Support for anyone that needs to vent #3

[AT_16]

Hello,

I'll attempt advice but mainly it'll be words of empathy. It's extremely hard and mostly all you can do is grit your teeth and get through it.

Three of mine are autistic and two of them also have ADHD. My main suggestion would be to be consistent with boundaries. He may not listen and you may feel like you are banging your head off a brick wall but routine and consistency help.

My eldest literally used to climb on my lap and turn my face toward him to get my attention when I was mid conversation with other people.

There are no quick solutions and you're never going to change the behaviours as such but it's about creating routines that allow him to cope and allow you some vague form of respite or peace. This could be as simple as ten minutes to yourself whilst he is occupied.

There is probably more useful advice I could add but my brain has gone a bit splat because it has been a long week, sorry. Mostly though, you're not alone.

thank you, it’s nice to know i’m not alone because at the moment it does feel very lonely i don’t know any other parents with the same or similar issues & being a single mum i have very little support around me so thank you

you sound super human with 3 children all with additional needs! i am struggling with just the one so hats off to you! and thank you again it helps to know other parents are in similar situations x

 

[TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo]

thank you, it’s nice to know i’m not alone because at the moment it does feel very lonely i don’t know any other parents with the same or similar issues & being a single mum i have very little support around me so thank you

you sound super human with 3 children all with additional needs! i am struggling with just the one so hats off to you! and thank you again it helps to know other parents are in similar situations x

I'm definitely not super human. There have been times when I've felt that I was drowning, hugely overwhelmed with the enormity of it all and I couldn't see beyond the bleakness. I still have days now and then where I feel like that.

I've learnt to try and take the 'win' from very small things and to pick my battles in terms of behaviour and rules as best I can in order to limit meltdowns, whilst still retaining consistency with discipline. It's a really fine line and Iine though and I don't think I always get it right.

I can't remember if you mentioned sleep issues in your first post but I'd recommend trying him with Melatonin if you haven't already. I found that really helped one of mine x

 

[WilmaHun]

I’m starting to realise that no matter how kind and loyal I am to people, they won’t be the same in return. It hurts when you think someone is a good person but actually they’re just taking advantage of your kindness. Maybe I’m naive and too trusting of people idk, but at least I know I’ve stayed true to myself.

 

[Monkeymagic85]

I’m starting to realise that no matter how kind and loyal I am to people, they won’t be the same in return. It hurts when you think someone is a good person but actually they’re just taking advantage of your kindness. Maybe I’m naive and too trusting of people idk, but at least I know I’ve stayed true to myself.

this is why I don’t have many friends, the older I get the less I can be bothered with peoples bull.

I expect nothing from people then I’m not disappointed.

keep your chin up

 

[aac_124]

I hate people thinking that I’m now incapable of doing anything and pitying me

 

[Codiaeum]

I really should stop hosting certain effing relatives at my home, overstaying their welcome by far, staying a day longer than agreed upon, causing chaos everywhere, bringing bleeping nearly rotten fruit from their home, and making me feel uncomfortable in my own home. It’s always like this and always I feel tired for days and insanely grubby. Nice that they feel so at home here, can’t say the same for me. I wish they would leave already, they’ve been here since Friday and I need to get them out of the door. Why I keep making this error, even if it’s only twice a year is beyond me but I swear it keeps getting worse each time.

 

[CrystalWench]

Co parenting with a continuing violent ex, today he used his fist and pushed down on my jaw/cheek, I don’t know the whole side of my face hurts, he pushed down so hard that there was a weird sound in my ear. Don’t have parents, friends are probably sick of hearing about it, don’t have supportive siblings, all I have is this. It’s easy to say leave and call the police but he uses firstly so many threats against me about me losing our son that I’m tit scared and also I’ll have even less family and help. Life is so tit sometimes

 

[TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo]

Co parenting with a continuing violent ex, today he used his fist and pushed down on my jaw/cheek, I don’t know the whole side of my face hurts, he pushed down so hard that there was a weird sound in my ear. Don’t have parents, friends are probably sick of hearing about it, don’t have supportive siblings, all I have is this. It’s easy to say leave and call the police but he uses firstly so many threats against me about me losing our son that I’m tit scared and also I’ll have even less family and help. Life is so tit sometimes

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. I know it is easy to say but please report him. The threats he is using are coercive control, all part of the abuse he is continuing to inflicting on you.

I'd highly recommend speaking with your GP (in confidence) and asking for a referral to Women's Aid. They are really helpful. It's possible you might be able to contact them yourself but I'm not sure, someone else might know the answer though.

Sending love 🤍

 

[CrystalWench]

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. I know it is easy to say but please report him. The threats he is using are coercive control, all part of the abuse he is continuing to inflicting on you.

