Thank you for your very kind reply
I think they are quite interested in person, the two friends I spoke to today are both very good at staying in touch and asking quexstions / showing that they do want to know about my life.
I think it might be me, I possibly want more than they can / want to give. I really want those close friendships, and I think deep down I like that openness and warmth, rather than more formal friendships.
I've known them both 20+ years, and even then, I feel they are quite kind of distant, they would never ring me just fot a chat, or express anything effusive or emotional. So maybe they are more distant friends, not the ones I should talk to about this stuff. I guess they are different friendships. I have had really close friendships over the years, that have sadly fizzled out and seem to be ending with the friends moving on, and I suppose I am missing that.
Felt good to type all that!
Want to talk about it more?