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Fair play to ye @TikToc. Great idea xx
Good on ya @TikToc 
Well I’ll start by saying - hi, I’m @Gina32 and to everyone who knows me in real life I have my tit together and I’m happy as could be but the reason I’m awake at 2.21am is because I’m crippled with anxiety. I don’t know why I can’t show this side of me to anyone but I’ve been hospitalised twice with severe panic attacks and have pretended to family and friends that it was to do with stomach pain. Nobody might even read this thread or respond, and that’s fine too, but even typing this out feels therapeutic.
Well I’ll start by saying - hi, I’m @Gina32 and to everyone who knows me in real life I have my tit together and I’m happy as could be but the reason I’m awake at 2.21am is because I’m crippled with anxiety. I don’t know why I can’t show this side of me to anyone but I’ve been hospitalised twice with severe panic attacks and have pretended to family and friends that it was to do with stomach pain. Nobody might even read this thread or respond, and that’s fine too, but even typing this out feels therapeutic.Hi Gina. So sorry to hear this.Good on ya @TikToc
I too suffer with anxiety. Tbh, these lockdowns have been good(ish) for me. I can work from home and not go out or see people much. I too lie awake at night just..... in a ball or anxiousness. Ive been on anti depressants for years, with the odd Xanax thrown in. I've good days and bad days.
Sending you big hugs @Gina32 xx
Thanks for responding, sometimes when ur awake in the middle of the night it feels like everyone else in the world is sleeping! Which is daft I know.. I think I eye rolled for so long at people online who had “anxiety” (ie influencers) with the term used very loosely and then when it suddenly hit me like a tonne of bricks and I was in an ambulance sure I was dying, only to be told it was a panic attack I was so embarrassed. I know it’s nothing to be ashamed of but I felt weak. I was then put on medication for 2 years and came off them 10 months ago at the start of lockdown because I thought being home would be the ideal time to do it. And so far so good bar the odd night like tonight where I feel impending doom.... I am enjoying a lot of things about lockdown too to be honest. But do miss seeing people at the same time. Mixed bag of emotions about it all really. Sorry about the essay. Going to try and listen to a meditation and get some sleep and will prob meet u on here again. Hope you sleep well
XxHi 
I can totally resonate with the comment about when your up in the night it feels like the rest of the world is sleeping
I’ve struggled sleeping these past few weeks I’ve suffered from anxiety for years but as a general rule I manage to just about keep on top of it.
But now after almost a year of restrictions I think I’m finding it harder & harder to keep a lid on it all.
Anyway just wanted to say Hi hope nobody replies as it means you have all managed to get to sleep
I can totally resonate with the comment about when your up in the night it feels like the rest of the world is sleeping
I’ve struggled sleeping these past few weeks I’ve suffered from anxiety for years but as a general rule I manage to just about keep on top of it.
But now after almost a year of restrictions I think I’m finding it harder & harder to keep a lid on it all.
Anyway just wanted to say Hi hope nobody replies as it means you have all managed to get to sleep
Thanks lovvie..... Sweet dreams..... I hope you sleep xxThanks for responding, sometimes when ur awake in the middle of the night it feels like everyone else in the world is sleeping! Which is daft I know.. I think I eye rolled for so long at people online who had “anxiety” (ie influencers) with the term used very loosely and then when it suddenly hit me like a tonne of bricks and I was in an ambulance sure I was dying, only to be told it was a panic attack I was so embarrassed. I know it’s nothing to be ashamed of but I felt weak. I was then put on medication for 2 years and came off them 10 months ago at the start of lockdown because I thought being home would be the ideal time to do it. And so far so good bar the odd night like tonight where I feel impending doom.... I am enjoying a lot of things about lockdown too to be honest. But do miss seeing people at the same time. Mixed bag of emotions about it all really. Sorry about the essay. Going to try and listen to a meditation and get some sleep and will prob meet u on here again. Hope you sleep well
Hi @Buffy ..... I'm just trying to get some sleep now but just wanted to say hi xxHi
I can totally resonate with the comment about when your up in the night it feels like the rest of the world is sleeping
I’ve struggled sleeping these past few weeks I’ve suffered from anxiety for years but as a general rule I manage to just about keep on top of it.
