Support for anyone that needs to vent #3

[Monkeymagic85]

Hey guys…

I have a quick dilemma and there wasn’t quite the right thread for it, so I hope it’s ok if I ask for advice here.

My parents turn 60 this year, and I got them Hamilton tickets and a hotel stay in London. (I was also joining them). I wanted to get really good seats and a nice hotel so the tickets alone were almost £500 for the three of us and with the two rooms in a hotel it was almost a grand total.

When I told my mum, she was moaning about how it’s not fair I didn’t invite my older sister, and how she would be upset to hear we all went without her. Like I said this was my birthday gift to them. Over the weeks my mum kept saying how she’s nervous to tell my sister because it’s not nice we’re all going without her?!

Suddenly tonight my mum sent me a text saying she gave her ticket away to my sister with some bullshit excuse about how she’s thinking of starting a new job soon and won’t be free (wtf).

For context, my sister is her favourite child (yes she’s admitted this) and is put on a pedestal and is treated differently from everyone else as a result. I also have a younger sister who of course isn’t invited either but my mum claims it’s not fair on my older sister as she lives round the corner from them and it’s not like my younger sister will travel across the country just to see Hamilton with us. (This is what my mum says when trying to explain she thinks it’s unfair…I’m aware this may not make a whole lot of sense…)

Anyway. Am I right to be upset? I planned this trip to spend time with my parents and celebrate their birthday with them and my mum has effectively ruined the trip with her annoying bias for my sister when it’s nothing to do with her?

I love my sister obviously but I don’t fancy spending hundreds on her for no reason. Am I a witch for being annoyed that now she’s coming instead of my mum when she wasn’t invited? I really don’t feel like it was my mums place to do that.

Youve every right to be upset! I’d be selling the tickets on and the hotel rooms, then take your dad out for a lovely meal or something as he isn’t being a pain in the ass!

Honestly, nothing quite like family to piss on your chips!

 

[daisychains_]

Hey guys…

I have a quick dilemma and there wasn’t quite the right thread for it, so I hope it’s ok if I ask for advice here.

My parents turn 60 this year, and I got them Hamilton tickets and a hotel stay in London. (I was also joining them). I wanted to get really good seats and a nice hotel so the tickets alone were almost £500 for the three of us and with the two rooms in a hotel it was almost a grand total.

When I told my mum, she was moaning about how it’s not fair I didn’t invite my older sister, and how she would be upset to hear we all went without her. Like I said this was my birthday gift to them. Over the weeks my mum kept saying how she’s nervous to tell my sister because it’s not nice we’re all going without her?!

Suddenly tonight my mum sent me a text saying she gave her ticket away to my sister with some bullshit excuse about how she’s thinking of starting a new job soon and won’t be free (wtf).

For context, my sister is her favourite child (yes she’s admitted this) and is put on a pedestal and is treated differently from everyone else as a result. I also have a younger sister who of course isn’t invited either but my mum claims it’s not fair on my older sister as she lives round the corner from them and it’s not like my younger sister will travel across the country just to see Hamilton with us. (This is what my mum says when trying to explain she thinks it’s unfair…I’m aware this may not make a whole lot of sense…)

Anyway. Am I right to be upset? I planned this trip to spend time with my parents and celebrate their birthday with them and my mum has effectively ruined the trip with her annoying bias for my sister when it’s nothing to do with her?

I love my sister obviously but I don’t fancy spending hundreds on her for no reason. Am I a witch for being annoyed that now she’s coming instead of my mum when she wasn’t invited? I really don’t feel like it was my mums place to do that.

Aw I don’t think you’re a witch at all! I’d be really upset too, it sounds like you put a lot of thought and effort, let alone money! Into the gift and your mum has been really unappreciative.

I think I would be inclined to try and speak to her about it and explain your feelings and try make her realise how unreasonable she has been. I feel for your younger sibling too as it sounds like your mum has not even considered her! Could you perhaps try speaking to your dad to get his thoughts on it? If he agrees with you then maybe he can speak to her too?

 

[doodlebug]

Thanks everyone.

I historically don’t get on well with my mum. She’s told me to my face before that she “loves me but doesn’t like me”. I am just extra sad because I just feel like deep down that she doesn’t feel it’s “worth it” for a whole day out with “just me”. She’s probably not even looking forward to it at all. I know in my heart had it been my older sister who booked the tickets she would not be saying anything about how it’s not fair that I’m not invited.

