I tell you this much though if I was wilberts child minder or a member of nursery staff or wherever I would be teaching him to say “PayPal “
Omg yes
can you imagine that conversation?
Nursery practitioner: “Wilby, it’s mummy!”
Wilby: “PayPal!”
Rachel: “Excuse me?”
Wilby: “PayPal!”
Rachel: “I’d like to speak to your manager,”
Manager: “Hi there, is everything ok?”
Rachel: “No, I’m afraid you have a troll working for you,”
Manager: “I’m sorry, what?”
Rachel: “You heard me - a troll,”
Manager: “Sorry, you’re going to have to explain…”
Rachel: “Don’t you know who I am?”
Manager: “Yes, of course! You’re Mrs Hambleton-Marshall-Blewitt-Chamberlain. We all know you here
”
Rachel: “Noooo! I’m Part-Time Working Mummy!”
Manager: “So why does Wilby attend full time?”
Rachel: “What? Oh, no I don’t actually work part time, I work 40 hours a week selling scented water and shite make up to 225,000 strangers!”
Manager: “Ok… I thought you said you were a key worker, but sure…”
Rachel: “I
am a key worker. My work is essential! But you’re missing the point!”
Manager: “Ok…”
Rachel: “There are trolls online who tell me my boobs look bigger than they actually do and who worry my kids aren’t safe just because Wilby ate a firelighter and played with a fan and Seb-”
Manager: “Seb?”
Rachel: “My stepson, keep up, he’s the tall one that calls me Mum! Anyway, he broke his arm and I didn’t take him to hospital and sometimes I talk about my kids’ periods and anxiety online but apart from that I’m really good at being a mum!”
Manager: “Great!”
Rachel: “I don’t even know how cos my own mum abandoned me when I was 4 and ruined my life and because of her I’ll never let my kids have
tit trainers EVER!”
Manager: “……… so, it’s getting late, Wilby will be wanting his bath and bed…”
Rachel: “Oh, I don’t bath him, that’s Betsy’s job. Actually, I do need to film that ad for Child’s Farm bubble bath so may as well do it now. Come on, Wilby, let’s go.”
Wilby: “PayPal?”
Rachel: “Oh yes, the trolls! You have one here and they’ve taught Wilby to say PayPal and it’s his first word and you’ve literally ruined my life!”
Manager: “What’s wrong with PayPal? Isn’t that how you pay your nursery fees?”
Rachel: “Yeah but the money was just resting in my account, I use it and then top it up from my own account with my actual money that I get paid for writing fiction books and selling out my kids. Anyway, the trolls all want to know what happened to their PayPal donations and now someone here has taught Wilby to say PayPal because they are a
troll.”
Manager: “I think we’d better call Joyce. I mean Josh!”
Wilby: “PayPal!!!!!!”