Money in relationships

[TeaNoSugar]

My boyfriend and me live with our own parents as neither of us can afford a mortgage or rent someplace decent. We also both work even though we're both on furlough and hoping we will have jobs to go back to when all this is over.

I try to save as much as I can but my boyfriend is quite reckless and just spends as soon as he gets paid. He doesn't think past the short term, and never saves. Or when he does he blows it on football or a bigger TV or expensive clothes.

This tells me a lot about his priorities and I don't want him feeding off me should we ever move in together because I would be doing all the working and he would be doing all the spending.

 

[Blancmange]

This is such an interesting thread!

I live with my OH in a house we rent from his family, he at the moment earns more than me as I'm a student.

We just have separate accounts, he pays the bills for the house. I buy all the food shopping and we give each other money for things as needed, I'll obviously contribute more once working full time. We both pay for our own cars etc. I definitely wouldn't want him questioning why Amazon packages come so often.

I'll never have all my money in a joint account, my mum got my dad to take out a loan when we were young then took all the money and shacked up with another man. The times after that regarding money were some of the most traumatic of my life.

Interestingly tho my friend is very traditional in that she doesn't believe she needs to work full time and that her partner should pay her keep, they don't have kids. She's always complaining how little he earns etc yet she's not willing to work more. Blows my mind.

 

[Chandler Bing]

This is such an interesting thread!

I live with my OH in a house we rent from his family, he at the moment earns more than me as I'm a student.

We just have separate accounts, he pays the bills for the house. I buy all the food shopping and we give each other money for things as needed, I'll obviously contribute more once working full time. We both pay for our own cars etc. I definitely wouldn't want him questioning why Amazon packages come so often.

I'll never have all my money in a joint account, my mum got my dad to take out a loan when we were young then took all the money and shacked up with another man. The times after that regarding money were some of the most traumatic of my life.

Interestingly tho my friend is very traditional in that she doesn't believe she needs to work full time and that her partner should pay her keep, they don't have kids. She's always complaining how little he earns etc yet she's not willing to work more. Blows my mind.

I used to work with someone who had a similar story, his wife took all the money and left him in debt with a child to look after I'm so sorry for what you had to go through. I definitely have trust issues regarding certain things, such as money, due to my childhood. I'm lucky my husband understands but then on the other hand he also knows my hand isn't in his pocket so he's free to do what he wants with what he has left after bills.

Regarding your friend, that's not ok! How does her husband think about the situation? Is he happy with it?

 

[Blancmange]

I used to work with someone who had a similar story, his wife took all the money and left him in debt with a child to look after I'm so sorry for what you had to go through. I definitely have trust issues regarding certain things, such as money, due to my childhood. I'm lucky my husband understands but then on the other hand he also knows my hand isn't in his pocket so he's free to do what he wants with what he has left after bills.

Regarding your friend, that's not ok! How does her husband think about the situation? Is he happy with it?

It definitely left a mark on me, my dad died four years later with 30k debt, luckily it was protected so written off. I then got in debt trying to survive at 18 with a house to run etc. I'm turning it round now tho I managed to pay off 10k in debt last year with 5k to go.

My OH and I are fairly chilled with what each other does with their money.. yeah, so they aren't married just living together. I think he puts up with it for a quiet life to be honest. She definitely wears the trousers in that relationship!

 

[coconochanel]

My boyfriend and me live with our own parents as neither of us can afford a mortgage or rent someplace decent. We also both work even though we're both on furlough and hoping we will have jobs to go back to when all this is over.

I try to save as much as I can but my boyfriend is quite reckless and just spends as soon as he gets paid. He doesn't think past the short term, and never saves. Or when he does he blows it on football or a bigger TV or expensive clothes.

This tells me a lot about his priorities and I don't want him feeding off me should we ever move in together because I would be doing all the working and he would be doing all the spending.

This is something I wondered about...if your OH isnt very good with money would you be prepared have a joint account for bills or just keep it separate?

 

[TeaNoSugar]

This is something I wondered about...if your OH isnt very good with money would you be prepared have a joint account for bills or just keep it separate?

Definitely separate! I have a feeling we'll be separating soon anyway.

 

[Medusah80]

My friend was like your MIL with her husband, he was just given a £5.00 per week for sweets and that was it. Admittedly when you have kids etc and a house they have to take priority money wise, not personal spends. But a £5 er?,this was one of the reasons he ran off after 20 years.

I work with 2 guys who are from the same country, one gets £20 pocket money a week because he used to have a gambling habit .The other guy in his late 50’s doesn’t even know how much he gets paid monthly neither does he get pocket money.

 

[Tommyb]

When we were dating we went on date night most Saturdays. We would take it in turns to pay and he would then pay for drinks/snacks/pudding and breakfast bought from tesco because I would travel to him (50 mins) and use petrol. We went 50/50 on holidays and its always been important for me to be financially independent.

We have just purchased our first home together after 7 years together. We have our separate accounts and a joint account. Bills all in come to 1000 each so we put 1500 each in the joint account and just let the extra 500 each roll over every month. We will then use this for maintenence on the house/holidays/takeaways etc. Basically anything joint.

Once we plan to have children we will replan. We earn within a few thousand of each other so its quite easy to just split down the middle!

 

[DanaScully]

My choice is separate current/savings accounts and an additional joint account for any days out, meals, household, groceries etc.

I would never completely merge my finances with another person, regardless of marriage or how long we've been together.

My mum always taught me to keep some money separate and secret in case I ever needed to escape.

 

[Ohchristmastree]

We have a joint current account that we both pay the same amount into and that is what all the bills and meals etc come out of.
Then we have our own current account each for our individual bills like phone/health care.
Joint savings account which I put around £500 in a month and my husband about £1000 and then we have our own individual savings accounts each.

