Niomi Smart #28 Still smarting over dreamy Joe, giving fascist Forky a go.

[sitkx]

OMG the Tattle Wellness Retreat!!! I'm joining, I'm paying, I'll even bring my own ice bath!
And may I suggest one additional item on the agenda: Post-luncheon (botox) shots with Terrina? I want to look 95 like she does!

i literally laughed out loud I did have Terrina scheduled to provide filler consultations, but then I got nervous that it was too mean

 

[judgejohndeed]

Omg the only time Terrina should be anywhere near someone else’s consultation is if you take her along with you as an example of how you DONT want to look tbh

 

[Callan]

I DIED. The hashtags. Pure gold.

I was floored, it was so well done!

Besties,

Please join me on a Tattle Wellness Retreat.

First day schedule:
11:00am - A moderated forum with the following guests will take place

• In conversation with Fredward Woodward: The spice rack that broke the camel’s back
• In conversation with Charlotte: What went wrong // The bridesmaids proposal I wasn’t ready for
• Special guest, Dettol Daddy: One coffee, one hidden packet of Splenda. How it started and how it ended

12:00pm - open bar Happy Hour


16:00 - carbohydrate buffet (Warning: as the event organizer, I HATE not being in control of my body, and I eat exclusively carbs. So if any form of vegetable is found on your person during the trip, you will be promptly escorted off the premises. No refunds.)

18:00- coffee hour & PowerPoint Presentations

• Please join us at 6 for coffee (minimum 2 drink purchase per person required), followed by PP presentations by Niomi Smart. Presentations include “How to Lose Friends and Influence People”, “How to be a carbon villain”, along with fan favorite “I am NOT an influencer”

19:00 - Instagram feature presentation by Terrina titled “That was then & This is now”. Big Tezza will explore Dimbob’s greatest Instagram moments. Notable mentions include pizza night” and “” with the mop hair.

20:00- Karaoke bar (special guest: Bradley Simmonds)

• Bradley will be performing a medley of greatest hits, such as “Achy Breaky Fart”, “Wake me up when Niomi tags me”, “Smells like Niomi is hitting the Spirits”, “While my dignity gently weeps”, “Hellbent for Instagram exposure”, and others

21:00- Paint and Sip with Verity

• Join us for a glass of wine and interior design lesson with Verity, where we will paint by numbers on a book-wallpaper while learning about Britain’s tackiest interiors

22:00- Happy Hour and Poetry reading with Special Guest Caggie. Poems include “Saturn is coming” and “The end is nigh”

23:00- End of day 1

Please sign up, spots are VERY limited. Cost is £35,000/person per night + taxes, organizational fees, accommodations and travel not included, food not included.


Special Thank You to our sponsors: Dettol, Farmacy, Mercedes Benz, and the National Rugby Association in partnership with the Woodwards.

See you there

#AD #Sponsored #Gifted #Sustainable #Plant-Based #vegan #fishtank #garage #Brixton #Sussex #OnwardNotWoodward #Anna #Fredward #Bridesmaids #WeeekendGetaway #SmartSwap #SmartSkin #LivingSmart #NOTanInfluencer #reducereuserecycle #mercedesbenz #veganinterior #Gleambot #JusticeforJoey

This was my absolute favorite part, but the whole thing is incredible, when I started reading I thought it was real lol.

"21:00- Paint and Sip with Verity

• Join us for a glass of wine and interior design lesson with Verity, where we will paint by numbers on a book-wallpaper while learning about Britain’s tackiest interiors"

 

[Nitfey]

I was floored, it was so well done!



This was my absolute favorite part, but the whole thing is incredible, when I started reading I thought it was real lol.

"21:00- Paint and Sip with Verity

• Join us for a glass of wine and interior design lesson with Verity, where we will paint by numbers on a book-wallpaper while learning about Britain’s tackiest interiors"

Midnight- an exclusive porn star cocktail testing with T followed by awkward training of drunk dancing while family takes photos

Wake me up when Niomi tags me should be a thread title

 

[Mr.Mistoffelees]

Besties,

Please join me on a Tattle Wellness Retreat.

I would heart this post a million times if I could! You guys are the best.

The speculations about the Charomi fallout are very interesting. It's honestly surprising how someone as seemingly grounded as Charlotte, with an actual job that contributes to society, managed to stay friends with someone as vapid and empty as her for so long.

 

[Callan]

Maybe Charlotte thought that Forky Simmonds was not the best for Nimbobs also not the best for her to show all over her social media? And NImbs was like well fork you, I do what I want.

 

[toanna1]

So , I went and took a look at charlottes IG tags!

things I found :
1) Charlotte was in Dubai ( not sure the tag was actual dubai or they just did it for fun, but location is tagged as dubai ) in June

2) Niomi did hang out with her and Venetia etc even during Joe era , but did frequently in 2016 and earlier !

3) from 2017 to 2019 Dec/2020 Jan there weren’t many posts from Niomi tagging Charlotte until their engagement party and the new year celebrations which followed !

4) they did trips together prior to and early Joe era , no trip posts since 2017 until this year 2021!

5) Charlotte looks generally like a person who travels a lot and hangs out with valeria a lot , make sense why she is her best friend !

6) Niomi doesn’t always like all her posts , so they could still be friends !

 

[that1]

Niomi: I'm a bookworm!!
Also Niomi: reads 1 book a year
(no, nutrition fact labels don't count)

I know the PAAAHHFECT book recommendation for her- The Picture of Dorian Gray. Even if she won't be able to understand what's going on half the time I think she can relate.

nice short and easy read that too..

I don’t think she’ll go official with forky. He isn’t highbrow enough for her. But he is a guy that validates her to herself and in her mind, to her followers. He looks the part so he’ll do for now.

