Hi - first time posting in this thread.
I had my first miscarriage in January. I found out I was pregnant on 4th January and for 2 weeks, it was real. On the 18th I woke up to bleeding and a few days later it was confirmed I’d lost the baby at hospital. Worst pain I’ve ever experienced, both physically and mentally. I already have a healthy 14 month old. Every time I get my period I get flashbacks. I still have my pregnancy app and check each week how many weeks I ‘should’ be.
The miscarriage broke my relationship apart, we were only dating 6 months, but we were both really excited. Yes the relationship had its problems, and I know the split was for the best.
since miscarrying I’ve had an amazing advance in my career and a strong vision of where I want to go in the next few years, which would be very difficult if I had of had the baby. Everyone keeps telling me ‘it’s for the best’, ‘it wasn’t meant to be’, because of the recent positive changes in my life. I admit I was really sick with this pregnancy, even if it was 2 weeks I knew. I was hormonal and lashed out at my then partner all the time. I struggled to look after my son due to being so tired.
All of this should mean I should be letting go. But I can’t. I miss my baby every day. The what ifs… I have a feeling it was a girl, I’ve always wanted a girl. I would’ve been 16 weeks this week, and that’s the week I found out my son’s gender. It’s just heartbreaking. I don’t know how I’m going to cope when September (due date) rolls around…
How do you all cope with these thoughts? How can you not be so triggered with each period?
I just want to not be so heartbroken