I don’t even follow you Marine. But I’m a special ed teacher , every single student in my class is ND. The nature of where I work most kids are actually in OT care because of their lousey parents. I know it’s incredibly difficult somedays & tit can get relentless. But never once could I imagine hurting these kids. Everyday I go to work and have to pick up the pieces (alongside a wider team) of these children who have deliberately been hurt by their parents. For your own sanity & your child’s safety - get help!