Squirmy and Grubs #10 Brami Babe & the Insufferable Gnome: Sweatin' with the Moldies

[Dutchie123]

Obviously I know you get single parents, and often they do a wonderful job, but I really really hope she's thought this through. My youngest has additional needs and it has been HARD, and my husband is able-bodied. I've gone so long without decent sleep, no time to myself, completely touched out. If they have a 'difficult' baby/toddler it's going to be so tough on her. And what if she has has a tough pregnancy and can't lift things, needs bedrest, has to have a section...after my section my husband had to do literally EVERYTHING for the rest us. She can't ever say to him please come take the baby for a while. What is she going to do if Shane needs care through the night but the baby is cluster feeding and she can't put him/her down.
Surely it's not fair on her parents to help out THAT much.

Hannah's parents live with them and there's a big chance that they do have carers as well. No way Hannah is Shane's only and full time caregiver.

If Hannah and Meredith, I mean Hannah and Shane, will have a baby (I hope not) there will definitely be a caregiver for Shane so that Hannah can look after the baby.

 

[boredawn]

Hannah's parents live with them and there's a big chance that they do have carers as well. No way Hannah is Shane's only and full time caregiver.

If Hannah and Meredith, I mean Hannah and Shane, will have a baby (I hope not) there will definitely be a caregiver for Shane so that Hannah can look after the baby.

I do wonder how Shane will deal with this emotionally. He doesn't strike me as the most emotionally mature person at the best of times, but on top of this he is also used to being the centre of attention wherever he goes, as well as having his every need addressed. I suspect even the most well rounded of person would become conditioned by this to an extent, never mind someone and immature and physically/emotionally dependant as Shane.

Will he resent the child? Literally, will he be able to accept being the second most important person in the household for the very first time ever? I honestly suspect not. And, as much as I don't care for Hannah I can only assume her maternal instinct would kick in once she has a child, and if it does she'll definitely resent Shane if he can't put his children's needs first.

I just don't think they have any realistic expectations of the demands of parenthood. We know they already completed downplay Shane's caring needs - never once are they realistic about the level of his dependence and care he requires day to day. And, how will the child feel being thrust into this dysfunctional dynamic? What kind of relationship and level of respect will they have for a father that they physically succeed by the age of say, 6 in terms of their level's of ability and dependence? I can only hope they give the child their privacy, and don't thrust them into the limelight of their youtube channel on top of everything else.

I know this is not the same thing at all, but I guess in a technical sense I was a young carer. My father suffered from a range of health conditions, and particularly very very poor mental health. It's very difficult when you're born in a situation like that which is not of your choosing. I still have issue to this day with trust and self worth, because it's very hard to develop this as a child when your parent/protector, is also the agent of your trauma. When my father's mental health dipped he would drink, and would become very erratic and verbally abusive. I used to have to barricade myself in my room and put in ear plug's when he would be pacing up and down the hall shouting at people who weren't there, in between shouting at us. Now, obviously this isn't at all the same as Shane/Hannah's situation, but my point is I never asked to be born into that situation, I never had a choice., and when I got older I grew resentful, and one day as an adult I (very unfairly) asked my mum - why did you leave us in that situation? Why did you care more about looking after him than protecting us? And - the question I regret most - why didn't you love us enough to leave? The truth is my mum was in an impossible situation because she knew that if she left my father would drink himself to death, and she knew she couldn't live with the guilt. But, that's my point. If this whole Hannah/Shane/Child situation isn't as idyllic as they claim it's going to be, how are they going to deal with that? And, if the child is damaged by that situation how is Hannah ever going to have the ability to take him/her out of that environment when she knows Shane replies on them for literally every basic function on a day to day basis.

Sorry, major rant but it just irks me.. It might not be perfect, and I want to know what they're going to do if it isn't and the child is suffering. Does Hannah have enough strength to put that child first and break her apparent addiction to Shane?

 

[SmallWonder]

I do wonder how Shane will deal with this emotionally. He doesn't strike me as the most emotionally mature person at the best of times, but on top of this he is also used to being the centre of attention wherever he goes, as well as having his every need addressed. I suspect even the most well rounded of person would become conditioned by this to an extent, never mind someone and immature and physically/emotionally dependant as Shane.

