They are always dying. They are always so very ill. It’s a hoovering tactic to guilt trip you into helping.My mom again ... I think I mentioned earlier that I was bending over & backwards for her following my dad's death (handling estate affairs, paying some of their debts, playing psychologist with her) when she's not shown an ounce of emotional support (body shamed me within 5 minutes of seeing me after 6 years of estrangement, complained about how things are not moving fast enough etc...).
More recently, I opened up to her about how exhausted I have been with all the estate stuff on top of my job and she dismissed me saying: "My friend texted saying they're coming over in an hour or two, so if I cut the conversation short in a little why, you know why". She didn't even acknowledged what I said at all. When I told her I didn't appreciate her response, she burst into tears saying nothing will ever replace my dad anyways (not sure what it has to do with what I was saying). Every single time I speak about my grief or pain, she dismisses me and turns the subject back to her. She keeps saying she's the only parent we have left. Quite frankly, I've never had a connection with her and whatever emotional tie I had to her died 6 years ago when I cut her off. I never wanted to reconnect with her and thus was imposed upon me after my dad's death.
I haven't spoken to her since the above episode two weeks ago. She knows full well I broke my phone and can't Facetime, so I have to pay to call her which is crazy expensive. I told her countless times I can't call until I get a proper phone because of how expensive it is and she keeps asking me to call to talk nonsense for two hours (what she ate or cooked, dismissing my emotions etc). I don't want to talk to her. I'm drained enough as it is.
Anyways, today my sister sent me an email today at 4pm while I was at work saying: "Mom asked you to call her to just talk, but she has a cold, so she doesn't have the strength to talk".
First of all, I don't appreciate being pestered during business hours for a non-urgent thing. Secondly, she knows I haven't bought a phone, so I'm not paying another €50 just to call her for 2 hours. Thirdly, what is this emotional manipulation of asking my sister to tell me she doesn't have the strength to talk because she has a cold, but asks me to call nonetheless? She thinks I'm suddenly going to panic and saying "she's the only parent we have left, so I better call her now because she has a cold". She has a cold, so what? She didn't feel sorry for me when I told her I was experiencing a severe burnout and ended up bedridden the following week. Why would I feel sorry a healthy 62 year old woman has a cold?
I've decided not to respond and when I respond, I'll just say I don't have a proper working phone still (which is true) and I'm busy at the moment. The emotional manipulation to get me to call has reached another level.
Last time she asked me to call her, she dismissed my feelings and drained me for two hours. Where is this friend of hers now? It's harsh, but I need to set strict boundaries. I don't appreciate getting pestered when I'm at work and her instilling fear by saying she has a cold so she doesn't have the strength is something else. She thinks now that we lost my dad, I'm suddenly going to live with the fear that she might pass too. Hum, no. It may be harsh, but I can't do this anymore for my own sanity.
Stay strong - don’t give in. You sound stronger than me.
I am having another dip in my mental health today, infact this week. I’ve hardly done anything. Not washed or brushed my hair. Slept most of today.
When things are bad I overeat. Anything really. I try and block it all out.
It’s the rage I find hard to deal with. When she stomps, goes in my face, screams and yells or leaves the most awful voicemails or a million missed calls (not even joking) I feel like the 3year old i once was having to deal with the rage then as a small child yet I’m a forty something adult? Go figure that one? How did I survive it then?
I jump at the most smallest of sounds. At work a lad shouted at someone else, banter between lads I jumped so much (!!) it’s like when it happens I freeze, everything goes slow and for some split second it feels like I’m dreaming or imagining it? This is where my OCD mind steps in. It’s like you are living the moment through a tv screen. I cannot move or speak. It terrifies me.
For now it is peace. The phone is off the hook, mobile switched off. I’m safe. This has been my life. All my life. I sympathise with everyone reading or writing in this thread. The solution isn’t simple. It is hell.