Ruby Granger #45 "Um" -- Ruby Granger, 2023

[gossip_guy]

You mean her phone/camera slipping on whatever she's placed it on?

I don't know. It seems completely bizarre that someone would go to these lengths to hide they were on holiday with someone else. It just seems like such an odd and inexplicable thing to do, I don't see why anyone would. Thinking about the lengths she would have to be going to in order to hide it makes me think you're the one with the screw loose here.

It is bizarre, but Ruby's been caught doing it before many times.

At Exeter she went on quite a few trips that she claimed were "solo" and did everything she could to hide mummy off-screen. Sometime she succeeded, sometime she didn't, sometimes she gave up half-way through and came up with hilariously flimsy excuses why her mummy needed to be there.

There was her "solo" trip to visit archives in Woking, when mummy drove her there and back, seemingly waited outside the building all day for her and they had lunch together. Mummy just happened to have VARRY IMPWORETANT BUSINESS in the area on the exact day of Ruby's appointment. How ludicrously fortuitous!

There was her "solo" holiday to Devon to visit her "friend", where she neglected to mention that the "frand" was her parents' friends' daughter who also attended Exeter, that they were getting the train together and that Ruby's entire family were waiting in Devon. At no point was she "solo". She apparently forgot to tell mummy to keep up the lie, because while Ruby was bragging in Insta stories about her solo trip, her mum was posting family group photos of the same trip with Ruby included.

There was the "solo" camping trip with Blakeney, where it quickly became clear that her parents were parked in eyeshot in their camper van. I seem to recall she did this again, but tried her best to hide that this other camping trip with Blakeney took place in Ruby's back yard.

I'm sure there's others I'm forgetting. She noticed and became incredibly defensive that people were asking why she was spending so much time away from uni with her parents. Rather than either start committing to staying at uni and cutting the umbilical cord, or just own the fact that she doesn't want to not be near mummy, she got on her soap box to lecture everyone about normalising spending 99% of your time with mummy, while lying about being near mummy 99% of the time.

She's a compulsive liar and it doesn't seem to matter how ridiculous or pointless her lies are, she'll still lie endlessly, especially if she thinks there's a chance it might make her seem more impressive or mitigate criticism.

I'm in camp 'Ruby went to Paris alone' but Ruby's cried wolf so many times about solo trips that I totally get people assuming she went with mummy, since doing that and lying about it has always been her default. Her 'back to uni' vlog is packed with so many hilarious lies and embellishments to try to make herself seem smart and her life seem busy-yet-organised (while offering zero details or updates about her degree) that her having lied about going to Paris alone to try to appear independent and adventurous would be the least shocking revelation ever.

 

[cravencandi]

The fact that they keep making almond cake for every single holiday without fail when Marfa doesn't like it is hilarious to me lmao
With all the desserts you could possibly make why would you always choose the one that your sister doesn't like?

Because none of them care at all about Marfa which is really sad to see

 

[Griftwood]

Get yourself someone who looks at you the way Roobs looks at herself through her phone camera

 

[robinhiggs]

I get keeping some for future children or just a couple as sentimental, but SOME not a whole library worth. That house must be groaning under the weight of sheer shite they keep squirreled away

 

[gossip_guy]

"It wasn't syopposed tyo rain today," Ruby says ominously.

My dude, you're in England and it's April. Y'know, the month of "April showers"?

"Can you hear the baahrds?" Ruby asks, awkwardly pointing her claw at the sky.

She's added pre-recorded birdsong noises onto the video again and cranked the volume of the audio layer so high that it's louder than her narration. People will find it impossible not to hear the baaaaaahrds. They may struggle to hear anything else, though, like whatever faux-whimsical nonsense Ruby's muttering about next to her desolate back yard crack den.

"It's quoyte a strange remoinda that you've ackshually been away from hyome for quoyte a whoile whan yeu comm back and awl your candles are dossty."

This is the same room that's covered in dust and dirt when she lives there, so I'm not sure how this is any different to what she usually finds in there.

Speaking of dirt and grime...

Ruby shows off her filthtastic kitchen and the gifted coffee machine that they clean once every two years. Look closely and you can see that there's a long hair hanging off the spout/nozzle and draping underneath, so everyone's coffee can pick up some unwanted hair follicle additives. Something something JARMAPHYOBE something something PARFACKSHONIST.