Will he resent the child? Literally, will he be able to accept being the second most important person in the household for the very first time ever? I honestly suspect not. And, as much as I don't care for Hannah I can only assume her maternal instinct would kick in once she has a child, and if it does she'll definitely resent Shane if he can't put his children's needs first.

I just don't think they have any realistic expectations of the demands of parenthood. We know they already completed downplay Shane's caring needs - never once are they realistic about the level of his dependence and care he requires day to day. And, how will the child feel being thrust into this dysfunctional dynamic? What kind of relationship and level of respect will they have for a father that they physically succeed by the age of say, 6 in terms of their level's of ability and dependence? I can only hope they give the child their privacy, and don't thrust them into the limelight of their youtube channel on top of everything else.

I know this is not the same thing at all, but I guess in a technical sense I was a young carer. My father suffered from a range of health conditions, and particularly very very poor mental health. It's very difficult when you're born in a situation like that which is not of your choosing. I still have issue to this day with trust and self worth, because it's very hard to develop this as a child when your parent/protector, is also the agent of your trauma. When my father's mental health dipped he would drink, and would become very erratic and verbally abusive. I used to have to barricade myself in my room and put in ear plug's when he would be pacing up and down the hall shouting at people who weren't there, in between shouting at us. Now, obviously this isn't at all the same as Shane/Hannah's situation, but my point is I never asked to be born into that situation, I never had a choice., and when I got older I grew resentful, and one day as an adult I (very unfairly) asked my mum - why did you leave us in that situation? Why did you care more about looking after him than protecting us? And - the question I regret most - why didn't you love us enough to leave? The truth is my mum was in an impossible situation because she knew that if she left my father would drink himself to death, and she knew she couldn't live with the guilt. But, that's my point. If this whole Hannah/Shane/Child situation isn't as idyllic as they claim it's going to be, how are they going to deal with that? And, if the child is damaged by that situation how is Hannah ever going to have the ability to take him/her out of that environment when she knows Shane replies on them for literally every basic function on a day to day basis.

Sorry, major rant but it just irks me.. It might not be perfect, and I want to know what they're going to do if it isn't and the child is suffering. Does Hannah have enough strength to put that child first and break her apparent addiction to Shane?

I am so sorry that you grew up with alcoholism in your family- it must have been very frightening to witness and although you feel that your question was unfair to ask your mom, it was a question that needed to be asked- no matter how confronting it may have felt for her to hear it. It took a lot of courage for you to ask that, and every child wants to feel loved unconditionally and safe. I'm sure your mom loved you and your siblings very much, but in a codependent relationship that involves alcoholism, the alcoholic always seems to be at the forefront of a partner's mind. Each day was a battle of cognitive dissonance for her to witness and try to mitigate the downward spiral of alcoholism that hurt not just himself but all of you, yet still love the very man who caused so much extreme daily turmoil in the household. I am very sorry about what you went through growing up and that it understandably caused issues with self-worth and trust growing up. I have never met you in person, but I have read your posts and in terms of worth, I want to tell you that you are remarkably insightful, thoughtful, very well spoken and very intelligent and clearly have overcome adversity and I commend you for becoming the well-rounded adult that you are today!

Great points about S and G and the likelihood of their dynamics changing if a baby is born. I believe that Shane will resent the child and that Hannah may resent having to care for both of them at some points. Hannah might make her parents care for the kid or they could do what every celebrity seems to do- hire a ton of 24/7 nannies and take all of the credit for being a parent. I wonder in particular about how Hannah will feel seeing her baby grow up and go from crawling to walking and seeing the development of eye-hand coordination while seeing Shane not able to do those things- will she feel a little wistful and maybe stifle that joy those milestones bring in efforts to not make him feel inadequate? How would Shane feel if his young child could do more than him- would it launch him into a depression? I hope that they don't thrust the baby into the Youtube spotlight. S and G present their relationship as an idyllic one with carefree laughs and zero burn out- but I believe that there's a deep and unhealthy level of codependency at play- especially since on their Style Like U video stated that they've talked about potentially killing themselves if one of them dies. S and G seem completely consumed in each other's identities (especially Hannah in terms of appropriating Shane's rage about any perceived act of ableism) and they are probably shells of themselves when doing things separately. I've said it before, but Dr. Drew and Dr. Phil would have an absolute field day with them.

