The advice thread for random problems #3

[Okgolightly]

Did the stalker return?

Last seen canvassing any thread available to get someone to side with her

 

[AllTheBest2022]

Am I just being paranoid? Lived in our house (terraced) for nearly 3 years. The couple on one side are lovely, the couple on the other not so much, more an issue with the husband than the wife. He is outright weird and overbearing. Seems to think I'm a single mum etc, always trying to 'help'. Anyway, ever since we've moved in I've noticed whenever I go to the bathroom someone their side 99% of the time will go into their bathroom their side, I'm fairly sure it's him as she works 12 hour shifts. Never happens when my boyfriend goes to the toilet, and it's happening far too often to be a coincidence. Bare in mind I'm 7 months pregnant so if I go for a wee, chances are I need to go again 3 minutes later, and the person still goes into their bathroom. To begin with my partner thought I was being paranoid but since other stuff has happened he's now acknowledged it. Any advice?

 

[didisaythatoutloudoops]

How do you carefully and discreetly separate yourself from a clingy but lonely neighbour?

Met my neighbour 3 doors down when her cat ended up coming into my house all the time. Elderly lady, in her 70s I think. Husband sadly passed years ago and no kids. Since I met her she's been inviting me round for tea, coffee, movies, all sorts. We added each other on Facebook so I could let her know if her cat was at mine and not leaving. She sends me multiple Facebook posts every day of the most random things - memes, pictures of elaborately decorated cakes, vintage cars, you name it. I barely use Facebook and told her this and she still bombards me with messages.

I've tried popping round for a quick cuppa to give her a bit of company but she talks and talks and I just can't find a way out (I even get my daughter to call me now after an hour to feign some emergency so I can escape). If I haven't seen her in a couple of weeks she'll ask me to take in a parcel or cat sit or some other mundane task that gets her round to mine or me round to hers.

I think she's simply lonely. I feel for her. But I also work full time and I'm lucky to have an active social life. Without sounding rude I just don't have the time for this and I feel so smothered by it. I don't want to hurt her but I really would just like a bit of space...

 

[CallMeHollywood]

The idiots who lived in my house before me used gorilla adhesive to stick a mirror that isn’t shatter proof. Cue me trying to remove said mirror and ending up covered in tiny shards of glass while the majority of it is still stuck to the tiled wall.
Any thoughts on how to get this off? I’ve covered the back wall in wd40 and white spirit in the hope it dribbles down, but it’s not worked.

 

[QueenBW]

How do I politely refuse to do work above my pay grade? I put in for a promotion 2 months ago, heard nothing back despite chasing, but I keep being told to do x y z which is time consuming & not my job, on top of my actual job role. I don't mind doing the work if I'm gonna get the pay banding for it.

It really depends. Like if your contract says "and other duties/tasks" in the position description, and you do have time to do these things, it's a tough place to be in.

If you have a good relationship with your manager you could talk to them and tell them that the tasks you're carrying out are outside the scope of your current position and point blank ask about the promotion. Say that your current compensation plan does not accurately reflect the work you're doing - and have specific examples.

If you do not have the time to do these things on top of your regular duties then definitely say something about how these extra tasks are beginning to impinge on your official ones and you have no more bandwidth and ask about the promotion and having someone else fill your current position once you move forward.

 

[Piff paff puff]

For anyone who's experiencing their phone screen going black when in landscape mode, take your polarised sunglasses off!

 

[stargirl23]

Anyone know any good ways/tips to clean these types of shoes. The washing machine did nothing

View attachment 2308224

In the sink soaked in napisan then wash in machine with napisan and washing powder. Always works a treat for me x

 

[trudyjudy007]

Can anyone help me regarding a hen party? Do you have to get everyone a gift bag?

I’m maid of honour and it’s a night away with hotel, travel and activities. I’ve also paid for the bride. I’ve paid for card games, accessories for bride to wear etc and everything is adding up quickly! If I have to get gift bags it’s going to be a lot of money as there will be 16 people. It’s really making me worry as we don’t have loads of spare money.

We’re also paying to travel, hotel stop for the actual wedding plus of course wedding gift and everything else involved.