I know all his internet password log in and he does mine, we have no secrets when it comes to money. The only time there’s a secret is if one of us is trying to by the other a gift

 

[Camelia]

We both have separate accounts but we do have full access to each others account if needed.

 

[Ab235]

We have separate accounts and joint accounts for us and the kids for Christmas and birthdays which are all in the one month. Hard month but glad once it passes

 

[WilmaHun]

I have a family member who is married to a man who earns quite a bit off shore. She does a few beauty treatments from home (when allowed obviously) but other than that doesn't earn her own money. She gets a £300 allowance per week from her husband to do whatever she pleases with. He pays all the bills etc. Anything over her £300 allowance (for example last year she wanted a lazy spa) she has to ask permission for. Any money leftover each week from the £300 is hers to keep but she rarely has any left (unbelievably!).

I couldn't live like that. She loves it as she has no money stresses or anything but I don't think I'd like it. I'd feel like I'm stuck with him (even if I was unhappy) because he knows without him I'd have nothing.

 

[Gembo]

I was thinking about this thread earlier and I commented a few pages back but I remembered that when I was with my ex for 6 and a half years in that whole time he would never tell me what he earned even though I had 2 new jobs and a pay rise in that time and always told him what my salary was. I did know what his was as he left his payslip on the coffee table one day and I picked it up while tidying and saw. It never really bothered me that he didn’t tell me but looking back now I find it actually really bizarre!

 

[Clairer86]

I was thinking about this thread earlier and I commented a few pages back but I remembered that when I was with my ex for 6 and a half years in that whole time he would never tell me what he earned even though I had 2 new jobs and a pay rise in that time and always told him what my salary was. I did know what his was as he left his payslip on the coffee table one day and I picked it up while tidying and saw. It never really bothered me that he didn’t tell me but looking back now I find it actually really bizarre!

Yeah i find that a little bit strange tbh. I wouldnt know why they wouldnt tell their income. If it happened to me then i would just think he was an attention seeker, and its all abit pointless. I mean i wouldnt give a tit what they earn, but the secrecy would bother me, and then i would become paranoid and suspicious. But surely, in a relationship in order to make plans and plan for the future people must tell each other their incomes. I just find it strange.

 

[Gembo]

Yeah i find that a little bit strange tbh. I wouldnt know why they wouldnt tell their income. If it happened to me then i would just think he was an attention seeker, and its all abit pointless. I mean i wouldnt give a tit what they earn, but the secrecy would bother me, and then i would become paranoid and suspicious. But surely, in a relationship in order to make plans and plan for the future people must tell each other their incomes. I just find it strange.

Yep I agree now looking back, it was my first serious relationship and I guess now I just didn’t really question it. We lived together after we’d been dating a while but it was in the property he owned, his mortgage payments were quite low and I would give him half each month. And then we split everything else or paid ourselves for what we ate/used etc. We did briefly look at buying a house together but it went no further than looking around a few show homes so perhaps as that point he would have told me, I guess he would have had to otherwise how would we have known what we could afford? I can’t remember if I ever asked him but I do remember having a sense of it was something he wouldn’t discuss. Really strange, financially we were very separate and independent but now I’m with my husband and we have a mortgage together it just wouldn’t work for us not to discuss salaries.

 

[Be More Pacific]

I've mentioned this before on here but I worked for a mortgage broker and one of our advisers had an appointment with a married couple. On the morning of the appointment, he got a call from the guy asking him to come a bit earlier. It turned out the guy had a child conceived during a one night stand, who he'd never had any contact with, and it happened way before he'd even met his wife - but he'd never told her about it. The CSA were taking payment at source and he wanted to show our adviser his 'real' income before his wife got there. She'd never seen his payslips. Anyway, because of the CSA payments, their affordability was completely fucked and they couldn't get the mortgage they wanted. I'd love to have been a fly on the wall for that discussion. I often wonder if it did all come out in the end.

So, I'd be very suspicious if someone refused to show me their payslips or tell me what they earned.

 

[Causewaygal]

We have separate bank accounts which I’m perfectly happy with.
There is a joint business account which we needed when we set up a limited company, but I’ve no idea how much is in it as I don’t need to use it. I suspect it’s a considerable amount knowing my husbands love of money

I have no idea how much my husband earns and I’ve never thought to ask . He pays the bills and I buy the fun stuff like holidays and

 

[Stampolina1]

We have an account each and a joint account. Wages into our own accounts, bills from the joint account. However, we have the log in details for each others online banking and just grab what we need to from each other as and when needed. We earn roughly the same, so no concern about one or the other not paying their fair share. Hubby doesn't really spend much, it's all me!
It works for us, but I know some people think it's weird.

I once knew a couple who kept everything in a joint account and spent equal amounts, to the penny. Quite literally, if one bought a Mars Bar, the other would then have 65p to spend on something. Not healthy in my opinion!

 

[Meh]

We have our own bank accounts and no joint account. Joint mortgage and we each own our own cars outright. All household / food bills split 50/50. Then what’s left is our own savings / fun money.

Both of us are good with money and don’t have debt issues or poor credit. I love my freedom to buy what I want, when I want. This is for things like clothes, pair of boots, skincare etc. Personally, I would hate the feeling either of us were asking permission. We both work, I make more money but I have higher student loans and pension contributions.

Over our relationship both of us have needed help and the other has given it, no issues. That’s the key for me; we’re a team, we earn our own money, pay our bills evenly but each has each others back, no questions.

The story on this thread about not giving the partner a tea bag. WOW.In my view, that’s like sharing a halls of residence with flat mates. Even then it’d be dickheadish to not give them a tea bag!!