@didn't want to join
Thank you so much for your kind and very insightful post! I could have written all of this myself. It's as though you read my mind. Every thought that crosses my mind was highlighted and well-explained in your post.
I worked in not so healthy work environments in the past, but this one certainly ranks number 1 on the list. Work is work and can be a bit stressful at times, but it should never feel like you're held "hostage". I feel like I am held hostage at the moment with impossible deadlines, no recognition and more and more work piling on me. I worked in intense environments with highly demanding clients and managers, but it always felt bearable because people were actually nice and there was some kind of recognition and even paid overtime. The situation here is so critical that I have to do unpaid overtime every evening + weekends and sacrifice time I could have invested in my physical health, hobbies and overall well-being. You reach a point where you're so tired that you don't even have the energy to eat, let alone update a CV and look for a new job. You just want to zone out and no think of anything because work exhausts all your mental and physical energy. I cannot even relax on weekends because I start panicking on Saturday morning as to the amount of work I have for the next week. Even your personal time is no longer your personal time, it becomes theirs because your mind is too caught up.
As you rightfully highlighted, it also gets to a point where you wonder if the situation would be any better elsewhere. It's a negative cycle because you start looking at everything through a negative lens because of the exhaustion, toxicity and dysfunction surrounding you. You get into this rut where you feel hopeless and don't see a way out. In every company, you will have some dysfunctional aspects, but it depends on various other factors that balance the negative aspects.
I'm not saying work should necessarily be fun, but it should not feel like hell on earth or some kind of room with 4 walls you can't escape from. My personality has changed entirely in the last couple of months because of the stress I've been experiencing at work to the point where I can't enjoy anything anymore and certainly cannot switch off. I used to love running, hanging out at the beach, going to museums, painting, etc... I've now given up on all this and basically have no life outside of work.
The issue with these companies is the more you deliver because you care the more work they dump on you because they think you can handle the pressure. I never signed up to work every day until 8/9pm + weekends 9 months out of the year, especially considering any overtime is free.
I had a chat with my manager on Friday to have a task delegated to someone else to alleviate the burden this week, they agreed. Then today, they completely forgot about it and instead, asked me to set up all accesses for a new joiner which took me two hours and it's their job as a manager. Clearly, no matter how much you try to communicate that the amount of work is not manageable, they simply do not care.
I have tried sending my CV to recruitment agencies, but it is quite slow at the moment. I am hoping this will eventually start progressing positively, so that I can leave this nightmare behind me. Nightmare is an understatement at this point.
I've just put mine on and will reply back to texts when I feel I want to. Just sick and tired of feeling so guilty and bad about wanting peace and alone time!
