The advice thread for random problems #3

[JoeBloggs]

If you were buying a second hand car, would you be more swayed by lower miles or a newer car? I have a £5k budget, which apparently doesn't get you much these days. My options seem to be either a 10+ year old car with lower average miles (for the age) or a higher mileage car still 8 or so years old.

Personally I would go lower miles. You don't want a car someone has ragged for years.

 

[stargirl23]

This is annoying and stupid but does anyone know of a way to block someone on Facebook from seeing your posts but without unfriending them? I have one of MiL’s friends on my Facebook and I very rarely post but whenever I do, she immediately calls Mil and tells her what I’ve posted. Mil then calls my husband and wants to know why we didn’t tell her we did xyz. It’s really fucking annoying. If I unfriend the wretched woman, all hell will break loose so I just want her to stop seeing my posts. I’ve tried searching but can’t find any useful answer.

Go to your posts and click hide from then type their name
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It should then say post to friends except…. & you can do the same for stories too in settings

 

[CallMeHollywood]

This is going to sound like a 1st world problems but I’m getting quite stressed out about it, I can’t seem to engage in a conversation with a male human lately without them assuming my vagina is open for business and I don’t know why

Im not classically attractive, got my dads features and I’m overweight, been wearing baggy jeans and jumpers, no make up, really really not in any way siren or sexy, but I’ve had 5 workers in the past week alone try to get my number as I’m going about my normal day, men who work in petrol stations, shops, restaurants I’m at with my husband and even soft play have all given it a go! I’m friendly and answer questions but definitely not flirty, is the bar set so low now I can’t even make eye contact? This is a very recent problem, has something changed in the past few months and fat girls are now hot?

We’ve always been hot darling might be your confidence coming across. Enjoy it

 

[CallMeHollywood]

Thank you all

Someone did suggest the noise thingy to me before, it's called a Mosquito, but they're like £500 plus installation. I would pay it, but knowing my luck it wouldn't work on the little sods.

I dogsit for my friend once a week but her dog is useless , he doesn't bark and won't play with balls My son's girlfriend also has a dog, he does bark but will only play with tennis balls so not much use either!

Initially I always threw the balls back when they knocked, then they stopped knocking and just started helping themselves. When my eldest son is here he's booted quite a few from the back of our garden, there's about 4 different gardens that back onto ours so no idea where those balls went. We also collected up a load last summer (about 10 in a fortnight) and gave them to a local kids club. And still it continues! I have periodically been throwing some back over but I'm done with doing that now.

One of the kids plays for the youth team of a Premier league club (you'd think his aim with a football would be better in the circs!) and they basically treat him like the Second Coming. I don't know if they get the balls free from the club but any any time they must have 10+ footballs in their garden (or in mine).

You need to tell them that they’re breaking your fence and if they climb over again, you will be sending them the bill for new panels.

 

[stardust1]

Thank you. Everything feels very grey right now. I will take your advice.

it will get better it just takes time, try focus on your new job.

 

[stardust1]

Funnily enough, this is my sister too!

So does the profile picture just disappear? I’m just so confused as to why it’s just showing 1 grey tick from last night if I’m not blocked. I just tried calling her (not through WhatsApp but normally on a withheld number) and it rang once before going to voicemail - could mean she has no signal or could mean she’s blocked my number on her phone too?!

If it’s not ringing properly on a private number then her phone is either turned off or she has no signal. The grey tick doesn’t mean much as if they have no signal it means your message has sent but the other person has not received (for example no signal or a dead phone) if her profile picture is there then she has not blocked you as it goes away straight away and you would be able to get through on a private number x

in short- if her phone is turned on with signal your phone would ring out until she answered/went to voice mail

 

[clueless]

In a film directed by one of the greatest directors ever you think Florence Pugh had enough sway and influence to demand she gets her breasts out? Holy misogyny…

Martin Scorsese didn't intend for Margot Robbie to be fully nude in the Wolf of Wall Street, he wanted her to wear a robe, but she insisted upon it because she thought it was important for her character (and she was right). She had little to no influence then because she was unknown before that film, but I think it shows that directors can be open to suggestions from their cast if it's in line with the vision of the film.

