Hmm that’s really unhelpful! No one else can help? I know it’s covid, but I’m sure if you tell them you have no other option she would be allowed to go with you seeing as it is also an emergency appointment.
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You can take children to health appointments with you if you need to go and don’t have childcare. Put a mask on her/make sure she held her hands etc etc - I’m sure she will be ok. Would she even be able to wait in the waiting room for you while you are in with the dentist?
…….? What is this all about?!!!!
Oh definitely! In fact it’s already caused a divide unfortunately. I spoke with my other half and we agreed all the people attending should have a lateral flow test done before the party, as it’ll be quite a large gathering and just to be safe as we have quite a lot of vulnerable people attending! Many of whom haven’t been to a party in nearly two years. Anyway earlier I messaged my partners mum and told her that they can all come everyone just has to get tested so it’s a safe gathering! She got offended and has basically disowned my partner and is now ignoring my message. What?! Sorry what the duck. Am I missing something here... my partner messaged her basically saying that we just want it to be a safe gathering, and that everyone will get tested, and she basically said she won’t get tested (or vaccinated) which we said is fine, just a test is ok so we know. It’s our home and we obviously want to make sure it’s covid secure. Am I selfish for this? Really? My partners brother also messaged him basically disowning him over it and he blocked me. I’m so taken abackYeah exactly. Unless they can show you the result, you’ll never know. Is your partner vaccinated? It must be really hard for him because I’m sure he sees your POV, but also they are his family. I can see the vaxxed vs. the anti vaxxers becoming the next great divide in society! If you can do it outside, then you can keep them apart and minimise the risks that way, but if someone catches it and gets seriously ill, which in fairness is more likely to be from your husband’s side, you’ll feel awful (even though it’s not your fault). But also we do have to start living again somehow. Really tough call.
Not at all. Testing is for everyone’s benefit and it’s as easy as pie and causes no harm to anyone, whether you’re anti vax or not! You and your partner have compromised and now it’s their turn. I must say their response is beyond childish. A simple no would have sufficed!
Sorry Betty luv, wrong post! Apologies!
Hi everyone,
I am hoping someone can give me some advice or direction in how to help my partner. Since being made redundant in January 2020and then the first lock down he has been smoking cannabis. He is now suffering from mental health issues but he believes everything he says and he thinks it is true and actually happening to him. He believes he is being persecuted by several old work colleagues who are posting stuff about him online and are intent on wreaking his life. He spends his days writing to company's telling them his stories including being framed as a sexual preditor. All of this is in his mind.
Every mental health line I ring says they can't do anything until he recognises he has a problem. NHS 111have rang him and he said he is fine, so they can do nothing. It seems we have to wait until he harms someone or himself. I keep ringing our GP but no help as they are not seeing anyone and when I book a call back they don't!
He talks about murdering people and killing himself but I do not take that too seriously as I don't think he is there yet, but he is getting increasingly rude and aggressive.
He spends all the time talking to himself even if I am sitting next to him. I work but he doesn't and is resisting getting a job. I just feel that I need to do something before it all ends badly. But what can I do? He won't stop smoking either.
Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks x
I am hoping someone can give me some advice or direction in how to help my partner. Since being made redundant in January 2020and then the first lock down he has been smoking cannabis. He is now suffering from mental health issues but he believes everything he says and he thinks it is true and actually happening to him. He believes he is being persecuted by several old work colleagues who are posting stuff about him online and are intent on wreaking his life. He spends his days writing to company's telling them his stories including being framed as a sexual preditor. All of this is in his mind.
Every mental health line I ring says they can't do anything until he recognises he has a problem. NHS 111have rang him and he said he is fine, so they can do nothing. It seems we have to wait until he harms someone or himself. I keep ringing our GP but no help as they are not seeing anyone and when I book a call back they don't!
He talks about murdering people and killing himself but I do not take that too seriously as I don't think he is there yet, but he is getting increasingly rude and aggressive.
He spends all the time talking to himself even if I am sitting next to him. I work but he doesn't and is resisting getting a job. I just feel that I need to do something before it all ends badly. But what can I do? He won't stop smoking either.
Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks x
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I know! Lateral flow tests are free too. We ordered some a few weeks back and they came the next day! I just felt bad for my partner, I don’t understand why they reacted in that way! It made me feel guilty for wanting it to be a safe gathering. They’re the type who deny covid exists probably... it’s honestly so sillyNot at all. Testing is for everyone’s benefit and it’s as easy as pie and causes no harm to anyone, whether you’re anti vax or not! You and your partner have compromised and now it’s their turn. I must say their response is beyond childish. A simple no would have sufficed!
Sounds like cannabis psychosis and if he’s threatening to harm himself or others then he needs help. I know you say you don’t think he’s serious, but that plus increased aggression is a ticking time bomb. Have you told the GP/111 of the threats? They would have to act if after that. If it gets to crisis point, the police will intervene. Would he act if you said you would leave? Or if you said you would call the police? Of course you don’t want to escalate things, but he isn’t going to just stop and no one will help unless he either asks or he poses a real danger.
Thank you for that. I have so little faith in the doctors but I will call 111 again and tell them this. I can't threaten to leave as he is a really good person, and everyone in his family has stopped talking to him as they think he is mad. I just feel over whelmed and unsure of what to do.
Sorry to quote myself but I have been trying to get him some help but nobody wants to get involved.