 

[Cattycat79]

From their highly dubious and improbable "pregnancy scares" to their shallow dead-end adoption process to their supposed IVF plans, this is all clickbait. They know people are curious about their alleged sex life and possibility of having children, so they've milked the topic here and there over the years, while forgetting details along the way (Hannah apparently not remembering when she went off of birth control, and their adoption process going cold). If they were a real couple and truthful about their family planning, they'd have a great opportunity to educate the audience on those journeys on an interesting and informative way. Instead, they continue with their delusional sideshow fabrications - pretending they have sex, pretending Shane's disability has no bearing on their eligibility for adoption, pretending they even want kids.

Shane hates kids and would no doubt be resentful of any children that would take the attention off of him. He's been in a baby/child role all his life. I posted many threads ago a blog post he wrote detailing the sadistic abuse he would inflict on his child if he had one. Of course, he did it under the guise of sARcAsM and comedy, but you have to be one sick duck to even think any of that up.

Hannah is a lazy, juvenile, sheltered, pampered, and entitled twit who enjoys her life of leisure. She does not strike me as the type who'd want children. She still gets babied in a way by her parents. Sure, she has Chloe, but pet ownership is nowhere near as complex/demanding as raising a human. Plus, she has her parents there to feed Chloe or take her for walks when need be. Easy street. Her caregiving for Shane is virtue signalling and playing house, not natural maternal tendencies.

I just see this IVF thing fizzling out after the entry level of the process. Then they'll drop it and accuse anyone who asks about it of invading their privacy.

 

[DoubleOld]

So....Unpopular opinion here but here it is: Shane has a degenerative disease and, unfortunately, is pretty far into it. The medication he takes is not, again unfortunately, a cure for his condition. He is not a well man and despite trying to present otherwise he is medically fragile. Even considering having children is irresponsible and selfish beyond measure. Any children will outlive him by a long shot. Sorry to be so blunt but I am losing patience with the whole issue; like we're supposed to tip-toe around and not say - or even think - the obvious for fear of being called "ableists."

For what it's worth, I feel the same way about healthy and very wealthy 80 year olds who marry much younger trophy wives and then start a whole new family trying to regain their youth. It's the children who pay.

 

[SmallWonder]

So....Unpopular opinion here but here it is: Shane has a degenerative disease and, unfortunately, is pretty far into it. The medication he takes is not, again unfortunately, a cure for his condition. He is not a well man and despite trying to present otherwise he is medically fragile. Even considering having children is irresponsible and selfish beyond measure. Any children will outlive him by a long shot. Sorry to be so blunt but I am losing patience with the whole issue; like we're supposed to tip-toe around and not say - or even think - the obvious for fear of being called "ableists."

For what it's worth, I feel the same way about healthy and very wealthy 80 year olds who marry much younger trophy wives and then start a whole new family trying to regain their youth. It's the children who pay.

I completely agree, Double Old! Not to mention, babies and toddlers bring so many illnesses into the household and a common cold could easily kill Shane- they're acting as if it's all hunky dory and that there will be zero changes to their dynamic when they have a baby- they're in for a rude awakening! I also completely despise much older male celebrities marrying super young women and having a baby with them- it robs the child of having a father in his/her young adult years. I used to think "Why do older male celebrities marry such young women?" Well- it's because an age-appropriate woman would have standards and expectations for behavior and treatment and a much younger trophy's naivete would make her more compliant to the old male celebrities' wishes or overlooking his vices. These men don't want intelligent or captivating conversation with a beautiful woman their own age- they want halfhearted blow jobs on a yacht from an Instagram influencer who just got her braces removed! These weathered celebs like Di Caprio, Al Pacino etc would have ZERO chances with these women if they weren't famous and rich- money talks and a fool and his money (and trophy) are soon parted.

 

[DoubleOld]

I completely agree, Double Old! Not to mention, babies and toddlers bring so many illnesses into the household and a common cold could easily kill Shane- they're acting as if it's all hunky dory and that there will be zero changes to their dynamic when they have a baby- they're in for a rude awakening! I also completely despise much older male celebrities marrying super young women and having a baby with them- it robs the child of having a father in his/her young adult years. I used to think "Why do older male celebrities marry such young women?" Well- it's because an age-appropriate woman would have standards and expectations for behavior and treatment and a much younger trophy's naivete would make her more compliant to the old male celebrities' wishes or overlooking his vices. These men don't want intelligent or captivating conversation with a beautiful woman their own age- they want halfhearted blow jobs on a yacht from an Instagram influencer who just got her braces removed! These weathered celebs like Di Caprio, Al Pacino etc would have ZERO chances with these women if they weren't famous and rich- money talks and a fool and his money (and trophy) are soon parted.

