New baby and post birth advice #28 being a mum is the best present I could have ever wished for

[a.pain]

Oh, poor baby Hope it'll get better soon!
Does she have a fever?

Did the sugar test and also secretly tested in between myself My values seemed perfectly normal, so hoping it'll be fine! Will get the results next Friday

Also, Kitten is 40 weeks old today! I was induced on 40 weeks and Kitten was born on 40+1!
So grateful to have this little human in my life! My heart is so full when I look at her

I think I might want another, but I didn't really like pregnancy, nor the first few newborn weeks

Yeah it’s only a mild fever which is coming down with calpol but it just feels never ending at the moment. It’s been going on so long with no relief, I have her 24 hours a day and she’s up all through the night, and now being sick in the night, and I just hit my limit, told my husband how I was feeling and he was like ‘don’t know why you feel that way because you know I’ll take her for a night if you ask me’ but doesn’t seem to get that I feel I can’t ask him to because she needs me, because she will only feed from me. If he had her all night she’d be distressed. I know other mums will get this feeling, it’s getting on top of me a lot. Last time I was quite ill I had a bad chest infection and cough and continued looking after her throughout because I had to, all day and all night. Then my mother in law caught it off me and was in bed for five days straight. Makes you feel like bottom of the heap really but I know that is the price you pay as a mother and it is worth it…hard to see through the fog of screaming and vomit
More on topic, there is a part of me that wants three kids but this baby has been so hard on me I just can’t. She will be my last.

this is so self indulgent I would never say it in real life but on the internet….no one cares when I’m so tired I walk into walls, no one cares when I haven’t eaten or drank all day, no one cares when I am sick, no one cares that I continue to do EVERYTHING no matter what.Oh that feels a bit better
I know people do care but just needed that

 

[Cucumberthunder]

Wake between 6:30-7:00
Breakfast 7am
Milk/snack 8am
No nap before 9am.
Nap 9:00 if woke closer to 6:30 but try to get to 9:15-9:30. Wake no later than 10am. (This nap shortens until it’s gone)
Snack 10am
Lunch 11:45
If no morning nap, nap 12:15
Morning nap- nap at 12:30-12:45
Snack 2
Dinner 5
She says bath 6:15, milk 6:45 (I swap these two)
Bed 7pm

settling method is firm hand on chest to replicate hug and x3 ‘sssh’ & leave room. If unsettled set a timer and return at your set time (this can stay the same or extend, it’s what you feel comfortable with). If they wake at night, repeat settling method. All naps and bedtimes start with same routine, nappy, sleep bag, book then down (I have dummy and a cuddle. She has started to push me away now as she knows she’s ready to sleep). Yesterday she chilled in the cot for 25 mins by herself which she never does. She still wakes bang on 4am every night but goes back down with a kiss and dummy whereas before she would cry until she got in the bed, even if I rocked her and laid her down asleep. She had no ability to relax and was playing until 9pm each night.
I think that’s everything! It’s a 10-18 month routine

ETA being in the room can over stimulate some babies but there is also a suggested method of staying in and moving back a distance each time, think @Lulu Goss did this. Laying them down if they’re standing can turn into a game so if the timer went and she was standing I wanted until she was down again to resettle her.

(My own opinion) I kept the book the Same for the first few days for comfort so she knew what to expect. then I introduced a new one. I now have 3 on rotation in the bedroom and she can choose which one she wants and I know she’s getting older and will want some control over some things so this gives her some power back

This is interesting, but baby cucumber falls asleep with his bottle, so we've never had to "settle" him really.

Also he's currently having a suspiciously long nap.

Might see if I can try this tonight though if he doesn't completely zonk out with his bottle as sometimes he's just drowsy.

 

[I’mThankyou_]

Recently I also heard of brown noise - what is the difference in all the noises?!

Brown noise helps you

 

[wakametango 2.0]

This is interesting, but baby cucumber falls asleep with his bottle, so we've never had to "settle" him really.

Also he's currently having a suspiciously long nap.

Might see if I can try this tonight though if he doesn't completely zonk out with his bottle as sometimes he's just drowsy.

