I’d just take this one on the chin and arrange nothing in the future.
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this is EXACTLY what i would do OP. say you’ve cancelled but actually exchange and take some friends or your younger sister at a later date. at this point, neither your mother or older sister deserve it.
your older sister’s behaviour is completely incomprehensible to me.
Agree! I appreciate it seems mean but in all honesty they don’t really deserve any consideration at this stage.
Someone previously mentioned the older sister feeling like a tag along but I worry it’ll be OP who ends up feeling that way.
I’m choosing not to tell my younger sister we are going since now she’s the only one being left out and it could hurt her feelings.
I really don’t have it in me to do anything to sabotage it at this point (as much as I’d love to say duck it and go with friends instead). There’s already been too much hassle over this (I spent like an hour with my mum at the computer trying to find a suitable fourth ticket). But now I’m not even looking forward to it. I agree with you all, this will certainly be the last time I try to arrange anything ever again.
I think it’ll hurt your little sister more if you don’t explain to her what happened. The situation is kind of set up that way and I can’t see how you can trust she won’t find out in the end. I can see your older sister posting it online or something. Your mom is a cow for doing all this but if this is her MO your little sister will understand x
You’re 100% right. So I did call my sister and she has plans on that day anyway and she wouldn’t have wanted to come down for it (which is a relief cos I did feel really bad). But she would’ve been a bit like wtf if no one had mentioned it to her.
I mentioned to my mum that I had spoken to my friends about the whole situation and she’s like “omg why are you speaking to your friends about this” as if I’m the biggest drama queen in the world?! They validated me on it (as well as all you lovely people on here) and you all said you would be upset in my shoes too! She’s like “well I don’t know why you’re upset it’s been sorted now”. Like I said, I’ve learnt my lesson and I can’t wait to get it over with.
They are your friends you can speak to them about whatever the hell you like!!! She sounds like a nasty piece of work .. I’m sorry she treats you so badlyYou’re 100% right. So I did call my sister and she has plans on that day anyway and she wouldn’t have wanted to come down for it (which is a relief cos I did feel really bad). But she would’ve been a bit like wtf if no one had mentioned it to her.
I mentioned to my mum that I had spoken to my friends about the whole situation and she’s like “omg why are you speaking to your friends about this” as if I’m the biggest drama queen in the world?! They validated me on it (as well as all you lovely people on here) and you all said you would be upset in my shoes too! She’s like “well I don’t know why you’re upset it’s been sorted now”. Like I said, I’ve learnt my lesson and I can’t wait to get it over with.
genuinely, never try and do anything nice for this woman again. it hasn’t been “sorted”, it has been manipulated by her to suit her own needs.You’re 100% right. So I did call my sister and she has plans on that day anyway and she wouldn’t have wanted to come down for it (which is a relief cos I did feel really bad). But she would’ve been a bit like wtf if no one had mentioned it to her.
I mentioned to my mum that I had spoken to my friends about the whole situation and she’s like “omg why are you speaking to your friends about this” as if I’m the biggest drama queen in the world?! They validated me on it (as well as all you lovely people on here) and you all said you would be upset in my shoes too! She’s like “well I don’t know why you’re upset it’s been sorted now”. Like I said, I’ve learnt my lesson and I can’t wait to get it over with.
just go and enjoy, the show is amazing, i think i would genuinely sit in the spare seat if i were you, and make the most of your time in london. do not pay for anything else. make your sister sleep on the pullout sofa or whatever in the room. do something lovely with your friends and younger sister another time. i’m so mad over how you’ve been treated with this.
not to be an armchair psychologist but your mum is giving me major narc vibes. She sounds similar to my own. She doesn’t want you talking to your friends because she is worried she looks bad but she can’t admit she looks bad so it has to be your fault for talking to your friends.You’re 100% right. So I did call my sister and she has plans on that day anyway and she wouldn’t have wanted to come down for it (which is a relief cos I did feel really bad). But she would’ve been a bit like wtf if no one had mentioned it to her.
I mentioned to my mum that I had spoken to my friends about the whole situation and she’s like “omg why are you speaking to your friends about this” as if I’m the biggest drama queen in the world?! They validated me on it (as well as all you lovely people on here) and you all said you would be upset in my shoes too! She’s like “well I don’t know why you’re upset it’s been sorted now”. Like I said, I’ve learnt my lesson and I can’t wait to get it over with.
You may benefit from the narcissist and toxic parents thread on here.
Sorry youre dealing with this OP. I’m glad you have your little sister and your friends though.
just editing to link the thread
Narcissistic and Toxic parents.
Anyone have these? How did you or do you deal with them?
tattle.life
I’m having a wobble today
So many new baby announcements on social media
I’m 32 and totally single, I feel like I’m running out of time to have children of my own.
My biological clock is ticking and the pressure is getting to me
So many new baby announcements on social media
I’m 32 and totally single, I feel like I’m running out of time to have children of my own.My biological clock is ticking and the pressure is getting to me
Have you thought about getting your fertility checked?. Just to put your mind at ease.I’m having a wobble today
So many new baby announcements on social media
My biological clock is ticking and the pressure is getting to me
I know plenty of women 35-45 who are pregnant. It's absolutely not too late for you but I think getting the testing will help! Xx
Thanks for linking the thread @shadowcat5 I will check it out
A small vent that feels petty but...