Please someone tell me I’m not a tight arse for not wanting to do gift bags? Or if I am being tight can someone please give me suggestions of what I could give people?

definitely not, I agree with above they are becoming a bit of a thing of the past. Maybe bring a case of cokes/fanta’s and a few packs of Panadol/anti-nausea/vit C for the next morning, I think that would be appreciated more!

 

[Rxt156]

I have been playing for a friendly netball team for a few weeks on a Wednesday. It has been lovely and my team are so nice but the other women are absolutely toxic and it is totally making it a vile place to be. Slagging everyone off then telling tales about who has said what. Why can’t we just play and be nice. They play quite rough as well which is not my thing I try my best to stick to the rules but they really are horrid. I don’t want to leave as I like my team and they won’t have enough people if I leave not too sure what to do to escape the horribleness. Honestly women are ao bitchy I have loved it apart from that! Tonight someone has told me another team have been slagging me off for various things

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Thank you.

I told my manager yesterday I was having a moment and I don’t want this to be blown out of proportions. The manager said it’s no biggie and we all have our moments including them.

Also try to think instead of your co-worker being an a-hole, it most propably stemmed from genuine concern about you.

 

[petitspois]

Thank you @CallMeHollywood and @petitspois. I know she reports directly to the CEO (who made that decision) who works fully remotely, and speaks to her for maybe five minutes a week when he has time. He usually just rushes through a list of things he wants done or changing and the only appreciation/praise she gets in her job is from colleagues, who she gets on really well and has a fantastic relationship with. She would be genuinely upset to leave them, I think.

I have a feeling she is being taken advantage of, they have cut their budget by £1000s for the year as she's got the skills to do a lot of design in house. She has taken on responsibilities way outside of her job description (the office manager for example barely knows how to turn a computer on, so my daughter is now managing the IT database of the charity too). All thankless, of course. I worry she's heading for burnout.

I think moving on would be her best option - it's one of the best ways to start moving up the ladder anyway at her age.

 

[Kim Mild]

I've been seeing this guy ...... Long story short I've been hit with " take things slow see what happens " wtf does this even mean?

He is still weighing up his options

 

[stargirl23]

Tips for a caravan holiday please. Travelling with the following
18 month old
2 dogs
7 adults

Top of my list: Prosecco

Last time I went away with 2 dogs, in laws and husband it was fairly stressful and not that enjoyable

Board games or cards to play in the evening for adults, child friendly toys/games/activities for in the day or to distract with while getting ready, balls/outdoor toys, bucket/spade if going beach, we took our sons scooter too and it was a life saver

 

[littlepup]

I was just wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation or if I’m overreacting and seeing this the wrong way.
I’ve been in my job for 5 and a half years, working 9-5 in the office, my colleague could work from home 2/3 days a week had a laptop, mobile phone and printer. Covid hit and I was given the opportunity to work from home with a laptop but I used my own printer, my own phone bought my own stamps etc for postage.
Since then I work in the office 9-3 before I pick my son up from school (lunch break) and then work from home until 5pm or later. I often take post outs home as there is just no time to do them in the office.
I will be leaving in October and going on maternity leave and they have employed my maternity cover, they have ordered her a mobile phone a laptop and a printer and allowed her to order any stationary she needs and she can also work from home 2 days a week.
I queried why she gets given a mobile phone and was told if you come back you can have hers.
Am I just being silly I just don’t think it’s fair!?

You should find as many receipts as you can and ask for reimbursement. It is indeed unfair but it might be too late now.

 

[littlepup]

My brother is an alcoholic. His illness is escalating. Last night at 2am I was woken by a loud knock at the door. My other brother opened it and it was two women who said our alcoholic brother had collapsed and was lying out in the road. He was In bed all day, then walked to the pub at six this evening, back on it yet again. I’m so fucking sick of it. I hope every pub shuts in this awful fucking country. I don't think there’s any advice for me, I just needed to vent

Sorry you're going through this. It's a horrible, horrible disease.
There is help out there for those affected by someone else's alcoholism Al-Anon UK | For families & friends of alcoholics if you feel it would benefit.