If it ain’t broke let him continue zonking out

 

[LilyRose1234]

Honestly I’m at my wits end. She is exhausted, she won’t nap. Everyone is commenting on how tired she looks but she won’t bleeping sleep. Not at night, not during the day. I’ve looked at the routine above and want to tweak the timings to work around nursery etc so it can be consistent everyday, but I have to share a room with her until we’re in our own house again, I can’t let her cry too much because there’s other people living here. I’m just done with it all. I’ve got so much work to do but can’t get anything done, can’t afford to send her to nursery more, can’t afford for my partner to give up work or either of us to go part time. I’m sorry for the rant but I’m just so exhausted by it all

 

[calmyourritas]

Thanks to everyone for the lovely messages about my post last night. It’s nice to know that we are all in the same boat in a way

 

[orange club biscuit]

I think we will be trying pink noise tonight!!!!

We tried it last night after the white noise machine packed in (SERIOUS panic!) and I am unhappy to report it made zero difference

 

[wakametango 2.0]

Honestly I’m at my wits end. She is exhausted, she won’t nap. Everyone is commenting on how tired she looks but she won’t bleeping sleep. Not at night, not during the day. I’ve looked at the routine above and want to tweak the timings to work around nursery etc so it can be consistent everyday, but I have to share a room with her until we’re in our own house again, I can’t let her cry too much because there’s other people living here. I’m just done with it all. I’ve got so much work to do but can’t get anything done, can’t afford to send her to nursery more, can’t afford for my partner to give up work or either of us to go part time. I’m sorry for the rant but I’m just so exhausted by it all

No advice to offer but we were in the same boat, we’re in the same room for the foreseeable too. I was exhausted by it all, I watched back on our monitor and I was just dragging her into bed half asleep when she cried because I didn’t have the energy to do anything else. She’s been unwell what this and that since 6 months old and I was shattered from the broken sleep. She was unsettled last night so I was awake 2:30-4 while she settled herself and she started her day at 5:30 (I tried a later bedtime and it didn’t work)
So just solidarity

 

[orange club biscuit]

Honestly I’m at my wits end. She is exhausted, she won’t nap. Everyone is commenting on how tired she looks but she won’t bleeping sleep. Not at night, not during the day. I’ve looked at the routine above and want to tweak the timings to work around nursery etc so it can be consistent everyday, but I have to share a room with her until we’re in our own house again, I can’t let her cry too much because there’s other people living here. I’m just done with it all. I’ve got so much work to do but can’t get anything done, can’t afford to send her to nursery more, can’t afford for my partner to give up work or either of us to go part time. I’m sorry for the rant but I’m just so exhausted by it all

Sending my sympathy From the mother of a fellow tit sleeper, everything is so bloody hard when they don’t sleep honestly wonder how I’ve managed to cope for the past year (and ask me again when I’ve gone back to work!). It doesn’t feel like it now, but keep telling myself that one day it will be easier, there are so many highs and lows but one day we’ll look back and it’ll be almost like a distant memory…I hope!!

@wakametango 2.0 i tried the shushing thing last night but she was having absolutely none of it I swear if she’s in her cot and awake her default mode is to cry!

 

[LilyRose1234]

@orange club biscuit @wakametango 2.0 solidarity with both of you!

It’s so tough isn’t it! What I find worse than the sleep deprivation (which I can sort of cure with caffeine) is just never having any time to do anything, when she’s awake (which is always) she’s constantly on the go, she won’t settle in her jumperoo anymore so I can’t contain her anywhere, the only time I could for example exercise is early morning or late night but I have to work to make up the hours from during the day, or I’m just too tired to be bothered. Then it’s being needed all night as well, and having literally no time to myself. Plus the guilt that surely she shouldn’t be this bad at 13 months, and she does just look tired all the time so I’m worried I’m doing something wrong and it’s affecting her. Just a mix of emotions all the time. I think it’s mentally exhausting and that’s what I’m struggling with more than anything else!

 

[wakametango 2.0]

Sending my sympathy From the mother of a fellow tit sleeper, everything is so bloody hard when they don’t sleep honestly wonder how I’ve managed to cope for the past year (and ask me again when I’ve gone back to work!). It doesn’t feel like it now, but keep telling myself that one day it will be easier, there are so many highs and lows but one day we’ll look back and it’ll be almost like a distant memory…I hope!!

@wakametango 2.0 i tried the shushing thing last night but she was having absolutely none of it I swear if she’s in her cot and awake her default mode is to cry!

The first night it took us 75 mins! She finds her night wake up the most difficult, I sssh’ed her twice at 2:30 and she took 45 mins to calmly get herself to sleep after but by 5:30 she was having none of it!
I’m actually sleeping on the sofa atm so it’s easier for her to understand otherwise she’s like why the hell are you right there, funnily enough she doesn’t give a hoot about mr waka being in the bed as he’s never tended to her at night so she doesn’t associate him with sleep!

