Narcissistic and toxic parents #2

[cosytoes]

I understand that and seeing how my colleagues are embracing being grandmas and nannies, I realised through that what I had missed out on. Being gaslight by my own parents.

I always think about it, it's constantly in my head. The what ifs, the seeing mums and daughters doing things together. I'm broken

Personally I think I over compensate. I’m a people pleaser. My relationship with my kids and grandkids is light years away from the toxic relationship I had with my parents. I frustrate Mr Toes by putting everyone else first to the point that I get used. But the small child in me won’t allow me to let anyone down or say no. I think it’s because growing up with my brother as the golden child I’m terrified of upsetting anyone by saying no.
Mr Toes often reminds me that I am entitled to do things for myself or things that I enjoy but I struggle to if I think that I might be needed elsewhere. As soon as anyone asks me for anything I literally drop everything and rush to assist. It’s something that I’m working on but years of being the “cat that got kicked” is deep rooted.

 

[AlwaysSummer]

Personally I think I over compensate. I’m a people pleaser. My relationship with my kids and grandkids is light years away from the toxic relationship I had with my parents. I frustrate Mr Toes by putting everyone else first to the point that I get used. But the small child in me won’t allow me to let anyone down or say no. I think it’s because growing up with my brother as the golden child I’m terrified of upsetting anyone by saying no.
Mr Toes often reminds me that I am entitled to do things for myself or things that I enjoy but I struggle to if I think that I might be needed elsewhere. As soon as anyone asks me for anything I literally drop everything and rush to assist. It’s something that I’m working on but years of being the “cat that got kicked” is deep rooted.

That’s me through and through. Only in the last few years I’m learning to be more comfortable/ assertive around putting others’ needs first. My hubby is very proud of me. However it’s not easy and it takes effort to unlearn ingrained behaviour. The way I understand it is that as children we’ve learned that we need to put other people’s needs first in order to gain approval and love. It’s such a fucked up way of seeing yourself even though others would often comment on my kindness/ empathy and loyalty.

I’m trying to be more selective with my energy these days- not everything needs a response and input from me. Learning to be a little uncomfortable with not being seen as the helpful one is a small price for preserving my authentic self. Sending hugs xx

 

[HitnMiss]

I'm re-reading Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, it's so relevant. Thanks for the reminder whoever mentioned it here

 

[Bettyboo2475]

Just unfollowed the latest family member to be turned against me. I'm gutted. It never ends. I've done nothing wrong apart from distance myself from a toxic person.

 

[Sophiadee]

Wow, I’ve found my people. Only recently discovered this thread. Has anyone who’s experienced abuse from a parent, reported it to the police?

 

[Good Egg]

Personally I think I over compensate. I’m a people pleaser. My relationship with my kids and grandkids is light years away from the toxic relationship I had with my parents. I frustrate Mr Toes by putting everyone else first to the point that I get used. But the small child in me won’t allow me to let anyone down or say no. I think it’s because growing up with my brother as the golden child I’m terrified of upsetting anyone by saying no.
Mr Toes often reminds me that I am entitled to do things for myself or things that I enjoy but I struggle to if I think that I might be needed elsewhere. As soon as anyone asks me for anything I literally drop everything and rush to assist. It’s something that I’m working on but years of being the “cat that got kicked” is deep rooted.

Wow this resonates... so much x. I’ll post better later but wow

 

[Good Egg]

Wow this resonates... so much x. I’ll post better later but wow

I’ve started to realise that I never put myself first and over compensate in all my relationships to be the people pleaser. I’m always the one who’ll do anything for anybody at the drop of a hat, I always think of others before myself. I always second guess and think what would xyz want before my own needs are met.

I still have contact with NM. She has ruined my life. I have nobody. Her needs are always met first and she uses this to her advantage. If I do anything for me (an example is getting my nails done or my hair done) I’m called a slut and a tart. She’ll call me all the names under the sun and I’ll tolerate it. She has such control over me. For example, if I’m popping by to help EF and I hit traffic and I’m late she’ll consistently ring my phone and sometimes my office to see where I am and accuse me of all sorts. So when I’m about to leave work, I’ll preplan my route home, sometimes leave earlier and sometimes go a faster route so not to be late.

NM has made me this way. It feels alien to put my needs first. In fact it almost feels narcissistic to do so? So I want to make everybody around me happy and go above and beyond to help and support. In a way to prove I’m not self centred like NM and the worst fear, that I’m not narcissistic too.