She rambles about TYEU-DYEU LISTS while advertising the planner she never actually uses. As always, she shows one that's suspiciously pristine and has no other pages filled out. She just grabbed this from a leftover pile of unsold stock to advertise a defunct planner. Meanwhile she still has yet to even pretend she uses the new scam planner that's actually on sale.

Ruby moans about how responding to one email is a daunting task which is stressing her out and she's been avoiding it for days.

She then reveals that the email was to her agent, presumably about the book that is/was out on submission to publishers (her latest in a long line of "debut" novels never to actually debut). It suddenly makes sense why she's avoiding it; her latest literary mess is no doubt going about as well as her degree.

I'm sure her agent will be overjoyed to see that Ruby left her on 'read' for days to go twirl in her garden harassing birds and eating sugar sandwiches.

Unsurprisingly, Ruby offers zero actual details about her book or what's going on with it (since that might verge on interesting content and we simply can't have that). Instead, we're treated to yet another bad AMMILEEE DICKINSON rip-off poem about birds and the weather in her back yard:

"Efferescent," Ruby writes and reads aloud. Add "effervescent" to the endless list of words she can't spell or pronounce and doesn't know the meaning of. Ironically, "thesaurus" is listed as a daily task on her planner.

Ruby makes a big production of going on a walk, forcing her sister/employee Martha to act as camera operator. She's pretending this day's just getting started, yet shows that it's 16:49.

After rambling incoherently about all the time-wasting activities in this seemingly 85 hour day, Ruby returns home and has somehow been hurled back in time to 1pm:

Oh no!

She brags that she got a VEEEGAN QWASSAUNT from a local cafe, moments after showing herself trying to load her leather backpack with random crap and before returning home to kick off her leather shoes. SYO VEEGAN!

I don't think it's a coincidence that this VARRY QUARRKEEEE video was haphazardly slapped together shortly after she got the chance to meet Daniel Handler (one of her MYOST FAVORAT WROYTAHS who she eagerly tried to blatantly rip off in one of her many rejected 'debut' novels, yet couldn't seem to remember the name of). She was desperately trying to imitate LAMMONEE SNICKETT and nonsense poetry back when she was writing her "varry acksparamantal" book 'Penelope Peppermint and the Silver-Tipped Octopus' (which her agent rejected on the spot). Apparently she's back in that mindset.

Unfortunately, Ruby has no sense of humour, much less an effective one, so her attempts at QUARRRKEEEEE COMMEDEEEEEEEY just come off as weird and forced. And she's tacked that onto what was clearly intended to be a normal vlog full off all the usual pretend busywork, phony affectations and fake timescales, so she veers from her stilted performance as she desperately attempt humour, her usual fake "sincere" vlog voice and moments where the mask totally slips and her fake accent vanishes when she's talking to Martha. It's a total mess and a tonal disaster, and that's before the terrible audio levels.

I'm not sure offering up a mental breakdown with a side order of ED habits caught on video during a content drought is going to convince everyone that you're thriving at Oxford, Ruby.

 

[gossip_guy]

Another bi-annual playdate with Jade, who's JANUINELY one of her BASST FRANDS and NWOT AT AWWLLL just someone she only meets up with at their shared management's request for brand promotion purposes!

Who's the third person at this meet-up, you ask? Oh, that's just their manager.

 

[robinhiggs]

good god ruby, please post a new video, if you don't you're racist~

That racist chat is one of the dumbest things I've read here in a long time.

 

[Sibyl Vane]

The inavitable strass of assay season

 

[emmer_moans]

finally she blesses us



edit: ”I should make a pouch.” NO YOU SHOULDN’T. What is her obsession with pouches?
edit 2: oh god she’s trying to do ”quirky” and I’m so embarrassed for her 🫣

ah, she's back with a sponsored video.

Edit:

wow this is uncomfortable...

sorry but the carrots/porridge combination is insane. People don't make blue porridge, Ruby, because they don't want to feel queasy.

Why are teacups 'sensitive'? Beacause their handles fall off? wwhhhhhhhat is she on about?

She's eating her porridge out of a tea cup with a wooden stirring spoon.

A person without a to do list is like a person without a rainhat?! errrrrrrr okay?!

She's talking far too much about birdseed.... and now she'd putting some in a cloth pouch....what?!

And she's put her food on the ground and is eating it under the treehouse.