 

[orange club biscuit]

@orange club biscuit @wakametango 2.0 solidarity with both of you!

It’s so tough isn’t it! What I find worse than the sleep deprivation (which I can sort of cure with caffeine) is just never having any time to do anything, when she’s awake (which is always) she’s constantly on the go, she won’t settle in her jumperoo anymore so I can’t contain her anywhere, the only time I could for example exercise is early morning or late night but I have to work to make up the hours from during the day, or I’m just too tired to be bothered. Then it’s being needed all night as well, and having literally no time to myself. Plus the guilt that surely she shouldn’t be this bad at 13 months, and she does just look tired all the time so I’m worried I’m doing something wrong and it’s affecting her. Just a mix of emotions all the time. I think it’s mentally exhausting and that’s what I’m struggling with more than anything else!

Oh god I totally get this, the other day when she didn’t go to bed until 9 I spent my entire day looking after her, bar 30 mins when she fell asleep in her pram but I was stuck outside watching her, it’s exhausting especially when they’re on the move. Then I think she stayed in her cot asleep for an hour then woke up, wouldn’t settle and was in bed with me the whole night. It’s relentless, and I feel so guilty for being annoyed about it because she’s only so little (but like you say, old enough to be sleeping better surely!!)

And I get really triggered (not by you lot!) by my friends who babies who complain about theirs waking up once or twice and how it’s so hard I know it’s all relative though, and that might be a bad night for some, but I’d be delighted!

 

[wakametango 2.0]

@orange club biscuit @wakametango 2.0 solidarity with both of you!

It’s so tough isn’t it! What I find worse than the sleep deprivation (which I can sort of cure with caffeine) is just never having any time to do anything, when she’s awake (which is always) she’s constantly on the go, she won’t settle in her jumperoo anymore so I can’t contain her anywhere, the only time I could for example exercise is early morning or late night but I have to work to make up the hours from during the day, or I’m just too tired to be bothered. Then it’s being needed all night as well, and having literally no time to myself. Plus the guilt that surely she shouldn’t be this bad at 13 months, and she does just look tired all the time so I’m worried I’m doing something wrong and it’s affecting her. Just a mix of emotions all the time. I think it’s mentally exhausting and that’s what I’m struggling with more than anything else!

My friends watch tv and say they want time to themselves so don’t wake their babies and I’m like tv!? Time to yourself!? She was a 30 min napper from like 3 months old. I asked my friend for some advice as her baby sleeps 8-7 without fail, through teething and allergy reactions and she said we don’t do cry it out and she just needed me less… baby Waka just wanted me more, nothing was good enough unless she was physically on me, it didn’t work for us Mr Waka had no space in bed and was affecting his already bad back, it wasn’t working for any of us.
I even googled adhd in babies to check if it was a thing!
My niece was an awful sleeper too, up in the night starting her day at 5:30 and she’s much better now at 18 months so I’m hoping things do get better for you.

 

[bepobee]

Brain dump incoming as I don't feel like I can talk to anyone in real life.

I just don't feel right in myself at all. I don't know if it's still my hormones but my mood is so up and down and I cry most days. I really struggled when baby was born and started taking Sertraline and had 4/5 counselling sessions. At the time I felt like I couldn't cope on my own with him (in terms of general life - chores, walking the dog, eating!) I think the sleep deprivation really didn't help. But as the weeks went on it did get easier and I found I could still get the basic jobs done whilst looking after him. So I stopped the counselling sessions and gradually came off Sertraline. I didn't like the way it made me feel - sometimes I desperately wanted to cry and just couldn't. But with the way I'm feeling I wonder if I should start taking it again. At our 8 week appointment the doctor said I could if I needed to.

Now baby is 3 months old and sleeps well (for now) and I've proved I can cope getting things done on my own. But my mood is just awful.

Me and OH are constantly at each others throats which is horrible and we are about to start the process of trying to move house. I'm desperate for more space and a better location, as this house makes me so unhappy. But given how we are with each other I'm doubting if it's the right thing to do (committing to a mortgage together).
We've talked about our problems several times but nothing changes and I'm not sure if it's me that's driving it because of the way I'm feeling, or the way I'm feeling is partly because of how we are?