I’m so sick of being tired. I developed long covid and although I’ve developed some coping strategies and try to take care of myself, I’m still not who I was before. I’m always at home now because I can only manage a few hours out and about. My housemate just came home all Glam after a night out, nothing crazy just a bar and a meal. I miss being able to do that! I miss feeling excited by the idea of that but now the idea of going out after 6pm just makes me feel worried. Anxious about how I’ll cope the next day and if I’ll be good company for my mates or bf when I’ll probably be tired half way through the meal.
I won’t even get started on how it’s affected my career...
I’m so sick of being tired. I developed long covid and although I’ve developed some coping strategies and try to take care of myself, I’m still not who I was before. I’m always at home now because I can only manage a few hours out and about. My housemate just came home all Glam after a night out, nothing crazy just a bar and a meal. I miss being able to do that! I miss feeling excited by the idea of that but now the idea of going out after 6pm just makes me feel worried. Anxious about how I’ll cope the next day and if I’ll be good company for my mates or bf when I’ll probably be tired half way through the meal.
I won’t even get started on how it’s affected my career...
sorry to hear this. Have you spoken to your employer about it? Are your friends/bf understanding about it?Work is complicated. I’m doing a PhD which is funded and my supervisors get it and have been kind but at the end of the day I’m the one that will suffer. Its a finite amount of time and it’s my responsibility to make the most of the opportunity. How well I do will have a direct effect on my ability to stay in my field after my PhD is completed (if it’s completed). My side business is doing okay but frankly i can only do so much so can’t grow.
Bf is amazing and a Saint (although I still feel guilt).
Some friends get it to an extent, others can’t quite understand it and try and push me to do more without realising that’s not going to work or it’ll make things worse. Then I lost some which sucked.
The most thing I’ve noticed is I now have a rage about me. I never used to get jealous of other people, I really didn’t understand jealous before. I was always a people pleaser but can’t be that person anymore which is a good thing but I’ve almost swung too far the other way? Now I worry I’m driving my friends away. I don’t want to be a Debbie downer so try to focus on the good but it’s hard to keep it up
@doodlebug most theatres don't offer refunds but if you can't attend you can contact your bank and raise a dispute which usually gets you a full refund.
Sorry to hear such a lovely thing has been tarnished by your mum and sister but if you do end up going I hope you enjoy the show and dinner.
Sorry to hear such a lovely thing has been tarnished by your mum and sister but if you do end up going I hope you enjoy the show and dinner.
This wouldn’t qualify for a dispute sorry (I dealt with disputes and section 75 in my job, before I left) - the goods are still being provided as the show is going ahead so it doesn’t fall under that category, the t&c’s of the theatre will state no refunds - only exchanges, if they don’t then this is where you could potentially raise a dispute if you asked Hamilton for a refund and they didn’t, they don’t meet not being as described just because of OP’s situation, there’s been no breach of contract. Please don’t waste a bank’s time disputing this. Disputes don’t cover personal situations like this - that’s not what they are there for, they are there for when a company breaches a contract or doesn’t provide the goods/services or when they’re not delivered or when they arrive damaged or when a holiday is cancelled for example.@doodlebug most theatres don't offer refunds but if you can't attend you can contact your bank and raise a dispute which usually gets you a full refund.
Sorry to hear such a lovely thing has been tarnished by your mum and sister but if you do end up going I hope you enjoy the show and dinner.
Oh no don't apologise! I am only going by my own experience but I've only requested a refund twice once when I had covid and the other a stomach bug so I couldn't attend an alternative show so the bank helped me raise a dispute which was successful both times!
Just to say all your support on my scenario has really helped me so thank you guys!
I did feel really sad and have a cry when I was trying to sleep last night because the whole situation is linked to how my mum has treated me my whole life. When I try and point out the blatant favouritism in our family my mum gaslights me and says I have a chip on my shoulder. Yet she has already admitted in the past that she treats my older sister differently from the rest of us (but denies this and says I made it up).
I’m now 90% sure I don’t want to go anymore and would even just give the tickets to friends for free and go with them. I’ll just feel bad for my dad because he was looking forward to it. I know I could just take my dad but I know he won’t go if it’s just us two because he’ll view it as making a divide in the family and will just try and talk me round instead.
I did feel really sad and have a cry when I was trying to sleep last night because the whole situation is linked to how my mum has treated me my whole life. When I try and point out the blatant favouritism in our family my mum gaslights me and says I have a chip on my shoulder. Yet she has already admitted in the past that she treats my older sister differently from the rest of us (but denies this and says I made it up).
I’m now 90% sure I don’t want to go anymore and would even just give the tickets to friends for free and go with them. I’ll just feel bad for my dad because he was looking forward to it. I know I could just take my dad but I know he won’t go if it’s just us two because he’ll view it as making a divide in the family and will just try and talk me round instead.
I appreciate your dad is in awkward position but I wouldn't feel bad, (easier said than done I know), I obviously don't know your situation but he seems to have enabled this for a long time. This should never, ever have happened. Your dad has essentially sided with your mother and her behaviour here.
It is really horrible and you sound like such a lovely person. Unfortunately you can't change your mum but you can choose the involvement you have with her and you have got lovely friends and a little sister who obviously love you. I would suggest taking time away and doing everything YOU want to do from now on.
Don't set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
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