Of course this is never reciprocated. I’ve been off with surgery and nobody has contacted me or checked in on me or supported me. I feel painfully alone and in a way used. It’s really affected my mental health. It’s not like I do things to get it in return but I guess I’m nobody’s priority and that hurts. I often run myself to the ground doing things for others. Especially NM who by day 3 of me coming home was expecting me to weight on her hand and foot and to do ‘normal’ duties even though I was recovering from major surgery!! Then there is the guilt. I’m made to feel guilty for not pulling my weight and helping - especially EF whose health isn’t good at the minute.

I’d do anything for anybody. That’s who I am. I give my time. But who is there for me? Luckily my teenager has been a superstar and we have a good relationship where we discuss things and have normal conversations. Not like when I was a teenager for sure. I want to be the mum I never had, the friend I never got.

 

[Rodneytrotter]

I’ve started to realise that I never put myself first and over compensate in all my relationships to be the people pleaser. I’m always the one who’ll do anything for anybody at the drop of a hat, I always think of others before myself. I always second guess and think what would xyz want before my own needs are met.

I still have contact with NM. She has ruined my life. I have nobody. Her needs are always met first and she uses this to her advantage. If I do anything for me (an example is getting my nails done or my hair done) I’m called a slut and a tart. She’ll call me all the names under the sun and I’ll tolerate it. She has such control over me. For example, if I’m popping by to help EF and I hit traffic and I’m late she’ll consistently ring my phone and sometimes my office to see where I am and accuse me of all sorts. So when I’m about to leave work, I’ll preplan my route home, sometimes leave earlier and sometimes go a faster route so not to be late.

NM has made me this way. It feels alien to put my needs first. In fact it almost feels narcissistic to do so? So I want to make everybody around me happy and go above and beyond to help and support. In a way to prove I’m not self centred like NM and the worst fear, that I’m not narcissistic too.

Of course this is never reciprocated. I’ve been off with surgery and nobody has contacted me or checked in on me or supported me. I feel painfully alone and in a way used. It’s really affected my mental health. It’s not like I do things to get it in return but I guess I’m nobody’s priority and that hurts. I often run myself to the ground doing things for others. Especially NM who by day 3 of me coming home was expecting me to weight on her hand and foot and to do ‘normal’ duties even though I was recovering from major surgery!! Then there is the guilt. I’m made to feel guilty for not pulling my weight and helping - especially EF whose health isn’t good at the minute.

I’d do anything for anybody. That’s who I am. I give my time. But who is there for me? Luckily my teenager has been a superstar and we have a good relationship where we discuss things and have normal conversations. Not like when I was a teenager for sure. I want to be the mum I never had, the friend I never got.

This is so sad to read and it's so awful that you are treated so badly by your NM

It's almost impossible to have normal, healthy relationships when involved in such emotional abuse. I hope you are recovering well from your surgery

A normal parent would say your hair looks nice, not call you names for it. My mum was like yours but she would have said I was selfish for getting my hair done (always putting myself first) rather than call me a name. It's all about control isn't it.

Eta it's lovely to hear about your teenager and the relationship you have with each other

 

[Chandler Bing]

Hello friends.

I'm sorry I was gone for a while, my MH was in the gutter and I had to take a break from Tattle, the internet, all of it really. I'm doing much better now. I still have a couple dozen pages of this thread to catch up on so I'm sorry to just barge in like this. I will catch up eventually when I have the mental space to do so.

No contact with narc parent now since Jan 23 except for one email Feb 24. He kept calling every few weeks since Jan 23 when I last spoke to him and it did not go well so i refused to answer again.

Email came Feb 24, "when do you have time to talk or do you not want to anymore". I very politely replied to say that basically "it's clear to me that I am completely wrong in every way, and everything I do is wrong but i am not going to change at my age now. I am tired of the abuse so if there's nothing else for you to say, I cannot speak to you"

Nothing since. Which i understand, I get that for a narc that must've been the worst thing to read. But it hurts so bad still even after all these years of abuse, that a parent would refuse to speak to their child altogether just because they are not allowed abuse anymore.

I don't know if any of this makes sense but I want to say to all of you fellow survivors, thank you. Thank you for sharing your stories and showing me I am not alone. I am sorry that you have also had to go through this, but it does comfort me a little to know i am not the only one.

