Money in relationships

[Greys1324]

I’ve been with my partner for 3 years and we bought a house together about a year and half ago. We both earn roughly the same so we transfer half of our wages into the joint account which covers our mortgage and our bills with some leftover that we use for takeaways/date nights. We then have half of our wages for ourselves to spend on what we want, I cover my own car expenses.
We need to change it all up soon as we’re having a baby in May, I’ll be on full pay for 6 months but after that I’ll go down to SMP and go back PT.

 

[Satisfying Click]

The end reminds me of a friend, they recently had a baby and her husband is very tight with money. She hasn’t a single thing new all hand me downs from friends. Not that there’s anything wrong with that but she asked permission to buy her an outfit and was told no. He happily buys expensive alcohol for himself weekly though, he even started to complain when the baby didn’t finish a bottle as it was wasting money could they give her less at feed times. He’s already made comments on wasted food when it comes to weaning.
There’s being careful with money but this i think is a bit extreme and controlling

It's financial abuse. Your poor friend.

 

[Fanaff]

It is really interesting to see how people manage it and how different it is. I don’t agree with the whole “we are married so share everything and if you don’t it is odd” everyone has different experiences and has seen how things can go wrong. I have been married for 12 years, together 16 and we have a joint account for the house, bills, the kid and cat then our separate accounts for our own spends. I like new clothes, my husband likes a gamble on football and this way, he can’t get angry with me (expect for when I make him go to the post office with 18 packages to return ) and I can’t be cross at his flutters (it’s only small amounts, he’s not got a problem!) It works for us and that’s what matters.

My friend got into over £80k in debt and her husband had no clue. When they split, he expected to get a good chunk of cash from the equity in their house...he got less than £10k. Being married, a team and sharing their money didn’t help help him at all.

 

[Mamacita]

My husband and I share our money, have been together over 10 years and have literally never argued about money. For us, keeping our money separate would 100% lead to more arguments I imagine. We only ever "discuss" major purchases (he bought a high spec laptop a few months ago for example, I bought a gaming system last year - those sorts of things).

I purchase gifts for him on my own credit card - we both use credit cards for personal spending to build rewards (cashback, points, air miles) and then clear the balances every month.

But you clear the balances with shared money?

 

[mcfeez]

But you clear the balances with shared money?

Yes, it comes from our joint account.

 

[Mamacita]

Yes, it comes from our joint account.

Yes so it doesn't make a difference you have personal credit cards whwn all money is shared anyway.

Interesting to see how different everyone is and what works for people!

 

[mcfeez]

Yes so it doesn't make a difference you have personal credit cards whwn all money is shared anyway.

Interesting to see how different everyone is and what works for people!

Oh sorry I thought you meant it might be odd to buy each other presents if we share the same account as I could see transactions of his etc. I've been asked that a few times, like when I've surprised him with a trip or something - "how did he not know?"

 

[Mamacita]

Oh sorry I thought you meant it might be odd to buy each other presents if we share the same account as I could see transactions of his etc. I've been asked that a few times, like when I've surprised him with a trip or something - "how did he not know?"

No, I just meant its weird buying someone's presents with their own money but to be fair we have a weird way of doing that too where we usually set a budget and usually also tell each other what we want as a present which doesn't really make much sense either lol

 

[BrowniePoints]

We are probably in the minority. We've been together for 17 years, married for 13 and we had a joint account from the get go since we were dating (we moved in together after 1yr of dating). It never mattered who earned what or if one is between jobs. When we were dating he will pay for everything, he couldn't conceive for me to pay but when we moved in, whatever money I had we put in the same pot. We buy whatever we need, however expensive. If one needs something we talk and we buy it, we don't ask for permission, we just inform the partner that we need this or that. But we have a different mentality and relationship and neither is a big spender. We trust each other and we are quite careful with our money. In terms of presents it doesn't really matter what we spend on each other, especially as we try and gift what we really need or like. We'll use cash sometimes for gifts also. We don't keep tabs on each other but we talk about what we need, how much it cost. We are old fashioned maybe but it works. I personally find it hard to understand how people can have separate accounts but different strokes for different folks!

 

[Hendrix]

We used to use our joint account for everything - bills and disposable money but last year we decided to use a separate account for bills and use the joint account for disposable.

My partner gets paid a bit more than me each month and both salaries get paid into the joint account. I get paid on the 28th of each month and I transfer x amount into the bill account and then when my partner gets paid on the 8th he transfers slightly more than me into the bill account as he’s the higher earner. All our direct debits are paid out on the 9th. I find this way so much easier so we know exactly how much we have left after bills.

We don’t look at it as my money and his money, it’s our money.

 

[Shaunaftw]

Since buying our house together we have two joint accounts. One for bills ect, the other for spending. My boyfriend earns slightly more than I do but his bills are more than mine, car insurance, phone contract ect. I don't think we've ever argued about money but I know if we had separate accounts I would be spending a lot more on us than he would which then may lead to an argument .
I'm surprised how many people still keep separate accounts when they live together and have children. I can understand situations where one person is spending a lot more than the other and it's unfair but I don't think I'll ever get my own bank account.