And then squashes flowers in the middle the book she is currently reading...

Something is not right here.

 

[emmer_moans]

The cake looks really flat, and the random drippy icing on one edge......
View attachment 2849241

probably because it's not really a cake, probably just ground almonds and a stodgy porridge based sludge that got cooked with no raising agent in it. Everything she does is sloppy. Vegan cakes don't have to look this sad.

 

[Marie_10]

Ruby is not vegan for ethical reasons though she's vegan to restrict calories because she has an eating disorder 🫤 which is why it's pretty sad seeing her so excited about tuna or pizza.

 

[Griftwood]

The birthday extravaganza is kicking off, this year’s theme is “I’m turning three today!”

 

[bookworm39]

Just warching the video now. Can I just say, if you're scared stiff by one e-mail, you'll never survive in a normal job (where you might get not only annoying e-mails but also people ranting down the phone at you!) She's forever going to stay in her tiny wee childhood bubble, isn't she?
---
And nope, the blue porridge just looks mouldy. Food shouldn't be blue. There's a reason why people working in kitchens wear blue plasters: since there's no naturally blue food, they are easy to spot if they ever come off... (source: I worked in a pub kitchen as a student)

 

[Alecia89]

She has been gifted more tickets to the Opera and is trying to sound like she knows everything about Opera now.

Ruby only attends Opera when she has been gifted things.

They really need to stop the whole influencer culture.

 

[furbabies]

But she seems miserable in Oxford... Is she really signing up for more?

I was miserable at uni too and I signed up to do a masters....

Anything to avoid getting a real job

But also I think ruby wants or needs to appear academic and intelligent and doing a PhD would feel into that.

 

[irunforfun]

Thank you @FolderDuvet

Can we just stop with the vegan bashing? We’d get a lot of flack for making similar comments about omnivores. I have many vegan friends, many of whom have been vegan for over a decade and they cannot be described as unhappy people; they are actually some of the most accepting, funny and contented people I know and even in the face of a terminal illness, are living their life which seems more full of fun and love than most. Is everyone who is vegan happy? Of course not. But the same could be said of any population. (And vegan is different to plant based dieters - the latter of which are the group more likely to change their eating habits again, because theirs is a dietary choice rather than a lifestyle choice).
Back to Ruby - how is she not in the depth of stress and constant work to get her dissertation done? Or has she dropped out?

 

[moosesauna]

Anyone else feel like Ruby is getting more pretentious? This latest vlog is near insufferable in how 'quirky' she's trying to be, coupled with various humblebrags about her diet.

"I have more cake forks than any other variety of fork" the manic pixie pick-me girl vibes are strong here painful reminders of trying to be twee and 'unique' as a tween in the 2010s (Tumblrcore era, iykyk)

 

[gossip_guy]

"This is the THARD TOYME oiy've filmed this BECOSS...this mini-moykrophone KAPPED ON not WAHRKING...Bot the sound quality is ACKSHUALLY amazing."

(The sound proceeds to sound like a whistling nightmare any time Ruby makes an "s" sound.)

Note to Ruby: Lavalier mics are supposed to be clipped to your collar or lapel, not held against ypur mouth. That way they don't sound like utter shit any time your voice peaks.

Not surprising that she cheaped out on the one tiny equipment upgrade she made in years and manages to screw it up. She undoubtedly only bought it because she's seen other TikTokkers holding tiny mics like they're regular mics.

 

[Pillow9]

I dont think she's having a mental breakdown, I honestly think she's just tried to make a quirky, eccentric video. She even said at the end that she knows the video is different to her usual style of content and that she was trying to be a bit nonsensical in it. Maybe she's trying to get out of a youtube slump or maybe she's trying something different to see if it motivates her to upload again. It's just my opinion but I think people are reading too far into it and this video is not a reflection of her mental state. Of course, I could be totally wrong and she's finally gone batshit crazy! Time will tell.

Side note, why does she keep blurring and unblurring the bird seed?

 

[noodlehead1]

I think Ruby tries to look scruffy and dirty on purpose because it fits in with her childlike fantasy. I also think she sees herself as ‘the tomboy of the rich family who is expected to wear nice clothes and act proper but she really just wants to climb trees and twirl in mud and get covered in paint and is so misunderstood by her family who wouldn’t dream of letting their daughter look and act like the poor farmers children from down the road!’