If you know he has been on dating sites while you were pregnant then I think you sadly know the answer… I don’t know your living situation whether it’s a shared mortgage or rent but you should ask him to move out or make arrangements for you and the kids to leave, your only 23, you have your whole life ahead of you, don’t waste it with this loser
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Thank you for taking the time to reply. I completely agree, I stupidly stayed because I was pregnant and didn’t want to do it alone but now I feel more like myself I’m happy to be single. I know what to do now, thank you all X
I think my depression and anxiety are trying to take over my life again. I recently got into a very nice relationship with someone without forcing things. I am excited. I should be excited. Despite being very introverted, my boyfriend is very lovely. However, despite us having discussed about our different styles of socialization, I’m still feeling pretty scared and insecure in myself that I am overbearing and that he might get annoyed with me or he wouldn’t like me.
We confirmed already that he’s awful at planning and expressing emotions verbally (possibly due to a medical disorder, he’s not diagnosed but he’s pretty sure. His best friend thinks so, too), and he told me he prefers me making plans and taking the reins because he’s awful at both of those things. He’s very loving in person and text, and I can see it more in his physical behaviours like touch and doing things for me (cooking, always picking me up from my place, putting in effort once I told him what our date would be - e.g. if I say we are doing a picnic, he’d pick up the food and drinks. I just have to set a time and place).
However, because I’ve had pretty crappy relationships before, I am just super scared and anxious that he doesn’t express things verbally much at all. On one hand, I don’t want to force things because that’s not fair to his disorder. But then, not hearing words of affirmation is also hard on my disorder and disabilities. I’ve only heard him say he likes me once in the two months that we’ve been with each other. I tell him I like him quite often like every other week or sometimes, more often. I just really don’t know how to be authentically myself which is expressive and affectionate. I am so insecure. I keep involuntarily projecting my past experiences and now I’m really scared I’d be dumped for no rational reason.
Sorry everyone. I am spiralling tonight. Any support would help so much. Thank you.
We confirmed already that he’s awful at planning and expressing emotions verbally (possibly due to a medical disorder, he’s not diagnosed but he’s pretty sure. His best friend thinks so, too), and he told me he prefers me making plans and taking the reins because he’s awful at both of those things. He’s very loving in person and text, and I can see it more in his physical behaviours like touch and doing things for me (cooking, always picking me up from my place, putting in effort once I told him what our date would be - e.g. if I say we are doing a picnic, he’d pick up the food and drinks. I just have to set a time and place).
However, because I’ve had pretty crappy relationships before, I am just super scared and anxious that he doesn’t express things verbally much at all. On one hand, I don’t want to force things because that’s not fair to his disorder. But then, not hearing words of affirmation is also hard on my disorder and disabilities. I’ve only heard him say he likes me once in the two months that we’ve been with each other. I tell him I like him quite often like every other week or sometimes, more often. I just really don’t know how to be authentically myself which is expressive and affectionate. I am so insecure. I keep involuntarily projecting my past experiences and now I’m really scared I’d be dumped for no rational reason.
Sorry everyone. I am spiralling tonight. Any support would help so much. Thank you.
I have no relationship with my family whatsoever, it's been like that since 2014. My mother is the main protagonist in the issues and every so often, especially on birthdays and anniversaries she will find a way to contact me with something very hurtful.
I turn 40 next month and have been experiencing panic attacks everytime I remember. All because of the thought she may try and contact me. To say it out loud sounds ridiculous, but the trauma is very real and I end up feeling furious because on some level I'm letting her win, but I feel helpless.
I turn 40 next month and have been experiencing panic attacks everytime I remember. All because of the thought she may try and contact me. To say it out loud sounds ridiculous, but the trauma is very real and I end up feeling furious because on some level I'm letting her win, but I feel helpless.
I really feel for you because I'm in the exact same boat. I haven't had a relationship with my family for the last 5/6 years (mainly due to the same protagonist as the person in your story). Like you, I'm still traumatized from the last time they tried to reach out to me on my birthday in 2019. Right before they reached out to me, I had just reached a stage where I was the happiest I'd ever been. They wished me a happy birthday via my younger sister who found me on IG. They didn't ask how I was doing or anything. It was a mere "happy birthday". Silly me thought they were trying to mend our relationship. About a day later, they asked me (via my sister) for money after almost 4 years of no contact whatsoever. They didn't even bother to ask any questions about my well-being or tried to mend things beforehand. In four years, they didn't think to send me any birthday wishes, but suddenly, they remembered my birthday. It was money I didn't even have myself! I expressed my sympathy, but advised I couldn't help. I then received a really really vile message from one of my younger siblings because I refused to give money I didn't have. My sister probably gave him in IG handle. I hadn't spoken to that sibling since the day I ceased contact with everyone else 4 years prior.