But now after almost a year of restrictions I think I’m finding it harder & harder to keep a lid on it all.
Anyway just wanted to say Hi hope nobody replies as it means you have all managed to get to sleep
Another one here that's not sleeping so good.. thanks to possible depression and anxiety. I say possible because I've not actually been diagnosed and too scared to contact my doctor but all signs point to it being those things as I've been there before.
I thought I'd totally fixed my sleeping pattern when I finally fell asleep early yesterday thanks to a migraine but I woke up with an even worse head than I fell asleep with. Ended up sleeping again until almost 4pm and now 5am here I am.
Anytime I try talking to my husband he doesn't understand it, he will just blame it on that time of the month/hormones or says if I got some sleep at night it would help. Some nights I just lay in bed not on my phone and if I check the time 1-2 hours has passed with no luck of getting sleep. Other nights I do stay on my phone but only because I know I can't just be left with my thoughts or know that I won't be able to sleep anyway.
I also tried talking to someone who I thought was a good friend but they've not spoken to me since. We sort of fell out before this anyway because I wasn't talking to them as much because of feeling down.
I feel like I have no one in the world that is there for me and it's my own fault as I often get distant with people when I feel this way.
I just hope one day I'll get over this again.
I thought I'd totally fixed my sleeping pattern when I finally fell asleep early yesterday thanks to a migraine but I woke up with an even worse head than I fell asleep with. Ended up sleeping again until almost 4pm and now 5am here I am.
Anytime I try talking to my husband he doesn't understand it, he will just blame it on that time of the month/hormones or says if I got some sleep at night it would help. Some nights I just lay in bed not on my phone and if I check the time 1-2 hours has passed with no luck of getting sleep. Other nights I do stay on my phone but only because I know I can't just be left with my thoughts or know that I won't be able to sleep anyway.
I also tried talking to someone who I thought was a good friend but they've not spoken to me since. We sort of fell out before this anyway because I wasn't talking to them as much because of feeling down.
I feel like I have no one in the world that is there for me and it's my own fault as I often get distant with people when I feel this way.
I just hope one day I'll get over this again.
We know we can’t talk/think/hope our way out of how our body deals with insulin, if we were diabetic, we would seek medical help.
We should apply the same logic to depression whether it’s a chemical imbalance or caused by trauma.
Please see your doctor. If it’s an imbalance of serotonin and noradrenaline is an easy solution.
If it’s trauma, it’s much more difficult of course but they can refer you for help there too.
You wouldn’t try to wish your way out of a broken leg and depression and/or anxiety should be just the same. Somethings broken, we need help to fix it.
Sleeplessness breeds anxiety and depression, we can’t function correctly, it’s a vicious circle. The doctor can help you with this too. Please, please don’t be scared. You absolutely don’t have to feel this way.
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Well done @tictoc xxxx thank you so much for creating this xx
My intro I guess.. Mama of one here.
Looking back I'd had undiagnosed anxiety and depression since teens, but those who know me in real life have only ever see a big smile and happy go lucky attitude, who helps every one. Not the sitting on my kitchen floor at 5 am bawling crying.. Or the me that didn't want to be here.. Not like die but just existing was difficult.
It has recently come to breaking point with me over the last 2 years. I'm pretty sure I had post partum depression but everyone around me said it was just the hormones..
It was a tit show in my life in 2019 and 2020 the first part anyways. I've been on.. 2 different medications so far, taken time out of work and done counselling, but I didn't like the counsellors approach to some Of my past experiences so I left him.. Haven't found a counselor I click with yet.
But. Where there is light there is hope. My fiánce is supportive and my toddler is healthy. And in time things will get better.. Progress no matter how slow is still progressing.
Xxxx
My intro I guess.. Mama of one here.
Looking back I'd had undiagnosed anxiety and depression since teens, but those who know me in real life have only ever see a big smile and happy go lucky attitude, who helps every one. Not the sitting on my kitchen floor at 5 am bawling crying.. Or the me that didn't want to be here.. Not like die but just existing was difficult.
It has recently come to breaking point with me over the last 2 years. I'm pretty sure I had post partum depression but everyone around me said it was just the hormones..
