The advice thread for random problems #3

[Slaybutter]

@becca7721 I’m really sorry about your friend Medicine has a history of getting things painfully wrong, just look to how gynecology got started off — on enslaved black women, against their will, and with no anesthesia. Could the person from hoarding UK board somewhere local for a little while? Or perhaps someone young and new that’s hungry for work will come. This sounds really difficult and im sorry you’re being treated this way.

Hopefully when tattle wakes up you’ll get useful advice on the furry four-legged interloper

 

[Pesky Tarian]

Can anyone recommend some good pots and pans and knives please?

I have this set and they've been very good.

Pots & Pans at M&S

If you're after a casserole dish, a non-stick frying pan or a new set of saucepans, browse our range of kitchen pots and pans. Find these and more at M&S

www.marksandspencer.com

 

[CoffeeMamma]

@becca7721 are you a private renter or a council/housing association tenant? I rent from a housing association who actually provide support for tenants with a hoarding problem, you just have to contact your local housing officer to access it. They recognise that it’s a mental illness which can be crippling and don’t place blame on anyone, just try to get them help. If you’re a private renter, perhaps see if any of the local housing associations have that support and can help you access it, or the local council.

 

[petitspois]

Just been out in severely overgrown garden to put out dry waste to be collected and after putting it out and standing to get some cool air a massive rat came out severely overgrown grass to head inside. It was a very big and healthy look rat. I jumped and made a bit of noise and it sauntered off and I mean sauntered off, if could have it would have shrugged at me.

The garden is the landlords responsibility. They won’t sort it. Literally been saying for weeks to be patient.

I’ve a severe hoarding problem, but can access zero support, I’ve been forced to have contact with fire brigade, police, social services, mental health team, hoarding uk - am too ill for any treatment programme. I can only access gp for heart attack, stroke or appendicitis because my conditions aren’t ‘fixable’. I’ve lost my benefits because someone stole my forms, I was refused appeal as no medical access since March 2020 due to ‘covid risk’. I was offered a student for two hours to throw everything (literally) i own which would be dumped in the garden to be collected at some point, last time it pushed me into a breakdown a long hospital stay, as it wasn’t collected for a month and was devastating. I’ve no money to replace anything - my income is currently £60 a week. Covid restrictions proved there’s no one I can rely upon for help at all.

I’m terrified I’m going to be blamed for it. I put my waste out when I can, it’s really hard for me to do and, when I put out the dry recycling today I saw my neighbours have dumped loads in the overgrown garden - food, glass, all sorts, including animal waste as they’ve pets not declared to landlord. Last time I spoke to the landlord they had a go at me for putting everyone’s life at risk for being filthy dirty hoarder. My fire alarms and exit is clear, my neighbours have covered all their alarms with socks because they kept setting it off.

Ok long post. If anyone has any advice I’d appreciate it. I usually lurk on tattle except on the Ingham thread. I will try and read responses, sorry it’s long. My ptsd can mean I tend to over explain and get confused, especially right now.

Have a look at this website. It was started by a presenter who's Mum hoards. https://hoarding.support/

Hope Ratty scarpers soon.

 

[littlepup]

Can anyone recommend some good pots and pans and knives please?

They’re expensive but nothing beats tefal non stick pans for mid range IMO.
TKmaxx are great for knives. I have a Jamie Oliver set I was gifted that are great, sabatier are also good. Get a knife sharpener from Amazon for about £10 too.
I had a cheap set from Argos and they were absolutely useless and binned after a year whereas my better ones I’ve had for probably 10-15 years so it’s very much a buy cheap, but twice item. Kitchen devils cheap ones are not worth it but the do some mid range ones that aren’t bad. I think you can get away with one small vegetable knife and one large chopping knife and perhaps a mid size knife too. Perhaps a serrated bread knife if you eat fresh bread.

 

[becca7721]

Thank you for being kind.

