Old thread here: https://tattle.life/threads/support-for-anyone-that-needs-to-vent-2.23855/
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Hi guys
Hope you're all well.
Starting a new thread with a new vent. Kind of sad and disappointed as one friend within a group of 4 of us doesn't seem to care or want to see us anymore. We all chat and banter on WhatsApp and she doesn't join in, then whenever I try to make plans she is busy. I also get very frustrated with always being the one to plan our get together in! Hard work sometimes, can anyone relate?
Hope you're all well.
Starting a new thread with a new vent. Kind of sad and disappointed as one friend within a group of 4 of us doesn't seem to care or want to see us anymore. We all chat and banter on WhatsApp and she doesn't join in, then whenever I try to make plans she is busy. I also get very frustrated with always being the one to plan our get together in! Hard work sometimes, can anyone relate?
Have any of you had a falling out, or something embarrassing happen that involved your friend?
Has your friend had any life changes recently? Things like children, being pregnant, moving house, moving job? That kind of thing? Have they been a little poorly?
The reason I'm asking, if it's not because of any argument or situation that happened when you were together, then they may well have something else happening in their life and it might be changing how they look at things and feel about being round others.
Every morning when i first get up my emotions go wild. It's like they've been sloshing around my brain all night and they explode when i wake.
Some mornings i rage, some mornings i cry some mornings I'm hyperactive.
It's all so intense
I don't get it, and i don't like it
Some mornings i rage, some mornings i cry some mornings I'm hyperactive.
It's all so intense
I don't get it, and i don't like it
Yes. We are a group of 5, been friends for 15 years and one of our very close and dear friends stopped talking to us about a year ago now, seemingly out of no where and certainly nothing we can think that would have been a catalyst. She started reducing the amount of time she spent with us, stopped really replying on WhatsApp and then all of a sudden cancelled on our weekend away as a group and we haven’t seen/heard from her since. Completely no contact. She keeps in contact with one member of the group but very rarely. She never asks after us, never responds when our friend brings us up, it’s almost like we didn’t really exist to her! Beyond strange and really quite hurtful. The only thing we can put it down to is her new (ish) quite toxic relationship with someone who has made themselves out to be very controlling so we have continuously reached out to her and checked in with her family (we are/were very close) to check she’s ok but we can only do so much unfortunately. Could this be similar to your friend? Is there someone on the scene? Or has there been a big life event?
I didnt realise this was so common!! A friend of mine just vanished in to thin air. We kept messaging in the group chat trying to arrange plans and it was always 'im in work', never any attempt to find a suitable time or anything. In the end we just started arranging things separately without her. She always spoke about these big dramatic situations where old friendships had ended, and it seemed like itd be a fall out, make a new mate, be besties with them, big fall out and repeat. I think maybe some people get bored of friendships and want to move on in the way people leave romantic relationships
It was similar with me too! Yeah I totally agree, by the looks of my friends Instagram she’s got a whole new group of mates - guess they’re way more fun and exciting than boring old the rest of us settling down
it’ll hurt for a while and it is tit but I think you all just kind of crack on with life don’t you? Can’t be that much of a loss if they’re just happy to go off and never think about you again! Suit yourself and all that. Some people are just so so strange.Life can bring a lot of stress to us, sometimes, we don't even realise it is stress. By that, folk would maybe consider work, relationships, money worries, but equally, trying for a baby, being pregnant, buying a first home, new car, new job, getting married.... all nice things, but stressful.
Our body and mind can start to let us know, before we actually understand we are stressed, by acting out in different ways to how we usually are.
We might struggle to sleep, to eat (eat more, eat less, not eat). Our mind races and it doesn't let us relax.
One thing to try, is to have a pen and paper (avoid computers or phones as the light can cause you to feel awake again) next to your bed, when thoughts happen (things like shopping I need to get, things I forgot at work etc., things like a worry) make a little note.
In putting it on paper, your brain will know it's safe till you wake up, you can then relax a little more.
If this isn't a stress type thing, then again, we go through stages in life, things like menopause (and that's not just a 50+ year old thing) things like hormone issues, taking certain medications, being overwhelmed if you care for someone, these can all change how our mental health copes on a daily basis. Things like ADD, ADHD, Personality disorders, they can also happen at different times and be more noticeable at different times.
Would you consider having a chat with your GP? They can check to see if all is well physically, they can also help you if it's a mental health issue too, things like counselling, or therapy.
Its really annoying when you feel like you're the one making all the effort.
I have one freind who i was quite close to a couple of years ago, but she is awful at communicating. She will go months and months with no contact at all, then I message like "hellooo let's meet up" and we do and its fine and then its months before she bothers again!!
