Having been bullied for years, having tried to get along for years, I think Julia has done more than enough in respect of wasting her energy and life in her sisters. We only know a small snapshot, knowing the snapshot we know of nadia and I'm certain she's nastier than a nasty person behind the fake "be kind" facade. She's quite evil under the surface.
Calling out the children's behaviour was long overdue and we have no idea how hard Julia has been trying behind the scenes.
If someone had hurt me as much as nadia has hurt julia and I'd spent yrs trying to get past it, I too would walk away from the relationship.
The children are different, what kind of relative sits by and let's a young child pimp herself out on social media? Julia has a moral compass, nadia definitely does not.
If the "family" felt awkward, they would never take sides but they clearly have.
Some battles are just not worth it.
I really do disagree.
Obviously I don't know the ins and outs of what went on as I'm not Nadia or Julia. I can say, though, that their way of dealing with whatever happened behind the scenes doesn't come across not healthy, nor does it feel proportionate.
I do think they need to deal with their trauma in a better way. Like you've said, it weaponises family members trying to keep peace by forcing a perception of 'picking sides'. It's a dysfunctional set up that only causes even more conflict and casts a wider net of who else can get caught up in a conflict that should really be between two people.
Sniping/interference on social media is not a solution.
I'm not really defending either side or combing through the details of what happened because it's not really about that. What is clear is that the current set up of dealing with whatever may have gone on isn't healthy. It isn't working for literally anyone - including Nadia and Julia. They just believe it's better than actually facing their issues head on... but I find that unlikely.
Putting your head in the sand and avoiding the other person isn't a sustainable solution. Avoidance, while by far the easiest route to take, just exacerbates issues and solidifies them over time. Well-meaning family members enable the avoidance so they don't have to be seen to 'pick sides'. It isn't helping to deal with trauma or underlying issues - it just causes further trauma, in my view.
Dina particularly is in an unenviable position.
There are rare occasions when it's a good idea to cut people out, usually when there's a real risk of danger or abuse to one of the parties. I do wonder if this relationship falls under this bracket. Except for those extreme cases, I do think most people can get to the point of civility if (and only if) BOTH parties are ready to acknowledge that 1) their current way of dealing things is not working 2) both have a mutual interest in being civil 3) they can work together to come to a better solution with the help of a mediator/counsellor.
Although, I think you might really be on to something ...