I just use PayPal if I want to hide something I've bought

 

[GeorgeP123]

Kind of glad I'm single lol. Pay my own bills and buy my own Louis Vuitton without getting ear ache lol but hopefully when I do end up in a relationship we would half the bills. Half all the bills and put this into an account. I've learned from my last relationship to be selfish with money.

 

[Foundmypeople]

My husband and I have 3 children together and have been incredibly fortunate that the pandemic hasn't impacted our work at all. He gets paid a fair bit more than I do but we both work full time. He pays the mortgage and some of the bills and he also pays me £450 a month and I pay the majority of the bills, the food shopping and anything for the house, kids or pets. I also pay for Xmas and all birthdays. If we want anything for ourselves then we buy it. We both save and when we do big things like renovations or holidays we both contribute. Our finances are completely separate but when we move house next year he wants to combine them which gives me anxiety because he's always been fantastic with money and my history isn't as good. I went a bit crazy in my 20s and although I've been on track for a few years now you never know what the future holds. I don't want to ever impact him negatively.

With my ex we used to be ridiculous looking back for paying our share of things, for example when we went to the supermarket one of us would use our card to pay then we’d come home and go through the receipt working out what would be shared and what was solely ours and paying the other one back. If we went out for a meal we’d split it exactly down to who had an extra drink or a dessert. I think he was a bit stingy to be honest, I was much more relaxed and happy to treat him to a meal but he’d always like us to each pay for exactly what we had. It was the first time I lived with anyone though so I didn’t know any different. We didn’t have a joint account.

With my husband now right from the beginning he’s always just treated all our money as equal. I would get really stressed when we first started going out as I’d be trying to work out who owed each other what like I’d done with my ex and it drove my husband mad. We have a joint account and separate accounts and the same with savings but we consider all our money equal. I had inheritance after my dad died and I’ve always told him it’s as much his as mine but he’s never touched a penny of it for himself even though he has access to it but we have used it for things for the house. We buy general things without any discussions with each other but anything expensive we would discuss. I’m really good at saving, my husband is rubbish. I often squirrel away money without telling him and then it gets spent on a holiday or goes towards something for the house. It’s really whatever a couple is happy with I guess but this works for us.

My in laws are like that. They're married, been together a decade. I've never known anything like it but it's like second nature to only pat their exact share, even when they're just out together I guess that's what makes us unique

 

[Saddlesoap]

This is fascinating.

My husband and I have a joint account that we pay into monthly, £300 each. That covers all our bills and joint things like netflix and prime.

If we go away and there's not enough in the joint account we will share costs, but not to the point of adding it up. One of us would pay for dinner one night and the other the next, but I wouldn't matter if one was £20 and the other £40.

Although now I've written it down it seems ridiculous. I'm gonna suggest we just each put an extra £100 in the joint account next time we go away (whenever that may be).

I would want all our money in the same account together. If I want to spend £200 of clothes, that's up to me. Plus I but loads more gifts for friends and family over the year than he does. Why should his money get spent on my mates birthday gifts

 

[TheScarletgirl]

I don't live with the other half but I do like reading about how everyone shares their money with theirs. When we go out for meals we tend to take it in turns on who pays and that is about it !

I personally would keep separate finances unless I was married. I just like having my own things .

 

[HumphreyB]

Fascinating to see how people manage.

Ours has changed over the years. Initially separate accounts, with us both using a % of our salary to cover the joint expenses. My husband earns substantially more than I do now or ever did. We then moved to having a joint account when I was on maternity leave first time round.

Now we have a joint account and also personal accounts. Husband covers all fixed regular expenses, mortgage, phone, bills, groceries, savings, holidays. I work PT and save separately for back to school costs, school travel, Christmas related expenses. I also cover add hoc like sports camps, their activity costs.

 

[Baabaablacksheep]

Myself and my husband are both 30 and have been together 10 years (married for 3) with a toddler and a baby. We have a joint account where both salaries are paid into and all bills come out and the rest is ours to spend. It’s never been an issue who spends what, individually if we need/want something we buy it. I’m actually not sure who earns more at the moment, to us it’s just not important.

We’ve always said our money is just one big pot. It works for us.

 

[Carrie2019]

Joint account for everything and then we transfer £300 into our personal account for personal spends. Eg: if I want a hair cut or I’m going out for a meal with friends.

we used to do it where I put in £600 and he put in £850 as husband earns more than me but I’m currently on maternity and we knew my wage was going to vary so much so just easier to merge money from the month we went on maternity - last April.

 

[Lovelife899]

We both have separate bank accounts but we just pick up whatever back card if we are heading out to the shops or buying anything online etc doesn't matter who it belongs to, both our money is just shared between us.
we are late 20s/ mid 30s not married and been together 7 years

 

[TeaNoSugar]

My boyfriend and me live with our own parents as neither of us can afford a mortgage or rent someplace decent. We also both work even though we're both on furlough and hoping we will have jobs to go back to when all this is over.

I try to save as much as I can but my boyfriend is quite reckless and just spends as soon as he gets paid. He doesn't think past the short term, and never saves. Or when he does he blows it on football or a bigger TV or expensive clothes.

This tells me a lot about his priorities and I don't want him feeding off me should we ever move in together because I would be doing all the working and he would be doing all the spending.