The advice thread for random problems #3

[Snippysnips]

OK so I emailed again today.... didn’t want to be tied to my emails (keep refreshing ) so kept busy and guess what.... nothing! I even tagged the original email in the original post! It’s just pissing me off now. If you don’t know why not ask or forward the message on? I even asked and apologised and said if this isn’t something you will do can you put me in touch with the correct person. Just the lack of communication is winding me up...
I could cry. I really could. It hangs over me. I hate being left in limbo and now I feel paranoid I’ve done something wrong. (I have OCD and overthink everything)

I hope you manage to get it sorted, it's honestly my biggest hate, people never emailing back or you will be emailing back an forth an they just all of a sudden stop an you are left wondering

Is there no one else you could forward it too? Honestly it's not your fault, it happens to us all, I'd find out if there was other ways you could contact them or if there's someone else you can go too an stress that you have deadlines to meet

 

[littlepup]

My previous manager sent my current manager a small note by email saying how great she thinks I am. I was not in cc’ of this initial email.

My manager responded ‘we were happy to hire her in our team blah blah’. Then she said she ‘encouraged me to reconnect and maintain the relationship‘ with my previous manager.

She cc’ed me. Now, I kinda have to revert to my old manager and say something nice.

What should I say?

I would respond with something brief like thank you for the positivity, it's rewarding to have your efforts noticed and appreciated, you enjoyed you time working with them, are excited to see where your new role takes you and hope you can replicate your success in future.
You don't want to end up volunteering to take anything from the previous role with you but it's always good to maintain relationships around the company so just make it clear that you appreciate your time with the but you're moving forward now.

 

[stargirl23]

I need an important document to send off. I have emailed on Monday and had zero response back... I’ve not even had an acknowledgement or I will get back to you? What do I do? Should I copy the original email again and ask again or should I wait out a bit longer (maybe it’s being looked into and until they get an answer I’ll get a response?). I hate stuff like this as 1). I need this information to proceed by a certain deadline 2). I’m overthinking have I stepped out of line or gone to the wrong person in the first instance which would be embarrassing 3). It just feels a bit rude to not even say I don’t know but I’ll find out - like zero response is a bit rude?

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!

I feel like I’ve done something wrong in asking...

I appreciate this doesn’t make any sense but what would be your next move? Wait, email again or try and ask someone else tagging in the original email? Thoughts?

Is there a phone number you could call? And just say sorry for calling but you were a little worried Incase the email didn’t get to them as you didn’t receive an acknowledgement from them. You’d appreciate if they could let you know if they got your request and how long roughly it’ll take as you have a deadline to meet?

 

[CoffeeMamma]

What summer outfits does everyone wear with bigger boobs? I got a few new summer dresses, not a single one fits my boobs

I go 50s inspired- cut off trousers, then a shirt over a light cami or crop top. Personally I think whoever decided maxi dresses were a thing, should be shot. Also I love t-shirt dresses and cycle shorts or fitted shorts.

 

[littlepup]

I have no idea what to do next with my car. It is a 2014 plate, Insignia, my partner chose it but it's actually in my name. It's got loads of modifications which were there when we bought it. He's had a few scuffs in it, scratches all over the front corners and there's a dent in the back bumper. There's also an electrical fault where the car occasionally (more frequently now) goes into 'limp mode' which leads to the car going dangerously slow on the slightest incline, or gradually reducing speed when driving above 50mph, requiring the engine to be restarted for it to temporarily resolve the issue. We've thrown £500 for a company to check it out and replace a valve in the engine which hasn't fixed the issue. We'd need to pay additional £50 for further investigation and then further money for more work to be done (and even then there's no guarantee it will fix the issue. As they have no idea what is causing the issue!!) In addition to this, the cam belt is due to be replaced, and the clutch is sticking. Plus all the cosmetic work needs to be done and we have been quoted over £1000.
Basically the car is slowly failing (as cars do) but I don't think the work needed is worth it and we are looking to get rid of it.
It is on finance, I have approx £2k left to pay on it which is about 2 yrs left. I'm interested in hearing what others would do in my situation. Sell it? We were going to go with We buy any car but tbh we'd probably not get very much for it.

Scrap it. Sounds like it’ll be far more than £2k for all the work plus you’d have the hassle of selling. Unless it was a mega spec new, I wouldn’t bother. If the mods are all after market, I really wouldn’t bother. Take what you can get from anywhere because you’re just throwing good money after bad to try to fix it imo

 

[Carapop]

Mind isnt accessible here and only offer art and crafting groups which I physically cannot do.

I can’t cope with getting rid of anything. It’s too hard. I’ve no money to replace anything at all. Winter I only survived because I used old newspapers to pad clothes as couldn’t afford heating (room was below zero). I have to eat out of date food due to no money. Use ancient device which periodically dies. Covid proved no help will come to me. Except abuse. I must keep everything in case. Literally begging on street to pay rent, been arrested.

