I know it’s not for everyone so ignore me if it isnt but have you tried leaving her for 2/3 mins? Before going back in. X
New baby and post birth advice #41 Trigger warning: Soup
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She sounds like mini Waka, will do anything to avoid sleep. I had to go back to the Ferber method last week so we went into the bedroom every 5 mins to reassure her we were there, hug over the cot, kiss on head lay down and shhhhh with light pressure on her chest and repeat until she relaxes herself to sleep. Next night I went in but took longer, Took her 2 nights to get herself back to sleep by wiggling til she falls asleep.
Night waking is a different matter lol
When B is hard to get down, I will sit with my back to him until he calms down. Sometimes I stay, sometimes I leave, and if he goes mad, I will go back and sit on the floor. Would this work when she is like this?
There are absolutely places who specificy counselling for those diagnosed with BPD. I'm so sorry you've been told not to mention itIt's so hard to even get on a waiting list with counselling.
I tried previously and was told I needed specified counselling due to childhood, on the waiting list for them, told it would be 14 month wait. 22 months pass and I contact them and they're like "Oh we don't do counselling anymore. We stopped a year ago."
Like, thanks for telling mebeen sitting on a non existant list.
So went back to the original place I referred to but they still won't take me as they can't deal with me until I've dealt with the childhood trauma stuff.
Aaaand nowhere seems to specify in that anymore.
And that's without mentioning the BPD.
When I got diagnosed I was told if I went for counselling, not to mention the BPD as most will flat out refuse to take you on.
I presume I would be able to if I went private but can't afford that
Who ever diagnosed you could of put you on a CPA (Care Programme Approach) there's alot to read, but I've attached the link if it's something you could possibly explore with your GP, I don't want to clog up the thread.
You are deserving of help and to work through everything you have experienced, the system shouldn't be failing you
Treatment - Borderline personality disorder
Read about treatment for borderline personality disorder (BPD), which may involve psychotherapy, a type of talking therapy.
Thank youThere are absolutely places who specificy counselling for those diagnosed with BPD. I'm so sorry you've been told not to mention it
Who ever diagnosed you could of put you on a CPA (Care Programme Approach) there's alot to read, but I've attached the link if it's something you could possibly explore with your GP, I don't want to clog up the thread.
You are deserving of help and to work through everything you have experienced, the system shouldn't be failing you
Treatment - Borderline personality disorder
Read about treatment for borderline personality disorder (BPD), which may involve psychotherapy, a type of talking therapy.www.nhs.uk
It's more the childhood trauma part that they keep wanting me to deal with first.
But nowhere seems to specialise in that anymore. It used to be Rape Crisis but they now only deal with current sexual violence where as before they covered all kinds.
It seems to be that all these places will deal with 1 thing but want the other parts dealing with first.
And it makes you feel completely broken because nobody can help you.
@WhatABore i wish there was something I could say to help you 
but we are always here for you xx
but we are always here for you xxAdd me into the lonely crew!
I had a friend due 3 weeks after me. Long story short she gave birth at 28 weeks. Baby Neo was born at 34.
Baby Neo smashed life for the first couple of weeks. My so called friend made a big deal about how hard it was for her to hear how well my baby was doing when hers was in NICU (which I was completely sympathetic to).
So I took a massive step back from my friendship group. And I’ve learnt how on my own I really am. But I’m happier without her twatish negativity.
I had a friend due 3 weeks after me. Long story short she gave birth at 28 weeks. Baby Neo was born at 34.
Baby Neo smashed life for the first couple of weeks. My so called friend made a big deal about how hard it was for her to hear how well my baby was doing when hers was in NICU (which I was completely sympathetic to).
So I took a massive step back from my friendship group. And I’ve learnt how on my own I really am. But I’m happier without her twatish negativity.
Thank you!@WhatABore i wish there was something I could say to help you
Sorry to be a mood killer
As part of your Care plan they could ensure that was covered.Thank you
It's more the childhood trauma part that they keep wanting me to deal with first.
But nowhere seems to specialise in that anymore. It used to be Rape Crisis but they now only deal with current sexual violence where as before they covered all kinds.
It seems to be that all these places will deal with 1 thing but want the other parts dealing with first.
And it makes you feel completely broken because nobody can help you.
I hate that the system is such a mess, because this is what happens it leaves people feeling so isolated and broken.
I wish there was a magical fix.
Not to get into it too much as I don’t want you to feel worse, but are you aware the NSPCC has an umbrella and does cover historical abuse? National Association for People Abused in Childhood.