I pointed out over text that my younger sister isn’t invited either so I don’t know why she is acting like my older sister was excluded. She read it and didn’t reply.

 

[Monkeymagic85]

Thanks everyone.

I historically don’t get on well with my mum. She’s told me to my face before that she “loves me but doesn’t like me”. I am just extra sad because I just feel like deep down that she doesn’t feel it’s “worth it” for a whole day out with “just me”. She’s probably not even looking forward to it at all. I know in my heart had it been my older sister who booked the tickets she would not be saying anything about how it’s not fair that I’m not invited.

I pointed out over text that my younger sister isn’t invited either so I don’t know why she is acting like my older sister was excluded. She read it and didn’t reply.

It’s a tricky one, I would definitely sell the tickets and hotel room and just do something with your dad.

Your mum is being totally unreasonable. What does your little sis think? Or your dad?

My mum only ever contacted me when she wanted something (haven’t lived at home since early 20s), she’s seen my daughter twice and she’s nearly 8!

I cut her off in the end as I couldn’t handle her selfishness anymore. You don’t get to pick your family and don’t have to like them.

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

Thanks everyone.

I historically don’t get on well with my mum. She’s told me to my face before that she “loves me but doesn’t like me”. I am just extra sad because I just feel like deep down that she doesn’t feel it’s “worth it” for a whole day out with “just me”. She’s probably not even looking forward to it at all. I know in my heart had it been my older sister who booked the tickets she would not be saying anything about how it’s not fair that I’m not invited.

I pointed out over text that my younger sister isn’t invited either so I don’t know why she is acting like my older sister was excluded. She read it and didn’t reply.

I would so be tempted to ditch your mum then and just go out with your dad? How is he on the situation? If my mum said she loves me but doesn’t like me I think I’d reduce contact and I certainly wouldn’t be spending loads on a present for her. That shows how kind you are but I’d be tempted to get your money back !!!

 

[jojida]

Thanks everyone.

I historically don’t get on well with my mum. She’s told me to my face before that she “loves me but doesn’t like me”. I am just extra sad because I just feel like deep down that she doesn’t feel it’s “worth it” for a whole day out with “just me”. She’s probably not even looking forward to it at all. I know in my heart had it been my older sister who booked the tickets she would not be saying anything about how it’s not fair that I’m not invited.

I pointed out over text that my younger sister isn’t invited either so I don’t know why she is acting like my older sister was excluded. She read it and didn’t reply.

I'm sorry she's reacted like that - what a bummer! Honestly agree with what everyone else has said and I'd be asking for a refund on the tickets and rooms and be spoiling your dad instead. I would be so upset if my mum had given away the ticket!

I also agree with strawberrysunshine - I'd be limiting contact if it were me but I totally understand how painful that can be. I hope that whatever you end up doing ends up being the right decision for you and that you don't dwell on it too long!

 

[it’s not been changed?!]

My boss has decided to employ his daughter. She got sacked from her last job less than 3 months in. She’s either been sacked or left previous jobs as the other women allegedly seemed to have had problems with her where she worked (she is clearly the common denominator )
She’s being paid £18k to sit on her phone on snapchat for 70% of the time atm and only managed to do 7 consecutive days before taking a sick day (which her father told me was a hangover from this weekend!) I feel like I should give her a chance, because I do like her, but she has no go in her! She doesn’t ask to do stuff. Her and her father have also snuck off the pub on 2 occasions during their lunch in the 10 days she has been working here. He can do what he wants, but it’s how they do about doing it… she goes to eat her lunch in her car… then he tells me he’s nipping out for a sandwich… then they go off in his car. When they come back, she goes and sits back in her car for a little bit while he comes back into the office.
He has even told us she doesn’t work to work when he used to moan about her before she worked here. I don’t know how to bring it up, as it will get thrown back at me that I need to give her stuff to do. I should give her a chance, it’s just frustrating. There’s other stuff I could write, but I shall leave it for now!

 

[candyland_]

Hey guys…

I have a quick dilemma and there wasn’t quite the right thread for it, so I hope it’s ok if I ask for advice here.

My parents turn 60 this year, and I got them Hamilton tickets and a hotel stay in London. (I was also joining them). I wanted to get really good seats and a nice hotel so the tickets alone were almost £500 for the three of us and with the two rooms in a hotel it was almost a grand total.

When I told my mum, she was moaning about how it’s not fair I didn’t invite my older sister, and how she would be upset to hear we all went without her. Like I said this was my birthday gift to them. Over the weeks my mum kept saying how she’s nervous to tell my sister because it’s not nice we’re all going without her?!