Garden needs doing, but landlord just says to be patient. Neighbour needs sorting in terms of their noise/parties/waste being dumped in garden/pet waste in garden when not allowed pets but landlord refused and lied they were leaving. Yet they’ve just extended their contract.
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I am grateful. I don’t feel worthy of help, because mental health have told me I’m not, though the word they used was ‘undeserving’.

Oh god I’m mortified that your name was autocorrected in my post.

I’m on a waiting list for psych assistance for something not related to hoarding but also life altering. I know it’s not as easy as just telling you to push through the discomfort. And I also know that you need to want to get better. I want to feel better without having to change anything. It’s impossible. Nothing changes if nothing changes. Where I am right now feels hopeless but there’s a comfort in the known, isn’t there. A safety to it. Even if it’s life threatening. I’m sorry you’re struggling so.

 

[LaBlonde]

Only need a bath in my house coz of my son. Otherwise I’d never use the bath again! I think most people use a shower coz who’s got time for a bath every day seriously

Anything worse than staring at my own naked wet body whilst the water slowly gets colder no thank you

this is me

i love the idea of a bath but the actual reality is there’s always a moment, about five minutes in, when the bubbles have started fading and the water is just getting colder when i’m like…….. what am i doing. plus some part of you is always cold unless you have an insanely sized bath. showers every time!

 

[FlipFlop0706]

I don't know if this is even something anyone could even help me with... Earlier this year I was at a house party with a group of friends, my best friend was there and she got so so drunk and started lashing out at everyone, physically attacking, me, my partner and our friend. I tried to calm her down because I knew she had been going through a tough time with her mental health but she just screamed at me for being a terrible friend. After that I told her to go home to her children to which she responded well at least I have children to go home to and then told me to take her children as she didn't want them. For reference, as my best friend she was aware of my struggles with infertility and had been a regular shoulder to cry on about it for years. How do I move past this? It has been months and I still feel heartbroken but according to another friend in our group I should be making an effort to sort things out. Can anyone advise me..Please and thanks

Is her drinking a regular thing? I’d be concerned that there’s a problem there if she’s physically attacking people. Without being dramatic, are her children safe when she’s been drinking?

I’m sorry that she was so cruel to use your fertility struggles against you like that. The question you have to ask is do you actually want to move past this? I’d say she is the one that needs to be making an effort considering how upset you are. Has she made any effort to apologise? Why does she think you are a terrible friend? The fact you tried to calm her down at the house party suggests you are far from that

 

[Pesky Tarian]

Tips for a caravan holiday please. Travelling with the following
18 month old
2 dogs
7 adults

Top of my list: Prosecco

Last time I went away with 2 dogs, in laws and husband it was fairly stressful and not that enjoyable

Anti bac wipes, paper plates, those foil baking tins for things like a big pasta bake. The last thing you want is to be chained to the kitchen.

I always take a few cheap ikea fleece blankets for the sofa if the kids/dogs have been at the beach.

More prosecco have fun x

 

[WeHadFunRight]

Can anybody please tell me wtf has bitten me and how to ease it? It’s absolutely killing (I gave birth 3 months ago and I’d rather go through that again right now ). There was no culprit at the scene!

View attachment 2494859

Whatever it is put a plaster over the bite because other things that bite bloody love an open would to go in again. The amount of times I’ve become an all you can eat buffet for bitey things I cannot tell you.

 

[stardust1]

I need help and advice.

Me and my boyfriend broke up last night after 3 years. It’s been ongoing for a few weeks to be honest, that started with an argument at the start of June and him taking his stuff back to his home. I messaged him and asked him over to talk last week and told him the reason in the message was I wanted him over because I missed him and I truly felt we could work on things. He immediately messaged back and said yes, let’s talk, and asked when he could see me. He came over, I cooked dinner, we didn’t get into the subject of ‘us’ as we were just having a lovely time and talking/laughing like we usually do. Around 11pm he said he needed to go but he bought up that we hadn’t spoken about ‘us’ and said maybe I should make some notes on my phone for prompts and he’ll come over again. He came over last night, I had prompts, I told him I missed him, I regretted us ending, I see my faults and I want to work on us etc. He basically said he’d hit a wall with things, didn’t have the energy for the relationship and didn’t want to try. We talked for hours, hugged, I cried. I’m so confused as to why he agreed to talk?! And prompted that we didn’t talk and insisted he come over again… when actually he was still on the same page he was as before?! What was he expecting from us talking? What did he think I was going to say? I’d already told him in my initial message the reasons why.

That was last night. Yes, it’s raw. I start a new job Monday. It’s a huge career jump and I’m petrified. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat and I can’t focus. How can I focus next week? Please give me any help.

really sorry to read thisi think that was quite a cruel thing for him to do. Surround your self with friends and family, do something nice for your self at the weekend before your new job. I’d also block him. In terms of eating and sleeping, eat little and often and i’d take some night nurse if you don’t need to get up in the morning.

good luck with the new job

 

[WeHadFunRight]

Hi all,

Has anyone here experience of long hospital stays? It’s looking like I will soon be admitted for an estimated two month stay and want to be as prepared as possible going in. I’ll have a private room but shared toilet/ shower facilities.

