Nadia Sawalha #52 A word from Saffy drives the Swadderleys daffy

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FirmAndFair

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notSUBmissive said:
Having been bullied for years, having tried to get along for years, I think Julia has done more than enough in respect of wasting her energy and life in her sisters. We only know a small snapshot, knowing the snapshot we know of nadia and I'm certain she's nastier than a nasty person behind the fake "be kind" facade. She's quite evil under the surface.

Calling out the children's behaviour was long overdue and we have no idea how hard Julia has been trying behind the scenes.

If someone had hurt me as much as nadia has hurt julia and I'd spent yrs trying to get past it, I too would walk away from the relationship.

The children are different, what kind of relative sits by and let's a young child pimp herself out on social media? Julia has a moral compass, nadia definitely does not.

If the "family" felt awkward, they would never take sides but they clearly have.

Some battles are just not worth it.
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I really do disagree.

Obviously I don't know the ins and outs of what went on as I'm not Nadia or Julia. I can say, though, that their way of dealing with whatever happened behind the scenes doesn't come across not healthy, nor does it feel proportionate.

I do think they need to deal with their trauma in a better way. Like you've said, it weaponises family members trying to keep peace by forcing a perception of 'picking sides'. It's a dysfunctional set up that only causes even more conflict and casts a wider net of who else can get caught up in a conflict that should really be between two people.

Sniping/interference on social media is not a solution.

I'm not really defending either side or combing through the details of what happened because it's not really about that. What is clear is that the current set up of dealing with whatever may have gone on isn't healthy. It isn't working for literally anyone - including Nadia and Julia. They just believe it's better than actually facing their issues head on... but I find that unlikely.

Putting your head in the sand and avoiding the other person isn't a sustainable solution. Avoidance, while by far the easiest route to take, just exacerbates issues and solidifies them over time. Well-meaning family members enable the avoidance so they don't have to be seen to 'pick sides'. It isn't helping to deal with trauma or underlying issues - it just causes further trauma, in my view.

Dina particularly is in an unenviable position.

There are rare occasions when it's a good idea to cut people out, usually when there's a real risk of danger or abuse to one of the parties. I do wonder if this relationship falls under this bracket. Except for those extreme cases, I do think most people can get to the point of civility if (and only if) BOTH parties are ready to acknowledge that 1) their current way of dealing things is not working 2) both have a mutual interest in being civil 3) they can work together to come to a better solution with the help of a mediator/counsellor.
 
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tomtomclub

VIP Member
Good Egg said:
The not having children part was horrendous. Some people cannot conceive, some people choose not to have children, some have endless miscarriages...
Even Nadia has previous miscarriages.
It’s none of AG’s concern or business to speculate or discriminate. To leave a message like that is cruel,mean, mindless and quite frankly bullying.
I wonder what Subway would think?
I wouldn’t want someone who wrote something like this working for my company.
It’s cruel. Kudos to Julia for reporting.
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how do you know Julia has reported his post?
 
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afrozenpea

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FirmAndFair said:
If you have a core belief that the other person is fundamentally unworkable, then sure. I do think that reflects more poorly on the person holding that belief though.
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thanks for telling me that what i believe reflects poorly on me. I think that's where I'll end this.
 
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FirmAndFair

Active member
afrozenpea said:
nadia will always start civil and cross the line. it's in her nature. that's why that is not a reasonable expectation on julia.
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Perhaps - no one can say for sure if that'll happen. That is why it can be useful to bring a mediator on board to set boundaries and expectations that work for both parties.
 
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FirmAndFair

Active member
afrozenpea said:
still not true. individuals have no responsible for each others behaviours, or for constructing relationships with people who are fundementally pathological.
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I agree with that - I don't have responsibility for an action someone else has taken. But I do have a responsibility to live and make decisions in my own life to help me, and everyone around me, to live a happy life.

I also realise that I do bare responsibility for things that happened in the past. I may not have 100% responsibility, I may not even have 50%, but I can't look back and say I did everything right.
 
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