Am sat here crying. I made a post on a so-called Facebook support group and have been slammed for ‘’clinging to PTSD and hoarding’, ‘being silly and childish’ and ‘refusing to take responsibility for PTSD and hoarding’. Pages of it. The ones I put here are some of the nicer comments. I came here expecting much of the same (given the reputation tattle has) and instead you’ve all been kind.

I’m already barely holding on, group knows this as I stupidly said that, maybe that’s why. Anyway, thank you for being kind. When I clearly do not deserve it.
---

@becca7721 are you a private renter or a council/housing association tenant? I rent from a housing association who actually provide support for tenants with a hoarding problem, you just have to contact your local housing officer to access it. They recognise that it’s a mental illness which can be crippling and don’t place blame on anyone, just try to get them help. If you’re a private renter, perhaps see if any of the local housing associations have that support and can help you access it, or the local council.

Am private. HA won’t help. Have been banned from any of their or emergency accommodation by social services because hoarding is simply seen as being filthy and lazy - their words not mine. It’s not seen as an illness here. Just laziness.

It’s been a problem for decades. It’s not as simple as someone staying locally for a short period.
---

@becca7721 I’m really sorry about your friend Medicine has a history of getting things painfully wrong, just look to how gynecology got started off — on enslaved black women, against their will, and with no anesthesia. Could the person from hoarding UK board somewhere local for a little while? Or perhaps someone young and new that’s hungry for work will come. This sounds really difficult and im sorry you’re being treated this way.

Hopefully when tattle wakes up you’ll get useful advice on the furry four-legged interloper

That’s awful about how gynaecology started off.

Mental health support varies so hugely. I know there’s support in some areas, but here we must rely upon 111 mental health line and they just tell you to join an art or craft group (which I physically cannot do).

 

[tomato_paste]

Thank you for being kind.

Am sat here crying. I made a post on a so-called Facebook support group and have been slammed for ‘’clinging to PTSD and hoarding’, ‘being silly and childish’ and ‘refusing to take responsibility for PTSD and hoarding’. Pages of it. The ones I put here are some of the nicer comments. I came here expecting much of the same (given the reputation tattle has) and instead you’ve all been kind.

I’m already barely holding on, group knows this as I stupidly said that, maybe that’s why. Anyway, thank you for being kind. When I clearly do not deserve it.
---


Am private. HA won’t help. Have been banned from any of their or emergency accommodation by social services because hoarding is simply seen as being filthy and lazy - their words not mine. It’s not seen as an illness here. Just laziness.

It’s been a problem for decades. It’s not as simple as someone staying locally for a short period.

Hoarding is a mental health issue, and a devastating one at that. I'm so sorry you're struggling and that people are being so awful about it.

Do you have a list of resources that are available to you? You said something about having some forms to access resources - can you request a copy?

A quick google brought me this list of phone numbers and emails:

Useful contacts - hoarding

If you need further support or information about hoarding, find contact details of Mind's services and other useful organisations here.

www.mind.org.uk

Maybe one of those could help you?

Do you have any idea what type of support would be what you need for now? Would cleaning up some of your items help? Would having a clean garden help you? Or maybe have someone go through a small part of your hoard and support you through sorting out items that are hazardous? Maybe that could be a start - think about what exactly you need for now so you can find some energy and request only that type of help and go from there.

 

[Carapop]

Hoarding is a mental health issue, and a devastating one at that. I'm so sorry you're struggling and that people are being so awful about it.

Do you have a list of resources that are available to you? You said something about having some forms to access resources - can you request a copy?

A quick google brought me this list of phone numbers and emails:

Useful contacts - hoarding

If you need further support or information about hoarding, find contact details of Mind's services and other useful organisations here.

www.mind.org.uk

Maybe one of those could help you?

Do you have any idea what type of support would be what you need for now? Would cleaning up some of your items help? Would having a clean garden help you? Or maybe have someone go through a small part of your hoard and support you through sorting out items that are hazardous? Maybe that could be a start - think about what exactly you need for now so you can find some energy and request only that type of help and go from there.

