Niomi Smart #28 Still smarting over dreamy Joe, giving fascist Forky a go.

[Am88]

Went to Daunt books for the gram…. Has made it to page 2 by the looks of the bookmark placement? Waiting for the next book swimming suit overly posed selfie after she gets bored on page 3. Then “A Sunday in Ville-d’Avray” will join Shantaram in the book graveyard.

 

[saks10111]

Anyone seen her icebath stories/Instagram

Does she ever just relax? And not clench her entire body? I get she wants to be sexy but I have never seen anyone saunter into and straight out of an ice bath like that. Or sexily rub themselves in ice. Girl needs to chill and have an actual laugh, she looks like she's trying to hold in a tit all the time

lol also when she walks in with her back towards us, she has to flip her hair forwards so it “looks good” when she faces the camera… she must be a nightmare on hols, that friend who only puts up photos where she looks good and wants you to delete any photos where she hasn’t carefully posed and preened.

 

[Lionsden]

Niomi doesn’t seem to have liked any of Charlotte’s most recent photos at all.

also this comment

Wow, they are really living Shades of Grey, aren't they? I bet her fans are so jealous.

 

[Coldfeet]

A quotation from the book she's pretending to read.

'On Sundays,” Claire Marie tells Jane, “certain things come back to you more than on other days. On Sundays, you think about life.”

OR in Flyomi's case, you post a YT video- or NOT!!

 

[kalechips]

she must be a nightmare on hols,

On holiday and on the few occasions that she's not vacationing. I can't imagine the patience it takes to be friends with someone that self-obsessed.

 

[earlgrey]

She’s become sooooo bleeping desperate
“JOEY PLEASE NOTICE ME”
View attachment 810106View attachment 810108



this spoke to my soul

All that bunched up fabric, she’s wedged those bottoms right up her arse.

 

[Pundertaker]

All that bunched up fabric, she’s wedged those bottoms right up her arse.

All those teensy portions, her arse is hungry.

I went to a spa recently and did the ice thing. It was really nice, surprisingly. Good for exfoliating. Had a big duck off coffee afterwards. Mmm, coffee.

 

[Coldfeet]

Sauna then ice bath..............yeahhhhhh

 

[leiadeler]

I think Niomi used to be a pretty girl, not so much now, but she has never ever ever had any sex appeal, in my opinion. Granted, I'm not into women so maybe I don't see her appeal. We need a poll for straight men and gay women: is Nims hot?

I’m straight but I think Niomi is pretty, however I definitely don’t think she is sexy. She doesn’t really have sex appeal as you said. Came on here because her Instagram stories made me CRINGE my ass off. She looks so desperate. Someone needs to stop her lol.

 

[sitkx]

Besties,

Please join me on a Tattle Wellness Retreat.

First day schedule:
11:00am - A moderated forum with the following guests will take place

• In conversation with Fredward Woodward: The spice rack that broke the camel’s back
• In conversation with Charlotte: What went wrong // The bridesmaids proposal I wasn’t ready for
• Special guest, Dettol Daddy: One coffee, one hidden packet of Splenda. How it started and how it ended

12:00pm - open bar Happy Hour


16:00 - carbohydrate buffet (Warning: as the event organizer, I HATE not being in control of my body, and I eat exclusively carbs. So if any form of vegetable is found on your person during the trip, you will be promptly escorted off the premises. No refunds.)

18:00- coffee hour & PowerPoint Presentations

• Please join us at 6 for coffee (minimum 2 drink purchase per person required), followed by PP presentations by Niomi Smart. Presentations include “How to Lose Friends and Influence People”, “How to be a carbon villain”, along with fan favorite “I am NOT an influencer”

19:00 - Instagram feature presentation by Terrina titled “That was then & This is now”. Big Tezza will explore Dimbob’s greatest Instagram moments. Notable mentions include pizza night” and “” with the mop hair.

20:00- Karaoke bar (special guest: Bradley Simmonds)

• Bradley will be performing a medley of greatest hits, such as “Achy Breaky Fart”, “Wake me up when Niomi tags me”, “Smells like Niomi is hitting the Spirits”, “While my dignity gently weeps”, “Hellbent for Instagram exposure”, and others

21:00- Paint and Sip with Verity

• Join us for a glass of wine and interior design lesson with Verity, where we will paint by numbers on a book-wallpaper while learning about Britain’s tackiest interiors

22:00- Happy Hour and Poetry reading with Special Guest Caggie. Poems include “Saturn is coming” and “The end is nigh”

23:00- End of day 1

Please sign up, spots are VERY limited. Cost is £35,000/person per night + taxes, organizational fees, accommodations and travel not included, food not included.


Special Thank You to our sponsors: Dettol, Farmacy, Mercedes Benz, and the National Rugby Association in partnership with the Woodwards.