I'm not wanting to bicker at all, I just think it is an interesting story and contrast.

 

[CoffeeMamma]

My friend in America saw it opening night and confirms “there are like 3,2 minute ones”

 

[TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo]

Could do with a bit of advice:

There's a woman I know as we used to work and socialise together like eleven years ago. This was in another country. Anyway life moved on for both of us but we kept in touch sporadically. We are both back living in the UK / Ireland now.

I'm really terrible at friendships and boundaries and over the years have got myself involved in friendships that I don't enjoy and struggle to get out of. This is one of those now. I had hoped it would fade away as I never initiated contact and reply very briefly to messages however this hasn't worked. She is keen on long long phone catch ups, like hours long, and I have avoided those for about 3 years.

I have nothing against her but it was a friendship that had a purpose at the time and I know this sounds harsh but I don't really get any reward from it, or particularly enjoy our conversations. She is very guarded and doesn't share much and I end up doing most of the talking which is why I tried to fade away. I don't want to hurt her at all as I know she struggles significantly with mental health.

So my issue is that she has recently started back up with the long messages asking for a phone catch up which I am trying to avoid. However I will be visiting her city next weekend.

She would be very happy if I told her this and arranged to meet. But then it's like all my efforts to fade away will be for nothing.

I'm aware I sound like a complete twat. I'm a major people pleaser and in the last couple of years have just had less interest in people pleasing everyone under the sun.

However this still niggles at me. Should I arrange to meet her for a quick coffee or similar? She is a lovely person just don't feel like we've that much in common anymore.

No, don't. I understand why you want to because I'd be the same, but don't. Go on your trip, enjoy it and don't feel remotely guilty. Just don't post anything on social media!

 

[DcfcE]

Did you follow a link to their website or put your own in? Links can directly link to scam sites and they can be very hard to spot. Contact them direct with your details to see what they say e.g. that you can’t drive and haven’t been there in ages. 99.9%it’s a scam so they need to know anyway, 0.1% there’s been some sort of error.

In my experience such things can be easily resolved. Mostly if scam they already know, and, if they don’t they will appreciate you letting them know. Likewise if there’s been an error they will appreciate it.

Edit to clarify I meant contact them via contact us address not the payment one, hoping that makes more sense.
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My front garden has been sorted, though the back has not. I understand (from the row) the council went to them today after turning up here and complaining at me again about the state of the garden effecting others in the street in terms of vermin, unlike last time this time I was too upset to answer the door and told them to speak to landlord, they said it was my fault and demanded I sorted it immediately, mentally stuff spiralled, not an excuse I just can’t cope with my own stuff without being blamed for everyone else’s, and they left and went to landlord. Finally after blaming me for weeks!

Anyway the person who did it found both a rat and snake nest, along with bags of pooh for the dog that stays in the flat opposite and proof of someone owning a hamster due to their waste also dumped in garden. None of that belongs to me.

My Facebook is still a nightmare and I’m ignoring it.

Have you got any family who can help?
I feel so sad that the system is failing you, it’s so unfair. Want to send hugs to you x

 

[Rxt156]

Hi everyone

My child joined a new football team at the beginning of the season and I was immediately befriended by another parent. This was obviously nice being a newbie but my problem is they don't stop talking to me during the matches and has got to the point that it completely distracts me from watching. It's constant, about anything and everything. It's driving my other half mad to the point that he doesn't want to even go and watch anymore. I can't stand and watch somewhere else because they seek me out and I don't encourage conversation. I'm not rude enough to ignore them but I'm really struggling with the situation. Does anyone have any advice?!

Defo say you’re going to film bits. Seem really focused on the game so they will get the hint to shut up. Good luck, I can’t stand people like this who are so self unaware

 

[CallMeHollywood]

I have decided to paint my wall a darker shade of green (dark Ivy/forest green) . Can I paint over the current colour or do I paint wall white first ?
T.I.A. View attachment 2277206I

If you’re going darker it’s fine to paint over it. I would, however, give it a sand down to smooth it, then use a damp j cloth to remove any dust.

