New baby and post birth advice #41 Trigger warning: Soup

[Belle Amie]

Get a pretty ball pit I rejected the nice instagrammable foam ones in favour of a colourful pop up one with tunnels etc thinking it would be more fun for him but it’s a monstrosity, the colours are gross and it’s honestly starting to irrationally enrage me looking at it every night. If only it would fit in a Kallax.

doesn’t help that I have to do a full on work out putting 817638283 balls back in it once he’s gone to bed and then angrily sit in front of it.

We got a nice Instagram aesthetic one, the dog loves it the baby not bothered & can crawl out of it within 20 secs.
My only consolation is it matches the front room

 

[calmyourritas]

If only it would fit in a Kallax.

This is my new life motto

 

[DcfcE]

My last day of maternity leave tomorrow is going to be spent in Ikea & finally getting a Kallax

 

[GlennCoco]

Ladies has anyone ever used one of those rockit rockets on their prams to help prolong naps? Do they actually work?

My friend did and she swears by it!

 

[WhatABore]

Currently laying in the bath feeling super lonely

Obviously my partner works nights 5 nights a week. So he only really has 1 whole day with us anyway when he's not sleeping.
Not that he gets up on that day anyway.
Tonight's his first night off so he went to bed as soon as he came in until lunch time.
He then brought his xbox downstairs and sat with his headphones on all day. If he doesn't bring his xbox downstairs, he's got earphones in watching things on his phone.

In the evening, as soon as he gets up (I put Everleigh to bed and the 4yo goes into the bedroom to wake him up and lay with him whilst I'm putting her to bed and then I come and put the 4yo to bed) but by the time I've put Everleigh to bed, he's already in a party chat with his mates or brother and playing games and he does that until 1am/2am.
If I talk to him, he gets annoyed because he can't hear what I've said through his headphones
So all I get is "WHAT?!"

I have no friends. The last time I had a conversation with a friend was whilst the 4yo was in hospital and she then stopped replying.
I used to go somewhere with my sister on her day off during the week with Everleigh whilst the kids were at school but we haven't done that in months because she's got her own friends.

And just feeling super lonely!

 

[stardust1]

Ladies has anyone ever used one of those rockit rockets on their prams to help prolong naps? Do they actually work?

I got one for holidays in desperate attempt to get my baby to nap in the pram, it was ok

 

[Dipdab]

Ladies has anyone ever used one of those rockit rockets on their prams to help prolong naps? Do they actually work?

Doesn’t work for double prams my foot was more effective! I gave mine to a friend who got on better with it. She has an ultra light pram

This is my new life motto

I vote this the new thread Title

Currently laying in the bath feeling super lonely

Obviously my partner works nights 5 nights a week. So he only really has 1 whole day with us anyway when he's not sleeping.
Not that he gets up on that day anyway.
Tonight's his first night off so he went to bed as soon as he came in until lunch time.
He then brought his xbox downstairs and sat with his headphones on all day. If he doesn't bring his xbox downstairs, he's got earphones in watching things on his phone.

In the evening, as soon as he gets up (I put Everleigh to bed and the 4yo goes into the bedroom to wake him up and lay with him whilst I'm putting her to bed and then I come and put the 4yo to bed) but by the time I've put Everleigh to bed, he's already in a party chat with his mates or brother and playing games and he does that until 1am/2am.
If I talk to him, he gets annoyed because he can't hear what I've said through his headphones
So all I get is "WHAT?!"

I have no friends. The last time I had a conversation with a friend was whilst the 4yo was in hospital and she then stopped replying.
I used to go somewhere with my sister on her day off during the week with Everleigh whilst the kids were at school but we haven't done that in months because she's got her own friends.

And just feeling super lonely!

Ah I know exactly how you feel. My husband is away working and I haven’t spoken to another adult since Friday morning. Doesn’t help the weather is miserable so been trapped in the house all day.
I find motherhood so lonely and isolating too. It sucks. I always had visions of doing cute play dates etc and making loads of mum friends at groups. I make lots of effort but I think people get put off by the twins. I found out a couple weeks ago a at group I go, one the mums invited everyone but us to her girls 1st birthday. I thought we got on .

sending you a huge hug And a massive kick up the bum to your KW for choosing fricking Xbox over you

 

[Hushpuppy]

Ladies has anyone ever used one of those rockit rockets on their prams to help prolong naps? Do they actually work?

I bought one and it did sod all. I heard such great things I was really optimistic. Load of crap.

Oh @WhatABore I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling like that. It must be so overwhelming to basically solo parent all week. I'm lucky in the respect that my KW doesn't game, I think that would piss me right off and whatever device he used would probably end up out the window if he favoured it over me.

Have you tried speaking to him about how your feeling? I'd like to think being open and honest would hopefully make him realise he should spend a little more time with you.

ETA: @Dipdab we are always open to more baby friends so if you ever want to meet up seeing as it would appear we are quite close, we are down! We love twin friends, the more the merrier

 

[WhatABore]

I bought one and it did sod all. I heard such great things I was really optimistic. Load of crap.

Oh @WhatABore I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling like that. It must be so overwhelming to basically solo parent all week. I'm lucky in the respect that my KW doesn't game, I think that would piss me right off and whatever device he used would probably end up out the window if he favoured it over me.

Have you tried speaking to him about how your feeling? I'd like to think being open and honest would hopefully make him realise he should spend a little more time with you.

