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Oh my god, one night I didn't come home, my ma was frantic, arrived home with one shoe and the house full of concerned people. This has just unlocked the trauma. Had a great time from what I gathered afterwards but jesus I was in so much tit.
Here for a good time, not a long time, ladies 
One time my (drunk) paternial cousin put a ladder in front of our house for shits and giggles. Didn’t go down well in the mother camp.
That’s my motto. That and “duck it”.Here for a good time, not a long time, ladies
Nora did you see any drugs? Mine were telling me coke is everywhere and on everything.
I seen a few swinging jaws Mavis but no actual drug taking or anything. People probably thought I was on something but I promise it was only Captain Morgan
During the pandemic I saw youngsters unable to walk I enquired and it was heroin apparently (not that it was any of my business) .
Aye. William married a blank canvas. Harry married a twice (apparently) divorced woman. Prince Philip was right in that respect
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This made me scream 
Cracker
My wee tiddly one was afraid of the elf and the biggins tortured them. To be frank I started to believe it was moving itself too and we all know how I feel about the creepy moving toys. So it got burnt one evening when I was in a mood.
I never started it and get an attack of the guilts when I see the Mummy brigade posting the daily elf antics on Facebook. I just think there’s enough pressure and expense at Christmas. Advent Calendars, Christmas jumpers, matching family pyjamas, Santa experiences, Christmas Eve boxes etc and that’s all before you’ve bought a single present or put the Turkey on the table. It’s madness.
Also I thought the wee bleep was supposed to sit on a shelf. Why is he arriving with a full balloon display wielding tickets to Lapland? duck that tit.
You know I'm starting to think my lot are sadists.
Just talking to them here about the night I burnt elf and reminded about other stuff. My biggins would climb on each others shoulders, wearing a long black coat, a hat and scarf and appear from behind trees to scare the weein. I'm going to be out a clean fortune in counselling.
Just talking to them here about the night I burnt elf and reminded about other stuff. My biggins would climb on each others shoulders, wearing a long black coat, a hat and scarf and appear from behind trees to scare the weein. I'm going to be out a clean fortune in counselling.
Nora, its the height of nonsense. I bought the book and elf about 10 years ago, its not meant to do any of that. Children are simply meant to spot it in the morning.
This is probably inappropriate but when I was 7 there was a big box in the hallway and my dad said 'it's just the turkey'. And that was life changing. Because there was a big tear in that box. It wasn't the turkey
Oh my god? What was in it?
A red and white polka dot thing. Imagine my surprise when Santy delivered a red and white polka dot doll's cot.
I'm starting to really worry this is going to end like seven.
I could never understand why Santy had wrapped all the presents in the same wrapping paper my mother had bought in spar when she was getting groceries. Yes I really am that thick
I noticed this Christmas Eve box trend appear a couple of years ago. It must be really hard for people to keep up with all of the additional things that are getting onto Christmas.
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