Pregnancy #41

[Itsallthecheese]

Hello 4am, my old friend it's so bad literally counting down the days until I finish work.

It's funny how your priorities change, she's not even here yet and I'm already thinking about career moves that would be best for us... Once upon a time being a high flyer was all I wanted... Now I just want to do what I need to do with no huge stress and enjoy my little family...

You can clearly tell tiredness and hormones are running wild this morning

 

[Nipslips]

Hello 4am, my old friend it's so bad literally counting down the days until I finish work.

It's funny how your priorities change, she's not even here yet and I'm already thinking about career moves that would be best for us... Once upon a time being a high flyer was all I wanted... Now I just want to do what I need to do with no huge stress and enjoy my little family...

You can clearly tell tiredness and hormones are running wild this morning

Morning! I’m here since half 2. It’s expensive
But yes, I am the same re: career. Fortunately I got promoted early on in my pregnancy but the role I was moved to is not my cup of tea. It’s very suitable for family circumstances and dare I say it - I might look to stay! Ordinarily I’d be gogogo but now - life. I put my life on hold for other jobs I never really stood a chance at, and in hind sight it was the best thing for me.

 

[themuffinwoman]

All this talk of jobs- I just told my colleague and my board and they’ve been nothing but supportive. However, we interviewed someone for a job today who just had a baby, and she’s perfect, but my colleague said “the only thing is if she goes off and has another baby it’s something to think about”. I was so mad, he knows I’m pregnant so also massively wrong audience to say that about. I told him you won’t hire any woman under 45 if that’s a concern, or anyone over the age of 50 in case they retire.

I’m his boss so luckily I overrule stupid comments and thoughts like that, it just made me really sad that that’s even something anyone would think of, and that I just hope that thought is dying out with people because it actually really upset me. If she was a man that thought wouldn’t have crossed his mind.

 

[Nipslips]

All this talk of jobs- I just told my colleague and my board and they’ve been nothing but supportive. However, we interviewed someone for a job today who just had a baby, and she’s perfect, but my colleague said “the only thing is if she goes off and has another baby it’s something to think about”. I was so mad, he knows I’m pregnant so also massively wrong audience to say that about. I told him you won’t hire any woman under 45 if that’s a concern, or anyone over the age of 50 in case they retire.

I’m his boss so luckily I overrule stupid comments and thoughts like that, it just made me really sad that that’s even something anyone would think of, and that I just hope that thought is dying out with people because it actually really upset me. If she was a man that thought wouldn’t have crossed his mind.

Hire her!!!!!!!
Also delighted your his boss and got to tell him that!

 

[themuffinwoman]

Hire her!!!!!!!
Also delighted your his boss and got to tell him that!

I think we probably will great thing is the other person we’re interviewing also is coming off mat leave the amount of times I’ve had to tell him we can’t ask about family life or childcare- his old boss, my predecessor, asked if I had kids during the interview.

It’s made me surprisingly upset

 

[Nipslips]

I think we probably will great thing is the other person we’re interviewing also is coming off mat leave the amount of times I’ve had to tell him we can’t ask about family life or childcare- his old boss, my predecessor, asked if I had kids during the interview.

It’s made me surprisingly upset

Trust me, it goes on with both sexes. Iv been treated the worst by a female colleague. At 36 weeks she referenced my work load being unfair. Despite her rearing 3 kids in the same department. Other colleagues pulled me aside and made sure to let me know she made representations herself at the time to cut back on her responsibilities at the time too! People are d1cks but hey guess what! Maternity leave

 

[WeepingCassandra]

I think we probably will great thing is the other person we’re interviewing also is coming off mat leave the amount of times I’ve had to tell him we can’t ask about family life or childcare- his old boss, my predecessor, asked if I had kids during the interview.

It’s made me surprisingly upset

All of that’s so illegal! You can’t ask that and you definitely can’t not hire someone because you think they’ll have kids soon.

From a slightly different perspective, I applied for a job just before I found out I was pregnant and I’m waiting to hear back (it’s a civil service training career so lengthy interview process). If I get it I’m going to have to ask them to hold my application for a year as the start date is 2 weeks after my due date and I know ideally I want to have two kids within 2.5 years of birthdate so I’d only be there for a year or so until I go off on Mat leave again. It’s really made me question whether I should accept it as it feels like a massive hassle and as others have pointed out does breed resentment amongst your colleagues. It’s not so bad in the NHS because it’s almost expected and very normal for people to do that, they just suck it up, but I’m not sure about other industries. I haven’t got the job yet so I dunno what’ll happen either way. If I don’t get it I think I’ll go back long enough to get my full Mat leave pay and then plan to have another baby as soon as I can after and probably will be a SAHM until at least they’re both in school.