Trying to be open about it last time resulted in "Fine I won't switch my xbox on ever again or use my phone."

 

[Jellybean093]

Ok, I’m still convinced I’m pregnant, even though I’ve done 3 tests and they’re all negative I’m now crippled over in pain because my tummy is so sore. I had this with the eldest. Was involved in a RTA a few days before, so thought it was something to do with that, hospital said trapped wind (LOL, I’ve NEVER told anyone this ) and it turns out I was actually a couple of weeks pregnant

 

[Definitelyme]

@WhatABore honestly he does not deserve you at all I agree with @Hushpuppy that a chat about how you’d like him to spend time together in the evening would be good x

 

[Hushpuppy]

Trying to be open about it last time resulted in "Fine I won't switch my xbox on ever again or use my phone."

Oh we love an over dramatic KW. But perfect that would be grand, at least he'd be left no choice but to communicate properly then!

 

[Definitelyme]

Trying to be open about it last time resulted in "Fine I won't switch my xbox on ever again or use my phone."

Bloody hell, are you married to my dad? When we were younger if he got in an argument with us (frequent as he had a terrible temper) and he was losing he’d say “fine I’ll never speak again” and ignore you for about two weeks.
Thankfully age has mellowed him and he is a top quality grandad and dad now

 

[Jellybean093]

Trying to be open about it last time resulted in "Fine I won't switch my xbox on ever again or use my phone."

Why do they do this?!

Sorry he’s too KW’ing. It’s hard when they are in the house, yet you are the one dealing with all the children

 

[WhatABore]

Oh we love an over dramatic KW. But perfect that would be grand, at least he'd be left no choice but to communicate properly then!

It's always his response
I tried to bring up ages ago about some stuff during sex he kept trying to do but knew I hated. And his response was "Fine. We won't have sex every again."
Oooor you could listen and realise you're the one at fault

 

[Jellybean093]

It's always his response
I tried to bring up ages ago about some stuff during sex he kept trying to do but knew I hated. And his response was "Fine. We won't have sex every again."
Oooor you could listen and realise you're the one at fault

Id be making sure I recorded that conversation and played it to him every time he tried it on

 

[I’mThankyou_]

Ok, I’m still convinced I’m pregnant, even though I’ve done 3 tests and they’re all negative I’m now crippled over in pain because my tummy is so sore. I had this with the eldest. Was involved in a RTA a few days before, so thought it was something to do with that, hospital said trapped wind (LOL, I’ve NEVER told anyone this ) and it turns out I was actually a couple of weeks pregnant

Just bare with me
What does the pain feel like?
It's not burning when you wee is it? Nothing similar like a UTI?
Only I had similar a few years ago, thought I was pregnant but never tested pos. Then I felt like I had a bad UTI then the pain got worse & it ended up being a burst cyst on my ovary & I ended up having surgery to drain the cyst

 

[Rxt156]

It's always his response
I tried to bring up ages ago about some stuff during sex he kept trying to do but knew I hated. And his response was "Fine. We won't have sex every again."
Oooor you could listen and realise you're the one at fault

Why are they like this . I can’t believe he thinks it’s ok to play Xbox all day when he’s got kids. Bet the house would fall apart if you spent all day on hobbies rather than children/household stuff/life!!!

On the topic of KW’s
I told the KW to give the baby a toy rather than put him on his knee and hold him. He goes OH I’m just useless. (Properly in a ‘woe is me’ kind of way) CBA when he’s like this.

Weellllllll why would you have a baby but not try to entertain him???? So yes you are useless

 

[Hushpuppy]

It's always his response
I tried to bring up ages ago about some stuff during sex he kept trying to do but knew I hated. And his response was "Fine. We won't have sex every again."
Oooor you could listen and realise you're the one at fault

Sounds like he's on the defense and doesn't have any better comeback. So If he wants to reply like a child then maybe you need to spell it out to him as if you're talking to a child. Dumb it right down... "I'd really like it if you could spare me, just an hour tonight (build it up) so we can eat dinner together, watch a show, have a cuddle, chat about our days. I only have children interactions at the minute and I miss you...."

It's a shame because communication is so important to maintaining a good relationship. He's showing he's able to over the Xbox so hopefully he can give you some more. Hopefully once you've got through to him you can (again, dumb it down these are KW we're talking about!!) ask to set aside a few hours one evening a week, promise to both put your phones down and just enjoy each others company.

I barely see my KW at the minute as he's so busy with work, and then helping renovate our new house but as soon as things settle down I'm going to suggest we do the same thing. It's so easy to just end up cohabiting in the same house, what with phones, social media, xboxes etc and the resentment builds up when you're left to basically carry the family.

Thinking of you and I hope you get through to him x

 

[Jellybean093]

Just bare with me
What does the pain feel like?
It's not burning when you wee is it? Nothing similar like a UTI?
Only I had similar a few years ago, thought I was pregnant but never tested pos. Then I felt like I had a bad UTI then the pain got worse & it ended up being a burst cyst on my ovary & I ended up having surgery to drain the cyst

Interesting, as I have been weeing 20x a day. The wee isn’t burning though. The pain is above my tummy. Mr B reckons I need a poo, and he rubbed my tummy but when he stopped I felt like I was going to pass out/be sick
I will definitely keep an eye on it, as I haven’t eaten anything out the ordinary…

ETA - just remembered I went to church earlier and had communion, but spat the bread out ASAP (soz God) so, this could be what is causing my pain