Yes the extra money my partner put into our deposit is ring fenced. At the time he had a much higher income than I did. He is actually very much of the opinion that we should share everything we both have and did not want his money protecting. It took a lot of persuading but I was adamant. If we ever did get divorced (getting married this year) I would have ensured he had his money back anyway so might as well have it in writing.
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Our deposit was split 50/50, so we didn’t bother. My sister paid pretty much all of her deposit, and had ringfenced the deposit. They’ve now changed this as they’re married and he’s no longer a student. she strongly believes that’s what his is hers and hers is his - plus he now has a significantly better paid job than her, and pays a much higher % of the mortgage than she does
yes we got something in writing to say he put more in than me. It was my idea tbh and I think it’s fair and square. He’s a saver and I’m a spender so he put in about 3 x what I did and I wouldnt dream of trying to take out more than my fair share if things go tits up (I know that’s really easy to say when you’re getting on etc!)I love this thread, thanks for making this.
This is such an interesting topic and I am intrigued to learn what married / long term relationship people do.
My parents have been married for almost 30 years but how they manage their finances might not be what I’d like to do. My mum has a best friend who’s husband paid all the bills and gave her a monthly allowance. She always worked and still works now. Very interesting.
I date a guy who when we started paid for all our meals out but I have also dated a guy who wanted to split all things even a £5.00 bill.
Those who have mortgages - is there a clause that if you paid more of a deposit and you separate / sell do you get more of a percentage?
We each have our own account and then have a joint account together. We both put money into the joint account to cover bills etc, and then what's left in our own account is our own money to do what we want with.
We both have a credit card. The odd time we'll stick something on the other person's card.
Holidays etc are generally split between us and when we go out for dinner etc, we tend to take it in turns as to who pays.
It probably helps that we have a similar attitude towards money, spending and saving etc.
My late FIL was retired by the time I met him, but I know he used have to hand over every penny of his wages to MIL when he was working because she 'ran the house' and that was the last he saw of them. My SIL now makes her husband do the exact same thing. Wonder where she got that from?!
We both have a credit card. The odd time we'll stick something on the other person's card.
Holidays etc are generally split between us and when we go out for dinner etc, we tend to take it in turns as to who pays.
It probably helps that we have a similar attitude towards money, spending and saving etc.
My late FIL was retired by the time I met him, but I know he used have to hand over every penny of his wages to MIL when he was working because she 'ran the house' and that was the last he saw of them. My SIL now makes her husband do the exact same thing. Wonder where she got that from?!
This is the thing I would never want to ask my OH for some money it just doesn't feel right IMO and I wouldn't want him to have to ask me for some either.
Great thread, really interesting to see all the different setups. My husband earns about 4 times more than me so he pays for all our outgoings each month and saves a lot too. I pay for the food shopping and my own car insurance and phone etc. He tends to pay for our holidays and I pay for the cat sitter and Christmas and birthday presents for our child. I’ve always been terrible with frittering money away on crap and it made me feel guilty as he is paying all the bills so I’ve been trying to be more mindful with my spending and have managed to start saving around £200 a month which is great. Our system works for us without resentment because we discussed it and came to the conclusion that in our lives, although his financial contribution is bigger, I contribute more in other area eg childcare, housework etc etc
We have a joint savings account which is basically all his money and we separate bank accounts, my husband pays our mortgage and council tax and I pay for the smaller bills like sky tv, broadband etc. He earns a lot more money than I do but I contribute what I can, we take in turns to pay for the food shop and any takeaways we get.
I agree with you, I can't imagine asking for permission or even discussing something I want to buy if it's not a big purchase. Equally would not want my boyfriend to spend money that I earned. I know people say it comes down to trust but I'm not working to then limit my financial freedom.
I don't think everything in a relationship must be shared, yes we're building a life together but we're also two individual people.
Also, I know some people hate thinking like that and believe it's not possible for that to happen to them, but I've heard too many stories of relationships breaking down and people becoming horrible to each other. It would give me too much anxiety to be so financially connected.
That was a huge thing on Mumsnet. I can remember constant parroting of 'All money is family money anyway'
Ah no. MY money is MY money. HIS money is HIS money, and the money that we put in the joint account together to pay the bills etc is OUR money.
My friend was like your MIL with her husband, he was just given a £5.00 per week for sweets and that was it. Admittedly when you have kids etc and a house they have to take priority money wise, not personal spends. But a £5 er?,this was one of the reasons he ran off after 20 years.
I don't blame him. My poor FIL was too quiet for his own good.
We’ve been together 13 years, lived together for 11 years and never had a joint account. We have a joint mortgage though.
I only work part time at the moment due to the kids, so gross wage he earns almost 5 times what I do. He pays the household bills (mortgage, gas, electric, broadband, tv, Netflix, insurances) and transfers me some money too when he gets paid. I use this money to put into the kids savings accounts. I pay for the food shop, council tax, my own mobile phone etc. I have a savings account and he does too. Im not short of money and neither is he. I wouldnt spend my spare money the way he does and he probably would scoff at my expensive skin care habit. Things like takeaways, meals out etc we will both pay for.
