Niomi Smart #16 Why am I hungry I had a banana, and why is Freddie following Anna?

[judgejohndeed]

The level of comfort you can have with someone, knowing you can be a little crazy and they'll still love you, compared to mostly everyone else in the world, that's the good stuff and can contribute to making them your special person.

100% this. I never really feel like I know a partner or can relax 100% until I’ve seen what they’re like when they’re annoyed at me tbh. It’s easy to be nice and respectful when things are fine, it’s when that’s tested that says more about someone. Maybe if Joe and Niomi broke that barrier and had some ‘cross words’ earlier then they could’ve resolved whatever was going on sooner

 

[QueenBW]

I find it baffling she can workout so much and be blessed with relatively good genes but still be sooooo NOT sexy.

And when she tries to be sexy, I honestly kind of gag a little.

Yep, she's skinny, white, has generally a good bone structure, great hair and yet... She stands like she's riding an invisible donkey. How can she suck the fun and the life out of everything?

 

[LucilleBluth]

I am loving all the perspectives here. If only I’d been here when I was getting broken up with before Lockdown 1.0. It would have really helped I think

The more I think about it, the more I think maybe there are three scenarios in a one-sided breakup where one person is utterly heartbroken:

1. It’s entirely the dumper’s issue, genuinely, and they’d have ended up breaking up with literally whoever they were with at the time, because of other non-relationship issues they’re going through. “It’s not you, it’s me.”

2. The dumpee has been behaving ‘badly’ - selfishly, ignoring issues, not compromising, being demanding, not making effort any more, etc. “It’s not me, it’s you.” The dumpee probably knows this deep down.

3. The dumpee hasn’t changed or done anything ‘wrong’ - but the breakup is still about them. The dumper probably wouldn’t be able to articulate what changed but they simply don’t fancy or don’t want to be with the person any more, even if the person is amazing and doing everything right. The dumper doesn’t automatically have ‘issues’. They might not be a narcissist. They aren’t a dick. They just want out and it sadly is 100% because of the other person or how they now feel about them.

It’s conventional to demonise the dumper and be like “he doesn’t know what he’s missing”, “what a PoS”, “his loss”, “he’s crazy” etc. I know this is what my lovely friends told me at the time, in a very well meaning way. This is what society tells us to do but I actually believe (and I think this is what @cosmicodone is saying, but correct me if I’m wrong) that does us a disservice because it prevents us from building up the muscle to be able to accept that someone just doesn’t want to be with us. One great, well adjusted person can look at another great, well adjusted person and still be like ‘nope’. At any time. Neither party is at fault. It just is.

All that said, I found out today my ex, who I was with for seven years, just had a baby - and even though we haven’t been together for five years, I now feel nothing for him, and I’ve loved since, I still had a little cry at my desk. Rejection is a bastard.

 

[judgejohndeed]

I’m NOT an influencer!!! But please buy these vitamins and mop :’)

This would make an excellent thread title

 

[imsorryabtthisacct]

Oof, that has got to burn Niomi!

That's actually pretty disturbing if you imagine it from Niomi's point of view. Yikes.

Like if my ex's new fuck buddy pending upgrade used to follow my life and my relationship closely, I would block them both into oblivion.

 

[Coldfeet]

I feel the same way about that. I turn 40 at the end of the year and I’m still at home due to mental health reasons for which I finally got help for last year after a breakdown at the end of 2019. In the middle of 2020 I felt I’d made so much progress and was in the best mental space I’ve ever been in and started to feel that I had a future, but then I was made redundant and now any plans I may have been forming have came crashing down.

I realise I’m in a lucky position that I don’t have to worry about keeping a roof over my head on my own, but it does feel as if there’s a stigma around it. I understand that everyone has a right to feel about their situation the way they do, but when I hear ‘ugh, I had to move back in with my mum’ I bristle at it. I get what she’s saying about missing her old routines, but I’m sure a lot of people out there in dire straits would love to be in her position right now.

Anyway, that’s my rant for the day.

Well, there might be a stigma around your situation but something I can share. For 30 years I worked outside the UK/Europe. I lived and worked in cultures where the extended family was EVERYTHING. Living together, multi generational was and is normal. The support structure up and down the age groups was always there. This really aligned with my own values so I loved to see this. They could hardly comprehend that I lived alone and had no family with me. Always the 1st question, 'When is your family coming?'.

When my mum had her stroke, back in the UK, I was there, between contracts. It was a no brainer to become her carer. I am now NEVER on my own and that was quite an adjustment tbh. But, 7 yrs on, it works. I have no career but still get offered great and interesting jobs, like a tantalus!!

Comments I had were interesting. 'Oh, what a bummer. There are some great care homes in the UK. You gave up your life! You'll go mad' blah blah.

Any stigma is ignorance of the cycle of life. You take good care.

 

[Milliehaha123]

Just had a nose at Anna (aware I’m late to the party) she is obviously gorgeous but reminds me so so much of many (also beautiful) girls I know who smoke a million fags a day and absolutely love coke all of them think they’re fantastic but in reality there’s very little going on upstairs. Not to judge a book by its cover or anything

 

[lilamay]

But - but - I thought she wasn't an influencer

 

[LucilleBluth]

I agree but I don't think there could be a person out there who wouldn't have a hurt ego by being so publicly de fiancee, and then worse still have your ex move on to a beautiful good time girl in your own social circle. Wagging tongues etc.

Utterly humiliating.