 

[disillusionedbythegram]

Hello 4am, my old friend it's so bad literally counting down the days until I finish work.

It's funny how your priorities change, she's not even here yet and I'm already thinking about career moves that would be best for us... Once upon a time being a high flyer was all I wanted... Now I just want to do what I need to do with no huge stress and enjoy my little family...

You can clearly tell tiredness and hormones are running wild this morning

It’s totally normal for your priorities to change once you have children. I was really career focused and had a job where I could/would still be working until 10pm most evenings. When I returned to work after my first I went back part time and now I literally go in, do my job and leave on time, and I rarely think about work on my days off as I get to enjoy time with my first instead. Not for everyone granted! But it’s not unusual that you’re feeling this way.

 

[themuffinwoman]

All of that’s so illegal! You can’t ask that and you definitely can’t not hire someone because you think they’ll have kids soon.

From a slightly different perspective, I applied for a job just before I found out I was pregnant and I’m waiting to hear back (it’s a civil service training career so lengthy interview process). If I get it I’m going to have to ask them to hold my application for a year as the start date is 2 weeks after my due date and I know ideally I want to have two kids within 2.5 years of birthdate so I’d only be there for a year or so until I go off on Mat leave again. It’s really made me question whether I should accept it as it feels like a massive hassle and as others have pointed out does breed resentment amongst your colleagues. It’s not so bad in the NHS because it’s almost expected and very normal for people to do that, they just suck it up, but I’m not sure about other industries. I haven’t got the job yet so I dunno what’ll happen either way. If I don’t get it I think I’ll go back long enough to get my full Mat leave pay and then plan to have another baby as soon as I can after and probably will be a SAHM until at least they’re both in school.

Wow the civil service is competitive so congrats on getting an interview! If you get offered it maybe see how you feel at the time? Deferring sounds like a good option, and you could always ask to see their HR policies. Tbh I’ve worked closely with them and plenty of women in the civil service go on may leave. It’s crazy though we have to think about how colleagues would feel about it and them resenting, I hope one day it’s different.

 

[calmyourritas]

Feeling super defeated. Hadn’t felt baby move so went in today to be monitored everything is fine thankfully but he’s only 4/5th engaged and midwife said he needs to be 3/5 to get a sweep and the way she was talking just really made me feel like he’s not going to come she’s saying they let me go 12 days over then book induction which I really don’t want Just feel hopeless I know these are silly feelings and I should be grateful but it’s hard. It was interesting though I was having pretty regular “tightenings” on the monitor but I couldn’t actually feel them

You never know what will happen! You have loads of time for things to happen by themselves, (I went into labour the afternoon before I was supposed to be getting induced) even if they don’t… not long now til your little boy will be here, the end is in sight

 

[WeepingCassandra]

Wow the civil service is competitive so congrats on getting an interview! If you get offered it maybe see how you feel at the time? Deferring sounds like a good option, and you could always ask to see their HR policies. Tbh I’ve worked closely with them and plenty of women in the civil service go on may leave. It’s crazy though we have to think about how colleagues would feel about it and them resenting, I hope one day it’s different.

Thanks, it’s such a long process and I think I’ve probably fallen at the second to last hurdle so it may be a moot point and my problem may be solved anyway! It’d give me much more flexibility than my current job as I could do flexi-time (does not exist in the NHS) and work from home occasionally but it’s a big life change on top of another even bigger life change. It’s horrible thinking about whether I’d regret not going for it in the future so I’ll just see what happens.

 

[Juststopit]

35 weeks today and wondering when the other shoe is going to drop. I still feel mainly great, still able to go for nice long walks, although granted they are a bit slower now...I'm expecting any day now to wake up in agony and it all to go down hill

 

[Nipslips]

35 weeks today and wondering when the other shoe is going to drop. I still feel mainly great, still able to go for nice long walks, although granted they are a bit slower now...I'm expecting any day now to wake up in agony and it all to go down hill

Yesterday was the first day I felt a change. Yesterday I was 39+5! I was completely mobile and able to do and go everywhere. I was reasonably fit prior to pregnancy but I can safely say iv only ran, swam and cycled once throughout. Hoping all hope that muscle memory is a thing Enjoy it and be thankful your fit and healthy x

 

[WhatABore]

Feeling super defeated. Hadn’t felt baby move so went in today to be monitored everything is fine thankfully but he’s only 4/5th engaged and midwife said he needs to be 3/5 to get a sweep and the way she was talking just really made me feel like he’s not going to come she’s saying they let me go 12 days over then book induction which I really don’t want Just feel hopeless I know these are silly feelings and I should be grateful but it’s hard. It was interesting though I was having pretty regular “tightenings” on the monitor but I couldn’t actually feel them

As much as people don't want to go over, this is a big problem with due dates.
Only 4% of people give birth on their due date. It's an estimate, that's all.
People focus so much on that 1 date and it can affect them mentally so much.