 

[becca7721]

Thank you for being kind.

Am sat here crying. I made a post on a so-called Facebook support group and have been slammed for ‘’clinging to PTSD and hoarding’, ‘being silly and childish’ and ‘refusing to take responsibility for PTSD and hoarding’. Pages of it. The ones I put here are some of the nicer comments. I came here expecting much of the same (given the reputation tattle has) and instead you’ve all been kind.

I’m already barely holding on, group knows this as I stupidly said that, maybe that’s why. Anyway, thank you for being kind. When I clearly do not deserve it.
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@becca7721 are you a private renter or a council/housing association tenant? I rent from a housing association who actually provide support for tenants with a hoarding problem, you just have to contact your local housing officer to access it. They recognise that it’s a mental illness which can be crippling and don’t place blame on anyone, just try to get them help. If you’re a private renter, perhaps see if any of the local housing associations have that support and can help you access it, or the local council.

Am private. HA won’t help. Have been banned from any of their or emergency accommodation by social services because hoarding is simply seen as being filthy and lazy - their words not mine. It’s not seen as an illness here. Just laziness.

It’s been a problem for decades. It’s not as simple as someone staying locally for a short period.
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@becca7721 I’m really sorry about your friend Medicine has a history of getting things painfully wrong, just look to how gynecology got started off — on enslaved black women, against their will, and with no anesthesia. Could the person from hoarding UK board somewhere local for a little while? Or perhaps someone young and new that’s hungry for work will come. This sounds really difficult and im sorry you’re being treated this way.

Hopefully when tattle wakes up you’ll get useful advice on the furry four-legged interloper

That’s awful about how gynaecology started off.

Mental health support varies so hugely. I know there’s support in some areas, but here we must rely upon 111 mental health line and they just tell you to join an art or craft group (which I physically cannot do).

 

[Pesky Tarian]

Anyone had tonsillitis? Any tips to get it to stop hurting as painkillers aren't touching it at all and I've had 3 hours sleep the past two nights in broken chunks, I'm literally dying and also crying which only hurts me more haha.

I've been given antibiotics by the doctor hoping they will help but I've only just taken my first dose.

I had it before when I was about 18 but don't remember it being this bad then...

Difflam spray. One child get tonsillitis bi monthly (I'm forever begging the docs to remove them). Hope you feel better soon .

 

[littlepup]

Thankyou.

Unfortunately qualified staff who are supervising are too concerned with these staff getting some experience in my condition/issues to stop and think that I’m not happy with that.

A simple example using a common issue I have would be hoarding and being told they need to experience this to help them, I’ve no say in the matter, even after saying I do not want that, it was humiliating and belittling being called filthy and stupid for letting things get out of control and them snatching my belongings and throwing them away. No support or help. It was devastating and the issue is now much much worse. Yet again only offer is group of students with bin liners. They get to put on their cv they’re experienced helping with hoarding when in reality they’re not.

I remember you posts from different threads around the boards for a few years and am sad for you to see that nothing is changing. I think at this stage you need to think about exactly what it s you want, write it down and see if there's a way to get it.
I seem to remember you can't get help except for students to come and clean out your hoard by simply throwing it in the trash, that the social services have kind of signed you off with no further support and you're struggling financially and emotionally. I think you've also said that you can't get any help from charities, family or friends.
So I guess that leaves you with no options at this stage but to accept some student help or start over with accessing other services from a fresh stand point. Would it be possible for you to do some sorting of you hoard on your own to section off some things that you'd willing for the students to take? What help exactly would you like if not disposal? Therapy, organisation? Do you feel you feel you could make the hoarding more manageable with these things in place?

 

[CallMeHollywood]

Can anyone who has a cat give me a rough idea of what they cost a month? My friend seems to think she can “upgrade” from a hamster at no extra cost

I have two cats so split this in half. £55 a month on pet insurance. £20 a month on vet pet plan. £20 a month on food. £15 a month on flea pipettes. £15 on cat litter. Hamsters also live around five ish years, I’ve had cats live to 22.