I have no advice for becca (I wish I had!) but I just want to say what an incredibly kind and thoughtful, truly compassionate message this is. You’re a darling. And becca, if nothing else, I hope you feel seen, recognised as human and worthy of help.

 

[becca7721]

Mind isnt accessible here and only offer art and crafting groups which I physically cannot do.

I can’t cope with getting rid of anything. It’s too hard. I’ve no money to replace anything at all. Winter I only survived because I used old newspapers to pad clothes as couldn’t afford heating (room was below zero). I have to eat out of date food due to no money. Use ancient device which periodically dies. Covid proved no help will come to me. Except abuse. I must keep everything in case. Literally begging on street to pay rent, been arrested.

Garden needs doing, but landlord just says to be patient. Neighbour needs sorting in terms of their noise/parties/waste being dumped in garden/pet waste in garden when not allowed pets but landlord refused and lied they were leaving. Yet they’ve just extended their contract.
---

I have no advice for poor Betty (I wish I had!) but I just want to say what an incredibly kind and thoughtful, truly compassionate message this is. You’re a darling. And Betty, if nothing else, I hope you feel seen, recognised as human and worthy of help.

I am grateful. I don’t feel worthy of help, because mental health have told me I’m not, though the word they used was ‘undeserving’.

 

[Carapop]

Mind isnt accessible here and only offer art and crafting groups which I physically cannot do.

I can’t cope with getting rid of anything. It’s too hard. I’ve no money to replace anything at all. Winter I only survived because I used old newspapers to pad clothes as couldn’t afford heating (room was below zero). I have to eat out of date food due to no money. Use ancient device which periodically dies. Covid proved no help will come to me. Except abuse. I must keep everything in case. Literally begging on street to pay rent, been arrested.

Garden needs doing, but landlord just says to be patient. Neighbour needs sorting in terms of their noise/parties/waste being dumped in garden/pet waste in garden when not allowed pets but landlord refused and lied they were leaving. Yet they’ve just extended their contract.
---


I am grateful. I don’t feel worthy of help, because mental health have told me I’m not, though the word they used was ‘undeserving’.

Oh god I’m mortified that your name was autocorrected in my post.

I’m on a waiting list for psych assistance for something not related to hoarding but also life altering. I know it’s not as easy as just telling you to push through the discomfort. And I also know that you need to want to get better. I want to feel better without having to change anything. It’s impossible. Nothing changes if nothing changes. Where I am right now feels hopeless but there’s a comfort in the known, isn’t there. A safety to it. Even if it’s life threatening. I’m sorry you’re struggling so.

 

[becca7721]

Believe me your autocorrect is nothing compared to what I have on timeline and in my DMs on Facebook. It’s awful. So please don’t worry!

For me I know it won’t change. I’ve done all the books, the therapies, wasted thousands of pounds chasing treatments as nhs wait so long. I was seeing someone pre March 2020 but they used covid as an excuse to drop me and then sat in a room accusing me of not trying, lying help would be assigned - the ‘help’ being the man who hurt me. They’ve no idea.

 

[CoffeeMamma]

Believe me your autocorrect is nothing compared to what I have on timeline and in my DMs on Facebook. It’s awful. So please don’t worry!

For me I know it won’t change. I’ve done all the books, the therapies, wasted thousands of pounds chasing treatments as nhs wait so long. I was seeing someone pre March 2020 but they used covid as an excuse to drop me and then sat in a room accusing me of not trying, lying help would be assigned - the ‘help’ being the man who hurt me. They’ve no idea.

Are you in a position to access private mental health assessment? Then maybe you could get some support through your council with a formal diagnosis (sorry if I missed a bit and you have one I’ve read this thread really fast) even if it’s for a cleaning service now and again who could remove some of the mess? Not on the same level but when I was severely mentally ill I had a cleaner who came once a month to help. Apart from that I think you wait for the moment you’re ready you sound like you’ve had a rough time and you’re just not ready to heal and that’s okay. One day you will be.