So silly as we live close and we are both on maternity leave at the same time with babies close in age, but I just get so fed up of allways being the one to ask her to do stuff. She's not a big "messanger" and would prefer to talk in person which I totally get but she just goes totally off grid.
Just popping by. I mentioned a few times on the last thread about my struggle to get my GP to take me seriously.
I now have two appointments (one for eating disorder service) and another for anxiety. They aren't for a few weeks unfortunately but at least they are in place and I have a date and time
I now have two appointments (one for eating disorder service) and another for anxiety. They aren't for a few weeks unfortunately but at least they are in place and I have a date and time
Thank you so much for the update. I know it wasn't very straight forwards or easy, but you kept going, so pleased you have some progress there. Wishing you well x
i actually need to vent but i’m not sure if i’m being unfair or not 
i went out with friends yesterday shopping and then for a few drinks, had a lovely time, came home all fine. this morning my best friend (who was there) has messaged me to ask if i’m okay because i “seemed a little blue yesterday”. which i guess has upset me because i’m absolutely fine, had a good night but am now paranoid that i was actually incredibly moody without intending to be and made everyone feel awkward.
i’ve replied saying no i’m fine and apologised if i am came across differently and she said “never apologise, just checking in!” which doesn’t help me at all
would anyone else be sort of annoyed or paranoid by this, or am i overthinking a genuinely thoughtful gesture?!
i went out with friends yesterday shopping and then for a few drinks, had a lovely time, came home all fine. this morning my best friend (who was there) has messaged me to ask if i’m okay because i “seemed a little blue yesterday”. which i guess has upset me because i’m absolutely fine, had a good night but am now paranoid that i was actually incredibly moody without intending to be and made everyone feel awkward.
i’ve replied saying no i’m fine and apologised if i am came across differently and she said “never apologise, just checking in!” which doesn’t help me at all
would anyone else be sort of annoyed or paranoid by this, or am i overthinking a genuinely thoughtful gesture?!
@LaBlonde It sounds like she meant well, but I’d feel exactly like you. It’s along the same lines of people saying “Smile!” 
when you didn’t know you had a face like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle. It just makes you feel self-conscious and question everything you said / did. I get it.
If you feel like you want to dig deeper, maybe ask her to specify what gave her that impression. It sounds like a well intended gesture but very badly delivered.
when you didn’t know you had a face like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle. It just makes you feel self-conscious and question everything you said / did. I get it.If you feel like you want to dig deeper, maybe ask her to specify what gave her that impression. It sounds like a well intended gesture but very badly delivered.
@LaBlonde
I don't drink, (so I may get this wrong
).
It's possible your friend may have thought something and then later on, wondered if it was a correct thought or not. Fun nights out can make things blurry or different. It's easy to read into something, that isn't actually anything, when you've had a glass or two of alcohol.
So she's messaged you, asked if you are ok (and there isn't any harm in that, it's awful to feel alone in a sad place and nobody gives it any notice) she's got your reply, which was totally fine and she's good.
I think you have a great friend there, who did the right thing and asked you directly. She's just being a caring person.
Next time you are chatting, pop it into the conversation as @ThreeSteaksPam (love that name by the way and that show lol) was saying and just ask her, "I was curious, what made you feel I wasn't my usual self when we were out?" Never hurts to understand things more from other people's point of view x
I don't drink, (so I may get this wrong
).It's possible your friend may have thought something and then later on, wondered if it was a correct thought or not. Fun nights out can make things blurry or different. It's easy to read into something, that isn't actually anything, when you've had a glass or two of alcohol.
So she's messaged you, asked if you are ok (and there isn't any harm in that, it's awful to feel alone in a sad place and nobody gives it any notice) she's got your reply, which was totally fine and she's good.
I think you have a great friend there, who did the right thing and asked you directly. She's just being a caring person.
Next time you are chatting, pop it into the conversation as @ThreeSteaksPam (love that name by the way and that show lol) was saying and just ask her, "I was curious, what made you feel I wasn't my usual self when we were out?" Never hurts to understand things more from other people's point of view x
thank you - to both you and @ThreeSteaksPam@LaBlonde
I don't drink, (so I may get this wrong
It's possible your friend may have thought something and then later on, wondered if it was a correct thought or not. Fun nights out can make things blurry or different. It's easy to read into something, that isn't actually anything, when you've had a glass or two of alcohol.
So she's messaged you, asked if you are ok (and there isn't any harm in that, it's awful to feel alone in a sad place and nobody gives it any notice) she's got your reply, which was totally fine and she's good.
I think you have a great friend there, who did the right thing and asked you directly. She's just being a caring person.