I'm very much traumatized and every single time I start feeling "happy" or myself again, I start feeling anxious because the last time I felt myself and truly happy, I was hit with this harsh episode out of the blue. I now try to remain "flat", almost "emotionless" because I'm afraid that if I start feeling happy or feel too content with myself, the Universe will hit me with something again. I feel I'm destined to live an emotionless life.
I really don't like to talk about this as I want to keep my energy positive, but all this to say, you're not alone. Hang in there
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Im the same with my dad and I know exactly what you mean. Its Xmas and my children's birthdays I dread the most. The lead up to it and wondering what his move might be.
How does she contact you? Text / Facebook? Can you mute or block for your birthday week. You can enjoy it stress free and then you can read after you’ve had the nice time you deserve
They are all blocked on social media and also on our phones but we have the same mobile numbers as we always have so they can bypass the phone blocking, they know our address (therefore get random letters and cards) and she also sends messages via third parties.How does she contact you? Text / Facebook? Can you mute or block for your birthday week. You can enjoy it stress free and then you can read after you’ve had the nice time you deserve
One time she called my place of work, claimed to be calling with an emergency from my child's school and once I'd taken the call she proceeded to scream foul things at me.
Hence the anxiety, it's impossible.
This is harassment and you do not have to put up with it. Call the police and report her. Also, you need to change your phone numbers.
It’s one thing after the other with me at the moment and I’m at my wits end
You need to change your number, tell all third parties that you dont want any further messages being passed on as well. If they try to contact you again in any way I'd contact a solicitor about getting a restraining order out. You shouldn't be having to put up with this.
You should talk to your manager as well so that no further calls are put onto you. They can take a number and you can call them back.
Completely agree. There’s ways of stopping unsolicited contact, as you’ve said changing the phone numbers should be the first thing done - I’m not entirely sure why this hasn’t been done? And yes exactly tell everyone else involved that under no circumstances do you want any messages being passed to you from her etc
Sorry this is long and all over the place but I would really appreciate it if someone took the time to read this and let my know your insights.
I (28F) met this guy (29M) in an online course 6 months ago, we have been together for 4 months now. We have been talking/dating virtually due to Covid and long distance. I really like him but I’m not gonna lie, it is difficult to have a relationship solely online. I know it won’t last long but I struggle now more than ever.
When he asked me out it took my off guard but I said yes. With that it took me a month to process that.
Sometimes I can’t fully process the fact that I’m in a relationship. (Btw this is actually my first proper relationship)
I must say our relationship has gone at a faster pace than normal. Which I don’t like. We have talked and he says, we can move more slowly if I want but I don’t know if much has really changed.
We did get a chance to meet a couple of times in person but he can’t drive and I don’t have a car, the first time he brought his parents and they met my family as well. I feel like that meeting doesn’t help with wanting to slow down the pace, though it was nice to meet him.
He is a great guy we have a lot of similarities in regards to our upbringing and certain opinions/ideas/values.
I really like him very much but I’m debating whether I should wait it out and try to give it a chance and see if we click in person after spending more time irl. Should we go our separate ways or do I just need some space. I’m not sure if we are as compatible as I’d like. I feel that because the pace of the relationship has gone by so fast that I feel turned off by it. I feel rather bored and I also feel overwhelmed with being in a relationship. I’m actually debating if this is a great time to be in a relationship, because sometimes I think about the times I was single and didn’t have to deal with relationships and I feel like there’s still so much I’d like to do alone or with friends. (It also doesn’t help that I have school, family stuff and other personal stuff that I’m dealing with currently. So it’s a lot.)
I (28F) met this guy (29M) in an online course 6 months ago, we have been together for 4 months now. We have been talking/dating virtually due to Covid and long distance. I really like him but I’m not gonna lie, it is difficult to have a relationship solely online. I know it won’t last long but I struggle now more than ever.
When he asked me out it took my off guard but I said yes. With that it took me a month to process that.
Sometimes I can’t fully process the fact that I’m in a relationship. (Btw this is actually my first proper relationship)
I must say our relationship has gone at a faster pace than normal. Which I don’t like. We have talked and he says, we can move more slowly if I want but I don’t know if much has really changed.
