers but I realised I was out of pocket and apologised straight away. They told me they feel like I’ve been picking on them for the last week and it’s been hurting their feelings as I’ve been ‘targeting them’. Maybe I’m overthinking but it’s really playing on my mind and making me feel guilty. I’ve told them it wasn’t the case as I have no issue with them personally which is true I’ve just been a bit more tense lately however I always try and be kind. I just feel really really guilty and don’t know what to do.

You've recognised your behaviour and you've apologised, there's nothing more you can do.
Maybe seek some support for what's going on in your personal life though?

 

[WeHadFunRight]

@Hastaggifted So it really looks like some people would buy a house without a bath and some people wouldn’t buy a house without a bath. I guess you just need the right buyer

 

[stargirl23]

Anyone had tonsillitis? Any tips to get it to stop hurting as painkillers aren't touching it at all and I've had 3 hours sleep the past two nights in broken chunks, I'm literally dying and also crying which only hurts me more haha.

I've been given antibiotics by the doctor hoping they will help but I've only just taken my first dose.

I had it before when I was about 18 but don't remember it being this bad then...

Benadryl throat spray it’s got numbing in helps a lot. I had chronic tonsillitis before having mine removed and this was the most helpful until antibiotics kicked in. Feel better soon x

 

[Good Egg]

Still didn’t get a response from my email... I sent seven days ago and a follow up on Thursday.... this was a professional email requesting information I need... spoiler: sent to the guy I mention below so wondering if I’ve done something wrong for clarification!

My depression has reared its ugly head this week again. I can go weeks feeling fine, being OK and then dip. I’m in the down phase, if you saw me on Monday I was manic. I don’t feel like other people. I don’t feel normal. I can’t explain it but I feel like an outsider not fitting in and looking above myself spectating. It’s very odd. I’m my own worst critic and never feel good enough.
I’m not really living life. It’s all such a waste. I wake up and instantly want to go back to bed. I feel my best years are over and there is nothing left for me, nothing to look forward to.

I have a narc mother in my life who controls the narrative, my life, puts me down. Life isn’t fun with her on my shoulder.

I have a crush on a much older man which isn’t appropriate as he’s in a professional position. Hard to explain without giving too much away but I can’t stop thinking about our conversations and interactions and my goodness he’s easy on the eye. (He is single I checked his SM which I’m ashamed of in fact he has quite a open social media presence).

Anyways We had a connection when we first met I felt it, I never really feel anything when talking to a man but this guy was different. He’s a very interesting person. After our first meeting I felt a connection - I’m not sure what it is or was but I felt something. It was so odd. I brushed it aside until we met again last week...

Not that I’d act on it because why would someone be interested in me? I’m not attractive, I’ve not done much with life. It’s made me question a lot of deep thoughts, like what is wrong with me? Why a much older man? Because I want to feel safe? To be looked after? Why am I feeling this way. Because I’m lonely and sad about life? I loved that the conversation bounced really well. I can’t explain it.

In all honesty I just want someone on the same page as me who wants to go to a art gallery, go out for breakfast and coffee, expand our mind have interesting conversation and this guy seems like a perfect fit. I have never had a ‘crush’ before but yeah even at forty i was shocked and blew over by him. What is it? Why does it happen? Without sounding like a bell end to me he is perfect (I bet he pees on the loo seat and doesn’t flush has smelly feet and leaves wet towels on the floor but it all honesty I would care if he did!!!

So yeah I feel stupid for feeling this way. Now I’m back in the spiral of depression... feeling not worthy of love, life and all those things I yearn. Questioning this ‘crush’ I feel like a teenager. Thoughts?

 

[CallMeHollywood]

I really appreciate your responses! My friend has a habit of being impulsive and absolutely not thinking things through. When it’s just her in the middle I can let her get on with it but I’m really worried that a helpless kitten will get stuck in the middle possibly without food around payday. Plus myself and her whole family is allergic so she would need to pay for pet sitters when she goes on holiday (2/3 times a year)

Please try and steer her from getting a cat if she can’t afford one or take the time to train it. Cats wreck stuff, they scratch furniture and chew on cables and will shit and piss everywhere if not taught to use a tray. I forgot to add spaying charges to my costs, too.

