I've also read the bad stuff about tattle, mostly about folks slagging off influencers etc, but there's also a really wonderful side to it, like this thread, it's nice to be able to share our stories with folks who are going through the same thing, makes you feel you aren't alone.If you google Tattle. It is described as toxic, negative and bitchy. a forum full of bullying and harassment.
But this thread is incredible. It’s a safe space full of support and empathy. Advice and support.
I rarely post but lurk in a few threads. But this thread is the one place I can pour my heart out and not be judged.
My relationship with my narc mother is fraught and I often feel like I’m constantly moaning about her to my family and friends. So to be able to off load without judgement is better than therapy.
So carry on tattling guys. Thank you for all your virtual support
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Nobody else understands how it feels and that is part of the suffering. With this thread I feel support I've lacked for 2 decades.
(try my best not to be identifiable)
I get married within the week, we are big on the DIY side and with that we keep adding jobs on especially last minute
I've been promised help from my parents which I've 'had' today, they've come in and tried to add a finishing touch to something that's cost us 100s of £s and hours of our time
I've specifically asked them not to do what they have done whilst I nipped out, came back and of course wasn't happy so I said so and my dad (who arrived drunk) stressed at me which then created a huge arguement where he has ended it by calling me a slag. He and I have both said he's not coming to the wedding within the argument.
We've now had the afternoon wasted on me feeling down, sad, depressed and also feeling bad for my mum who didn't do anything wrong and we've now got to deal with this before the wedding in a matter of days
Not really sure what I'm aiming for here, suppose it's nice to write it down sometimes 🫤
I get married within the week, we are big on the DIY side and with that we keep adding jobs on especially last minute
I've been promised help from my parents which I've 'had' today, they've come in and tried to add a finishing touch to something that's cost us 100s of £s and hours of our timeI've specifically asked them not to do what they have done whilst I nipped out, came back and of course wasn't happy so I said so and my dad (who arrived drunk) stressed at me which then created a huge arguement where he has ended it by calling me a slag. He and I have both said he's not coming to the wedding within the argument.
We've now had the afternoon wasted on me feeling down, sad, depressed and also feeling bad for my mum who didn't do anything wrong and we've now got to deal with this before the wedding in a matter of days
Not really sure what I'm aiming for here, suppose it's nice to write it down sometimes 🫤
(try my best not to be identifiable)
I get married within the week, we are big on the DIY side and with that we keep adding jobs on especially last minute
I've specifically asked them not to do what they have done whilst I nipped out, came back and of course wasn't happy so I said so and my dad (who arrived drunk) stressed at me which then created a huge arguement where he has ended it by calling me a slag. He and I have both said he's not coming to the wedding within the argument.
We've now had the afternoon wasted on me feeling down, sad, depressed and also feeling bad for my mum who didn't do anything wrong and we've now got to deal with this before the wedding in a matter of days
Not really sure what I'm aiming for here, suppose it's nice to write it down sometimes 🫤
No attempt to apologise/contact me from my dad, really unsure what to do - this is just sucking all of the fun out of wedding prep 🫤
You mentioned that your dad was drunk, is alcohol a problem for him (or for everyone else around him)?
I know it's much easier said than done, especially with your wedding looming, but can't you just completely ignore him, like you would with a toddler having a tantrum? He's probably sulking, and waiting for you to go begging for his forgiveness (like you don't have other stuff to worry about this week!) but if you ignore him, and carry on as though he is of no importance whatsoever, I daresay he'll realise eventually that this week isn't all about him.
What do you want? For him to be at your wedding, or would you be happier if he stayed away? If you want him there, tell your mum to get him to grow up and stop being a twit. If you don't, then tell him, and your mum, that he's not welcome. It's your day, not his, so please, please make this about you. It's the least you deserve!
Thanks for the reply! Yeah he drinks alot, says he doesn't have a problem but we all think hes in denial about that!
You've hit all the nails on the head there. Tbh Im feeling like I'd rather he wasn't there after what has happened - it was abit too much this time (similar has happened previously) and I feel we're both going to be on edge if he does come but then I also feel like it's so final if he doesn't come. Im also thinking of my mum, she's upset, she'd be on her own, she'd be questioned about it by our other guests which would make her uncomfortable but then I do just think why do I bother worrying, nobody is thinking about me in this and actually my mum tells me I'm being sensitive/over the top when I say my piece.
I'm very torn as is probably obvious 🫤
You and your mum could just tell the other guests that your dad "isn't well today". In all honesty, your mum will probably have a much better day with him not there. I used to be married to a quarrelsome drunk, I know that feeling of just waiting for him to make a scene, it's not great, is it?
And I understand that your mum feels like she has to defend him, but being hurt at your father calling you a "slag", is not an overreaction on your part, so don't be brownbeaten into thinking you're in the wrong, you absolutely aren't. It's a horrible thing to say, he needs to apologise to you. If you don't want him at your wedding, then don't have him there. It may feel a bit "final", but it might also make him think about how his actions affect those around him.
Try not to lose sleep over this, you have an amazing day to look forward to, don't let him spoil it.
And I understand that your mum feels like she has to defend him, but being hurt at your father calling you a "slag", is not an overreaction on your part, so don't be brownbeaten into thinking you're in the wrong, you absolutely aren't. It's a horrible thing to say, he needs to apologise to you. If you don't want him at your wedding, then don't have him there. It may feel a bit "final", but it might also make him think about how his actions affect those around him.