It was a tit show in my life in 2019 and 2020 the first part anyways. I've been on.. 2 different medications so far, taken time out of work and done counselling, but I didn't like the counsellors approach to some Of my past experiences so I left him.. Haven't found a counselor I click with yet.
But. Where there is light there is hope. My fiánce is supportive and my toddler is healthy. And in time things will get better.. Progress no matter how slow is still progressing.
Xxxx
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I think knowing you’re not alone is a massive help.
I have a new baby and I was quite anxious before the arrival and now I’m a million times worse. I just want to see people again, feel like I’m not going crazy
I have a new baby and I was quite anxious before the arrival and now I’m a million times worse. I just want to see people again, feel like I’m not going crazy
I feel like I could of written this and it gives me comfort in some way, if that makes sense? Just to know I'm not alone in having so much to be grateful for but still feeling despair. Hope you find a counsellor you click with when you are ready. I never get past first couple of sessions with anyone, I think I am afraid to face what has made me this way x
Hugs!!!!!! It just shows that, even though the.. 'Inner saboteur' says you're on your own etc, most people are dealing with something. Like we are able to see that we have good things but just the little black dog is still on our heels following us home.. It doesn't change the good things thankfully although it does sometimes brings a guilt or shame that I have these issues if that makes sense.
Completely get the first few sessions then it's a OK.. Bye.. Situation. I've done it too!!!
There was one I'd clicked with but she moved..
With her it was more like sitting in a kitchen just chatting.. That kind of vibe
This thread is such a good idea - im having the worst time at the moment and im really struggling to cope. I know so many other people are just going through such awfulness as well. My mother in law on a ventilator and everyday is just waiting for news - my anxiety has peaked at an all time high to the point where im now panicking about the panic itself. Everything is awful and I hate it 
Im sorry for everyone else having a tough time as well xx
Im sorry for everyone else having a tough time as well xx
Oh no!!!! I'm so sorry ye are going through that and for your mother in law as well xxxxx have you considered writing out your feelings when you have a panic? It might sound stupid but I find it sometimes helps me.. The action of pen to whatever scrap of paper gives me like.. A distraction from the negative panic... Even for a moment.This thread is such a good idea - im having the worst time at the moment and im really struggling to cope. I know so many other people are just going through such awfulness as well. My mother in law on a ventilator and everyday is just waiting for news - my anxiety has peaked at an all time high to the point where im now panicking about the panic itself. Everything is awful and I hate it
Im sorry for everyone else having a tough time as well xx
Have they given any indication for your mother in law?? Xxxx
Thank you, I haven't tried that out but the panic is pretty much constant at the moment - I'll give it a go today though, I'll try anything at this point!
She's been on the ventilator for over 2 weeks now - we get a daily update and she's stable but not much improvement. Hard to give an indication as one day it looks really positive and the next we're preparing ourselves. The way covid works I guess.
@Moolo Sending lots of healing thoughts your way. XThis thread is such a good idea - im having the worst time at the moment and im really struggling to cope. I know so many other people are just going through such awfulness as well. My mother in law on a ventilator and everyday is just waiting for news - my anxiety has peaked at an all time high to the point where im now panicking about the panic itself. Everything is awful and I hate it
Im sorry for everyone else having a tough time as well xx
Ah sorry to hear that. Are you getting outside support? It's so difficult and even more so at this tit time. I really feel your pain and your need to hide it but you really need to have some sort of support or you'll spiral out of control. Our minds are complicated things but they too can only take so much. Keep reaching out here in the meantime xxGood on ya @TikToc
Sometimes you need to search for a counsellor to be a good fit. Don't give up hope on it, you will find one suitable. It drives me nuts that everything gets blamed on hormones. Do something nice just for you this weekend xx
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I know, you’re so right. I am lucky to have really good friends and one in particular who I could say anything to and she will just get it. But I always leave it til I’m about to explode before I will say anything to her about how I feel because I hate to feel I’m off loading to someone, yet I know if the shoe is on the other foot I’m happy to listen to anyone and glad they feel they can talk to me. And then she goes mad at me for not telling her sooner
so I need to take my own advice and not be afraid to ask for support when I need it. I think it’s just so typical of women and maybe Irish people in general to just feel like you have to get on with it and not be making a fuss! I did go to a therapist for a good while and found her a great help so it’s something I’m definitely going to look into again just to keep on top of it. I’m looking forward to be able to go back to yoga again too after covid. Not the same trying to do it at home with kids hanging off you as you try and be zen x
Hi
I’m so glad I’ve found this thread. I know everyone’s said this. I was up in the night too but didn’t contribute because I was scared. I’ve always been scared of my own shadow. As other people have said I’ve probably suffered with anxiety and depression for 30 odd years. Many times I’ve stood on the edge of a massive pit and felt myself teetering. Twice I’ve fallen in. Depression makes me a different person who I don’t like very much. People say they understand but I don’t think they do. I say and do things I’m not proud of. I lost my job because of this.
