Money in relationships

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Just wondering how people in long term relationships/marriages deal with their money? Particularly in these tough times! I get a little resentful sometimes that I’ve always been sensible with money yet because my partner has a very bad credit history we will probably not be able to buy a house together. I also earn a lot more than he does, his income is almost 0 at the moment, things like paying bills gets tricky. I can comfortably afford to pay for the both of us but it is eating into my savings or money I’d use to buy nice things for myself that I feel I have earned.
 
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My other half and I have our own separate bank accounts which we get paid into (well, he's self employed so whatever money he pays himself goes into there from the business). We also have a joint account, we each have a weekly direct debit of £60 which goes into that account for savings. We also put any bill money/food shopping money into the account. Once I've put my bill money away and my savings have gone, anything left in my account I do as I please with and he does the same.

Things like clothes, makeup, car parts for him, hobbies etc come out of our own money. Anything we do together (meals, holidays etc) comes out of the joint account. I'd like to think once we're married we'll scrap the separate accounts and just live off "our" money in the joint account.

Neither of us have a bad credit history although my other half has been known to buy extravagant things before he's put his bill money away. He's also been known to "borrow" money from the joint account which never gets returned.

I guess in your situation it's difficult because whilst he's not really earning you have little choice, but perhaps when he is back earning you could have a chat with him about his ways with money and explain to him how you feel? Maybe he could treat you once he's earning again, or he could cover the bills for a couple of months to make things "square" between you.
 
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We have a joint account for bills etc and separate accounts still but it’s all our money, I’m a stay at home mum so he puts money into my account weekly for me to buy what I like with.

The deposit to our house I paid 75% off from my savings and then I paid for our wedding and extension when I sold my business so over time it will all even out money wise.

I think it’s good to keep separate accounts for when it’s birthdays and anniversary’s etc though so you have that privacy to buy each other a present.
 
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We have a joint account that we pay money for mortgage, all bills and a bit of ‘buffer’ money into.

food shops we kinda play it by ear -I do the online ordering, he pays in shop and then every couple of weeks we review and make sure we’re even-ish and if not we transfer some money to whoever is more out of pocket. We have separate savings as mine include inheritance, but we have a joint savings target, each expected to be able to have x amount by certain points then whatever other money is our own. I have a higher salary but he has a higher take home as he gets a lot of mileage and less student loan than I do.
Maybe not conventional but works for us
 
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My partner is a spendthrift. He gets paid more than me but he never has any money. He pays the rent, I pay the bills, it works out that he pays a bit more than I do, which is fair because he earns more. I seem to be paying for anything that needs replacing lately which is annoying but needs must and I have saved a fortune working from home, whereas he is spending more getting to work as they are sending him to lots of different sites. Day to day expenses are split fairly between us, I get paid on 15th and until he gets paid on the last working day of the month, I pay for all the household shopping, then he takes over and he pays for everything until I get paid. We used to argue about money before we had this set up but now we just get on with it.
 
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Despite what my hero Judge Judy says, my opinion is that everything should be joint.

It seems to be an old fashioned viewpoint these days but it just seems alien to me for couples to have separate money and even actually owing each other money. It's such a bizarre concept.

I worked with a married woman with teenage kids who did this and she actually had to offer her husband £3 for a taxi so she could borrow his car to get to work - that was just one of many examples! I also remember reading on a forum about a couple who bought everything separately. When one ran out of teabags, they asked the other to borrow one and their response was "you should have planned better!" They didn't get the teabag! 😭

I just couldn't be doing with all that ridiculous nitpicking!

I don't work anymore (retired on medical grounds) and I honestly couldn't imagine being with someone who would begrudge sharing their money with me.

Bottom line, if you need sharing bodily fluids then you share everything.
 