 

[becca7721]

Are you in a position to access private mental health assessment? Then maybe you could get some support through your council with a formal diagnosis (sorry if I missed a bit and you have one I’ve read this thread really fast) even if it’s for a cleaning service now and again who could remove some of the mess? Not on the same level but when I was severely mentally ill I had a cleaner who came once a month to help. Apart from that I think you wait for the moment you’re ready you sound like you’ve had a rough time and you’re just not ready to heal and that’s okay. One day you will be.

Ive only £60 a week for everything and resorting to begging and stealing for basics, including meds that the nhs won’t pay for anymore.

Thank you so much for your lovely post.

 

[littlepup]

Oh god I’m mortified that your name was autocorrected in my post.

I’m on a waiting list for psych assistance for something not related to hoarding but also life altering. I know it’s not as easy as just telling you to push through the discomfort. And I also know that you need to want to get better. I want to feel better without having to change anything. It’s impossible. Nothing changes if nothing changes. Where I am right now feels hopeless but there’s a comfort in the known, isn’t there. A safety to it. Even if it’s life threatening. I’m sorry you’re struggling so.

I think I remember your Mum being poorly Carapop? I hope you’re doing ok x

 

[Carapop]

I think I remember your Mum being poorly Carapop? I hope you’re doing ok x

Ah thank you. Bless your memory! She died last October after two weeks in ICU. It was all very sudden and I think we are all still in shock. I had issues before of course, but it just compounded it all. Grief is never easy to handle but when already fragile it can feel impossible. Thank you so much for thinking of me. The kindness of tattlers never ceases to amaze me.

 

[becca7721]

I’m sorry to hear of your loss @Carapop take care and remember grief is as unique. Steps aren’t always linear.

I know what you mean about kindness here, and, thank you for reaching out to me.

 

[littlepup]

Ah thank you. Bless your memory! She died last October after two weeks in ICU. It was all very sudden and I think we are all still in shock. I had issues before of course, but it just compounded it all. Grief is never easy to handle but when already fragile it can feel impossible. Thank you so much for thinking of me. The kindness of tattlers never ceases to amaze me.

I’m so sorry for your loss.
I’m not sure why I remembered. I think sometimes having lost a parent yourself makes you worried for a person when their turn is coming knowing how painful it is. It’s a horrible club to be part of.

It’s absolutely true that grief isn’t linear. I still have waves some time on but I find it easier to cope with.
This old Reddit post puts it perfectly for me.

Spoiler: Link

https://www.reddit.com/r/Assistance...end_just_died_i_dont_know_what_to_do/c1u0rx2/

 

[Carapop]

I’m so sorry for your loss.
I’m not sure why I remembered. I think sometimes having lost a parent yourself makes you worried for a person when their turn is coming knowing how painful it is. It’s a horrible club to be part of.

It’s absolutely true that grief isn’t linear. I still have waves some time on but I find it easier to cope with.
This old Reddit post puts it perfectly for me.

Spoiler: Link

https://www.reddit.com/r/Assistance...end_just_died_i_dont_know_what_to_do/c1u0rx2/

Ah it’s so true that it is such a horrible club, but it’s also very supportive I have found. And comforting. There’s a lot of compassion and shared understanding. For a long while after, I struggled to talk to anyone who hadn’t been through it. I read lots of memoirs of grief. And listened to the griefcast podcast incessantly.

Until it happened to me, I had basically forgotten that our loved ones can just die. death and loss are such human experiences but we are so frightened of them it makes it near impossible to deal with it when it happens.

That Reddit post is gorgeous.Thank you so much for sharing.

 

[Sharkfan]

I got a text saying I need to pay a toll for driving in London. I can’t drive and haven’t been to London in ages so it’s obviously a san. However, I’m a bit concerned about where it’s come from as it does link me directly to the transport for London website implying it’s an actually from there so I’m a little worried I might get a penalty for something I didn’t do.

 

[Slaybutter]

@Sharkfan Don’t do it! It doesn’t sound legitimate at all.