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What about giving first response a try? https://www.dpt.nhs.uk/our-services/first-response-service
I know how hard it is when someone who is usually a lovely person is unwell and is saying things that they usually wouldn't - I have been in similar situations with my partner so you're not alone.
Make sure the GP knows about his threats to harm himself - I know you said you don't have much faith in doctors, but I think the GP would be a good first step to being passed on to a psychiatrist or other professional as necessary. If he does have psychosis then he may need medication which would obviously have to be prescribed by a doctor.
If you live in England you might have a 24/7 crisis line you can call for help, either for yourself or someone else. I've called them a few times for my partner and they were helpful, often setting up appointments for the next day or arranging for assessments if necessary. It will be different depending on whereabouts you live, but if you do have access to a 24/7 crisis line it'd be worth calling them to explain the situation and ask them where to go from here.
Remember to look after yourself, too! Hope you're okay.
I only meant threaten to leave if he doesn’t get help. I wouldn’t usually say make idle threats, but in these circumstances it would be worth it to get him to seek help. Either way, please don’t put yourself in danger to help him.
I’m proper pissed off with work today. I keep being asked to do proposals that take hours of research and thought, only to be told to ‘soften’ it or it not turning out what they wanted after all. I get that sometimes you don’t know what you don’t want until you see it, but ffs man I wish they’d all jump on the same page beforehand! Not a very friendly bunch either anymore. I just want to be briefed properly and get it right the first time. Not much to ask is it? 
*rant over*
*rant over*Just venting
Feel down about the lukewarm relationship I have with my 'close friends'.
I messaged 2 friends this morning to tell them I need to rearrange plans, because I have an illness. I wasn't messaging out of nowhere or for sympathy, it was very matter of fact to say I need to cancel meeting up, hope to see you soon, and asking them how they are. They both said kind if 'ah feel better, talk soon x'
I know I'm possibly in the wrong, but I want some close friendships where I feel valued, and a sense of being important to them.
I'm also annoyed, because deep down, maybe I did want some kind of attention or sympathy, I am angry at myself for that, but I was maybe hoping for it.
I feel like for months, maybe years, I have a sense of friends being disinterested or unbothered by me. This seems to be the cherry on the cake, the confirmation that they aren't that involved.
You see all these posts on social medua about close friendships and it just makes me feel awful.
Feel down about the lukewarm relationship I have with my 'close friends'.
I messaged 2 friends this morning to tell them I need to rearrange plans, because I have an illness. I wasn't messaging out of nowhere or for sympathy, it was very matter of fact to say I need to cancel meeting up, hope to see you soon, and asking them how they are. They both said kind if 'ah feel better, talk soon x'
I know I'm possibly in the wrong, but I want some close friendships where I feel valued, and a sense of being important to them.
I'm also annoyed, because deep down, maybe I did want some kind of attention or sympathy, I am angry at myself for that, but I was maybe hoping for it.
I feel like for months, maybe years, I have a sense of friends being disinterested or unbothered by me. This seems to be the cherry on the cake, the confirmation that they aren't that involved.
You see all these posts on social medua about close friendships and it just makes me feel awful.
Most of them are total bullshit. That’s the thing about social media, people are either so deliriously happy it’s like their life was taken straight out of a romantic novel, or they’re so depressed that they sound like their life is like some horror movie! All of which is usually far from the truth!
There is nothing wrong with craving some attention and compassion from your friends. It’s what they’re meant to be there for. If you don’t get what you need from those friendship it really hurts. I’m sorry you feel so ignored. Are they more interested in person?
I just want to lay down and die
Thank you for your very kind reply
I think they are quite interested in person, the two friends I spoke to today are both very good at staying in touch and asking quexstions / showing that they do want to know about my life.
I think it might be me, I possibly want more than they can / want to give. I really want those close friendships, and I think deep down I like that openness and warmth, rather than more formal friendships.
I've known them both 20+ years, and even then, I feel they are quite kind of distant, they would never ring me just fot a chat, or express anything effusive or emotional. So maybe they are more distant friends, not the ones I should talk to about this stuff. I guess they are different friendships. I have had really close friendships over the years, that have sadly fizzled out and seem to be ending with the friends moving on, and I suppose I am missing that.
Felt good to type all that!
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We don’t want that for you! Talk to us?
Don't even know how to explainThank you for your very kind reply
I think they are quite interested in person, the two friends I spoke to today are both very good at staying in touch and asking quexstions / showing that they do want to know about my life.
I think it might be me, I possibly want more than they can / want to give. I really want those close friendships, and I think deep down I like that openness and warmth, rather than more formal friendships.
I've known them both 20+ years, and even then, I feel they are quite kind of distant, they would never ring me just fot a chat, or express anything effusive or emotional. So maybe they are more distant friends, not the ones I should talk to about this stuff. I guess they are different friendships. I have had really close friendships over the years, that have sadly fizzled out and seem to be ending with the friends moving on, and I suppose I am missing that.
Felt good to type all that!
Want to talk about it more?
Good, I’m glad you feel better to have shared. Sometimes we all just want a little but if attention, that’s totally normal but we seem to have been conditioned to think if we do we’re ‘needy’. Rubbish, I say. We all want to feel that we matter.
Yeah I know what you mean, I don’t really have that ‘pick up the phone and chat for hours’ types of friendships. I have friends I could probably do that with, but they all have lives of their own and I don’t want to being them down with my woes. That’s me though, I stop myself from doing these things.
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