 

[zigandzag]

Maybe the headaches are because she is hungry not the caffeine withdrawal

 

[Giraffee95]

I think irs probably just charlotte posted the picture of niomi with clams.

Doubt it's anything that deep tbh. But let's be honest that clam/seabass picture has fucked up a lot for Not plant based Niomi

 

[leiadeler]

I think people are looking too much into the Charlotte/Niomi thing. They have been friends since they were teenagers so unless something drastic happens then I’m assuming they are still close.

Also sorry if this sounds dumb but there’s a small graph icon on the side of Niomi’s thread bar. What does that mean? I’ve seen it on other ones too and I’m always confused. Does it mean there’s a lot of traffic/posts on the thread?

 

[Ms.Marble]

Besties,

Please join me on a Tattle Wellness Retreat.

First day schedule:
11:00am - A moderated forum with the following guests will take place

• In conversation with Fredward Woodward: The spice rack that broke the camel’s back
• In conversation with Charlotte: What went wrong // The bridesmaids proposal I wasn’t ready for
• Special guest, Dettol Daddy: One coffee, one hidden packet of Splenda. How it started and how it ended

12:00pm - open bar Happy Hour


16:00 - carbohydrate buffet (Warning: as the event organizer, I HATE not being in control of my body, and I eat exclusively carbs. So if any form of vegetable is found on your person during the trip, you will be promptly escorted off the premises. No refunds.)

18:00- coffee hour & PowerPoint Presentations

• Please join us at 6 for coffee (minimum 2 drink purchase per person required), followed by PP presentations by Niomi Smart. Presentations include “How to Lose Friends and Influence People”, “How to be a carbon villain”, along with fan favorite “I am NOT an influencer”

19:00 - Instagram feature presentation by Terrina titled “That was then & This is now”. Big Tezza will explore Dimbob’s greatest Instagram moments. Notable mentions include pizza night” and “” with the mop hair.

20:00- Karaoke bar (special guest: Bradley Simmonds)

• Bradley will be performing a medley of greatest hits, such as “Achy Breaky Fart”, “Wake me up when Niomi tags me”, “Smells like Niomi is hitting the Spirits”, “While my dignity gently weeps”, “Hellbent for Instagram exposure”, and others

21:00- Paint and Sip with Verity

• Join us for a glass of wine and interior design lesson with Verity, where we will paint by numbers on a book-wallpaper while learning about Britain’s tackiest interiors

22:00- Happy Hour and Poetry reading with Special Guest Caggie. Poems include “Saturn is coming” and “The end is nigh”

23:00- End of day 1

Please sign up, spots are VERY limited. Cost is £35,000/person per night + taxes, organizational fees, accommodations and travel not included, food not included.


Special Thank You to our sponsors: Dettol, Farmacy, Mercedes Benz, and the National Rugby Association in partnership with the Woodwards.

See you there

#AD #Sponsored #Gifted #Sustainable #Plant-Based #vegan #fishtank #garage #Brixton #Sussex #OnwardNotWoodward #Anna #Fredward #Bridesmaids #WeeekendGetaway #SmartSwap #SmartSkin #LivingSmart #NOTanInfluencer #reducereuserecycle #mercedesbenz #veganinterior #Gleambot #JusticeforJoey

This is so beyond brilliant!!!! I laughed so much at this one. Thank you a million times

 

[Shutterbug99]

Also sorry if this sounds dumb but there’s a small graph icon on the side of Niomi’s thread bar. What does that mean? I’ve seen it on other ones too and I’m always confused. Does it mean there’s a lot of traffic/posts on the thread?

It means there's a poll on the thread.

 

[manicdee]

Had 0 context for this (didn’t see the ice bath post) and literally thought that that she was asking people to dare her to eat a snow cone..

Imagine my surprise when the next clip was her rubbing it all over herself!

 

[EGuyUK]

I subscribe to Hannah's videos as I think she produces some great and really interesting content. On top of her normal vids (sex educator types), she also produces ones on stats/earnings/working days/etc. Her latest video from today is about 'Influencers'. Have a watch and see what you think, basically the complete opposite to Nimoi's video last year:



All of it was interesting but particularly about the 'free stuff' (from about 12 mins in) and trips. Whereas she said she refused to accept some of it, I think Niomi's gone the complete opposite way. She also talks about taking responsibility for what is posted, again something Niomi should do!

 

[Sheabutter]

She’s taken sustainability to heart which is more than can be said about Niomoi.

Niomi posting stories of her schedule is giving me low grade anxiety. I’m expecting something bad to happen on day 3 and days four & five will be all about resolving it.

 

[lilamay]

Niomi posting stories of her schedule is giving me low grade anxiety. I’m expecting something bad to happen on day 3 and days four & five will be all about resolving it.

If anything bad did happen there's no way Lieomi would say so though, she's so invested in portrayed the paaaahfect life.

 

[theivygossip]

She left Marcus!! It's Dreamy Joeeeeeey who left her.

Wait whaaaaaaaaaaat?? Why did she leave marcus????

 

[xoxogossigirl]

Hey! Could somebody explain to me who is Daddy Dettol? I didn’t pay too much attention to her for a while (before she went off the rails), so I must have missed something. Thank you

 

[Pundertaker]

Wait whaaaaaaaaaaat?? Why did she leave marcus????

She was sick of banging him while he was still dressed as Margaret, probably. Or because Big Tez referred to him--with a passive agressive sneer--as Marky Butt Butt at family dinners. Maybe he was better at having an eating disorder than her and she couldn't hack it. Maybe she thought she might punch Tanya and Zoe in the tits if she had to hang out with them one more time. Maybe it was because he bought her that weird and inelegant Audrey Hebpurn artwork and she never got over the blasphemy of her idol. So many reasons!

(We don't know. He was very sad though).