Thank you @SmallWonder for not making me feel like a b*tch for my opinion. Regarding the trophy wives, after the babies come the divorce papers. Trophy wife is now set for life with famous ex-husband's alimony and child support checks. (Speaking of, old enough to have watched 'The Girls Next Door' with Hugh Hefner and his 3 girlfriends?)

 

[SmallWonder]

Thank you @SmallWonder for not making me feel like a b*tch for my opinion. Regarding the trophy wives, after the babies come the divorce papers. Trophy wife is now set for life with famous ex-husband's alimony and child support checks. (Speaking of, old enough to have watched 'The Girls Next Door' with Hugh Hefner and his 3 girlfriends?)

Absolutely, Double Old- I completely agree with your opinions !! Oh yes, the divorce papers come soon after birthing that old man's baby and then a canned PR statement comes out saying that they wish for privacy as they navigate the co-parenting process. I do remember watching "The Girls Next Door" when that came out and I was in my teens and naively said to my parents "I want to live there- this nice old man takes them on fun field trips and buys them things!" Little did I know what those girls had to do to earn their keep !! Also, Dolph Lundgren is 64 and engaged to a 25-year-old girl who is one year younger than his oldest daughter - I'm sure that they have riveting conversations about current events and life!

 

[Handi]

So....Unpopular opinion here but here it is: Shane has a degenerative disease and, unfortunately, is pretty far into it. The medication he takes is not, again unfortunately, a cure for his condition. He is not a well man and despite trying to present otherwise he is medically fragile. Even considering having children is irresponsible and selfish beyond measure. Any children will outlive him by a long shot. Sorry to be so blunt but I am losing patience with the whole issue; like we're supposed to tip-toe around and not say - or even think - the obvious for fear of being called "ableists."

For what it's worth, I feel the same way about healthy and very wealthy 80 year olds who marry much younger trophy wives and then start a whole new family trying to regain their youth. It's the children who pay.

Not sure that's an unpopular opinion here haha. Everything you said is absolutely true and i have SMA myself. Not sure why they or anyone else in that position would do that knowingly. Maybe it's all for views and they really dont go through it but who knows.

 

[fredflintstone]

Not sure that's an unpopular opinion here haha. Everything you said is absolutely true and i have SMA myself. Not sure why they or anyone else in that position would do that knowingly. Maybe it's all for views and they really dont go through it but who knows.

I agree. I don't see your opinion as being unpopular here. If S&G are to be believed, about 1 in 40 people are carriers of the SMA gene. Of course they insist that should not be a reason for 1 in 40 people to not have children, and I agree. I actually applaud Hannah for being tested herself. She's not a carrier, so while any children of hers that Shane might potentially father (boy, that's a huge "IF") WILL be carriers, THEIR children together, unless the baby develops SMA in the womb from some random gene modification after conception, will not HAVE SMA.

Maybe it's just because genetic testing wasn't as advanced in 1992, the year Shane was born. By the time Shane's parents tried for a 2nd child, I gather Shane had already been diagnosed (I think he said he was between 1 and 2 years old when dx'd), so it seems they might have thought long and hard about their high odds of bringing another child with SMA into the world. Not saying they were wrong to have another child... and maybe they had an amnio done when the mom was carrying Andrew. I'm not "pro-choice" WRT ending a pregnancy solely b/c of a genetic defect. I just think after having one child WITH a serious genetic defect they'd want to lessen the odds they have another, not b/c that child's life is in any way "less worthy" than that of an unafflicted child, but is it okay to just blindly roll the dice and not consider all a child MIGHT have to deal with down the road?