It works for us. Once I increase my hours at work in the future we may do it differently.
I only work part time at the moment due to the kids, so gross wage he earns almost 5 times what I do. He pays the household bills (mortgage, gas, electric, broadband, tv, Netflix, insurances) and transfers me some money too when he gets paid. I use this money to put into the kids savings accounts. I pay for the food shop, council tax, my own mobile phone etc. I have a savings account and he does too. Im not short of money and neither is he. I wouldnt spend my spare money the way he does and he probably would scoff at my expensive skin care habit. Things like takeaways, meals out etc we will both pay for.
It works for us. Once I increase my hours at work in the future we may do it differently.
We have a joint account for bills and car finance and that’s it. We split half of our bills and then it goes in, I take home almost double what my husband does so I’ve offered to pay for the car or 75% of it as it was my idea 
shopping we tend to either split down the middle (I’ll transfer half for example) or one week he does it, the next I do it. It tends to average out over time. I usually end up buying stuff for our son just because I see it, and sometimes if it’s a huge order (say clothes) then he’ll give me half but I don’t mind if he doesn’t. I get paid the child benefit so it makes sense I spend it.
i think it’s a really fine balance for each couple and it really depends on the personality of each person. I’m quite independent so I would HATE to ask for money.
shopping we tend to either split down the middle (I’ll transfer half for example) or one week he does it, the next I do it. It tends to average out over time. I usually end up buying stuff for our son just because I see it, and sometimes if it’s a huge order (say clothes) then he’ll give me half but I don’t mind if he doesn’t. I get paid the child benefit so it makes sense I spend it.
i think it’s a really fine balance for each couple and it really depends on the personality of each person. I’m quite independent so I would HATE to ask for money.
Exactly, being a relationship doesn't mean we suddenly morph into one person
Interesting... To me that has more potential for arguments. If you have shared money for the shared things plus separate money for your own stuff then there shouldn't be an issue-as long as the shared stuff is paid for in whatever way the couple agrees to share it and then both are free to spend their money however they wish. When it's joint, all decisions must be taken together. For example, my boyfriend just bought a £250 pair of headphones while I would never spend that much on headphones and if it was coming from shared money I wouldn't think that's OK. But as all bills are paid then who am I to question how he spends money he earned? I went through a period of getting eyelash extensions done-at least 100 quid a month. How could I expect my boyfriend to contribute to that? And then I'm assuming you don't buy each other any birthday or Xmas presents as that would just not really make much sense to me
Myself and my partner are getting ready to buy a house together (got our mortgage in principle today!) so have been discussing this.
Initially we were planning on paying equally to the mortgage and him paying more of the bills as he earns not far off double what I do. But I work in a solicitors and know about people separating etc and dividing property and so we have now agreed to pay the mortgage and all bills equally. But as he earns more he will be paying my car insurance (he doesn't have a car but can drive) and for the food shop and little bits such as Netflix etc. So we'll have a joint account for all of that but also separate accounts to buy our own stuff with.
Initially we were planning on paying equally to the mortgage and him paying more of the bills as he earns not far off double what I do. But I work in a solicitors and know about people separating etc and dividing property and so we have now agreed to pay the mortgage and all bills equally. But as he earns more he will be paying my car insurance (he doesn't have a car but can drive) and for the food shop and little bits such as Netflix etc. So we'll have a joint account for all of that but also separate accounts to buy our own stuff with.
That's a great idea. Even if he pays for things like groceries, holidays, etc - but very wise for you to pay half of the mortgage even though he earns more.
Me and my partner have a joint account, salaries go into our personal accounts and we have standing orders after payday to the joint account which is used for bills, food shopping etc.
He’s an accountant so I defer to his expertise
but we are on similar wages so pay in equally. He pays for car stuff out of his salary. We spend whatever we want from our personal accounts and are saving for our wedding/house work - I have the wedding savings, he has the house stuff.
I can’t see us ever getting rid of our personal accounts even when we do get married but I understand that having kids/maternity changes your circumstances.
It does make me sad reading stories online of financial abuse in relationships so I’d always want to avoid that.
He’s an accountant so I defer to his expertise
but we are on similar wages so pay in equally. He pays for car stuff out of his salary. We spend whatever we want from our personal accounts and are saving for our wedding/house work - I have the wedding savings, he has the house stuff.I can’t see us ever getting rid of our personal accounts even when we do get married but I understand that having kids/maternity changes your circumstances.
It does make me sad reading stories online of financial abuse in relationships so I’d always want to avoid that.
We have our own bank accounts and then a joint for the mortgage, bills and emergency money. We go half the main food shop and then if we need anything else it just comes out of our own account
I don’t agree. If one partner earns significantly more than the other it’s not just an automatic case of “everything should be shared”. Being joint would create problems for me, growing up with one parent relying solely on the other financially, then realising how frightening that is when redundancy/illness or any other unforeseen circumstance hits, has made me determined to always have some form of financial independence.
Being married isn’t a justification for everything being shared. You can still easily share from having separate accounts. I wouldn’t like to rely on someone or have to justify every purchase.