Suddenly tonight my mum sent me a text saying she gave her ticket away to my sister with some bullshit excuse about how she’s thinking of starting a new job soon and won’t be free (wtf).

For context, my sister is her favourite child (yes she’s admitted this) and is put on a pedestal and is treated differently from everyone else as a result. I also have a younger sister who of course isn’t invited either but my mum claims it’s not fair on my older sister as she lives round the corner from them and it’s not like my younger sister will travel across the country just to see Hamilton with us. (This is what my mum says when trying to explain she thinks it’s unfair…I’m aware this may not make a whole lot of sense…)

Anyway. Am I right to be upset? I planned this trip to spend time with my parents and celebrate their birthday with them and my mum has effectively ruined the trip with her annoying bias for my sister when it’s nothing to do with her?

I love my sister obviously but I don’t fancy spending hundreds on her for no reason. Am I a witch for being annoyed that now she’s coming instead of my mum when she wasn’t invited? I really don’t feel like it was my mums place to do that.

Your sister would be very selfish to accept the ticket. Can you not have a word with her?

 

[KitcRed]

Mini rant incoming...

I moved 1.5 hours away from my hometown to go to uni, but graduated last year and decided to stay here with my boyfriend as I got a job here. Since moving here 5 years ago, not one of my friends from home have visited. It's ALWAYS me who has to go back and see them. I understand people are busy, but 5 years to make one visit shouldn't be difficult...?

I feel so isolated now that my uni friends have also moved back home. It's literally me and my boyfriend - we know no one here our age. I've put myself out there and had a few girly coffee/drinks dates but they haven't went anywhere.

It sucks because my friends back home don't even message me anymore. I'm always the one reaching out to see how they are. It feels like such a petty thing to complain about in the grand scheme of things, but we're in our early twenties so don't have major life 'stuff' to get in the way (e.g. kids), and I just feel shoved aside because I moved away, despite all their promises to come and see me over the years.

Rant over... Back to my own company!

 

[candyland_]

Mini rant incoming...

I moved 1.5 hours away from my hometown to go to uni, but graduated last year and decided to stay here with my boyfriend as I got a job here. Since moving here 5 years ago, not one of my friends from home have visited. It's ALWAYS me who has to go back and see them. I understand people are busy, but 5 years to make one visit shouldn't be difficult...?

I feel so isolated now that my uni friends have also moved back home. It's literally me and my boyfriend - we know no one here our age. I've put myself out there and had a few girly coffee/drinks dates but they haven't went anywhere.

It sucks because my friends back home don't even message me anymore. I'm always the one reaching out to see how they are. It feels like such a petty thing to complain about in the grand scheme of things, but we're in our early twenties so don't have major life 'stuff' to get in the way (e.g. kids), and I just feel shoved aside because I moved away, despite all their promises to come and see me over the years.

Rant over... Back to my own company!

Maybe they assume that you have your own new life or that it’s easier for you to see all of them when you do travel back?

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

Mini rant incoming...

I moved 1.5 hours away from my hometown to go to uni, but graduated last year and decided to stay here with my boyfriend as I got a job here. Since moving here 5 years ago, not one of my friends from home have visited. It's ALWAYS me who has to go back and see them. I understand people are busy, but 5 years to make one visit shouldn't be difficult...?

I feel so isolated now that my uni friends have also moved back home. It's literally me and my boyfriend - we know no one here our age. I've put myself out there and had a few girly coffee/drinks dates but they haven't went anywhere.

It sucks because my friends back home don't even message me anymore. I'm always the one reaching out to see how they are. It feels like such a petty thing to complain about in the grand scheme of things, but we're in our early twenties so don't have major life 'stuff' to get in the way (e.g. kids), and I just feel shoved aside because I moved away, despite all their promises to come and see me over the years.

Rant over... Back to my own company!

Have you invited them? Or have they even mentioned coming to see you. That’s pretty crappy after 5 years.feeling lonely isn’t a nice feeling at all. I think I’d find new friends . Is there anyone at uni you get along with

 

[doodlebug]

Your sister would be very selfish to accept the ticket. Can you not have a word with her?

I spoke to my dad about it. He said he will have a word with my mum, so we’ll see…

 

[doodlebug]

Just an update on my situation. My dad obviously spoke to her and she came to me and asked what the solution was that I wanted because she thinks that I always feel “hard done by” and she doesn’t want me to feel that way.