 

[Maid22]

@Chandler Bing, am so glad to see you, I've missed you xx

 

[Chandler Bing]

@Maid22 I have missed you too. I'm so sorry I disappeared, it just all got a bit too much.

How are you doing my lovely?

 

[Beth1980]

They don't like us standing up for ourselves so try to punish us by words then no contact.
After the last anyone face to face contact I had a phone call followed saying they had something to tell me but had to be with my sibling in person as it was so big they only wanted to say it once, six years later still none the wiser.
I do manage the mind games fairly well but every so often I do doubt myself.

 

[Maid22]

@Maid22 I have missed you too. I'm so sorry I disappeared, it just all got a bit too much.

How are you doing my lovely?

I so understand, really hope you're feeling better, it's so hard sometimes and a break from the internet is good, I do it to, not on here as much, but was so pleased to see you post, look after yourself xx

 

[TheGlossy]

I previously posted on this thread about how I was estranged from my mother for 6 years due to her awful ways towards me for 18+ years of my life. She was a cruel woman towards me growing up and often told me I’d amount to nothing and even animals were better than me.

My dad passed and she was forced to renter my life. Her natural narcissistic tendencies came back running. I spent money, time, energy trying up get her out of a rut after my dad passed and at every turn. Last straw was when she yelled at me in public when I was trying to explain something to her and she couldn’t understand. I tried speaking to her 6 months later and again, yelling at me over the same matter.

I cut her off right then and there. I can’t be bending over backwards, sacrificing my well-being, time and money for someone who previously treated me poorly and continued to do so after 6 years of no-contact.

I haven’t spoken to the woman in more than a year, because I had enough. I had to protect myself. Every time I helped her, she looked for ways in how it could benefit my brother (her favorite child). It’s self-preservation and also because I’ve given up on her changing her ways. Last, I dealt with her, she was trying to get ne to pay for something just so she could give money to my brother. She had an obsession with reimbursing my brother got every expense he incurred after my dad died, but never thought to reimburse the money I spent. When we closed the probate off, I didn’t even get as much as a thanks from the woman - zero, despite the fact I did all the work and dealt with her delusional in the process.

She now sends my brother as her flying monkey to send me the exact same email every now and then: ‘Hope all is well with. Hope work is well. Have a nice day from us all’.

I don’t understand this obsession with asking me about my work every single time he reaches out. Not only that, but since he started reaching out to me as my mom’s flying monkey, my sisters stopped reaching out.

I reached out to my sister a few days ago to ask about her exams, she responded a week later that she’d passed. I sent her a nice congratulations message, never got an answer.

I have noticed they’re getting non-chalant. It’s as though they initiate contact to make sure I haven’t cut them off, then don’t bother to respond.

I agree to its awkward for them if I don’t speak to my mother but I speak to them. I have very solid reasons which are none of their business and that they should respect. They will always take my mother’s side because she already played the poor me card when I cut her off for 6 years. They’re probably now taking her side thinking I’m an awful person for cutting her again off 2 years after my dad passed. I know I’m being heavily judged by them over this decision but the woman is just unhealthy.

They just can’t understand what I’ve been through with her and will never get my perspective. I’m honestly contemplating not reaching out to them again because clearly, we’re not on the same wavelength.

What should I do?

 

[griftalo]

I previously posted on this thread about how I was estranged from my mother for 6 years due to her awful ways towards me for 18+ years of my life. She was a cruel woman towards me growing up and often told me I’d amount to nothing and even animals were better than me.

My dad passed and she was forced to renter my life. Her natural narcissistic tendencies came back running. I spent money, time, energy trying up get her out of a rut after my dad passed and at every turn. Last straw was when she yelled at me in public when I was trying to explain something to her and she couldn’t understand. I tried speaking to her 6 months later and again, yelling at me over the same matter.

I cut her off right then and there. I can’t be bending over backwards, sacrificing my well-being, time and money for someone who previously treated me poorly and continued to do so after 6 years of no-contact.

I haven’t spoken to the woman in more than a year, because I had enough. I had to protect myself. Every time I helped her, she looked for ways in how it could benefit my brother (her favorite child). It’s self-preservation and also because I’ve given up on her changing her ways. Last, I dealt with her, she was trying to get ne to pay for something just so she could give money to my brother. She had an obsession with reimbursing my brother got every expense he incurred after my dad died, but never thought to reimburse the money I spent. When we closed the probate off, I didn’t even get as much as a thanks from the woman - zero, despite the fact I did all the work and dealt with her delusional in the process.

