I cannot remember if I ever posted in this thread (if I have please forgive me) but there have been some stuff just going round in my head for years and I don't know what I should do.
So I am originally from France and I moved to the UK nearly 6 years ago. Now, looking back, I think I did this subconsciously to stay away from both of my parents.
In appearance, I had a very lovely childhood. I was an only child and was very spoilt. Only in terms of material things. My dad was working a lot and when he was home, he was still very absent. Only was watching TV and never helped my mom. This is only when they divorced that I got to know him.
But also, since they divorced (2009), he started drinking and he is now a full blown alcoholic. He has been living with my nan since 2012 and has been depressed ever since. He found a job but got fired because of his drinking.
On the other hand, my mom (which is the one I have more of a problem with) has never found a job since 2012 and is always moaning about not having any money. A few years ago, she asked me to send her money for Mother's day/her birthday as she wanted to get some sort of skin treatment. i said I couldn't give her the full amount and she said I was stingy. She hates my dad and always criticises him and his family (my nan, aunt etc). She is actually convinced I left France because of him when really it was probably because of them two.
She also has a problem with drinking. When she gets drunk she becomes really hateful and just throws horrible comments to my face. She lies a lot about things (example: I went to a gig about 3 years ago and she was a bit jealous so she asked me to post things on her Facebook feed so she could pretend she had been to impress her Facebook "friends". Again, this year, as the Facebook memory popped up, she thanked me for that wonderful gig we had together).
Because, she's not working, her mom (my other nan who's 90!!) pays her rent and gives her about 300€ per month. To thank her, my mom is absolutely horrible with her and the only thing she wants is for my nan to sell her house so my mom can get the money. She even said she couldn't wait for her to die so she could get the inheritance. She is also very clingy. She will send me a message and if I haven’t replied within 5 minutes she will say something like “oh I can see you have better things to do”.
Last thing is that my mom never managed to keep a friendship more than for 2 years. She always finds bad traits to these new friends and she has arguments with them and go find new friends.
I haven't seen neither of my parents since last September (because of the lockdown mainly) but this made me realise that I don't miss either of them. Even less my mom. I have been wanting to tell her for quite a few months now that I just want to stop contact with her as I think my life would be much less stressful without her. I just don't know how to deal with this just yet so will take my time before doing it. Maybe write her a letter?
I just wish sometimes I had parents I could count on. This whole situation made me mature and responsible a lot earlier than I should. I am very independent now, I never ask for help to anyone and I have been told I was too serious. I am convinced that this is a result of my relatiomship with my parents.
Sorry for the massive message but all this needed to come out.