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Joint account for household stuff, separate accounts for whatever disposable money we have. We split holidays etc. I would never put all my money in a joint account, too much faff keeping up with who put in what and if I want to splurge on something for myself I don’t want to feel like I need to discuss it with my partner or, worse, use money that was his rather than mine (e.g. if he had more come in that month than me)
 
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But if you're both putting in ALL of your money then this doesn't apply surely?
Why not? Say I put £200 into the account and he put in £400, and I then want to buy something that is £300 for myself. £100 of that is not my money and I don't want to ask permission every time I want to buy something. Nor do I want to check who put in what to work out what is 'mine' to spend because that's more effort than just keeping my disposable money separate? It makes more sense to me for us to have everything we pay for jointly in one account then we spend our own spare money how we want, aside from if we want something together in which case we go halves or whatever. If we put all our money in one account I would feel like I couldn't spend 'his' money so would have to keep checking or asking which I really do not want to do.
 
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We have separate accounts. I’m currently unemployed (haven’t been earning since November) but I’m starting a new career in the next couple of months. My partner is furloughed and can pay his half of the bills very comfortably. I’m reliant 100% on my own savings and JSA for now! He’s super reluctant to chip in for me which kinda hurts sometimes since I’m really struggling for money, but I 100% understand that I’m not his responsibility. Once I start my new job I’ll be earning more than him which will be interesting 😉
 
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I have terrible credit history (it’s a long story, but the debt is now gone and it’s time to build my credit rating) so here’s how me and my husband do it. Mortgage is in his name, however that will change as soon as my credit rating is up to scratch - hopefully when the mortgage is due for renewal.
We have a ‘joint account’ that we both put the exact same a month in. This covers all household bills, mortgage, monthly cinema passes, food and petrol. Anything left at the end of the month we will treat ourselves to a meal or whatever.
Then the rest of our money stays in our own accounts to do as we please.
Say if we booked a holiday we would usually book it on my husbands credit card and then pay it straight off 50/50.
If I buy him a holiday as a present then obviously I would book it on my own card and vice versa. So, everything is split really.
I couldn’t be arsed with sharing every penny and justifying myself if I’d treated myself to something from Selfridges that month and he hadn’t bought anything.
 
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I personally pay in to a joint account, lucky that my OH gets paid the same wage so we put in an amount we feel comfortable with and leave it there. No kids, 1 car we both use, no pets.

Our other friends pay in to a joint account based on a % of their income, so they both pay in a % of their monthly wages for bills, rent and food etc. This is because the difference between their earnings is over £60k. They still both have financial freedom, and the lower earner feels they are paying their way too. I think it’s a great way of doing it and we will probably do the same if our wages change.

ETA; we have Monzo and you can split the bills really easily or keep a tab open so when you pay for something, it adds to their tab! Then when they pay for something, it reduces the tab amount. It’s a million times easier than messing around with adding up what you have both spent!!
 
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We have separate bank accounts. We have no joint accounts, we have talked about opening up a joint savings account once we get a house so we can save a bit of money up to do things to it. He pays for rent and our internet bill which altogether is about £580 a month, he’s in a much higher paying job than me but I pay for food gas and electric. I do 2 big food shops a month at £100 each plus put around £40 every 2 weeks on gas and electric (depending on time of year we use more gas in the winter so will put an extra £30 a month on it in winter) also buy any other food we need in between that bread, milk etc. It works for us, we’ve lived together for 7 years been married nearly 2 years. We opened up an ISA account each at the end of 2019 with money we where gifted from our wedding to start saving for a house and we both put £100-£200 a month in each of our accounts. I’m not great with money normally and he is but for the likes of buying our first house together and owning our own home eventually it’s motivated me more to save. We’ve been trying to buy a house from last summer but deposit percentage is currently too high here, we had a 10,000 deposit which we thought was plenty to get a decent house with a decent kitchen and bathroom we where looking at houses between 90,000 100,000 basically we had about enough for a deposit but then we’d nothing left to get anything we need like fridge/freezer, washing machine etc we own none of that. We’re currently looking into buying my grandparents house. Lower price 75,000 granted it needs work down to it but it’s a lower mortgage, within budget and leaves us a bit of money over to get anything we need for the house, but we currently need out of the rental we are in we’ve a baby on the way and the house we are in currently is falling apart and too small so buying my grandparents house is really the only way we are gonna be able to get into a house that’s our own within the next year and it has the extra space etc that we need. It’s ideal for a first time buyer
 
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We have a joint account that everything goes in and comes out of. I’m a SAHM so my income is zero. My other half gets paid into the joint account and we both spend it like it’s ours because that’s how we see it. Anything really expensive, like a new appliance or a gadget, we discuss, but if we want to treat ourselves to a new coat or something we just do it. It works well for us. I’ve known couples who live together that calculate who owes what while at the checkout doing their food shop and I couldn’t be doing with that level of separation with finances. I can see how doing things separately works better for some though. It’s whatever works for you but both people need to be happy with the set up.
 