I dont know if it will help, but they do offer counselling, it doesn't seem to be well advertised I'm only aware of it as my mum applied for a job there many moons ago as its something she's quite passionate about.
You definitely deserve the support and you shouldn't have to fork out on private treatment!!
A mood killer is something you are not!Thank you!
Sorry to be a mood killer
Sorry to speak on everyone's behalfs, but you're our friend and we just want to be able to support you & show you, you are amazing, even when you can't see it yourself xx
Please don’t apologiseThank you!
Sorry to be a mood killer
That’s awful!
I’ve really struggled with my old friendship group. They only ever message when they want to go out drinking cocktails and don’t seem to get that I can’t just drop everything to go and do that (my husband works shifts and weekends too so it’s not easy). One of them has just been off work for over 2 weeks. I’ve messaged three times trying to arrange a (daytime, no alcohol involved) meeting and just get blown off each time, but she never suggests another day or time that suits her.
Don’t get me wrong, when we do manage to arrange an evening meet up it’s great but I’d like them to actually get to know my baby too? They’ve only met her about 3 times and it makes me sad.
I love this community we have here and I’ve actually made a great group of friends at the local baby group - which I really didn’t think I’d do after putting off going and then feeling so awkward at the first meeting.
Sending those virtual coffees (or hot chocolates at this time of night) and hugs to everyone in the group who needs a virtual friendly hug in this group this evening. xx
I've never heard of that actually, thank you!
I will look into it!
I really appreciate it!
You've already been more help than any of the actual professionals I've spoken to in the past
My man child works away, sometimes for weeks/months so I get this, massively. I’ve come to realise when we think oh he’s home today, we’ll get some time together at such a time and it’ll be lovely - they just don’t bleeping think the same for some reason. I thought it was just mine until I mentioned it to my sister but hers is the same too! I’d definitely hide his Xbox though, walk past the tv naked, say good nights and see how fast he’ll forget about his party chat!Currently laying in the bath feeling super lonely
Obviously my partner works nights 5 nights a week. So he only really has 1 whole day with us anyway when he's not sleeping.
Not that he gets up on that day anyway.
Tonight's his first night off so he went to bed as soon as he came in until lunch time.
He then brought his xbox downstairs and sat with his headphones on all day. If he doesn't bring his xbox downstairs, he's got earphones in watching things on his phone.
In the evening, as soon as he gets up (I put Everleigh to bed and the 4yo goes into the bedroom to wake him up and lay with him whilst I'm putting her to bed and then I come and put the 4yo to bed) but by the time I've put Everleigh to bed, he's already in a party chat with his mates or brother and playing games and he does that until 1am/2am.
If I talk to him, he gets annoyed because he can't hear what I've said through his headphones
So all I get is "WHAT?!"
I have no friends. The last time I had a conversation with a friend was whilst the 4yo was in hospital and she then stopped replying.
I used to go somewhere with my sister on her day off during the week with Everleigh whilst the kids were at school but we haven't done that in months because she's got her own friends.
And justfeeling super lonely!
You definitely have friends, this thread is full of funny fuckers who adore you xx
I've sent them an email, thank you
Mental health services are completely tit, I'm assuming you've gone via iapt too? You can't access the right help unless you're unwell enough but then if you get too unwell while waiting you can't access treatment because you're not stable enough. Pile of shite.Thank you
It's more the childhood trauma part that they keep wanting me to deal with first.
But nowhere seems to specialise in that anymore. It used to be Rape Crisis but they now only deal with current sexual violence where as before they covered all kinds.
It seems to be that all these places will deal with 1 thing but want the other parts dealing with first.
And it makes you feel completely broken because nobody can help you.
Hopefully you're still able to look after yourself and find time to do the things that help keep you well every day between looking after the kids
@Dipdab did your daisy bags come? X
I've got everything crossed for you.I've sent them an email, thank you
Iapt is where I originally went to be told that they can't help me until I deal with the childhood stuffMental health services are completely tit, I'm assuming you've gone via iapt too? You can't access the right help unless you're unwell enough but then if you get too unwell while waiting you can't access treatment because you're not stable enough. Pile of shite.
Hopefully you're still able to look after yourself and find time to do the things that help keep you well every day between looking after the kids
Aw it's so tit, you have to be the right level of unwell with the right diagnosis to get help sometimes and it's so unfair! Charity support tends to be less discriminatory probably cos they won't have your notes! Are you still in work? Sometimes occupational health or a union gives access to counselling.Iapt is where I originally went to be told that they can't help me until I deal with the childhood stuff
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