She now sends my brother as her flying monkey to send me the exact same email every now and then: ‘Hope all is well with. Hope work is well. Have a nice day from us all’.

I don’t understand this obsession with asking me about my work every single time he reaches out. Not only that, but since he started reaching out to me as my mom’s flying monkey, my sisters stopped reaching out.

I reached out to my sister a few days ago to ask about her exams, she responded a week later that she’d passed. I sent her a nice congratulations message, never got an answer.

I have noticed they’re getting non-chalant. It’s as though they initiate contact to make sure I haven’t cut them off, then don’t bother to respond.

I agree to its awkward for them if I don’t speak to my mother but I speak to them. I have very solid reasons which are none of their business and that they should respect. They will always take my mother’s side because she already played the poor me card when I cut her off for 6 years. They’re probably now taking her side thinking I’m an awful person for cutting her again off 2 years after my dad passed. I know I’m being heavily judged by them over this decision but the woman is just unhealthy.

They just can’t understand what I’ve been through with her and will never get my perspective. I’m honestly contemplating not reaching out to them again because clearly, we’re not on the same wavelength.

What should I do?

Personally I’d f them all off. They’re not on your side

 

[TheGlossy]

Personally I’d f them all off. They’re not on your side

Yeah, I mean not even responding to your own sibling congratulating you on your exams & telling you they’re proud of you…It’s really rude and uncalled for.

 

[cosytoes]

I previously posted on this thread about how I was estranged from my mother for 6 years due to her awful ways towards me for 18+ years of my life. She was a cruel woman towards me growing up and often told me I’d amount to nothing and even animals were better than me.

My dad passed and she was forced to renter my life. Her natural narcissistic tendencies came back running. I spent money, time, energy trying up get her out of a rut after my dad passed and at every turn. Last straw was when she yelled at me in public when I was trying to explain something to her and she couldn’t understand. I tried speaking to her 6 months later and again, yelling at me over the same matter.

I cut her off right then and there. I can’t be bending over backwards, sacrificing my well-being, time and money for someone who previously treated me poorly and continued to do so after 6 years of no-contact.

I haven’t spoken to the woman in more than a year, because I had enough. I had to protect myself. Every time I helped her, she looked for ways in how it could benefit my brother (her favorite child). It’s self-preservation and also because I’ve given up on her changing her ways. Last, I dealt with her, she was trying to get ne to pay for something just so she could give money to my brother. She had an obsession with reimbursing my brother got every expense he incurred after my dad died, but never thought to reimburse the money I spent. When we closed the probate off, I didn’t even get as much as a thanks from the woman - zero, despite the fact I did all the work and dealt with her delusional in the process.

She now sends my brother as her flying monkey to send me the exact same email every now and then: ‘Hope all is well with. Hope work is well. Have a nice day from us all’.

I don’t understand this obsession with asking me about my work every single time he reaches out. Not only that, but since he started reaching out to me as my mom’s flying monkey, my sisters stopped reaching out.

I reached out to my sister a few days ago to ask about her exams, she responded a week later that she’d passed. I sent her a nice congratulations message, never got an answer.

I have noticed they’re getting non-chalant. It’s as though they initiate contact to make sure I haven’t cut them off, then don’t bother to respond.

I agree to its awkward for them if I don’t speak to my mother but I speak to them. I have very solid reasons which are none of their business and that they should respect. They will always take my mother’s side because she already played the poor me card when I cut her off for 6 years. They’re probably now taking her side thinking I’m an awful person for cutting her again off 2 years after my dad passed. I know I’m being heavily judged by them over this decision but the woman is just unhealthy.

They just can’t understand what I’ve been through with her and will never get my perspective. I’m honestly contemplating not reaching out to them again because clearly, we’re not on the same wavelength.

What should I do?

Prioritise yourself. What do you want? Do they enhance your life in any way? Or do you just feel that you have to be in contact because you’re related? Time to put yourself first. Think about number one and if you don’t want/need them cut contact.

Just because you’re related doesn’t mean you have to pander to their childish games.
Time to move on

Easier said than done. But just do you. You’re the most important person in your life.

Good luck with whatever you decide

 

[Becca0888]

Not sure if I’m in the right place but I need advice.
For reference I am 29 with my own family and house.