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We have a joint account that we pay money for mortgage, all bills and a bit of ‘buffer’ money into.

food shops we kinda play it by ear -I do the online ordering, he pays in shop and then every couple of weeks we review and make sure we’re even-ish and if not we transfer some money to whoever is more out of pocket. We have separate savings as mine include inheritance, but we have a joint savings target, each expected to be able to have x amount by certain points then whatever other money is our own. I have a higher salary but he has a higher take home as he gets a lot of mileage and less student loan than I do.
Maybe not conventional but works for us
I feel the need to expand on this.
We have discussed being fully ‘joint’ financially before, and while he wasn’t fussed either way as it wouldn’t change how the money was spent really, I don’t want to. Two reasons - I have previously been terrible with money, racking up quite a bit of debt at uni and just after. I paid it all off by myself and I am proud of that. However, I’m also aware that I do still have to be careful with my money in order to stay this way... I also am incredibly independent. We own a house together so we’re obviously financially tied but I like to be able to do my own thing with my money, and not feel the need to justify it to anyone. I know I wouldn’t need to, but I would feel like I should if I was spending “our” money not “my” money.

we don’t split things, we just tend to take it in turns - he buys takeaway one week, I’ll buy it the next that sort of thing
 
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Why not? Say I put £200 into the account and he put in £400, and I then want to buy something that is £300 for myself. £100 of that is not my money and I don't want to ask permission every time I want to buy something. Nor do I want to check who put in what to work out what is 'mine' to spend because that's more effort than just keeping my disposable money separate? It makes more sense to me for us to have everything we pay for jointly in one account then we spend our own spare money how we want, aside from if we want something together in which case we go halves or whatever. If we put all our money in one account I would feel like I couldn't spend 'his' money so would have to keep checking or asking which I really do not want to do.
Oh, I see. Yeah, that isn't how I have ever run a joint account AT ALL.

I don't understand this fixed idea of "mine" and "your" money when you're a couple living and building a life together. It clearly works for some people but I just don't get it 🤷🏻‍♀️
 
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With my ex we used to be ridiculous looking back for paying our share of things, for example when we went to the supermarket one of us would use our card to pay then we’d come home and go through the receipt working out what would be shared and what was solely ours and paying the other one back. If we went out for a meal we’d split it exactly down to who had an extra drink or a dessert. I think he was a bit stingy to be honest, I was much more relaxed and happy to treat him to a meal but he’d always like us to each pay for exactly what we had. It was the first time I lived with anyone though so I didn’t know any different. We didn’t have a joint account.

With my husband now right from the beginning he’s always just treated all our money as equal. I would get really stressed when we first started going out as I’d be trying to work out who owed each other what like I’d done with my ex and it drove my husband mad. We have a joint account and separate accounts and the same with savings but we consider all our money equal. I had inheritance after my dad died and I’ve always told him it’s as much his as mine but he’s never touched a penny of it for himself even though he has access to it but we have used it for things for the house. We buy general things without any discussions with each other but anything expensive we would discuss. I’m really good at saving, my husband is rubbish. I often squirrel away money without telling him and then it gets spent on a holiday or goes towards something for the house. It’s really whatever a couple is happy with I guess but this works for us.
 
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Oh, I see. Yeah, that isn't how I have ever run a joint account AT ALL.

I don't understand this fixed idea of "mine" and "your" money when you're a couple living and building a life together. It clearly works for some people but I just don't get it 🤷🏻‍♀️
But what if one of you seems to be spending more than the other? If me and my partner had a joint account and he was buying things from it, it would be mostly my money he was spending? Or do you discuss every single thing before buying it? I think the only way this could work is if you’ve both got very similar incomes!
 
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