colouredlines
VIP Member
Russ in Cheshire is so undesirable that a woman accused of shagging him gets the police involved. Amazing.
- Notice
colouredlines
VIP Member
In the pub. At the next table a man is having the history of sex patiently explained to him. He is shocked to learn that women don't like the term "rear foo foo".
I glanced across. He's easily in his 50s.
How is this possible?
I glanced across. He's easily in his 50s.
How is this possible?
steverc
Member
So there I was, sitting in my one of my favourite restaurants, doodling away on the napkin - tits and fannies if you must know, but it’s my RIGHT as a MAN and that’s feminism, baby - slowly nursing a little chub as I did so. My doodles were turning me on, you see, because I’m a powerfully sexual man in a lot of ways that I don’t like to talk about, but if you’re a sexy lady I will, whether you want to or not.
Anyway, I was sitting there, and I noticed a table across the way, with six youngish lads all having something of a low-key, but clearly heated argument. Aha, I thought, this is a job for me, because I’m all about solutions, I look at problems, size up the data, and then fix it. I’ve had decades of experience, for which I’ve been paid various amounts of money. So I thought ‘You know, Russell, old boy (not ‘old chap’, which is what I call my erection), you could do these lads a solid. That’s right, SOLID. Just like when I slip it in.
So I went over, sat down with them, and found out they were a boyband from Korea - I knew they weren’t ‘local’ - I mean, I’d do the ‘slitty-eyes’ movement here, but no doubt I’d get cancelled for that. Now, usually I have no time for music like that - I’ve been around that world a LOT, and know everything about it, and boybands and the people who like them are stupid. They’re stupid people. What I mean is, they (the people who like that music) are a lot less scientifically intelligent than me (Russell), because they are stupid and I am not. Very few people are as intelligent as me, of course, it’s just a measurable fact. Like the length of my penis, the one which wakes me up every morning and have to spank until it cries at me.
It seems they were unhappy with one of their members, and were looking to replace him. Well, I thought, from what they were saying, this J-Hope lad sounded like he was a stupid person, one of ‘The Stupids’, as I call nearly everyone. And as it happened, I thought I could bring a special twist to these boys special blend of hip-hop, R&B and light rock, along with some obviously much-needed intelligence. I suggested this, and they all looked at each other enthusiastically, and instantly agreed. At this point I was very much needed to have a Number One (a prelude to the many Number Ones we’d all have together), and went to have one, holding my penis as I did so. Things were changing for ol’Russ, I thought. All of this UX stuff I’m so amazingly good at was about to stand for Unbelievable luXury!
But when I got back to the table, they’d all gone. It must have been too much for them as a concept, and I later found out they’d patched it up with the other bloke and gone on to unbelievable success. But, and I like to fuck ladies, for a moment I was the seventh member of BTS. As it turned out, I think all that travel and money and youthful groupies and success and youthful groupies and sex and youthful groupies would have been a bit much, so I’m glad it didn’t happen.
Or do I cry myself to sleep over it every night? Relentlessly. OH WHO CAN TELL! Not me. I’m just over here, designing some UX. As you do.
My penis.
Anyway, I was sitting there, and I noticed a table across the way, with six youngish lads all having something of a low-key, but clearly heated argument. Aha, I thought, this is a job for me, because I’m all about solutions, I look at problems, size up the data, and then fix it. I’ve had decades of experience, for which I’ve been paid various amounts of money. So I thought ‘You know, Russell, old boy (not ‘old chap’, which is what I call my erection), you could do these lads a solid. That’s right, SOLID. Just like when I slip it in.
So I went over, sat down with them, and found out they were a boyband from Korea - I knew they weren’t ‘local’ - I mean, I’d do the ‘slitty-eyes’ movement here, but no doubt I’d get cancelled for that. Now, usually I have no time for music like that - I’ve been around that world a LOT, and know everything about it, and boybands and the people who like them are stupid. They’re stupid people. What I mean is, they (the people who like that music) are a lot less scientifically intelligent than me (Russell), because they are stupid and I am not. Very few people are as intelligent as me, of course, it’s just a measurable fact. Like the length of my penis, the one which wakes me up every morning and have to spank until it cries at me.
It seems they were unhappy with one of their members, and were looking to replace him. Well, I thought, from what they were saying, this J-Hope lad sounded like he was a stupid person, one of ‘The Stupids’, as I call nearly everyone. And as it happened, I thought I could bring a special twist to these boys special blend of hip-hop, R&B and light rock, along with some obviously much-needed intelligence. I suggested this, and they all looked at each other enthusiastically, and instantly agreed. At this point I was very much needed to have a Number One (a prelude to the many Number Ones we’d all have together), and went to have one, holding my penis as I did so. Things were changing for ol’Russ, I thought. All of this UX stuff I’m so amazingly good at was about to stand for Unbelievable luXury!
