Mrs Hinch #420 - Tinkle tinkle little one, Poor child's privacy all but gone
Winning thread title by
@Mummykazzy 
(Winning thread titles taken from page 40 onwards guysshhh
)
Soph was out on the town on Sunday with another of her secret little girlie days out that her sheep aren’t supposed to know about. This time she managed to prize her struggling arse off the sofa to doll up one of her many faces and go into London with one her “kids” to see Pretty Woman at the theatre and have drinks at The Savoy. Well who can blame her! It was at least a couple of days since her return from her luxury hotel trip. She deserves it! None of this was mentioned by Hinch on her own account of course so as far as her little fan club know she spent the weekend elbow deep in nappies and zoflora.
Monday morning and she’s back! Maternity leave is now apparently over and Hinch is back with the same old shite. Ron trundling in the dog biscuits for Henry’s breakfast, pouring them in to a bowl, running to the chair to look for the postman in the hopes he is bringing the plane tickets he booked so he can escape Castle Greyskull with Henry...
Please god don’t make us sit through this crap on the daily....
But lo there’s a new addition to the two man team! It’s little baby Len making his morning montage debut in a piss soaked nappy that’s hanging to his knees. Nice one mum of the year.
A cute photo of Ron kissing Len was posted, he clearly adores his little bro, sadly it was an undeclared ad for their gifted outfits. Kerching!
Next she sat on the kitchen floor next to a pile of Jamie’s dirty pants and told us her washing machine stank .. that’s not the machine you can smell... she said she needed to clean it out but never showed herself cleaning it. Excellent work Soph, surely she had an old pre-record she could have bunged in like she usually does?
But enough of this tedium. The BIG news is that JimBobSmallKnobNoJob has got a job...well she didn’t say a job she said he was out working on a “project” which sounds suspicious. Verrry suspicious. I’m thinking project manager on “Hinch Farm” which is probably a country cottage next door to Stacey’s that’s being clad in silver velvet and diamanté and we speak! Along with a petting zoo for which Jaymeeeee needs to source pink alpacas that smell of Lenor spring awakening.
We know where you can find some zoflora scented sheep if that’s any help?
Hinch claims that she’s alone with the boys a lot now that Jamie’s out of the house... hmmm who’s stories have we been watching for months then if he’s been at work all day?
And who was that bloke on holiday with her last week?
She also gave the game away that she’s done no cleaning or work round the house for three months by saying she missed her cloffs and claimed she’s so tired she could fall asleep into the washing pile... yes let the sheep think you’re tired from looking after the baby Soph and not because you were gallivanting round town on Sunday.
And then came the real reason she’s back ‘tend cleaning today. The Teshhhco tat advert for her dining range, you know the drill, a load of cheap generic tat she’s pointed at and pretended to design and her thanking the sheep for their love / cash.
Job done. I’m not sure a woman who lives off spaghetti hoops and mugshots eaten out of a glass jug is really ideal to be the face of a home dining brand but there you go...
Jamie Brent was back home from “work” and straight on to his stories to post more of his usual drivel. Probably straight back to cleaning the house, cooking their evening meal and putting the kids to bed too.
Soph then posted weird video of herself with Len accompanied by creepy giggles and strange piano music which made it look like the trailer for a horror film about a woman who steals babies.
She also claimed he was 3 months old (it was actually on Sunday but she was living it up in London) and she wants to pause time. We know you do. Heaven help him when he wants to move round the house and he can’t be contained in his gypsy carriage.
She also seemed to be trying to insinuate his baby gurgles where him saying “Lennie”
He was actually saying “lemmie “ as in lemmie outta here...
She rounded off the evening by watching Love Island and cackling like a maniac at Henry because he had her granny filter on.
Tuesday morning came and now there’s no doubt she’s back. A video of poor little Ronnie on the toilet uploaded for 4 million god knows who to see. There’s no way to spin that where it looks good on her. The child has no privacy at all. Just vile.
Then another ad, this time for her loungewear range which you can order online from Next. And then to dampen the ads down a video of Len in a new outfit. The kids are clearly going to be used as filler content between ads..
To end on a lighter note we’ll celebrate Oi Oi Jamie Brent’s new “job” by taking a look at his previous careers...
Sales Manager
General manager of the Slough branch of Wernham-Hogg paper merchants
Mrs Hinch Fan
Sink Shiner
Nappy Changer
Footballer at Fash FC
Office Sleaze
Toilet Scrubber
Soup Maker
Sheep Walker
Chief Dick Head
Garage Dweller
All round Geezer
Ice Cream Carver
Foot Rubber
Wannabe Influencer
Lazy Knob
Con Man
Wiki is the pink button at the top for newbies.
Ronnie and Lennie don’t rhyme.
Sophie doesn’t have a second name she added Rose in her teens.
). Oh and let’s not forget washing our hands and rearranging mummaz towel on the radiator so she doesn’t scream at me for messing it up.