What I came on to say is what upset me last night was the sudden interest there seems to be in children’s mental health. When for years this has been neglected. It seems to me that now the worried well and financially advantaged have had their boat rocked it’s become an issue. Now you actually have to guide educate and love your neurotypical children the world has to listen. My son has autism. He is now 18. For most of his childhood he was labelled the naughtiest child in his school year.A teacher actually said that to my face. The Senco leader at his school was useless and just said take him to your doctor. As he has no other learning difficulties he struggled through school until year 10. He became depressed and started taking drugs and self harming. He saw our Gp who agreed he should go on the Camhs waiting list. During the months of waiting he had an episode where he left home in the middle of the night and the police had to search for him. He was found but was kept in hospital overnight for his own safety. It was only then that he received the psychiatric care he needed. He finally saw a psychiatrist who quite quickly identified that he displayed symptoms of asd. But to get the help he would need he had to be diagnosed by a team of experts. This took over a year. All this time he was on antidepressants which neither he nor I felt were doing any good. Once he was diagnosed and was able to have group therapy with young people of his own age he improved dramatically.
So maybe you can excuse me not feeling particularly sorry for people who have to look after their own children and keep them happy and entertained. When none of the rest of the establishment cared about him. And it is a story I’ve heard time and time again from other parents whose children have genuine mental health issues and Learning difficulties. 99% of children will be ok. My son lost months of school took serious medication and had his life chances harmed all so certain sections of society could have a new Range Rover every year from their tax breaks. Now ‘you’ know how it feels!
I’m so glad I’ve found this thread. I know everyone’s said this. I was up in the night too but didn’t contribute because I was scared. I’ve always been scared of my own shadow. As other people have said I’ve probably suffered with anxiety and depression for 30 odd years. Many times I’ve stood on the edge of a massive pit and felt myself teetering. Twice I’ve fallen in. Depression makes me a different person who I don’t like very much. People say they understand but I don’t think they do. I say and do things I’m not proud of. I lost my job because of this.
What I came on to say is what upset me last night was the sudden interest there seems to be in children’s mental health. When for years this has been neglected. It seems to me that now the worried well and financially advantaged have had their boat rocked it’s become an issue. Now you actually have to guide educate and love your neurotypical children the world has to listen. My son has autism. He is now 18. For most of his childhood he was labelled the naughtiest child in his school year.A teacher actually said that to my face. The Senco leader at his school was useless and just said take him to your doctor. As he has no other learning difficulties he struggled through school until year 10. He became depressed and started taking drugs and self harming. He saw our Gp who agreed he should go on the Camhs waiting list. During the months of waiting he had an episode where he left home in the middle of the night and the police had to search for him. He was found but was kept in hospital overnight for his own safety. It was only then that he received the psychiatric care he needed. He finally saw a psychiatrist who quite quickly identified that he displayed symptoms of asd. But to get the help he would need he had to be diagnosed by a team of experts. This took over a year. All this time he was on antidepressants which neither he nor I felt were doing any good. Once he was diagnosed and was able to have group therapy with young people of his own age he improved dramatically.
So maybe you can excuse me not feeling particularly sorry for people who have to look after their own children and keep them happy and entertained. When none of the rest of the establishment cared about him. And it is a story I’ve heard time and time again from other parents whose children have genuine mental health issues and Learning difficulties. 99% of children will be ok. My son lost months of school took serious medication and had his life chances harmed all so certain sections of society could have a new Range Rover every year from their tax breaks. Now ‘you’ know how it feels!
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