But when I got back to the table, they’d all gone. It must have been too much for them as a concept, and I later found out they’d patched it up with the other bloke and gone on to unbelievable success. But, and I like to fuck ladies, for a moment I was the seventh member of BTS. As it turned out, I think all that travel and money and youthful groupies and success and youthful groupies and sex and youthful groupies would have been a bit much, so I’m glad it didn’t happen.
Or do I cry myself to sleep over it every night? Relentlessly. OH WHO CAN TELL! Not me. I’m just over here, designing some UX. As you do.
My penis.
Veronicaaa
VIP Member
NOW DO JACK MONROE, I BEG OF YOU.Enjoyed this summary in the weekly email from The Fence todayView attachment 1427249
View attachment 1427248
kachoochoo
VIP Member
it gets shared on twitter all the time
here's what he's had to say about the grifting allegations this afternoon and there's several instances of books being paid for and not arriving
DisgruntledGoat
VIP Member
I once had the best and most-needed wee of my life at Sandbach services. Can’t believe this dickhead living there will now tarnish my fond memories of the place.
colouredlines
VIP Member
Funny you should mention that...
The full post - not for the squeamish: https://honeyncream.wordpress.com/2012/05/08/put-your-money-shot-where-my-mouth-is/
Includes Russ's full guide to cunnilingus, followed by complaints about how bad women are at sucking dick (no shit. If the dick in question belonged to RussInCheshire, you'd go at it like it was made of chewing gum).
Sweetcouchpotato
Well-known member
He reminds me of the blissful pleasure of dating decent working class men who didn't feel the need to show off, pretend to be feminists or go on about how the sexiest thing was a clever woman or a woman who could laugh at herself, as if clever women who laugh at themselves are unicorns rather than pretty much par for the course.
I bet he spends ages in the bathroom grooming his beard. I like a beardy but not when it's like a key personality trait for them.
Could you imagine the sheer tedium of him accessing your rear foofoo while jabbering away anxiously self-soothing by proving what a genius feminist with an eclectic taste in music he was, between little grunts.
I bet he spends ages in the bathroom grooming his beard. I like a beardy but not when it's like a key personality trait for them.
Could you imagine the sheer tedium of him accessing your rear foofoo while jabbering away anxiously self-soothing by proving what a genius feminist with an eclectic taste in music he was, between little grunts.
kachoochoo
VIP Member
I've only been aware of this dude for a few days, and, as I said, I'm not a prude or a kink shamer, but that blog is 
I suppose, now we've got a proper thread, we can say the blog is called honey n cream
I've screenshot the last post there here (in case he ever remembers his password), I've probably messed it up a bit and it's very long, but you get the gist
I suppose, now we've got a proper thread, we can say the blog is called honey n cream
I've screenshot the last post there here (in case he ever remembers his password), I've probably messed it up a bit and it's very long, but you get the gist
Putting this behind a spoiler, because I don't want to provide any misinformation, but I think there is a strong chance that I knew this guy many moons ago...
TOOT TOOT
This would have been somewhere between 2006-2009, my prime 'Big Going Out' years, and my memory is hazy of much of that time (happy days!). The Russ I knew had a girlfriend who was friends with my friend, so I knew them a little bit and probably met them 10ish times and went to a couple of their parties.
What I can remember:
He looked v. similar to Russ in Cheshire and had that same 'totally met Oasis' vibe.
His girlfriend was an absolutely gorgeous, Kate Winslet in Titanic type, and he talked a lot about her lovely curves (urgh), she'd have been a similar age to us so 23-24. He encouraged her not to work and to follow her art.
He drove a very fancy car, I think a BMW but cars are not my strongpoint.
They lived in a very swish flat somewhere near Canal Street
He was definitely an IT guy and said he owned his own business. They certainly spent a lot.
They were swingers, and we once awkwardly stayed a bit longer than we'd intended at what turned into a sex party and had to sneak off. His and his girlfriend's agreement was that they would only swing at parties. He inevitably cheated on her, and then when she found out, kicked her out like a super feminist.
Anyway, not conclusive, I wouldn't want to swear that they were one and the same guy, but the alternative is that there are two of them out there.
What I can remember:
He looked v. similar to Russ in Cheshire and had that same 'totally met Oasis' vibe.
His girlfriend was an absolutely gorgeous, Kate Winslet in Titanic type, and he talked a lot about her lovely curves (urgh), she'd have been a similar age to us so 23-24. He encouraged her not to work and to follow her art.
He drove a very fancy car, I think a BMW but cars are not my strongpoint.
They lived in a very swish flat somewhere near Canal Street
He was definitely an IT guy and said he owned his own business. They certainly spent a lot.
They were swingers, and we once awkwardly stayed a bit longer than we'd intended at what turned into a sex party and had to sneak off. His and his girlfriend's agreement was that they would only swing at parties. He inevitably cheated on her, and then when she found out, kicked her out like a super feminist.