I said I wanted the three of us to go as planned. She said but she can’t do that because now she feels bad on my sister because she already told her she could come. I said if it was me in her place I wouldn’t feel bad because why would I accept something that wasn’t intended for me in the first place! My mum concluded that I simply have a problem with my sister so in the end my mum paid for a ticket for herself and now she’s going to sit by herself somewhere else because she gave up her ticket for my sister. (Even though the whole point was that I spent extra so my parents could have good seats etc. and we could all sit together).

She can’t have my sister sitting alone because as we’ve established she feels bad for my sister and treats her like a baby. (She’s 35 years old). Now I’m having to share a bed with my sister lol because I’m not booking a hotel room just for her.

I’m low-key fuming because as I said this was a birthday gift from me to my parents. But I just look evil if I object or insist my sister sits alone or finds her own hotel etc.

 

[candyland_]

Just an update on my situation. My dad obviously spoke to her and she came to me and asked what the solution was that I wanted because she thinks that I always feel “hard done by” and she doesn’t want me to feel that way.

I said I wanted the three of us to go as planned. She said but she can’t do that because now she feels bad on my sister because she already told her she could come. I said if it was me in her place I wouldn’t feel bad because why would I accept something that wasn’t intended for me in the first place! My mum concluded that I simply have a problem with my sister so in the end my mum paid for a ticket for herself and now she’s going to sit by herself somewhere else because she gave up her ticket for my sister. (Even though the whole point was that I spent extra so my parents could have good seats etc. and we could all sit together).

She can’t have my sister sitting alone because as we’ve established she feels bad for my sister and treats her like a baby. (She’s 35 years old). Now I’m having to share a bed with my sister lol because I’m not booking a hotel room just for her.

I’m low-key fuming because as I said this was a birthday gift from me to my parents. But I just look evil if I object or insist my sister sits alone or finds her own hotel etc.

Your sister sounds pathetic. How can she see no problem with freeloading? I guess she is used to doing this though.

 

[LaBlonde]

Just an update on my situation. My dad obviously spoke to her and she came to me and asked what the solution was that I wanted because she thinks that I always feel “hard done by” and she doesn’t want me to feel that way.

I said I wanted the three of us to go as planned. She said but she can’t do that because now she feels bad on my sister because she already told her she could come. I said if it was me in her place I wouldn’t feel bad because why would I accept something that wasn’t intended for me in the first place! My mum concluded that I simply have a problem with my sister so in the end my mum paid for a ticket for herself and now she’s going to sit by herself somewhere else because she gave up her ticket for my sister. (Even though the whole point was that I spent extra so my parents could have good seats etc. and we could all sit together).

She can’t have my sister sitting alone because as we’ve established she feels bad for my sister and treats her like a baby. (She’s 35 years old). Now I’m having to share a bed with my sister lol because I’m not booking a hotel room just for her.

I’m low-key fuming because as I said this was a birthday gift from me to my parents. But I just look evil if I object or insist my sister sits alone or finds her own hotel etc.

your sister should not be going along with all this - it’s extremely poor behaviour on her part. she’s 35 years old?!?!!! tell her to sit alone and sort out her own hotel if it’s so important that she comes along with you all.

i feel awful that a thoughtful thing you planned for your parents has been manipulated in such a way from what you wanted it to be. honestly i feel i would let the three of them sit together and i would take the seat by myself, and probably find my own hotel room too. your mother’s behaviour is out of order but your sister is beyond words for me. has she expressed an opinion on any of this? how babified is it possible for a grown woman to be?

i’m extremely petty so i get if you wouldn’t do this but i would honestly cancel the whole thing. sell the tickets, get your mum to sell the ticket, cancel the room. the lovely thing you wanted it to be has been messed up through no fault of your own

 

[doodlebug]

So what my mum did say when we spoke about it today as that she “didn’t know” it was a birthday gift and that’s why she gave it away. So she never told my sister it was a birthday gift. I think she just assumes my parents are treating her….

Do I say anything to her? Or leave well enough alone?

 

[LaBlonde]

So what my mum did say when we spoke about it today as that she “didn’t know” it was a birthday gift and that’s why she gave it away. So she never told my sister it was a birthday gift. I think she just assumes my parents are treating her….

Do I say anything to her? Or leave well enough alone?

i feel/hope the situation would become apparent to your sister when she’s there and realises that she’s a tagalong (ie your mother sitting alone, you having to share a bed in the hotel room) so i would honestly tell her now because she’s going to find out later.

your mother is playing a very manipulative game here. it was obviously a gift, even if not explicitly stated as a birthday one, and she had no right to give it away. hamilton tickets are ridiculously expensive and you’ve basically bought one for your sister against your will.

