My parents are both messed up people and they use me as a dumping ground for their unresolved issues. Particularly my mum. If she perceives any slight criticism directed at her, she flies into a rage and vows to get revenge on whoever said this to her.
I am also autistic so I’ve been bullied all my life by them but also need help. I have no siblings. They do something which is ostensibly helpful and in good grace, then later they throw it back in my face.
In my mid 20s, I suffered a severe breakdown and was hospitalised in a psychiatric unit with my 4 week old baby who is now 13. My mum said that she didn’t love this baby (her grandchild!) strangely enough, this daughter is now one of the most favoured grandchildren. My mum will deny that she ever said such a thing. It was the worst time of my life. My parents were the most nasty and abusive they’ve ever been. My marriage had broken up and I was living with them and it was awful. They were just so spiteful. I felt they hated me and wanted to destroy me. They would arrange meetings with my mental health team and then pick me to pieces in those meetings. The mental health professionals would say to me ‘stand up to them’. Not easy when you’re I’ll. When I was in the hospital, my psychiatrist would put me on home leave and my parents would refuse to come and pick me up.
The situation with my parents isn’t as bad as it was but I’ll never forget what they did. My mum is still very changeable and turns on me out of the blue.
I have also noticed that I attract abusive people. I’ve had a toxic male friend for about 14 years. It has taken me a long time to realise that he gaslights me. This morning he was saying to me that I should put up with the abuse from my parents because the things they’ve done for me offset the abuse! I got angry about this and he shut the conversation down and said I always have to be right.
Lately, he’s been propositioning me. I’m feeling angry now because I’ve realised that the only interest he’s ever had is getting into my knickers.
I have 4 children, all girls and we all get on so well. We never argue. I have tried hard to change things so that I don’t treat them the way my parents treated me. I know it sounds unusual for a family to not argue but we really don’t
I’m sure I’m not a perfect parent but I can honestly say I love my children and I want them to have a happy life. My mum seems to get angry if anything nice happens to me.
Sorry for the long post. I feel better for getting that off my chest.