First time Mums average time of giving birth is 41 weeks and 1 day.

Don't worry about how engaged or dilated you are.
Some babies don't engage until Labour. Some are engaged for weeks and weeks and still have to be induced. It's not an indication of when you'll go into labour.

Same as how dilated you are. Some are 2/3cm dilated for weeks. I was 3cm dilated for 3 weeks with my first. Had several sweeps. Still had to be induced at 2 weeks over.
It is no indication of when you will go into labour

 

[Littleegg91]

35 weeks today and wondering when the other shoe is going to drop. I still feel mainly great, still able to go for nice long walks, although granted they are a bit slower now...I'm expecting any day now to wake up in agony and it all to go down hill

Very jealous am 31 weeks and am now really struggling with my big dog walks. Have always been fit and very active but am now feeling out of breath and dizzy/sick if I walk for too long, especially out in the fresh air!
Enjoy while you can and I hope it lasts for you

 

[DiscoBiscuit]

As much as people don't want to go over, this is a big problem with due dates.
Only 4% of people give birth on their due date. It's an estimate, that's all.
People focus so much on that 1 date and it can affect them mentally so much.

First time Mums average time of giving birth is 41 weeks and 1 day.

Don't worry about how engaged or dilated you are.
Some babies don't engage until Labour. Some are engaged for weeks and weeks and still have to be induced. It's not an indication of when you'll go into labour.

Same as how dilated you are. Some are 2/3cm dilated for weeks. I was 3cm dilated for 3 weeks with my first. Had several sweeps. Still had to be induced at 2 weeks over.
It is no indication of when you will go into labour

My son was head down at every appointment from 20 weeks onwards. He was fully engaged a couple of weeks before his due date, my waters went on my due date, I got to 10cm dilated, and the little bugger still popped his head out of place and got wedged in the wrong position.

Unfortunately these tiny humans do exactly as they please.

 

[Chrisxo]

Thanks guys I just feel like I’m failing already which is stupid. Like everyone keeps telling me to relax maybe I’ve been relaxing too much and need to get up and walk more etc

 

[shadowofdoubt]

Feeling super defeated. Hadn’t felt baby move so went in today to be monitored everything is fine thankfully but he’s only 4/5th engaged and midwife said he needs to be 3/5 to get a sweep and the way she was talking just really made me feel like he’s not going to come she’s saying they let me go 12 days over then book induction which I really don’t want Just feel hopeless I know these are silly feelings and I should be grateful but it’s hard. It was interesting though I was having pretty regular “tightenings” on the monitor but I couldn’t actually feel them

Promise you these aren’t silly feelings at all It’s hard when things don’t go the way you planned/wanted them to during your pregnancy, I think we all have ideas of how we want it to be and that’s perfectly normal! I felt the exact same after being told I was being induced - but I think it was because I hadn’t really looked into it or heard many stories about them, so just incase you felt the same as me I just wanted to tell you how amazing it was from start to finish and even though it wasn’t the birth we planned it was still absolutely magic & yours will be as well. Completely normal to feel hopeless towards the end, you’ve done so well so far I know you’ll be absolutely fine xx

 

[Luisa18]

Thinking of ordering the pram when I go into labour as it apparently comes pretty quick on the bugaboo website I just don’t really want to spend £1200 for it to be sat in the house for 3 months! Or am I mad?

We just bought our Bugaboo fox 3 (we liked to be prepped early ). We bought off the natural baby shower website. I bought something else cheaper off there and got a referral code of 15%. Made the Fox 3 about £950something if that helps.
ETA: which I am aware is still a crapload of money.

 

[WhatABore]

Thanks guys I just feel like I’m failing already which is stupid. Like everyone keeps telling me to relax maybe I’ve been relaxing too much and need to get up and walk more etc

You're not failing anything. You've grown a healthy baby.

I've had to be induced with all 3 of mine!
If needed, I'd gladly be induced again!