Anyway, not conclusive, I wouldn't want to swear that they were one and the same guy, but the alternative is that there are two of them out there.
TOOT TOOT
colouredlines
VIP Member
Defensive posts about rear foofoo:
With that in mind, I'd like to clarify that the screenshots I'm sharing are not from his collaborative Honey & Cream blog, but rather his personal blog, which ran for years.
This goes way beyond one ill-advised post.
With that in mind, I'd like to clarify that the screenshots I'm sharing are not from his collaborative Honey & Cream blog, but rather his personal blog, which ran for years.
This goes way beyond one ill-advised post.
Stormageddon
Member
Enjoyed this summary in the weekly email from The Fence today
colouredlines
VIP Member
This is an archetype we've all seen so much - the "hey laydeez, don't worry about beauty standards, you're perfect as you are (unless you're too thin, bones are for dogs). So are you up for a bit of bum fun? Hahaha just my little joke, I'd never put pressure on you, I'm a feminist ally actually. But if you happen to be a bit curious...well, you know, a lot of laydeez say they find it very empowering. Just the tip? We can stop any time you like..."
The little jokes about the Eastern European waitress, too - oh but don't worry, he can't be anti-immigrant, he hates the Tories! So when he's a racist prick about Eastern Europeans, he's just being hilariously ironic on a level you don't get (maybe because you fried your brain watching reality TV).
And UGH, I just saw that tweet about learning to love "weak album tracks". You just KNOW that if you told him you didn't like his favourite band, he'd tell you that you weren't listening properly.
In conclusion, I hope he and Jack get together. How big is his Tesla?
becky's artex ceiling
VIP Member
There should honestly be a word for the pleasure of discovering a Tattle thread for someone whose been a peripheral irritant in your feed, introduced only by other people's likes and RTs, and finding out all the tea and scandal! Somehow the grifting and old blog had passed me by, he just had a twatty vibe.
Anyway I've been cackling like a loon for all 11 pages and am pitching my deckchair right HERE
Anyway I've been cackling like a loon for all 11 pages and am pitching my deckchair right HERE
Sideboard Bob
VIP Member
I’ve always been proudly bisexual, but thanks to reading about Russ on this thread…
colouredlines
VIP Member
At the time of the Honey & Cream blog, Russ had another blog. Honey & Cream links to it, but it has long since been deleted.
Sadly for anyone with a gag reflex, the archives are still up: https://web.archive.org/web/20120312080733/http://heterocephalusgabler.wordpress.com/
Sadly for anyone with a gag reflex, the archives are still up: https://web.archive.org/web/20120312080733/http://heterocephalusgabler.wordpress.com/
Russ loses his virginity:
Russ indulges in some casual bantz about Johnny Foreigner (but it's okay because he's a leftie):
Russ helpfully tells us silly women how we can attract a sex god like him: don't diet, don't wear too much makeup, and be smart (which he defines as: stop watching reality TV and soap operas. I dunno, my dainty little girl brain can't cope with current affairs). This one gets posted in its entirety because it is SO SO BAD. The funny thing is that Russ links to this in a comment on the H&C post shared above, as an example of his skills with nuance.
It's fair to say that Russ is obsessed with anal sex - he mentions it in every post he writes about sex. Which, OK, when I was in my 20s I knew men like that. Russ was in his 40s writing this blog.
...I'm going for a shower.
Russ indulges in some casual bantz about Johnny Foreigner (but it's okay because he's a leftie):
Russ helpfully tells us silly women how we can attract a sex god like him: don't diet, don't wear too much makeup, and be smart (which he defines as: stop watching reality TV and soap operas. I dunno, my dainty little girl brain can't cope with current affairs). This one gets posted in its entirety because it is SO SO BAD. The funny thing is that Russ links to this in a comment on the H&C post shared above, as an example of his skills with nuance.
It's fair to say that Russ is obsessed with anal sex - he mentions it in every post he writes about sex. Which, OK, when I was in my 20s I knew men like that. Russ was in his 40s writing this blog.
...I'm going for a shower.
Griftymcgriftface
VIP Member
It never crossed my mind that I would ever consider superglueing my legs together but here we are.
Lazarus
VIP Member
He’s odious. I’m surprised he’s had any women willing to have sex with him.
the gofundme shite turns me insane. I can’t get over the entitlement of people who just speak absolute shite and expect others to dig deep to support them. This is worse when it’s a man who has a car which is way out of reach of so many people and has other income sources.
(plus there’s the trussell trust in case I wasn’t put off enough already!)
the gofundme shite turns me insane. I can’t get over the entitlement of people who just speak absolute shite and expect others to dig deep to support them. This is worse when it’s a man who has a car which is way out of reach of so many people and has other income sources.
(plus there’s the trussell trust in case I wasn’t put off enough already!)