 

[Snippysnips]

I need an important document to send off. I have emailed on Monday and had zero response back... I’ve not even had an acknowledgement or I will get back to you? What do I do? Should I copy the original email again and ask again or should I wait out a bit longer (maybe it’s being looked into and until they get an answer I’ll get a response?). I hate stuff like this as 1). I need this information to proceed by a certain deadline 2). I’m overthinking have I stepped out of line or gone to the wrong person in the first instance which would be embarrassing 3). It just feels a bit rude to not even say I don’t know but I’ll find out - like zero response is a bit rude?

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!

I feel like I’ve done something wrong in asking...

I appreciate this doesn’t make any sense but what would be your next move? Wait, email again or try and ask someone else tagging in the original email? Thoughts?

Sounds like my work am forever sending emails an never get a word back, my personal rule is if they haven't gotten back within 3 days then I chase them up telling them I hope the last email found them well, so many times I get responses back like sorry I missed it, or sorry it fell amongst other emails etc

I'd chase them up tomorrow if there's nothing by today, it could have fallen amongst others an they haven't seen it or went into their spam folder etc, if you have deadlines then you can't wait about till they can be bothered to get back, sometimes others need a reminder

 

[stardust1]

I’m trying to decide whether to complain about my neighbours.

We share a driveway, 50/50 side by side. I have asked repeatedly for their children to keep off my side as they like to kick a football as hard as they can against my wall, bearing in mind my car is parked . They also have absolutely no care for safety on bikes and I have pulled on to find children on my driveway on bikes, pulling out in front etc.

They aren’t toddlers they are 10-12 years old. They take no notice regularly laugh and smirk when I ask them to move. I’m not sure if I now find their general behaviour and attitude is clouding my feelings and making me more and more irritated by them.

they are HA tenants and I am a homeowner. I’m minded to complain and ask the HA to put a physical divide in to deter them but they will probably do nothing I imagine (or warn them which they will ignore) and sour our relationship further. But if I keep speaking to them or ignore it it will continue all summer. I just want to relax In my home and garden

that is annoying. I would personally (if you can afford) get some sort of divide built. You could complain but i’m not sure if they would realistically do much and it may cause them to retaliate more.

 

[stardust1]

Right I am proper getting to the end of my tether and need some stranger advice- me and my partner have been together well over 2 years, and when we got together there was an ex (who may I add broke up with him) who kept trying to get involved with him again as she was jealous (we assumed). This said ex is about 3/4 years older than me, and a couple years older than my other half, and was making tiktoks about me "taking her man" as well as cutting her hair to the same style as me, and copying things I posted on instagram.
Fast forward 2 years, a random fake tinder profile of my boyfriend has been made (we knew it was local as one of my friends who lives close saw it, and the distance was close!) and a fake account of one of my business profiles had been made which seemed very coincidental. I have now found out she has made a new business doing what I do as a side hustle (I have all the correct experience and qualifications may I add whereas she doesnt) and I am a little bit pissed as I feel this is all very aimed.

Do I have the right to be pissed off / angry that someone who has been out of my boyfriends life for 3 years, and who is a lot older than me is still trying to get involved/ annoy us? Or am I overreacting?

Thank you

you are not over reacting, absolute creep bag. I would confront her

 

[WeHadFunRight]

Honestly I would just leave it, it sounds like she's spiralling out of control an would probably end up being quite heavy on your mental health, if she's asking for money on her sites then there could be a chance this is why she's contacting you, if you had been friends then she's maybe thinking you will be easy enough to ask for a loan of money, not saying this is the case though

I think your mum is right an it's best just to ignore it, you have been through enough an if you are at peace with yourself now then why drag up something that could potentially cause problems

Thanks, I never know if ghosting is the right thing to do but in this case I can’t see an alternative

 

[Pesky Tarian]

I shower in the morning for a quick wash before work. I sometimes have a quick bath if I'm cold but generally bathing is a hobby of mine.

Long bath, super hot, face mask, hair mask, lots of bubbles, glass of wine, book and I settle in for at least an hour.

Yes !! I run a bath as hot as I can stand, get in with a book and soak until its cold.

I think we're in danger of returning to 'unpopular opinions' .