 

[fredflintstone]

@Handi, I especially respect and value your insight about all this because you're living with SMA. I don't remember you ever saying the type or in what ways it affects you (and you do NOT owe anybody an explanation), but you KNOW the challenges involved with the condition. I can understand Shane's frustration with people (often little old ladies) expressing pity for him. He says he lives a happy and fulfilling life in spite of his condition, but it's all he's ever known. His situation is quite different from someone like Cole (of "Cole & Charisma" fame) who in an instant went from having a fully-functioning body to being a quadriplegic. Unlike Shane, Cole remembers what his life was like before, so it's understandable that his "new normal" presented a much bigger challenge for him than Shane has ever experienced, even though Shane is still "more" disabled than Cole. In Shane's case, I don't think he can fully appreciate or mourn what he's "lost" because he never HAD it.

 

[DoubleOld]

Not sure that's an unpopular opinion here haha. Everything you said is absolutely true and i have SMA myself. Not sure why they or anyone else in that position would do that knowingly. Maybe it's all for views and they really dont go through it but who knows.

Thank you for your response @Handi. If there was a gentler way to make my point please let me know.

@Handi, I especially respect and value your insight about all this because you're living with SMA. I don't remember you ever saying the type or in what ways it affects you (and you do NOT owe anybody an explanation), but you KNOW the challenges involved with the condition. I can understand Shane's frustration with people (often little old ladies) expressing pity for him. He says he lives a happy and fulfilling life in spite of his condition, but it's all he's ever known. His situation is quite different from someone like Cole (of "Cole & Charisma" fame) who in an instant went from having a fully-functioning body to being a quadriplegic. Unlike Shane, Cole remembers what his life was like before, so it's understandable that his "new normal" presented a much bigger challenge for him than Shane has ever experienced, even though Shane is still "more" disabled than Cole. In Shane's case, I don't think he can fully appreciate or mourn what he's "lost" because he never HAD it.

If I may, @fredflintsone, it seems from Shane's books that as a child he very much appreciated and mourned his disability. I feel for him; it couldn't have been easy seeing other children doing things he couldn't. What I have difficulty with is him presenting himself and his relationship with Hannah in a way that demands we suspend reality. I think he is still very much hurting inside and is expressing it by this OTT fake and toxic positivity.

Also don't appreciate his pandering to the fetish crowd. He didn't do any of that before Hannah.

Thank you for your response @Handi. If there was a gentler way to make my point please let me know.


If I may, @fredflintstone one, it seems from Shane's books that as a child he very much appreciated and mourned his disability. I feel for him; it couldn't have been easy seeing other children doing things he couldn't. What I have difficulty with is him presenting himself and his relationship with Hannah in a way that demands we suspend reality. I think he is still very much hurting inside and is expressing it by this OTT fake and toxic positivity.

Also don't appreciate his pandering to the fetish crowd. He didn't do any of that before Hannah.

 

[DoubleOld]

Thank you for your response @Handi. If there was a gentler way to make my point please let me know.


If I may, @fredflintsone, it seems from Shane's books that as a child he very much appreciated and mourned his disability. I feel for him; it couldn't have been easy seeing other children doing things he couldn't. What I have difficulty with is him presenting himself and his relationship with Hannah in a way that demands we suspend reality. I think he is still very much hurting inside and is expressing it by this OTT fake and toxic positivity.

Also don't appreciate his pandering to the fetish crowd. He didn't do any of that before Hannah.

ETA: Sorry for the double post. It seems I can't undo it.

OMG - Now I've triple posted!!!!! OOOF

 

[SmallWonder]

ETA: Sorry for the double post. It seems I can't undo it.

OMG - Now I've triple posted!!!!! OOOF

Its ok to, Double Old! I have trouble posting sometimes and figuring out how to do things with my computer! Also, since we both love ice cream- I recommend Ben and Jerry's Chocolate Therapy, Strawberry Cheesecake and Tiramisu flavors- absolutely delicious! I especially love the name,
"Chocolate Therapy"- at roughly $6 a pint, that's a great co-pay compared to conventional therapy prices . Also, ice cream sundae pro tip: a scoop of chocolate therapy, whipped cream, Hershey's chocolate sauce topped with a chopped-up dark chocolate Boyer brand Mallow Cup- so good .

 

[sassquatch23]

I've only just found out that this thread exists! I can see that there is no wiki, but is there a post that has a recap of the last 10 threads (or I will sit and read through them, who needs a social life!)