I'd highly recommend speaking with your GP (in confidence) and asking for a referral to Women's Aid. They are really helpful. It's possible you might be able to contact them yourself but I'm not sure, someone else might know the answer though.

Sending love 🤍

Thank you, but I’m afraid they will believe him. He’s a lot more intelligent than me, works for the nhs and comes from a better family, I come from a dysfunctional one and rely on benefits due to disability. I don’t stand a chance but thank you.

 

[TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo]

Thank you, but I’m afraid they will believe him. He’s a lot more intelligent than me, works for the nhs and comes from a better family, I come from a dysfunctional one and rely on benefits due to disability. I don’t stand a chance but thank you.

It's likely they wouldn't believe him. GP's have specialist training on how to identify this type of abuse. I only know this because I had to approach my GP when my ex husband tried to tell people (edited to add: people as in people in authority, not just general people. Although he's embarked on a fairly substantial smear campaign amongst people we know too) I was 'unstable' once I told him I wanted a divorce and asked him to move out. I will say that my situation was aided by having photographic evidence of something he'd done. If there is a way you can document things, particularly photographically, it's probably worth doing.

You do absolutely stand a chance and there are people who can and will help you. It sounds like he has crushed your self esteem. However, I do also understand why you are scared to take those steps. I wish I could do or say more to help you. It's a horrible situation for you to be in and I really feel for you.

 

[Peaches_xox]

This probs seems like a silly thing to moan about but I am tired all the time. It’s really getting me down I feel like I can’t function properly because I’m so tired & im moody all day. Even if I go to bed at 10 & get up at 7, I’m shattered. I feel like I could sleep for a week & it wouldn’t be enough!

 

[aac_124]

People are always making there problems about me and how it “effects” them I just can’t know how much more I can take take

And the things they say that they think I don’t know I hear them with my own ears, they never ever think about how it’s going to effect me only them getting the slightest bit of enjoyment out of it and I’m just cracking up

 

[Steph’s]

Any tips to feel less self conscious eating alone in a restaurant….

 

[LaBlonde]

Any tips to feel less self conscious eating alone in a restaurant….

as someone who loves eating and going to bars alone when i’m on trips and stuff:

- for the first time, go on a quiet weekday evening and pick a busy-ish restaurant.
- order your favourite food
- order your favourite drink (or two!)
- remember that literally no one else cares that you’re alone. the staff don’t, the people around you don’t.
- people watch, read a book, play on your phone whatever while you’re waiting for your food.
- enjoy yourself! it’s kinda like taking yourself on a date, but you know you’re going to like the company.

the first time may be slightly scary but you’ll soon notice that no one really cares that you’re on your own so have a good time

 

[Steph’s]

as someone who loves eating and going to bars alone when i’m on trips and stuff:

- for the first time, go on a quiet weekday evening and pick a busy-ish restaurant.
- order your favourite food
- order your favourite drink (or two!)
- remember that literally no one else cares that you’re alone. the staff don’t, the people around you don’t.
- people watch, read a book, play on your phone whatever while you’re waiting for your food.
- enjoy yourself! it’s kinda like taking yourself on a date, but you know you’re going to like the company.

the first time may be slightly scary but you’ll soon notice that no one really cares that you’re on your own so have a good time

Thank you you actually make it sound fun and relaxing!

 

[LaBlonde]

Thank you you actually make it sound fun and relaxing!

you will be fine! i had to do it while away with work a few times and it honestly got easier every time until i now think nothing of it. go, and enjoy your afternoon/evening. only problem is you can’t split the bill with anyone

 

[newaccount2022]

Any tips to feel less self conscious eating alone in a restaurant….

Just know that everyone is else is thinking ‘lucky them getting an hours peace!!’

Hotel bars/restaurants can be a nice place to start, usually nice and quiet. Every now and then I go to a nice hotel in my city around 12pm and get lunch for myself and read my book.

 

[doodlebug]

Hey guys…

I have a quick dilemma and there wasn’t quite the right thread for it, so I hope it’s ok if I ask for advice here.

My parents turn 60 this year, and I got them Hamilton tickets and a hotel stay in London. (I was also joining them). I wanted to get really good seats and a nice hotel so the tickets alone were almost £500 for the three of us and with the two rooms in a hotel it was almost a grand total.

When I told my mum, she was moaning about how it’s not fair I didn’t invite my older sister, and how she would be upset to hear we all went without her. Like I said this was my birthday gift to them. Over the weeks my mum kept saying how she’s nervous to tell my sister because it’s not nice we’re all going without her?!