The past few years both my parents have made passing comments about my weight, calling me ‘fats’ when they are trying to get my attention in a conversation instead of using my name, or they are calling me ‘Miss trunchbull’.
I have always asked them not to but never seemed to work, I cut them off around 2 years ago as a few other things went on, around 3 months ago I got back in contact due to family emergency, we are all back on track but I’ve noticed the name calling is happening again, they laugh when saying it and it seems to roll off the tongue like it’s fine.
last week I snapped and asked them to stop has it really got to my confidence has I struggle with my weight (I am 14st) when I asked them to stop, my mum tried to turn it on me by saying I was being sensitive and she can’t have a joke with me, I explained that I didn’t see it has a joke and that I clearly asked them to stop, my mum and dad went in a petty mood and said ‘we just won’t speak to you then if you can’t take a joke’.
Yesterday I was walking out of my front garden when my dad pulled up and asked if I wanted to be taken to work, I said ok and got in. The first thing my mum said to me was ‘you need to mow the lawn’ I kindly responded with ‘it fine for today, I am busy, I’ll do it when I’ve got time’ (my lawn is less then an inch tall, so does not need to be done deliberately) my mum didn’t stop, she kept telling me that it was a nice day and that it needed doing, so I made a passing comment and said ‘if it’s that bad, you do it then’ my mum and dad then said that they couldn’t has they were going to mow my sisters lawn. I simply replied and said that they need to stop constantly telling me to do this and do that then in the next breath they are going to my sisters house and cleaning, mowing, dressing my nephews. Everything you could imagine my sister should be doing, my parents do it for her and for no reason, she is capable just lazy. My mum and dad then turned it into a big problem and said that I was yet again being sensitive.
It then went on to me asking why they’ve never been in my house but always go to my sisters house who lives less then 2 minutes away from mine, I told them I feel singled out and picked on like I’m back at school, they keep telling me I’m being sensitive and not taking a joke and that I always bring my sister into it and tbf I do because I am jealous that my sister gets to be what she wants and do what she wants but I can never seem to do anything right. I work my butt off and provide for my own little family, I prioritise everyone to make sure they are happy, so why do I not get this in return?
my son asked his grandma if he could stay over at the weekend, he was told no because they are having my sisters two over for 5 days because she and her husband are going to a festival. My mum and dad have already said they have plans to go to my sisters house and clean because it is like a dump! Yet they are on my case over a bit of grass! Telling me I’m lazy and get out of breath quick that’s why Its not been done. I feel like walking away again but simply can not bring myself to do it again, I would do anything for a loving bond between me and my parents because that’s the type of person I am, but why do I feel like I’m not getting anything in return.
please can I have advice or if you’ve been in similar situations please could you tell me what helped you.

 

[RandomFrog]

Not sure if I’m in the right place but I need advice.
For reference I am 29 with my own family and house.

The past few years both my parents have made passing comments about my weight, calling me ‘fats’ when they are trying to get my attention in a conversation instead of using my name, or they are calling me ‘Miss trunchbull’.
I have always asked them not to but never seemed to work, I cut them off around 2 years ago as a few other things went on, around 3 months ago I got back in contact due to family emergency, we are all back on track but I’ve noticed the name calling is happening again, they laugh when saying it and it seems to roll off the tongue like it’s fine.
last week I snapped and asked them to stop has it really got to my confidence has I struggle with my weight (I am 14st) when I asked them to stop, my mum tried to turn it on me by saying I was being sensitive and she can’t have a joke with me, I explained that I didn’t see it has a joke and that I clearly asked them to stop, my mum and dad went in a petty mood and said ‘we just won’t speak to you then if you can’t take a joke’.
Yesterday I was walking out of my front garden when my dad pulled up and asked if I wanted to be taken to work, I said ok and got in. The first thing my mum said to me was ‘you need to mow the lawn’ I kindly responded with ‘it fine for today, I am busy, I’ll do it when I’ve got time’ (my lawn is less then an inch tall, so does not need to be done deliberately) my mum didn’t stop, she kept telling me that it was a nice day and that it needed doing, so I made a passing comment and said ‘if it’s that bad, you do it then’ my mum and dad then said that they couldn’t has they were going to mow my sisters lawn. I simply replied and said that they need to stop constantly telling me to do this and do that then in the next breath they are going to my sisters house and cleaning, mowing, dressing my nephews. Everything you could imagine my sister should be doing, my parents do it for her and for no reason, she is capable just lazy. My mum and dad then turned it into a big problem and said that I was yet again being sensitive.
It then went on to me asking why they’ve never been in my house but always go to my sisters house who lives less then 2 minutes away from mine, I told them I feel singled out and picked on like I’m back at school, they keep telling me I’m being sensitive and not taking a joke and that I always bring my sister into it and tbf I do because I am jealous that my sister gets to be what she wants and do what she wants but I can never seem to do anything right. I work my butt off and provide for my own little family, I prioritise everyone to make sure they are happy, so why do I not get this in return?
my son asked his grandma if he could stay over at the weekend, he was told no because they are having my sisters two over for 5 days because she and her husband are going to a festival. My mum and dad have already said they have plans to go to my sisters house and clean because it is like a dump! Yet they are on my case over a bit of grass! Telling me I’m lazy and get out of breath quick that’s why Its not been done. I feel like walking away again but simply can not bring myself to do it again, I would do anything for a loving bond between me and my parents because that’s the type of person I am, but why do I feel like I’m not getting anything in return.
please can I have advice or if you’ve been in similar situations please could you tell me what helped you.