 

[boredawn]

I am so sorry that you grew up with alcoholism in your family- it must have been very frightening to witness and although you feel that your question was unfair to ask your mom, it was a question that needed to be asked- no matter how confronting it may have felt for her to hear it. It took a lot of courage for you to ask that, and every child wants to feel loved unconditionally and safe. I'm sure your mom loved you and your siblings very much, but in a codependent relationship that involves alcoholism, the alcoholic always seems to be at the forefront of a partner's mind. Each day was a battle of cognitive dissonance for her to witness and try to mitigate the downward spiral of alcoholism that hurt not just himself but all of you, yet still love the very man who caused so much extreme daily turmoil in the household. I am very sorry about what you went through growing up and that it understandably caused issues with self-worth and trust growing up. I have never met you in person, but I have read your posts and in terms of worth, I want to tell you that you are remarkably insightful, thoughtful, very well spoken and very intelligent and clearly have overcome adversity and I commend you for becoming the well-rounded adult that you are today!

Great points about S and G and the likelihood of their dynamics changing if a baby is born. I believe that Shane will resent the child and that Hannah may resent having to care for both of them at some points. Hannah might make her parents care for the kid or they could do what every celebrity seems to do- hire a ton of 24/7 nannies and take all of the credit for being a parent. I wonder in particular about how Hannah will feel seeing her baby grow up and go from crawling to walking and seeing the development of eye-hand coordination while seeing Shane not able to do those things- will she feel a little wistful and maybe stifle that joy those milestones bring in efforts to not make him feel inadequate? How would Shane feel if his young child could do more than him- would it launch him into a depression? I hope that they don't thrust the baby into the Youtube spotlight. S and G present their relationship as an idyllic one with carefree laughs and zero burn out- but I believe that there's a deep and unhealthy level of codependency at play- especially since on their Style Like U video stated that they've talked about potentially killing themselves if one of them dies. S and G seem completely consumed in each other's identities (especially Hannah in terms of appropriating Shane's rage about any perceived act of ableism) and they are probably shells of themselves when doing things separately. I've said it before, but Dr. Drew and Dr. Phil would have an absolute field day with them.

That was genuinely very thoughtful of you to comment, and I can't quite express how grateful I am. My dad was a caring and wonderful father when his mental health weren't in the driving seat (which was most of the time fortunately), which makes it so complex, but that's it I guess, life isn't straightforward.

I really struggle with compliments, particularly as you were very specific and insightful with your comment which made it feel very personal rather than a generic well wish, so it actually had me quite teary and emotional. So again, thank you. I think sometimes we forgot the power of our words, particularly when they are positive as we tend to focus on the damaging content. I found this today after waking up feeling really quite rubbish and wondering what my day to day purpose actually is, so it was genuinely lovely to read. For what it's worth I feel the same about your input in this thread, it's really refreshing to speak to people like you who don't pander to the showboating of these two and cut clear of the bull.tit.



So on a more related topic... Hannah is always very insistent that Shane's care is easy to handle, and I've recently been considering why this might actually be true , but as a matter of perspective. We all live in the real world. We work, we travel to work, we cook, we clean, we meet friend, we look after family and/or children.

Hannah likely does none of this, and never had. She has never had a real job, doesn't have a wide social circle and by the looks of the size of her house very likely had cleaners to do the housework. She has no children and unlike many other doesn't look after children or elderly parents etc.

Literally all hannah does is her day to day care ( and we know she is low maintenance in terms of personal hygiene etc) and get Shane ready. She's never even had a job like the rest of us where we work in the likes of retail while we are young and are humbled, while learning how to communicate with customers from every walk of life. So, to Hannah looking after Shane is a piece of cake, because its all she does and she doesn't have any of the other worldly commitments that the rest of us have.

I can't believe I neve realise this before. This is why she is genuinely so outraged at any suggestion of Shane's care being any kind of workload.

 

[DoubleOld]

That was genuinely very thoughtful of you to comment, and I can't quite express how grateful I am. My dad was a caring and wonderful father when his mental health weren't in the driving seat (which was most of the time fortunately), which makes it so complex, but that's it I guess, life isn't straightforward.

I really struggle with compliments, particularly as you were very specific and insightful with your comment which made it feel very personal rather than a generic well wish, so it actually had me quite teary and emotional. So again, thank you. I think sometimes we forgot the power of our words, particularly when they are positive as we tend to focus on the damaging content. I found this today after waking up feeling really quite rubbish and wondering what my day to day purpose actually is, so it was genuinely lovely to read. For what it's worth I feel the same about your input in this thread, it's really refreshing to speak to people like you who don't pander to the showboating of these two and cut clear of the bull.tit.