See you there

#AD #Sponsored #Gifted #Sustainable #Plant-Based #vegan #fishtank #garage #Brixton #Sussex #OnwardNotWoodward #Anna #Fredward #Bridesmaids #WeeekendGetaway #SmartSwap #SmartSkin #LivingSmart #NOTanInfluencer #reducereuserecycle #mercedesbenz #veganinterior #Gleambot #JusticeforJoey

 

[Nitfey]

All that bunched up fabric, she’s wedged those bottoms right up her arse.

I literally need therapy after seeing that poor attempt to be an arse...

 

[Miyab_S]

She left Marcus!! It's Dreamy Joeeeeeey who left her.

She did ? I always thought he was the one who left her !

 

[Lovemeabitoftea]

Besties,

Please join me on a Tattle Wellness Retreat.

This is brilliant! I snorted

 

[mg95]

She absolutely only picked up that book because the front cover is the right *~aesthetic~* for her bland instagram posts. It looks like it's taken her a week to read 5 pages. This 'books as accessories'/ 'hot girls who read' thing that models like Kaia Gerber have started is truly so idiotic.

 

[Sheabutter]

I’m tired of it too. Kaia Gerber’s mom Cindy Crawford is academic and super model goals though.

 

[dodo789]

If I invited a friend for a girls weekend and she brought her bf I would be annoyed too!

I think, the boyfriend arrived on Nimbob’s last day or her second to last day and Charlotte and the boyfriend stayed longer there, I guess normal people can’t have constant holidays and days off so maybe they planned it this way

 

[Mrs.Scamander]

Please join me on a Tattle Wellness

I DIED. The hashtags. Pure gold.

 

[Callan]

Ugh her stories were so cringe, also day two looks like such a joke.

 

[CheshireLove]

Besties,

Please join me on a Tattle Wellness Retreat.

First day schedule:
11:00am - A moderated forum with the following guests will take place

• In conversation with Fredward Woodward: The spice rack that broke the camel’s back
• In conversation with Charlotte: What went wrong // The bridesmaids proposal I wasn’t ready for
• Special guest, Dettol Daddy: One coffee, one hidden packet of Splenda. How it started and how it ended

12:00pm - open bar Happy Hour


16:00 - carbohydrate buffet (Warning: as the event organizer, I HATE not being in control of my body, and I eat exclusively carbs. So if any form of vegetable is found on your person during the trip, you will be promptly escorted off the premises. No refunds.)

18:00- coffee hour & PowerPoint Presentations

• Please join us at 6 for coffee (minimum 2 drink purchase per person required), followed by PP presentations by Niomi Smart. Presentations include “How to Lose Friends and Influence People”, “How to be a carbon villain”, along with fan favorite “I am NOT an influencer”

19:00 - Instagram feature presentation by Terrina titled “That was then & This is now”. Big Tezza will explore Dimbob’s greatest Instagram moments. Notable mentions include pizza night” and “” with the mop hair.

20:00- Karaoke bar (special guest: Bradley Simmonds)

• Bradley will be performing a medley of greatest hits, such as “Achy Breaky Fart”, “Wake me up when Niomi tags me”, “Smells like Niomi is hitting the Spirits”, “While my dignity gently weeps”, “Hellbent for Instagram exposure”, and others

21:00- Paint and Sip with Verity

• Join us for a glass of wine and interior design lesson with Verity, where we will paint by numbers on a book-wallpaper while learning about Britain’s tackiest interiors

22:00- Happy Hour and Poetry reading with Special Guest Caggie. Poems include “Saturn is coming” and “The end is nigh”

23:00- End of day 1

Please sign up, spots are VERY limited. Cost is £35,000/person per night + taxes, organizational fees, accommodations and travel not included, food not included.


Special Thank You to our sponsors: Dettol, Farmacy, Mercedes Benz, and the National Rugby Association in partnership with the Woodwards.

See you there

#AD #Sponsored #Gifted #Sustainable #Plant-Based #vegan #fishtank #garage #Brixton #Sussex #OnwardNotWoodward #Anna #Fredward #Bridesmaids #WeeekendGetaway #SmartSwap #SmartSkin #LivingSmart #NOTanInfluencer #reducereuserecycle #mercedesbenz #veganinterior #Gleambot #JusticeforJoey

I was already laughing at Fredward Woodward but “wake me up when Niomi tags me” is just perfection!

Ugh her stories were so cringe, also day two looks like such a joke.

View attachment 810438

Dimbobs lacks any structure in her life so she’s gone to a retreat for someone to write a bullshit schedule for her.

 

[bumblebee212]

OMG the Tattle Wellness Retreat!!! I'm joining, I'm paying, I'll even bring my own ice bath!
And may I suggest one additional item on the agenda: Post-luncheon (botox) shots with Terrina? I want to look 95 like she does!