How to fuck your life up like Val
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1. Make sure you take that much coke daily that you act erratic and lose custody of your kids
2. Make that many enemies in the area you live in that you have to have a new bestie every week and escape the country at any opportunity because you might get glasses again on the eyebrow
3. Make sure you have done too much irreversible damage to your children that your relationship is terrible with them so you must escape abroad at every opportunity leaving them with your enabler Ma who caused you to run away and work in Ibiza aged 16
4. Be a benefit cheat and have absolutely nothing going for you career wise that you have to let old Arabs jizz in your belly button for a crabstick salad & shower you with genital warts
5. Occasionally pretend to DJ in a random studio to 31 TikTok viewers which you’ve been given for an hour because you’ve given a blowie to the manager prior
6. Change your hair style more frequently than you change your crusty Gstring and you’ll get a nice frazzled egg head
7. Preach that you are “woke” and a “witch” so that people don’t think your taking drugs still
8. Come up with bizzare business ventures monthly and never mention them again. Black Rabbit, Tulum Clothing, Kids Furniture store, Iris Sunglasses, Miami Real Estate - this ensures everyone knows your a pathological liar
we were on our way to the gate otherwise I would have bought a drink and sat next to her