So on a more related topic... Hannah is always very insistent that Shane's care is easy to handle, and I've recently been considering why this might actually be true , but as a matter of perspective. We all live in the real world. We work, we travel to work, we cook, we clean, we meet friend, we look after family and/or children.

Hannah likely does none of this, and never had. She has never had a real job, doesn't have a wide social circle and by the looks of the size of her house very likely had cleaners to do the housework. She has no children and unlike many other doesn't look after children or elderly parents etc.

Literally all hannah does is her day to day care ( and we know she is low maintenance in terms of personal hygiene etc) and get Shane ready. She's never even had a job like the rest of us where we work in the likes of retail while we are young and are humbled, while learning how to communicate with customers from every walk of life. So, to Hannah looking after Shane is a piece of cake, because its all she does and she doesn't have any of the other worldly commitments that the rest of us have.

I can't believe I neve realise this before. This is why she is genuinely so outraged at any suggestion of Shane's care being any kind of workload.

Good insights @boredawn. Never thought of it from that perspective and what you say makes sense. Good job!

I would add other reasons why Hannah considers taking care of Shane easy. She gets off on it. It meets her needs. There is something inside her that wants to be with someone who, for all practical purposes, is totally dependent on others.

 

[SmallWonder]

That was genuinely very thoughtful of you to comment, and I can't quite express how grateful I am. My dad was a caring and wonderful father when his mental health weren't in the driving seat (which was most of the time fortunately), which makes it so complex, but that's it I guess, life isn't straightforward.

I really struggle with compliments, particularly as you were very specific and insightful with your comment which made it feel very personal rather than a generic well wish, so it actually had me quite teary and emotional. So again, thank you. I think sometimes we forgot the power of our words, particularly when they are positive as we tend to focus on the damaging content. I found this today after waking up feeling really quite rubbish and wondering what my day to day purpose actually is, so it was genuinely lovely to read. For what it's worth I feel the same about your input in this thread, it's really refreshing to speak to people like you who don't pander to the showboating of these two and cut clear of the bull.tit.



So on a more related topic... Hannah is always very insistent that Shane's care is easy to handle, and I've recently been considering why this might actually be true , but as a matter of perspective. We all live in the real world. We work, we travel to work, we cook, we clean, we meet friend, we look after family and/or children.

Hannah likely does none of this, and never had. She has never had a real job, doesn't have a wide social circle and by the looks of the size of her house very likely had cleaners to do the housework. She has no children and unlike many other doesn't look after children or elderly parents etc.

Literally all hannah does is her day to day care ( and we know she is low maintenance in terms of personal hygiene etc) and get Shane ready. She's never even had a job like the rest of us where we work in the likes of retail while we are young and are humbled, while learning how to communicate with customers from every walk of life. So, to Hannah looking after Shane is a piece of cake, because its all she does and she doesn't have any of the other worldly commitments that the rest of us have.

I can't believe I neve realise this before. This is why she is genuinely so outraged at any suggestion of Shane's care being any kind of workload.

Thank you so much for such a heartfelt response and your kind words, Boredawn. I am glad that you appreciated what I wrote, and I can definitely understand the complexity of mental health in loved ones. I lost my fiancé in my very early 20's to his drug relapse and I was the one good influence in his life through modeling my own values and keeping him sober for the nearly 3 years I dated him- he was a complex, caring and troubled young man and I believed in him and loved him, but it couldn't ultimately lift him from his own personal battle in sobriety in the end. I loved and lost, and it took years to come out of that depression of the aftermath and open my heart up to dating again, but I think life is full of brightness and darkness that forges true strength and depth in people. The human experience is a beautiful in all of its ups and downs and absolutely worthwhile. I'm wishing you and your family a really great New Year coming up!