I’ll have no control over food/diet so that’s at least one less consideration

any hints/tips/advice as to what might make the stay as comfortable as possible?

If you have a private room maybe take a little portable speaker? Quite nice to fill the room with music instead of having it on your phone/earphones.

get yourself a really long charging cable for your iPhone and/or tablet as sometimes the plugs are in funny places.

Definitely take your own pillow and if you haven’t already been advised it might be worth labelling up your possessions to save confusion or if something goes missing it’s easier for it to get returned to you.

You could also take packing cases to keep your things organised (I assume you can use the cupboards provided but having your bits and bobs in organised packing cases might make you feel a bit happier as I find it hard to stay organised when I’ve only got a small space to live out of.

I hope whatever treatment you’re in for goes well and I wish you the absolute best.

 

[square_spoon]

I just on top of this found out she didn’t ask anyone else involved in the inheritance/probate process for their ID. She’s only asked for mine.

Not only that but instead of telling me why she needs a document that’s not been asked nor required for anyone else, she acts sneaky by opening her email with ‘Unless I’m mistaken, you have not provided you ID’.

Then she follows up with a rude follow-up email two hours later saying ‘Once again, can you please provide me with your ID’.

Like I’m located overseas and my only ID from that country is my passport. I don’t walk around with my passport.

The nerve of making it sound as though it is a required document I forgot to send a year ago and thinking it’s OK to hassle me repeatedly when it’s clear people are at work.

In any case, she’s not getting the ID unless I understand why she needs mine specifically and no one else’s. I’m not the executor nor am I getting a cent from this probate and therefore do not owe a cent in taxes.

Can you ask why she’s looking for it? Something along the lines of you’re happy to provide it once she clarifies why she requires it and also if all other parties have had to do it? I had to as part of probate and it was asked for over a year later as part of some legal audit the solicitor was about to undergo. I didn’t have strong feelings about it so it wasn’t an issue in my case, but do ask for clarity if you’re uncomfortable. You wouldn’t want the narrative to be that the matter couldn’t close because you wouldn’t agree to provide documentation.

 

[petitspois]

Can't really give too much detail but always wanting a hug from me, kept kissing my neck when hugging, took a strong disliking to my boyfriend within the last year out of no where, is very bossy and it's his way or no way (for example cutting our hedge when it doesn't need doing).
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Our houses are the exact same layout, so when I'm walking across the landing they can hear it. I can hear when they've stepped into the bathroom as you have to step down. It's honestly so bizarre and I already feel on edge living here because of the neighbour, and now this has started again since he's moved back in. Maybe I'm just thinking too much into it but it's all too coincidental, especially as it has started again since he's moved back in with his wife.

A bit over the top maybe but, to be honest, I would move. He sounds like someone who has already developed an inappropriate interest in you. That could escalate.

 

[QueenBW]

I bought the Skechers on the Go sandals (look like the image ones) because I can't do flip flops either and needed something with good traction and cushioning. I don't think I have the sweat issue but I took them on holiday, walked on the beach, got them wet and all and they were still great and I had no issues with them. You might need to check if they miss your toe, will depend on the person I'm guessing.

 

[clueless]

I'm going to see this 3 hour monstrosity tomorrow and will let you know I'll probably use that scene to go use the toilet so I really hope it's about half way into the film

Thank you! I also read there's apparently three sex scenes, I hope they're not all 15 minutes, or maybe they're five minutes each?

 

[petitspois]

If I could afford the house of dreams I think I'd have showers as the norm then one large, amazing bath plus a dog bath in the utility downstairs.

 

[petitspois]

But why should she have to move? He is the problem, not her.

Because he's a potential (emphasis upon potential) predator who won't move will he?

 

[CoffeeMamma]

Hi everyone

My child joined a new football team at the beginning of the season and I was immediately befriended by another parent. This was obviously nice being a newbie but my problem is they don't stop talking to me during the matches and has got to the point that it completely distracts me from watching. It's constant, about anything and everything. It's driving my other half mad to the point that he doesn't want to even go and watch anymore. I can't stand and watch somewhere else because they seek me out and I don't encourage conversation. I'm not rude enough to ignore them but I'm really struggling with the situation. Does anyone have any advice?!

Oh Lord this might be me too I don’t get out much and I’m autistic
Just explain nicely you want to focus on the game and you’d like to chat but you keep getting distracted.

 

[didisaythatoutloudoops]

What do you do when there's nothing actually wrong in your life, but you just feel miserable and stale all the time? I'm a single mum so not like I can do things outside the home much when I've got her (obviously we do child focused activities and days out) all the things I see on insta are like "go for a walk, see friends, go to the pub" etc but I can't all my friends are too busy with their partners and I can't leave my child at home on their own

For me, a hobby I can do at home really helped. Something like knitting, painting, etc - crochet is a good easy one if you're new to any kind of crafts. Facebook groups can be lovely communities around these things too and I've met some genuine friends I ended up meeting up with. I will say, it does get easier as they get older and they get more independent. But I totally understand how you're feeling, I went through it myself.