Next time you are chatting, pop it into the conversation as @ThreeSteaksPam (love that name by the way and that show lol) was saying and just ask her, "I was curious, what made you feel I wasn't my usual self when we were out?" Never hurts to understand things more from other people's point of view x
i think you’re right - it was a long (but very nice!) day and i think it’s understandable that maybe there’s been a comment of mine or something that she’s now thinking back on. i do have a tendency to bottle things up if i’m genuinely upset, which we’ve talked about before, and i definitely think it came from a good place. it just took me a little by surprise!
i think i will ask when i next see her in person, just for my own awareness, but you’re both right that she’s just being thoughtful, which is the main thing. i feel better about it now!
My abusive ex died during the week. It's 9 years since we were together I'm married now and have a daughter but I literally couldn't hold it together on the school run the other morning. I'm so angry at myself for giving him more tears.
The fact you have said this out loud (on here) shows that you are a decent person, with feelings. This is why this is touching a nerve for you. Although this person was an "ex" there will have been a time, when they were someone you loved and cared deeply for.
That is the part of you, that is feeling something, you are grieving the person you "had" loved, not the creature they became and their hateful actions towards you.
So the tears are a mixture of that grief, but also perhaps a smidge of relief, that this has finally ended.
I know you may feel, but it ended when the relationship did, but often, when we've been in a horrible, painful or difficult situation with another person, there is always a tiny part of our memory that never lets it totally go.
Do take time to grieve, feel and acknowledge that you are entirely free of this individual now and be proud that despite how they treated you, you have a marriage and daughter. That is a statement to you being a stronger person.
Sending you best wishes x
Thank you so much
Why can't people in the workplace be nice?
Last week, I was informed at the last minute that I would be taking on another project. Because they informed me last minute, I was not able to check my accesses beforehand and when I did, my accesses didn't work. It's a two week project and it took them an entire week to sort out my access. Today, I started working on the project (knowing I'm behind and I have one week left). I don't have much knowledge of the system and since it's UAT testing, you can make mistakes, it won't impact anything because the system is used for testing purposes. I made a mistake in the system (again, it goes nowhere since it's a dummy testing system) and I got e-yelled at basically saying I did a crap job and what I've been doing is "insane".
You don't know what people are going through behind closed doors and if the person is really really struggling the way I have been, just a small rude email (which you may think is innocent) might be the bit that throws them off the edge.
I'm tired.
Last week, I was informed at the last minute that I would be taking on another project. Because they informed me last minute, I was not able to check my accesses beforehand and when I did, my accesses didn't work. It's a two week project and it took them an entire week to sort out my access. Today, I started working on the project (knowing I'm behind and I have one week left). I don't have much knowledge of the system and since it's UAT testing, you can make mistakes, it won't impact anything because the system is used for testing purposes. I made a mistake in the system (again, it goes nowhere since it's a dummy testing system) and I got e-yelled at basically saying I did a crap job and what I've been doing is "insane".
You don't know what people are going through behind closed doors and if the person is really really struggling the way I have been, just a small rude email (which you may think is innocent) might be the bit that throws them off the edge.
I'm tired.
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You've had a really large amount of stress, grief and pain to deal with in a very short space of time. You've also got a very uncaring, unsupportive work situation too.
Remember we were talking about how grief takes all different forms? It's not a one size fits all, it doesn't have a use by date either. You've not had time to work through it at all and you have a lot going on.
It's time to begin standing up for yourself and pushing back. For many years, I felt I had to be polite, a kind of "suck it up buttercup" as folk say, not rock the boat. If I was rude or huffy, I wouldn't get promoted, I'd self-sabotage my career
Then I realised, actually that's wrong. Within any relationship, home, family, partners, work - there has to be a mutual respect. When that balance isn't there, you begin to lose respect for yourself. You get treated badly and come to expect that as being standard, but it's not.
So expect more, demand more, be more. While you are putting work first and trying your utmost to be an asset to them, what are they giving back? (and I don't mean pay packets). What do you get from this that makes you feel, proud, happy, an achiever, that you are someone they can't do as well without?
If you are simply another number "the one that sits near the coffee machine", "the one with the nice earrings" rather than "the glossy, she's our go-to girl, she's amazing" then that says so much.
You aren't the issue, it's a toxic workspace and it's running you ragged. I know we've talked about finding a different job, but it's not always an easy thing or quick. So while you are still there, you push back and shape it to fit you.
Put everything in writing so you have a chain of information. Let them know that one week of your time for the project, was spent sorting out your systems to allow you to operate.
That way, if they opt to take any action, you have evidence and another way to push back.
If you feel overwhelmed, remember, you can ask your GP for more time off to rest. The most important thing, is that you are safe and well xxx
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