Excellent points on Hannah and S and G- she lives a very sheltered life that really isn't a true reflection of caregiving. Hannah trivializes and minimizes what it is to be a caretaker and never ever talks about possible resentment, burn out, body aches from transferring him from his chair etc. Real interabled couples I've met in life have some stressors even if they love each other very much and I hate that S and G paint a nearly impossible dynamic for viewers to model. A massive mansion, wealth and internet fame where all they have to do is tit out a video a week and talk to underfunded middle schoolers about bullying while they bully anyone who chooses to challenge their narrative. I am convinced that Hannah saw Shane as the linchpin for her to secure financial stability and never actualize on her own. Interabled couples I've met in real life have lives outside of each other- whereas S and G seem very codependent and consumed in each other's identities at the expense of creating their own. Maybe she feared having to find a job, move out, date and experience heartbreak and she wanted a constant variable in her life that wouldn't change- in her own potential feelings of powerlessness, she wanted the power transferred to her in caring for Shane. She couldn't find a purpose within herself, so she wanted to find a purpose in him. Maybe it's all speculation on my part, but I think that Hannah and her mom are a guaranteed package deal and Shane was the only guy that would literally need Hannah and her mom to care for him- any other guy would understandably want a divide between Hannah and her mom in regard to their romantic relationship. Who knows- but on a side note, I wish you all on Tattle Life a very happy Thanksgiving!

 

[ToneGrey87]

Shane got a fertility test. The doctor told him the semen would be extracted via masturbation. Since Shane can't work himself, Hannah had to work him...and I now can't get that mental image out of my mind. I'm sorry. It's just so bleeping weird. I'm sorry, I know I'm rehashing tit we've already discussed, but I'm feeling a renewed sense of "wtf". This is the type of tit they need to keep to themselves. If I were their publicist, I'd tell them to refrain from revealing or discussing anything about their private lives, and do something more creative on social media...short films or something. Shane doesn't mind self-deprecating himself, so the possibilities are endless with what kind of parodies they could do.

Idea - Shane and Hannah wrap up their vlog, then after they say "cut", with good editing, a body double playing Shane gets out of his chair and says "I wonder how long can we keep this up?" Or maybe a scene of a guy hitting on Hannah. The guy is trying to impress Hannah, and talks tit about "some crippled guy" in the men's restroom. Shane comes around the corner, and Hannah says "meet Shane...my husband". Whatever. Something like that. The point is, they could be likable. It's not like it's impossible for a inter-abled (or whatever) couple to be charming and charismatic to the point where you wouldn't give a duck about how they function in their private lives. S&G just ain't that. Neither of them have an engaging personality. If Hannah wasn't with Shane, she could probably have some social media success as an above average looking travel blogger or something. Just pictures and captions, though. No talking. Shane...idk, I think attaching himself to attractive women would be his own means of social media success. Once again, this nothing to do with his condition, and everything to do with his personality.

 

[jolleee]

Shane got a fertility test. The doctor told him the semen would be extracted via masturbation. Since Shane can't work himself, Hannah had to work him...and I now can't get that mental image out of my mind. I'm sorry. It's just so bleeping weird. I'm sorry, I know I'm rehashing tit we've already discussed, but I'm feeling a renewed sense of "wtf". This is the type of tit they need to keep to themselves. If I were their publicist, I'd tell them to refrain from revealing or discussing anything about their private lives, and do something more creative on social media...short films or something. Shane doesn't mind self-deprecating himself, so the possibilities are endless with what kind of parodies they could do.

Idea - Shane and Hannah wrap up their vlog, then after they say "cut", with good editing, a body double playing Shane gets out of his chair and says "I wonder how long can we keep this up?" Or maybe a scene of a guy hitting on Hannah. The guy is trying to impress Hannah, and talks tit about "some crippled guy" in the men's restroom. Shane comes around the corner, and Hannah says "meet Shane...my husband". Whatever. Something like that. The point is, they could be likable. It's not like it's impossible for a inter-abled (or whatever) couple to be charming and charismatic to the point where you wouldn't give a duck about how they function in their private lives. S&G just ain't that. Neither of them have an engaging personality. If Hannah wasn't with Shane, she could probably have some social media success as an above average looking travel blogger or something. Just pictures and captions, though. No talking. Shane...idk, I think attaching himself to attractive women would be his own means of social media success. Once again, this nothing to do with his condition, and everything to do with his personality.

Nailed it! Yep the things they do are some boring boring crap. The skit session is on point ! Replace a very tired worn out concept of podcasting and vlogging with some fresh creative content and all personal stuff locked away where no one has to hear it or get mental image