I cannot stress enough to folks to make sure that if they marry someone, be on the same page with finances. It should be as much of a dealbreaker topic as having children or religion.
I learned the hard way. I cohabited with an utter bastard in my 20s. I was naive and in love, I thought playing house would be wonderful. I was a student and working part-time - he was very old-fashioned in terms of fixed gender roles so that I was doing 90% of the housework, all the cooking, full-time studying, but he was 'modern' enough to ensure bills and outgoings were 50/50. In the end, I came away with whatever I could carry out of there on my own. I tell younger friends and family that whatever they do, be careful when living with someone - don't try to mimic a legal marriage as the law is very unlikely to protect you, and whatever you do, do not take on any of their personal debts as yours.
Happy ending - I married a fab guy who often drives me up the wall, but is a very good egg. We're on the same page with money i.e. it's ours (and in part that's why we married - to ensure a legal forum if we were to divorce. Not the most romantic way of looking at marriage, but after past experience, I thought it was sensible). We've been following the Dave Ramsey method which has been life-changing in a number of ways, but I really look at money differently now.
We don't have a joint account, I think we couldn't really be bothered. He earns more, so he pays for food shopping, dinners out so I don't pay with more of a proportion of my salary. We run individual purchases of >£200 past one another as a courtesy. Mortgage likely to be paid off in 3-4 years if we're sensible. We don't have children so that also helps in terms of cash flow
I learned the hard way. I cohabited with an utter bastard in my 20s. I was naive and in love, I thought playing house would be wonderful. I was a student and working part-time - he was very old-fashioned in terms of fixed gender roles so that I was doing 90% of the housework, all the cooking, full-time studying, but he was 'modern' enough to ensure bills and outgoings were 50/50. In the end, I came away with whatever I could carry out of there on my own. I tell younger friends and family that whatever they do, be careful when living with someone - don't try to mimic a legal marriage as the law is very unlikely to protect you, and whatever you do, do not take on any of their personal debts as yours.
Happy ending - I married a fab guy who often drives me up the wall, but is a very good egg. We're on the same page with money i.e. it's ours (and in part that's why we married - to ensure a legal forum if we were to divorce. Not the most romantic way of looking at marriage, but after past experience, I thought it was sensible). We've been following the Dave Ramsey method which has been life-changing in a number of ways, but I really look at money differently now.
We don't have a joint account, I think we couldn't really be bothered. He earns more, so he pays for food shopping, dinners out so I don't pay with more of a proportion of my salary. We run individual purchases of >£200 past one another as a courtesy. Mortgage likely to be paid off in 3-4 years if we're sensible. We don't have children so that also helps in terms of cash flow
I don’t understand why my partner spends hundreds on wine but equally he doesn’t understand why I don’t just get my shoes from M&S or something but ultimately we use our own money so it doesn’t matter what either of us think!
guess it's the "choosing" the present that counts but to me it's just a weird concept. Like parents giving their child money so their child buys them a present
