Can I join here please? My Mum is a duck up. She’ll be 61 tomorrow and will never change. She’s had cancer - over 20 years ago and lost her son (my brother) when he was 12. I can’t imagine how painful that must be and I know things like that cut deep. It’s like these things are who she is though. She has no other identity other than being a cancer survivor and bereaved mother.
I feel so bad for thinking negatively of her because of the above but I need to talk about it somewhere. She told me when I was 16 that she’d wished I died instead of my brother. I’m 41 now and it’s as fresh in my head like she said it yesterday. She would ignore me for at least a week if I went to see my Dad. I moved from Scotland to London in my early 20s and stayed for 14 years - can count on one hand the times she came to visit. I live round the corner from her now (wish I didn’t) and am slowly cutting down contact. Used to phone her every day as felt it was my duty but it was never appreciated and she’s hung up on me twice recently so scaled that back. My Stepdad is ace and is the reason my daughter spends time with them at the weekend. If I could fully cut her off I would. She’s muted and archived in my WhatsApp.
I was watching Coronation Street last night and one of the characters described her Dad as resenting her for being alive. It fully resonated After my brother died, she spent all her time/attention on an older cousin, then it was another cousin. Right now it’s a cousin who’s moved away and doesn’t always tell her when she’s coming back to visit so it’s like a top secret mission. It seems the be the only time she’s genuinely happy when my cousin is about.
There’s so much more I could write but won’t as I want to be at peace before I go to sleep.
I feel so bad for thinking negatively of her because of the above but I need to talk about it somewhere. She told me when I was 16 that she’d wished I died instead of my brother. I’m 41 now and it’s as fresh in my head like she said it yesterday. She would ignore me for at least a week if I went to see my Dad. I moved from Scotland to London in my early 20s and stayed for 14 years - can count on one hand the times she came to visit. I live round the corner from her now (wish I didn’t) and am slowly cutting down contact. Used to phone her every day as felt it was my duty but it was never appreciated and she’s hung up on me twice recently so scaled that back. My Stepdad is ace and is the reason my daughter spends time with them at the weekend. If I could fully cut her off I would. She’s muted and archived in my WhatsApp.
I was watching Coronation Street last night and one of the characters described her Dad as resenting her for being alive. It fully resonated After my brother died, she spent all her time/attention on an older cousin, then it was another cousin. Right now it’s a cousin who’s moved away and doesn’t always tell her when she’s coming back to visit so it’s like a top secret mission. It seems the be the only time she’s genuinely happy when my cousin is about.
There’s so much more I could write but won’t as I want to be at peace before I go to sleep.