 

[stardust1]

Apologies in advance if there is a thread regarding child maintenance.
The father to my 6 year old son and I had a private agreement drawn up 2.5 years ago. Recently, due to my mortgage likely going up by about £400 a month from Nov. I asked him if he would mind just recalculating the amount we agreed. He currently pays me just over £200 a month but has our son 3 nights a week. I only asked him to recalculate and did not mention an amount. He immediately went ballistic and started asking for an itemised list of what I spend on our son every month. Any way to cut a long story short I decided to make an official application through CMS. This had lead to him becoming increasingly confrontational and difficult. Whilst my application is now being processed he has now requested that I pay for the petrol for when he drops off our son. He lives 1.9 miles from me and I don’t drive.
I don’t want to agree to this but am not sure if he has any rights to ask me? What if I say no and he just refuses to drive him back to me?
Any thoughts on this greatly appreciated, thanks guys xx

personally i don’t think she should contribute towards the mortgage if he has his own bills and has your son 3 days i feel that is fair enough. The issue with doing the official claim is they might say he owes even less than he usually pays. My friends ex partner pays £7.77 a week

in terms of petrol to drop him home, he is being a wanker there.

 

[Rxt156]

Can someone else watch him or is this something he's also invited too?

How old is he? Times like this we just let my neice miss her nap or put her down earlier, I know you say he can be an arse but it's really only one day, maybe a earlier bedtime if he's not going to get his nap that day

He is invited too. It’s a child’s party so I can’t really go alone . He can’t go without a nap he’s only just gone to 1 nap a day. Might try keep him awake rather than have an earlier nap and give him a snooze on the way home

 

[square_spoon]

Guys I feel so sad and I’m not sure what to do. I haven’t really been myself the last few weeks due to various things I’ve got going on health wise/personal life wise so I’ve not been my best self but this last week ar work we’ve been really overwhelmed and there’s been more agency workers than full time staff. I was a bit snappy at one of the agency workers but I realised I was out of pocket and apologised straight away. They told me they feel like I’ve been picking on them for the last week and it’s been hurting their feelings as I’ve been ‘targeting them’. Maybe I’m overthinking but it’s really playing on my mind and making me feel guilty. I’ve told them it wasn’t the case as I have no issue with them personally which is true I’ve just been a bit more tense lately however I always try and be kind. I just feel really really guilty and don’t know what to do.

It sounds like the weight of whatever you have going on personally is affecting even your approach to the issue with the agency worker. I’m sure most of us would apologise, maybe give an explanation/context, and then chalk it up to just a bad week….not beat ourselves up about it! Is there a resolution ahead with your personal stuff or is it going to run and run? Is it something you can loop a manager in on to get some support (or get cut some slack) at work?

For the agency worker I don’t think there’s any more to do. You’ve apologised and assured them it’s nothing personal/wasn’t intentional - the only thing to be mindful of is that your approach to them improves now. If it doesn’t, it becomes a more sticky situation. Try not to beat yourself and try to figure out a path if you can.

 

[TheGlossy]

Thank you!

Yeah, completely unreachable. I have been exchanging with them through their messaging option on their app, but they’re terrible. I can’t find the complaint section either. I was thinking of writing on TrustPilot as they seem to be responsive on there.

To top it all off, I now have to pay €5 for my return. What a joke.

 

[WeHadFunRight]

Am not sure if there's higher management as it's not a care home that's a part of any health service, it's a private home, I'll check an see if there's anything higher but I assume it's been near the top that's handed out the address as employees files are usually kept by the higher ups, he's never giving out the address because he's said many times he doesn't want staff knowing where the house is, so it will only have been on his file

Breach of GDPR is reported to the ICO. I would write to the director of the care home and explain that handing out private data falls foul of UK GDPR and unless something is done immediately to stop your dad being harassed on his days off you will report them to the information commissioner’s office - but also warn them that they must train their staff correctly so that people understand that they can’t hand out someone’s bloody address willy nilly. Bunch of wankers.

 

[Meg78]

Could really do with a thread for homeware, like decent finds and bargains, where to go for good quality etc, for example my DFS sofa is 14 years old and we love it but it’s time to change and now I hear only horror stories about the brand, but have got no idea where to go for a decent quality and comfortable sofa these days!

 

[no-no]

Hi all,

Has anyone here experience of long hospital stays? It’s looking like I will soon be admitted for an estimated two month stay and want to be as prepared as possible going in. I’ll have a private room but shared toilet/ shower facilities.

I’ll have no control over food/diet so that’s at least one less consideration

any hints/tips/advice as to what might make the stay as comfortable as possible?

If you have a tablet you’ll want to make sure you have internet and your apps installed beforehand (Netflix or Audible etc). Don’t forget headphones. Maybe some little things you don’t use often like a nail file. Some waterproof flip flop style shoes for the shower room, dressing gown and wash bag to carry toiletries through. Dry shampoo. Biscuits Little things like that.