Hometime/Margate Vacay part 2: I know you are just so excited for this drop. Nadia is up in the morning, curtains open, the place is deserted and she wants to go to a cafe for breakfast. Mentions some Greek food in a pub situation. Mark sounds like he is still in bed. Mark tells us how he slept so deeply and then about the tower bell waking him at 7 a.m. and bitches about someone playing "the most atrocious drum and bass." Yeah, it's hard being you isn't it Marky Warky. Oh joy, he gets all philosopical on us about quiet beach towns. Instead of appreciating the quiet, he goes on about "it's both ghostly and a bit battered and faded."
"It's like you can heard all the absent voices of children playing."
Oh shut up. He then tells us that places like his nan's and Blackpool give him the creeps.
He really is insufferable. Did you know Tracey Emin represented the clock tower in a lot of her art work? Now you know.
The screen wipe goes and just when you think we are going to have Nadia bounding around excited to fill her gob at the cafe, no-it's more of Mark's babbling about what he sees out the window. It's 3 mins in and I am already sick of this shit. He is picking out the spots, the tractors combing the beach. "Faded glory, faded charm."
God give me strength. "So, did you say we were going to drink lots of coffee" says Mark giving us the creepy look and show of his 18th century looking teeth. More babbling, this time about his favourite coffee cups. They venture out and Mark mentions that his reminds him of his flat in Bristol as they walk out front. Nadia says yeah and Mark yells owww for some apparent reason. MAAARRRk. Nadia tells us about the Real Housewives of Dubai episode she watched, whilst walking along with her shabby bra strap showing. One of the women is in the pool with her kids. She had a surprise for them, 1200 quid large ice cubes to cool the pool.
That show is so obnoxiously obscene. Mark wants to see Tracey Emin's cocktail. Nadia says he is proud of himself saying the word cock, like a 9yo who can't stop playing with his penis.
Oh no, she is dancing in the street. "It's a Jubilee Clock Tower" says Mark and Nadia says to stop talking to the viewers as if they were 4. Nadia prefers The Flamingo as it reminds her of America. Then there is a voice yelling SHIT, SHIT, SHIT! The look on Nadia's face!
Yes, random person with issues, this vlog is SHIT, SHIT, SHIT.
Oh look, Mark finds a lamp post with a fish that looks the same as the ones on the South Bank. "Must be from the same Victorian manufacturer." Nadia mentions his ability to noticing things and how as a child he must have been so sweet-natured noticing things all the time. "Yeah and everybody ignored me and just tolerated me because I just went on and on."
I know exactly how they feel. Nadia mentions his mum is a noticer to which Mark says "she was noticing her own things back then."
Altogether now AWW, POOR MARK. They are at the beach now. Mark says it lacks the kind for wildness of Cornwall.
Probably because, Cornwall isn't set up as a pleasure beach, duh. Mark tells Nads to be careful as she nearly stumbled on a snoozing dude. No really, she was at least 6 feet away from him, drama queen. Mark then says the guy on the beach reminds him of the times he got so drunk he passed out and woke-up on the beach. Nadia says that is so tacky. Slow mos of Nadia on the beach. More walking on the beach and Mark says "Hey Nads! Cockles! Everything starts with cock here." Nadia tells him to stop.
Yes, please stop. STOP TALKING. Off to the tidal pool. Sign saying boating. Did you know Mark is a stickler for regs? He is like his granddad. Unless it has to do with COVID rules, am I right?
Talk of rockpooling and Nadia declaring "we need more of this in our life." This meaning getting outside and well they certaing have made up for it this summer haven't they dear readers? Oh here we go. "I want to be by the sea, I want to live by the sea so badly."
Wah, wah, wah. If I want to be by the sea, I have to take a plane or driving a few days. We have huge lakes though. Back to their bullshit. Beach shots with music and Nadia making faces. Oh look, a seagull. Walk about the olde towne. Oh a ye olde comice booke shoppe. Cake shoppe with Corpse Bride theme cake. "Oh don't, I miss the kids" says Mark.
What in the co-dependent shit is that comment? "Oh this is the Morrisson's where the prostitutes and drug dealers acosted me last time." The Tudor House and Nads says they have been in there where they saw stuff about the pies. Nice shot of Audi covered in bird droppings. Finally in a cafe, shot of Nadia was stupid expression on her face with her coffee. "It's the vibiest place" says Nadia.