 

[becca7721]

I got a text saying I need to pay a toll for driving in London. I can’t drive and haven’t been to London in ages so it’s obviously a san. However, I’m a bit concerned about where it’s come from as it does link me directly to the transport for London website implying it’s an actually from there so I’m a little worried I might get a penalty for something I didn’t do.

Did you follow a link to their website or put your own in? Links can directly link to scam sites and they can be very hard to spot. Contact them direct with your details to see what they say e.g. that you can’t drive and haven’t been there in ages. 99.9%it’s a scam so they need to know anyway, 0.1% there’s been some sort of error.

In my experience such things can be easily resolved. Mostly if scam they already know, and, if they don’t they will appreciate you letting them know. Likewise if there’s been an error they will appreciate it.

Edit to clarify I meant contact them via contact us address not the payment one, hoping that makes more sense.
---
My front garden has been sorted, though the back has not. I understand (from the row) the council went to them today after turning up here and complaining at me again about the state of the garden effecting others in the street in terms of vermin, unlike last time this time I was too upset to answer the door and told them to speak to landlord, they said it was my fault and demanded I sorted it immediately, mentally stuff spiralled, not an excuse I just can’t cope with my own stuff without being blamed for everyone else’s, and they left and went to landlord. Finally after blaming me for weeks!

Anyway the person who did it found both a rat and snake nest, along with bags of pooh for the dog that stays in the flat opposite and proof of someone owning a hamster due to their waste also dumped in garden. None of that belongs to me.

My Facebook is still a nightmare and I’m ignoring it.

 

[Lollylaylow]

Not sure if this is the best place to ask but something happened today that has really worried me.

My dad came home after going out to visit his sister. He had called by a cash machine to lift money, but he didn't get the cash and said that the machine ate his card. So he calls the bank to cancel it, and then discovers his bank card is in his pocket.... he was absolutely insistent that he didn't take the card from the machine. It's all very perplexing but there are no other bank cards it could have been, so he must have taken it back from the machine. I guess I'm just looking for reassurance... he's 71 years old. He's smart and sharp in every other way, but can sometimes be a bit absent-minded. I just feel very worried by it.

We all have moments like these I bet you can think of times you did something without thinking or knowing how something happened. It's more likely to happen with things we do on autopilot. I once walked away after taking my card and forgot to take the money. I was in my 30s I've never done it again.

 

[MeghanSnarkle]

I think we need more context. Did this happen yesterday at 3pm or last week for example? If yesterday then possibly a parent only noticed it last night or hasn’t noticed at all yet.

Your post makes it seem like this happened a few days ago and you think someone is purposefully keeping it. I’d definitely follow up with teacher once or twice more, ask what the policy is about missing items, let them know you’re presuming the item is ‘stolen’. Do kids have lockers or is it a free for all/coats left in hallways?

Thanks for the reply

sorry for lack of context my son is 7 (KS2) So yesterday usual pick up teacher lets the children file out onto the yard coats already on book bags in hand etc yesterday I was asked to go in as my son was out in the corridor with the TA searching for his coat.

The coat bays (pegs) for each class run along the wall directly next to the classrooms is best way I can describe the set up
(All the other children in his class by this point had gone off with their own coats directly to their mum's) I of course asked the teacher did he come in from lunch with it on she said yes definitely and it was hung up,
she was pretty matter of fact about it but we were properly searching around the corridors and other coat bays I was very much like 'it's ok these things happen' not wanting to make fuss (but secretly thinking you know he needs his coat)
ultimately I left with a slightly teary, coatless little boy and we walked home in the rain .

Im probably just being daft but I woke up this morning feeling really low I know a 45 quid coat is nothing to some people but it's not to us kinda thing ........

At this mornings drop off the teaching assistant (nice lady) letting them in and in a very breezy fashion says 'did it turn up' !!
Well it vanished on school grounds so its not going to be waiting at home for us
So basically they're looking.

 

[stargirl23]

Did the stalker return?

Not been seen since