I agree. Also, residual shock and trauma, probably. I know people roll their eyes at statements like that but losing someone from your life overnight (and it being their choice) is profoundly distressing and discombobulating. Regardless of how in love they were or weren’t. Especially if the left-behind person has an anxious attachment style (which is extra funsies, am I right?!). It’s quite a primal / biological thing that goes back to being cast out of the pack in ye olden times, when being alone meant a genuine lack of physical safety.

None of that excuses her behaviour but it might go some way to explaining it. I agree that she’s immensely privileged in every other area of life and needs to find a way (cough therapy cough) to contain her anguish about the breakup and face up to it rather than letting it be her carte blanche to feel endlessly sorry for herself for her entire life situation.

 

[jeijddn]

Just because she’s turning 32 doesn’t mean that she wants “something serious”. We really need to stop assuming that every woman in her thirties wants to settle down.

Please say it louder for the people in the back! I don't know if I like Anna's online persona but she is pretty, extroverted and seems to like her party. Nothing about her indicates that she wants to "settle down" other than an old fashioned perception of want a woman should want.

 

[sweetbabymango]

I'm no fashion expert by no means but to me this looks really baggy and unflattering on her and so not her style. Don't think she's ever gonna wear it out but who cares as long as she cashed some £££

 

[missmina]

You have to laugh at her posing with a bloody macaron. Couldn’t even take a bite for the photo. Did posing with the macaron brighten up her Tuesday? Because I doubt eating it did...as she wouldn’t eat it.

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It's so weird to wear a Jesus necklace when you're not even religious. Personally I'm not a fan of religions but I respect those who believe and wouldn't wear a symbol of their faith as an accessory

 

[Jackie Daytona]

I love how the discussion about the move to India and how it affected their relationship is longer than the actual move to India.

 

[emm]

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Lol cool. For most people if we decided to ‘take a break from work’ without telling anyone we would lose our jobs

a break from the one video a week......jesus

 

[PreciousVenus]

I think a big difference that I've seen is that ethical vegans I know still eat junk, chips can be vegan, oreos are vegan, every burger place does a plant based patty now. These plant-based influencers don't eat any of that because for them it's a restriction diet, not a lifestyle.

 

[eucalyptus]

While we're talking about how much we love each other, I've really enjoyed all the honest discussion about relationships and break ups we've had the last 6 months or so. It's really made me re-evaluate and think more deeply about my own breakups and I feel like I've really grown from it. So many wonderful people and opinions are shared on this forum

 

[Lionsden]

a break from the one video a week......jesus

Yeah, I remember the good old days of Youtube, when gurus would produce several videos in advance to publish while they were ill, on holiday, or doing something else. Now, influencers are always needing a vacation from a vacation.

 

[midsummer1]

Niomi, take notes. I'm a vegan and real leather is terrible for the environment, it uses awful chemicals and dyes often ruin rivers and water sources in developing areas. However it's very suspicious, and simply greenwashing, to use "vegan leather" as an umbrella term. If it's not made of recycled materials, you need to interrogate whether it actually aligns with your "sustainable" ethos.

 

[Ramster93]

I'm so sick of influencers telling me that "it's okay to have lazy days" and "it's okay not to feel motivated with work". Guess what, dimwits? Not all of us are influencers who can post one sponsored post and do f*ck all the rest of the month in order to hEaL and PrAcTiSe SelF-lOvE. Us mere mortals don't have the option to feel unmotivated with work, because we don't have easy money and we have bills to pay.

I swear I read some variation of this caption every single day and it's beyond infuriating and tone-deaf. Sorry for the rant.
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What the fuck does this photo of her wearing a crucifix-lookalike and poorly-applied thick eyeliner have to do with the caption? And I don't think anyone would like to take advice from the laziest human being on the planet, I know I sure wouldn't. She has this "career" solely because of Marcus Butler and I hope she thanks him for it. She has no personality and is an average looking girl, there's no way she'd be able to crack this "cash cow influencer lifestyle" if she had 0 followers and was starting from scratch right now.

What she lacks is credibility as she is, without a shadow of a doubt, a pathological liar or is just genuinely so delusional. She's so unbelievably insecure that it has to be one or the other. As petty as it sounds, I have genuine joy that she is no doubt suffering right now - simply because she shouldn't be. She has enough privilege in her life considering the current state of the world where she, despite being broken up with, should be decently OK 6 months later from that infamous end of July/early August dumping date. But she's not. Because she's on social media too much and portrays this "new chapter" life when she herself doesn't believe it. Unfortunately, she could have healed but she hasn't. It's because of her ego. Her need to portray this "perfect life" and "perfect body" when a brain stem (i.e. probably the world's population her excluding her minions) can she that she has neither.

I think Joe dumping her made her realise that she can't have control over her whole life. People can *gasp* leave her! It was no doubt a massive blow, not because she loved him deeply (I'm doubtful she did), but because this "he's pahfect!" charade was up. Friends of mine who have a smaller ego than her are still embarrassed to no end that they're single at around her age (nothing wrong with that in my opinion BTW), so I can't imagine how much she's struggling with that.

I mean, look at the Instagram of her spraying some cleaning solution at the camera with a mop next to her... my literal goodness.

 

[emm]

I’m just over here like how do all these people manage to find someone they like enough, who also likes them, so often that they can actually have a string of relationships back to back?! Teach me your ways

I am totally the same, I have had only 2 serious relationships and am mid 30s, I am always single from people I know who go from one relationship to another like this usually they are just willing to settle imo