 

[shadowcat5]

Just an update on my situation. My dad obviously spoke to her and she came to me and asked what the solution was that I wanted because she thinks that I always feel “hard done by” and she doesn’t want me to feel that way.

I said I wanted the three of us to go as planned. She said but she can’t do that because now she feels bad on my sister because she already told her she could come. I said if it was me in her place I wouldn’t feel bad because why would I accept something that wasn’t intended for me in the first place! My mum concluded that I simply have a problem with my sister so in the end my mum paid for a ticket for herself and now she’s going to sit by herself somewhere else because she gave up her ticket for my sister. (Even though the whole point was that I spent extra so my parents could have good seats etc. and we could all sit together).

She can’t have my sister sitting alone because as we’ve established she feels bad for my sister and treats her like a baby. (She’s 35 years old). Now I’m having to share a bed with my sister lol because I’m not booking a hotel room just for her.

I’m low-key fuming because as I said this was a birthday gift from me to my parents. But I just look evil if I object or insist my sister sits alone or finds her own hotel etc.

but your younger sister is still being left out though? Also what has the older sister said about all of this?

You have every right to be fuming. You’ve done something really kind and generous and it has been thrown back in your face completely.

 

[doodlebug]

but your younger sister is still being left out though? Also what has the older sister said about all of this?

You have every right to be fuming. You’ve done something really kind and generous and it has been thrown back in your face completely.

I mentioned to my mum about my younger sister, because now we are also going out for dinner after the show, and I feel bad that she’s missing out on a whole family day out. Granted she lives quite far from all of us, but at least offer? I asked why she didn’t want to even invite my younger sister and my mum said “she already knows she doesn’t want to come” because she’s occupied with her own life and her friends and would see it as a chore to come down…I personally don’t think this is an assumption to be made. I hope you can see the blatant favouritism my mum has for my older sister in comparison to how she treats the rest of us.

I did end up speaking to my older sister. I told her I planned the trip for our parents birthdays and she would have to sit behind us because I only got three tickets. I said we’d have to share a bed because I only got two hotel rooms. All she replied was “yeah that’s fine”. Didn’t bother to ask who had bought her ticket or how much it cost. Or whether I wanted half for the hotel… I know if I ask her for half my parents are going to say I’m being mean because I was going to be paying for it anyway. I’m just pissed off with the whole situation. They don’t let you get refunds for tickets. All we can do is exchange. So it looks like we’re going.

I know I shouldn’t, but I feel bad my mum had to fork out £175 for the extra ticket for my sister (hers ended up being the most expensive of all!) when I just wanted to take care of everything for them.

 

[shadowcat5]

I mentioned to my mum about my younger sister, because now we are also going out for dinner after the show, and I feel bad that she’s missing out on a whole family day out. Granted she lives quite far from all of us, but at least offer? I asked why she didn’t want to even invite my younger sister and my mum said “she already knows she doesn’t want to come” because she’s occupied with her own life and her friends and would see it as a chore to come down…I personally don’t think this is an assumption to be made. I hope you can see the blatant favouritism my mum has for my older sister in comparison to how she treats the rest of us.

I did end up speaking to my older sister. I told her I planned the trip for our parents birthdays and she would have to sit behind us because I only got three tickets. I said we’d have to share a bed because I only got two hotel rooms. All she replied was “yeah that’s fine”. Didn’t bother to ask who had bought her ticket or how much it cost. Or whether I wanted half for the hotel… I know if I ask her for half my parents are going to say I’m being mean because I was going to be paying for it anyway. I’m just pissed off with the whole situation. They don’t let you get refunds for tickets. All we can do is exchange. So it looks like we’re going. I know I shouldn’t, but I feel bad my mum had to fork out £175 for the extra ticket for my sister (hers ended up being the most expensive of all!) when I just wanted to take care of everything for them.

are you happy with that arrangement? Could you exchange them and take someone else another time? Someone you actually want to be with who would appreciate it. What does your younger sister say about it?

I get it’s hard but I really wouldn’t feel bad. She has made this problem her own. I hate to say it but if your sister had arranged this for her she wouldn’t have thought twice about you being “left out”. I mostly certainly wouldn’t be doing anything for her again.
You could be a petty witch and exchange the tickets without telling them until close to the date. Let them fuss with no hotel and 1 ticket