I lucky to get a fair amount of time to myself - I do a weekly exercise class and just this morning I've been to have my nails done while OH looked after baby. But as soon as I walk back in the house it's like my mood just plummets again and it's back to the chores etc.
I also try to get out the house with baby most days, either with my mum or seeing friends. And whilst I need to get out the house for my sanity it can feel so stressful at times.

OH is going away until Sunday so I'm going to be on my own this weekend. Although I know I'll be fine on my own and all we do is snap at each other anyway, I'm still upset about it.

 

[cj_ii]

Can confirm without a shadow of a doubt, I'd rather have a daily enema in the middle of Tesco's than be pregnant again

Me too! Definitely no more babies 2 is enough.

 

[TheBabeWithThePower]

Brain dump incoming as I don't feel like I can talk to anyone in real life.

I just don't feel right in myself at all. I don't know if it's still my hormones but my mood is so up and down and I cry most days. I really struggled when baby was born and started taking Sertraline and had 4/5 counselling sessions. At the time I felt like I couldn't cope on my own with him (in terms of general life - chores, walking the dog, eating!) I think the sleep deprivation really didn't help. But as the weeks went on it did get easier and I found I could still get the basic jobs done whilst looking after him. So I stopped the counselling sessions and gradually came off Sertraline. I didn't like the way it made me feel - sometimes I desperately wanted to cry and just couldn't. But with the way I'm feeling I wonder if I should start taking it again. At our 8 week appointment the doctor said I could if I needed to.

Now baby is 3 months old and sleeps well (for now) and I've proved I can cope getting things done on my own. But my mood is just awful.

Me and OH are constantly at each others throats which is horrible and we are about to start the process of trying to move house. I'm desperate for more space and a better location, as this house makes me so unhappy. But given how we are with each other I'm doubting if it's the right thing to do (committing to a mortgage together).
We've talked about our problems several times but nothing changes and I'm not sure if it's me that's driving it because of the way I'm feeling, or the way I'm feeling is partly because of how we are?

I lucky to get a fair amount of time to myself - I do a weekly exercise class and just this morning I've been to have my nails done while OH looked after baby. But as soon as I walk back in the house it's like my mood just plummets again and it's back to the chores etc.
I also try to get out the house with baby most days, either with my mum or seeing friends. And whilst I need to get out the house for my sanity it can feel so stressful at times.

OH is going away until Sunday so I'm going to be on my own this weekend. Although I know I'll be fine on my own and all we do is snap at each other anyway, I'm still upset about it.

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. It does sound like it might be worth a chat with the GP, but perhaps there's an alternative medicine you can take if you didn't like the way the Sertraline made you feel?
PND is very real and affects a lot of people so please look after yourself and seek help if you're feeling this way, motherhood is never going to be a walk in the park but you might not have to feel the way you're feeling right now

 

[Tea fairy]

Re: pink noise, you have to literally blast it volume wise.... it didn't work for me at first until I blasted it.
We had the newborn hearing test yesterday so I've not ruined their little ear drums haha

 

[Dipdab]

I think I’m broody then I go to my twin club and today met a woman with 4 year old twins and 2 year old twins and I’m like nah. I don’t wana take that risk 🫠

 

[calmyourritas]

You know what really fucks me off, family and friends who were so insistent on meeting baby as soon as she was born. Wanted to come round as soon as we were home. Met her once and then not even mentioned it again. Always busy or have something better to do when I try to arrange something

I actually think that annoys me more than people who didn’t even bother to come. I’m giving up with people now

 

[Chickenandgravy]

Honestly I’m at my wits end. She is exhausted, she won’t nap. Everyone is commenting on how tired she looks but she won’t bleeping sleep. Not at night, not during the day. I’ve looked at the routine above and want to tweak the timings to work around nursery etc so it can be consistent everyday, but I have to share a room with her until we’re in our own house again, I can’t let her cry too much because there’s other people living here. I’m just done with it all. I’ve got so much work to do but can’t get anything done, can’t afford to send her to nursery more, can’t afford for my partner to give up work or either of us to go part time. I’m sorry for the rant but I’m just so exhausted by it all

No advice but solidarity. I did find that the tommee tippee pink sound machine (with a red light which we don't use) is quite good for settling her if she wakes briefly.

Its brutal when they don't sleep. I can't remember if you tried getting her to sleep in the car? Is that an option for you? One of the only things that worms for Hannah when she's overtired. Currently been sitting on my driveway for the last hour while she sleeps

Those of you with older kids.....what age would you say is the best? I hated newborn phase and this starting to toddle about phase is much more fun .....I'm just praying it lasts