Try not to lose sleep over this, you have an amazing day to look forward to, don't let him spoil it.
I'm sorry this has happened to you
Why do they always cause trouble and then engineer it so that you're left in some anxious limbo. In my opinion they should be contacting you first, I hope you have support around you x
I agree with above posters, if you would rather he didn't attend, then tell him to stay away. You told both of them not to do anything to the item you put so much time, money & energy into, yet they still altered it. Both of them did this, do not give your mum a pass, she was there too. Her telling you that you're sensitive & over reacting is such a condescending slap in the face to you being honest and communicating your feelings. TBH & I know you might think this is harsh, but I would disinvite her too. You & your SO should enjoy your wedding day without them spoiling it on you. If guests ask (most prob won't) tell them you would rather focus on who is here for your special day, or tell them that they are hung over.
Just do what you think is best and will make you happiest. Don't think of it as Final, think of it as Finally.
Just do what you think is best and will make you happiest. Don't think of it as Final, think of it as Finally.
Thank you to the poster who recommended Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. Have just finished reading it and found it so relevant, also offers plenty of practical advice.
Sorry I went abit MIA there! But I just wanted to say thanks to all who replied, sometimes hearing from strangers helps you understand your feelings (hope that makes some sort of sense 
)
Unfortunately I couldn't bring myself to stop my dad from coming to the wedding - even though he didn't speak to me after the drama and before the wedding 🫤 thankfully nothing happened on our wedding day so that's a positive I guess.
)Unfortunately I couldn't bring myself to stop my dad from coming to the wedding - even though he didn't speak to me after the drama and before the wedding 🫤 thankfully nothing happened on our wedding day so that's a positive I guess.
I hope you had a lovely day even with everything else going on.
My mum decided that my dad and her weren't attending mine and even though I hoped it could be a reset in our relationship it just confirmed it wasn't going to happen once again. Just do what is best for you, though it is hard when one parent is the 'problem' but they are still together. Not worded that very well but if you know you know.
My mum decided that my dad and her weren't attending mine and even though I hoped it could be a reset in our relationship it just confirmed it wasn't going to happen once again. Just do what is best for you, though it is hard when one parent is the 'problem' but they are still together. Not worded that very well but if you know you know.
Thank you, we both had a wonderful day.
Yeah I know exactly what you mean. Sorry to hear your parents did that to do, I genuinely don't understand why and how parents can be how they are...maybe I'll be the same in 20 years, I really hope not!
Yeah I know exactly what you mean. Sorry to hear your parents did that to do, I genuinely don't understand why and how parents can be how they are...maybe I'll be the same in 20 years, I really hope not!
I don’t know if this is of any use to anyone but this is on 99p Kindle Daily Deal today. Seems highly rated:
Amazon product
Amazon product
I like Dr Ramani - I don't listen to her Narcissistic partner stuff because I don't think I ever had one. She is good on narcissism in general. I just have truly awful parents and so I like Dr Lindsay Gibson better because she doesn't label it. She just says the behaviours and how you can deal with it. Like I know my dad is definitely personality disorderd because he even did crimes and lies in public. My mum is more covert and that's more of a head duck because she plays herself off as being an angel to the general public, and always the victim.
I suppose it depends what you're dealing with. Personally, I'm not dealing with that much now because I've not seen my 'dad' in 18 years. My mum is always in the background somewhere. But I have a boundary.
I would say, don't get obsessed with labels. If your parents make you feel like tit then you're in the club. The tit parents club! I'm here for you and so is loads of other people. You're better than them
Edit: that was more than I wanted to say. I just got thinking lol
I suppose it depends what you're dealing with. Personally, I'm not dealing with that much now because I've not seen my 'dad' in 18 years. My mum is always in the background somewhere. But I have a boundary.
I would say, don't get obsessed with labels. If your parents make you feel like tit then you're in the club. The tit parents club! I'm here for you and so is loads of other people. You're better than them
Edit: that was more than I wanted to say. I just got thinking lol
Oh I haven't heard of Dr Ramani, I will look out for that.
I've gone no contact with nm but still grieving the relationship or maybe more like the relationship we should have had.
My daughter has had a baby and her mother-in-law is a narcissist. She treats her son and my daughter so badly but now wants access to the new grandchild! Not happening!
I've gone no contact with nm but still grieving the relationship or maybe more like the relationship we should have had.
My daughter has had a baby and her mother-in-law is a narcissist. She treats her son and my daughter so badly but now wants access to the new grandchild! Not happening!
Congrats on your new grandchild
I guess you and your son-in-law have something in common then!Thank you, it's a very special timeCongrats on your new grandchild
Yes we do have that in common. I just hope he goes no contact way before I woke up.
I think the grieving of the loss of a positive relationship with a narcissist person is possibly the hardest thing to overcome. All around me people are maintaining great relationships with their parents and judging me for grey rocking and low contact with my mother. I would love to have a normal mother/daughter relationship but it’s never going to happen.
I understand that and seeing how my colleagues are embracing being grandmas and nannies, I realised through that what I had missed out on. Being gaslight by my own parents.
I always think about it, it's constantly in my head. The what ifs, the seeing mums and daughters doing things together. I'm broken