Suddenly tonight my mum sent me a text saying she gave her ticket away to my sister with some bull excuse about how she’s thinking of starting a new job soon and won’t be free (wtf).

For context, my sister is her favourite child (yes she’s admitted this) and is put on a pedestal and is treated differently from everyone else as a result. I also have a younger sister who of course isn’t invited either but my mum claims it’s not fair on my older sister as she lives round the corner from them and it’s not like my younger sister will travel across the country just to see Hamilton with us. (This is what my mum says when trying to explain she thinks it’s unfair…I’m aware this may not make a whole lot of sense…)

Anyway. Am I right to be upset? I planned this trip to spend time with my parents and celebrate their birthday with them and my mum has effectively ruined the trip with her annoying bias for my sister when it’s nothing to do with her?

I love my sister obviously but I don’t fancy spending hundreds on her for no reason. Am I a witch for being annoyed that now she’s coming instead of my mum when she wasn’t invited? I really don’t feel like it was my mums place to do that.

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

Hey guys…

I have a quick dilemma and there wasn’t quite the right thread for it, so I hope it’s ok if I ask for advice here.

My parents turn 60 this year, and I got them Hamilton tickets and a hotel stay in London. (I was also joining them). I wanted to get really good seats and a nice hotel so the tickets alone were almost £500 for the three of us and with the two rooms in a hotel it was almost a grand total.

When I told my mum, she was moaning about how it’s not fair I didn’t invite my older sister, and how she would be upset to hear we all went without her. Like I said this was my birthday gift to them. Over the weeks my mum kept saying how she’s nervous to tell my sister because it’s not nice we’re all going without her?!

Suddenly tonight my mum sent me a text saying she gave her ticket away to my sister with some bull excuse about how she’s thinking of starting a new job soon and won’t be free (wtf).

For context, my sister is her favourite child (yes she’s admitted this) and is put on a pedestal and is treated differently from everyone else as a result. I also have a younger sister who of course isn’t invited either but my mum claims it’s not fair on my older sister as she lives round the corner from them and it’s not like my younger sister will travel across the country just to see Hamilton with us. (This is what my mum says when trying to explain she thinks it’s unfair…I’m aware this may not make a whole lot of sense…)

Anyway. Am I right to be upset? I planned this trip to spend time with my parents and celebrate their birthday with them and my mum has effectively ruined the trip with her annoying bias for my sister when it’s nothing to do with her?

I love my sister obviously but I don’t fancy spending hundreds on her for no reason. Am I a witch for being annoyed that now she’s coming instead of my mum when she wasn’t invited? I really don’t feel like it was my mums place to do that.

I don’t think you’re a witch at all. It’s their present from you. You don’t invite someone else just because. youve spent loads on it and your mum sounds a bit ungrateful id be really upset!

 

[LaBlonde]

Hey guys…

I have a quick dilemma and there wasn’t quite the right thread for it, so I hope it’s ok if I ask for advice here.

My parents turn 60 this year, and I got them Hamilton tickets and a hotel stay in London. (I was also joining them). I wanted to get really good seats and a nice hotel so the tickets alone were almost £500 for the three of us and with the two rooms in a hotel it was almost a grand total.

When I told my mum, she was moaning about how it’s not fair I didn’t invite my older sister, and how she would be upset to hear we all went without her. Like I said this was my birthday gift to them. Over the weeks my mum kept saying how she’s nervous to tell my sister because it’s not nice we’re all going without her?!

Suddenly tonight my mum sent me a text saying she gave her ticket away to my sister with some bull excuse about how she’s thinking of starting a new job soon and won’t be free (wtf).

For context, my sister is her favourite child (yes she’s admitted this) and is put on a pedestal and is treated differently from everyone else as a result. I also have a younger sister who of course isn’t invited either but my mum claims it’s not fair on my older sister as she lives round the corner from them and it’s not like my younger sister will travel across the country just to see Hamilton with us. (This is what my mum says when trying to explain she thinks it’s unfair…I’m aware this may not make a whole lot of sense…)

Anyway. Am I right to be upset? I planned this trip to spend time with my parents and celebrate their birthday with them and my mum has effectively ruined the trip with her annoying bias for my sister when it’s nothing to do with her?

I love my sister obviously but I don’t fancy spending hundreds on her for no reason. Am I a witch for being annoyed that now she’s coming instead of my mum when she wasn’t invited? I really don’t feel like it was my mums place to do that.

i would be really upset too it’s not a gift to your sister and so why should you be forced to have now basically spent £100 odd pound on her? this is pretty harsh on your younger sister too tbh.

it wasn’t your mum’s place to do it and i don’t think i would have accepted the ticket in your sister’s position. it’s a little ungrateful for a gift you obviously put a lot of thought into.