WTH does that mean? A guy gets his guitar out and Mark says he finds that cringe and he gets sweaty arm pit, like we care. Doesn't like being serenaded.
Nadia peers into an Italian restaurant and says Dina would love this place and is it vegan? They go looking for the shop where Karl Marx stayed. An Egyptian restaurant that Nadia says smells exactly like being back in Jordan. Nadia poses beside a cushion in a window with the word BUM printed on it.
Oh wow! A present that exemplifies Mark. Mark says the vintage clothing story suits Nadia, Madame Popoff. They are looking for the shop with the coffee cups.
Opposite the lido now and they are in some place that make perfume out of seaweed. Nadia eats a free sample of micro rocket she got from the shop and burns her mouth on it. Views of the derelict lido. Nadia says she can feel Tracey in Margate and how she spent time in rejuvenating Margate and wonders if that comes from the trauma of the place. Goes on to tell us about how she was passed around by pedophile rings and how seedy Margate was. Lovely. Shared space it says on the pavement and Nadia tells us "Now this is a shared space and I want everyone to feel as included..." Shared as in pedestrians and bikes. An older gentleman rides by in a mobility scooter, tricked out to look like Pee Herman's bike. Mark says he wants to be like him when he is older.
No chance bud. The Waste Land pub and Mark goes on about Pete Doherty.
Did you know T.S. Eliot wrote The Waste Land in a sea shelter in Margate? They didn't tell us that when we studied it in grade 11 English. You learn something new every day. Woo! Axe throwing at the Margate Leisure Centre. Nadia whispers something about going in there and throwing an axe at Mark.
Mark warns us that his inner Peter Doherty is coming out, wants to eat 16 burgers and open a place there.
What about the heroin?
So Margate is a place that has some shabby bits and hipster frou frou places. Nadia tells us that as we well know she wants to live by the sea.
Really? She thinks about Margate, but doesn't really get the feel of the sea, because
get this according to Mark, THERE IS NO SEA. Wait a second. There is a beach and there is water/sea, what is he on about? She gets it from Brighton, Hove and Camber Sands, "When I go away to the seaside, I don't need fancy restaurants, I want the log fire, loads of walks and just to chill...I want to go back to a simpler life." Mark says it is visual in Margate, as if that makes any sense. I think he means it ain't picturesque. Mark says there are a couple of people behind them who look like they are going to the axe throwing and still look like they want to throw axes and off they hurry. It's 12 noon and Nadia has got in 9500 steps. Mark says he has only done 8500. He does smaller steps now. Mark points out the Morrison's parking lot where he was approached by 5 prostitutes ALLEGEDLY. In another corner, druggies and Nadia says she came out of that parking lot traumatized. "Oh those poor women" says Nads. Off to another coffee place. "Look how beautiful, that is a Macchiato." Mark is making stupid faces, pursed lips and squinted eyes. Off to the Tracey Emin exhibition. Shots of them in deep contemplation.
"Well guys, did that deliver, or did that deliver? There's a raaaaaw experiential kind of errrwwgh." Always so very articulate is Mark. More blah blah about Tracey Emin's work. Nads says it made her cry. Off to eat again at the George and Heart. It is also "really vibey."
Mark likes the bottles that remind him of pirate ships (I think he means ships in a bottle) and Nadia wants a backed camembert with house chutney and flatbread, "then I might have a burger."
Picture of said meal, Mark is having the burger. Desserat is sticky toffee pudding and Nads is having the lemon posset, which Mark compares to sick.
What a douchebag he is. She takes the first bite and it looks like her teeth are sensitive. More stupid face making as Mark drenches his pudding with cream. Ewww PDA ALERT!
It's half past 2, more than 10,000 steps, the place is now heaving. Then they are now saying they are going out again. Nadia has changed from her striped tee to the black camisole top with the fluffy sweater and Mark? Still wearing what he wore earlier, that t-shirt with the coffee cups on it. They pass the dodgy Morrisons for a 3rd time. They bailed on the restaurant because of a huge hen party, so off to the wine store. Various shots of the day montage and that delightful pic of the bird shit Audi, Mark snorting his coffee with a cookie straw. You didn't miss much.