I really feel for you, my situation is very similar except I've never been NC. Unfortunately I think (& have got to this point myself) you're never going to be able to do right and they're always going to find issue with something. I find it best if I just outwardly agree, it stops them going on which is mostly what makes me feel like tit and just try to live your life your way (sounds like you're doing a great job!)

 

[Phil Anne Throw Pee]

Not sure if I’m in the right place but I need advice.
For reference I am 29 with my own family and house.

The past few years both my parents have made passing comments about my weight, calling me ‘fats’ when they are trying to get my attention in a conversation instead of using my name, or they are calling me ‘Miss trunchbull’.
I have always asked them not to but never seemed to work, I cut them off around 2 years ago as a few other things went on, around 3 months ago I got back in contact due to family emergency, we are all back on track but I’ve noticed the name calling is happening again, they laugh when saying it and it seems to roll off the tongue like it’s fine.
last week I snapped and asked them to stop has it really got to my confidence has I struggle with my weight (I am 14st) when I asked them to stop, my mum tried to turn it on me by saying I was being sensitive and she can’t have a joke with me, I explained that I didn’t see it has a joke and that I clearly asked them to stop, my mum and dad went in a petty mood and said ‘we just won’t speak to you then if you can’t take a joke’.
Yesterday I was walking out of my front garden when my dad pulled up and asked if I wanted to be taken to work, I said ok and got in. The first thing my mum said to me was ‘you need to mow the lawn’ I kindly responded with ‘it fine for today, I am busy, I’ll do it when I’ve got time’ (my lawn is less then an inch tall, so does not need to be done deliberately) my mum didn’t stop, she kept telling me that it was a nice day and that it needed doing, so I made a passing comment and said ‘if it’s that bad, you do it then’ my mum and dad then said that they couldn’t has they were going to mow my sisters lawn. I simply replied and said that they need to stop constantly telling me to do this and do that then in the next breath they are going to my sisters house and cleaning, mowing, dressing my nephews. Everything you could imagine my sister should be doing, my parents do it for her and for no reason, she is capable just lazy. My mum and dad then turned it into a big problem and said that I was yet again being sensitive.
It then went on to me asking why they’ve never been in my house but always go to my sisters house who lives less then 2 minutes away from mine, I told them I feel singled out and picked on like I’m back at school, they keep telling me I’m being sensitive and not taking a joke and that I always bring my sister into it and tbf I do because I am jealous that my sister gets to be what she wants and do what she wants but I can never seem to do anything right. I work my butt off and provide for my own little family, I prioritise everyone to make sure they are happy, so why do I not get this in return?
my son asked his grandma if he could stay over at the weekend, he was told no because they are having my sisters two over for 5 days because she and her husband are going to a festival. My mum and dad have already said they have plans to go to my sisters house and clean because it is like a dump! Yet they are on my case over a bit of grass! Telling me I’m lazy and get out of breath quick that’s why Its not been done. I feel like walking away again but simply can not bring myself to do it again, I would do anything for a loving bond between me and my parents because that’s the type of person I am, but why do I feel like I’m not getting anything in return.
please can I have advice or if you’ve been in similar situations please could you tell me what helped you.

You sound lovely and they sound absolutely insufferable and intolerable. I would go no contact, but then at the age of 52 I give zero fucks these days. Take a break for your mental health if nothing else - you deserve to be loved and not abused.