We did get a chance to meet a couple of times in person but he can’t drive and I don’t have a car, the first time he brought his parents and they met my family as well. I feel like that meeting doesn’t help with wanting to slow down the pace, though it was nice to meet him.
He is a great guy we have a lot of similarities in regards to our upbringing and certain opinions/ideas/values.
I really like him very much but I’m debating whether I should wait it out and try to give it a chance and see if we click in person after spending more time irl. Should we go our separate ways or do I just need some space. I’m not sure if we are as compatible as I’d like. I feel that because the pace of the relationship has gone by so fast that I feel turned off by it. I feel rather bored and I also feel overwhelmed with being in a relationship. I’m actually debating if this is a great time to be in a relationship, because sometimes I think about the times I was single and didn’t have to deal with relationships and I feel like there’s still so much I’d like to do alone or with friends. (It also doesn’t help that I have school, family stuff and other personal stuff that I’m dealing with currently. So it’s a lot.)
With the upmost respect - what you are in, is not a “relationship“
you have a modern day pen pal. Someone who you communicate with from a distance, a friendship perhaps but not a relationship.
irrespective of that fact - from what you have written it’s very clear that the situation is making you uncomfortable and that you are already getting cold feet. that’s ok - you are perfectly allowed to feel like that and you should take a huge step back from him. just be honest - tell him while you enjoy his online company you feel it’s all moving far too fast and you would rather be friends for now and see how things go in the future if & when you are able to see each other regularly in real life.
if he’s putting pressure on you or making things move faster than you are comfortable with then that is a huge red flag to get out no matter if it’s real life or online!!!
you don’t sound ready to be in a relationship at all and again this is perfectly fine - you don’t have to be, take the pressure off.
Not sure if this is the right place to post but I need to vent somewhere other than friends that see 1 side.
I’m heartbroken.. my fiancé of 4 years/partner of 9 years - we were meant to get married in lockdown pushed to April 22 - has ended our engagement out of the blue. Has said his feelings aren’t the same and can’t stay in this if he isn’t happy. I completely understand doing that I wouldn’t ever stay in something I wasn’t happy in. But i didn’t see anything coming, haven’t seen a change in him etc
it’s caught me so off guard.
I’m heartbroken.. my fiancé of 4 years/partner of 9 years - we were meant to get married in lockdown pushed to April 22 - has ended our engagement out of the blue. Has said his feelings aren’t the same and can’t stay in this if he isn’t happy. I completely understand doing that I wouldn’t ever stay in something I wasn’t happy in. But i didn’t see anything coming, haven’t seen a change in him etc
it’s caught me so off guard.I've been really unwell this weekend and had to go to hospital. I spoke to one of my friends in detail about it. She responded with "you've bought this on yourself because you allow yourself to get stressed out all the time". Deep down I know she probably meant it as in a sort of "you need to look after yourself" kind of way, but the way it came across is that it's my fault, like I wanted this to happen
It's not your fault at all. She probably worded it really tit. Some people think the tough love approach is the right way to go around things but it isn't all the time. It's never anyone's fault their ill. It's normal to be stressed. I hope you get better soonI've been really unwell this weekend and had to go to hospital. I spoke to one of my friends in detail about it. She responded with "you've bought this on yourself because you allow yourself to get stressed out all the time". Deep down I know she probably meant it as in a sort of "you need to look after yourself" kind of way, but the way it came across is that it's my fault, like I wanted this to happen
Thank you very much for the advice.
This could also be because of the fact that his previous relationship did not end well and so this is the first “healthy relationship” he’s been in.
Also I was unsure whether to stay because my family are just simply happy to see me in a relationship instead of “selfishnessly single”.
My MH isn't great today and I feel lost and tearful. Probably not helped by being due on and being tired after a full on weekend but still. I had to do some work tasks today that I found super triggering and it just makes me want to retreat into myself. I'm also angry at myself for getting worked up again and feeling so pathetic and useless. I'm just not at all where I want to be in life and feel so powerless to try and get to where I want to be.
We are a family of 5 and I'm starting to feel like nobody ever listens to me.
I mean i kinda expect it from the kids, because they are kids and me and my rules are pretty tit when you are that age. But my husband......
I may as well just sit in silence
I mean i kinda expect it from the kids, because they are kids and me and my rules are pretty tit when you are that age. But my husband......
I may as well just sit in silence
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