Miscarriage/Baby Loss

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Hi all,

I have been on the TTC thread for a few months and have recently had an early loss. I have discussed my experience on the TTC thread but I’m conscious that I don’t feel it’s the right place to process my grief amongst others good news and 2WWs, and I don’t know if I’m ready to try again straight away.

I’m currently at the beginning of miscarrying, I knew it was coming. I’m feeling so lost today.

I know there are many of us on here who will have had a miscarriage at various stages and I suppose I just wanted a place to share those stories and feelings.
 
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I’m really glad you made this thread, as I’ve also felt very lost and like I don’t know where to speak 🤍🤍
 
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I’m really glad you made this thread, as I’ve also felt very lost and like I don’t know where to speak 🤍🤍
I love the TTC thread but I feel like some of my messages there have been a lot the last few days, and I’ve felt a bit guilty for offloading and potentially making others worry when they get their BFPs. It will be good to have a place where we can process our feelings ❤

It’s also self preservation. I don’t think I’m ready to see BFP posts or TWW speculation or even the pain from BFNs right now. I’m not in a space to move forward 😞
 
Please don’t feel guilty for your messages… we are all here for you ❤

I do understand what you are saying in regards to not wanting to move forward. The devastation is a feeling I can’t quite explain and don’t think I’ll ever get over. It’s such a hard thing to come to terms with and needs time for you to get your head around. I hope you have the support you need around you. ❤
 
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I’m so glad you made this thread ❤
At the time of my miscarriage I wrote down a lot of random thoughts and feelings which was good for me to an extent but then I was left not knowing what to do with the paper. I felt I couldn’t just toss it out but also that it wasn’t anything I wanted to keep. Having this thread to post on could be lovely for you and anybody else to post their feelings and know that there are people on the other side of the screen who understand what you’re going through 💗
 
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Woken up just feeling angry at the world today. I know the odds are 1 in 4 but I don’t want to be 1 in 4. I want to be 3 in 4.

1 in 4 is high but it still is a minority, it was less likely that this would happen but it did and I just don’t understand what I have done to deserve this. I wanted this baby so much. And I know it doesn’t matter how much I wanted it or what I did and that it was so early that the problem was likely just that the baby didn’t have the right chromosomes or something but I just wish I knew why this had to happen.

People get pregnant by accident and go on to have several healthy babies, it all just seems so horribly unfair this morning. We were trying. I was wishing for this baby. But it didn’t make any difference.
 
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I'm so glad there's been a thread made. I've been trying to find a space to vent, but there isn't really anywhere specifically about loss.

When I stated to bleed I kept googling early miscarriage etc to find the 1 in 4 statistic. It shocked me. It made me wonder who else around me had gone through what I had gone through?

Then I thought about all the silly girls when I was 16 accidentally getting pregnant and wonder how they could be blessed with such a beautiful new life and I couldn't hold onto it for more than 6 weeks.

I feel the same though. Google was my life whilst I miscarried and after. I wanted, no needed, to know why. I went for an appt with my GP to be told its 1 in 4 keep trying love. I went in there in tears and came out in tears. No compassion, no understanding, not a hint of a reason. I think I at least expected a blood test to check vitamin levels, etc but no.
 
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Hugs to you. I still find this subject quite triggering and I have 3 children now after 5 miscarriages and the loss of a twin. You never really get over your losses. I hated when people spouted the ‘1 in 4’ crap and ‘at least you know can get pregnant’ - particularly hated that one. There isn’t really anything you can say to someone that will take away their pain or ease their suffering. It really is just about time. Being kind to yourself. There is no ‘correct’ way or time frame to grieve this sort of loss. They don’t investigate until you have had 3 concurrent losses. It was not a milestone I ever wanted to achieve. Truthfully I think the root of a lot of my mental health challenges now stem from those dark days. I get really anxious if anyone close to me is pregnant, I am so inwardly scared for them until they actually deliver.

I hope you have good support around you, your feelings are valid, be kind to yourself. Much love ❤
 
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I was looking for a thread on this last week when I miscarried for the second time in 5 months at 9 and 10 weeks. I felt bad venting on the TTC thread but I was just so angry and upset so thanks for making it. Im a week post op now and feeling more positive. Im heavily aware time is not on my side as I'm 38 so ill be trying again as soon as my period comes and I hopefully ovulate. My tears have slowed down, they were so bad last week it would take my breath away but we will all get through it. I know I'm blessed already as I have a 4 year old but my desire to make him a big bro is overwhelming. He talks about it being just him mummy and daddy and how he'd like a sister. He has lots of cousins who all have siblings and it makes me feel so sad. So scream if you want to ladies...vent here and remember you're not alone. Im an open book and have told loads of my friends and colleagues about my MC's and most of my friends have had at least one. Its so scarily common. Im just praying I dont have a 3rd. Oh and I did have a chemical before my little boy. My docs have agreed to do a few blood tests which is really nice. So having those a week on Monday. Xxx
 
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My husband keeps saying the ‘at least now we know we can get pregnant’ and I understand why he thinks that, because TTC is such a worrying time, but the idea of getting pregnant again feels like a betrayal to me right now. I feel like I can’t consider trying to get pregnant again because I haven’t had enough to grieve this loss.

I have watched a few videos and in one, the lady described it as even though she hadn’t been pregnant long like me, her life and how she pictured her future had already changed, her heart had already grown and made space for the new person. And that’s how I feel, now when all the things I had imagined doing this year and being pregnant for happen… and this baby I’ve imagined isn’t there growing, it’s just devastating. It’s stupid things like thinking about Christmas Day this year with a little bump, and now there won’t be. I am so scared for all these moments to happen now and the sadness they are going to bring.
 
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What’s awful with this 1/4 statistic is most women won’t even know they were 1/4 and didn’t even know they were pregnant in the first place.

There aren’t any right words to say, just keep talking and processing. You don’t need to apologise for feelings or any disappointment it’s all completely justified X.
 
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Hi all,

I have been on the TTC thread for a few months and have recently had an early loss. I have discussed my experience on the TTC thread but I’m conscious that I don’t feel it’s the right place to process my grief amongst others good news and 2WWs, and I don’t know if I’m ready to try again straight away.

I’m currently at the beginning of miscarrying, I knew it was coming. I’m feeling so lost today.

I know there are many of us on here who will have had a miscarriage at various stages and I suppose I just wanted a place to share those stories and feelings.
What a thoughtful idea. Miscarriages take time to mental and emotionally process and I’ve found that most friends and family struggle with what to say or say the wrong thing.

I’ve had a couple of friends recently imply to me that now that I’ve had a baby that my miscarriage can be forgotten but I’m staggered that they’d be so insensitive
 
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What a thoughtful idea. Miscarriages take time to mental and emotionally process and I’ve found that most friends and family struggle with what to say or say the wrong thing.

I’ve had a couple of friends recently imply to me that now that I’ve had a baby that my miscarriage can be forgotten but I’m staggered that they’d be so insensitive
That’s really insensitive 😞 I know it’s hard to know what to say but surely that is obviously not true?

The only sentiment I’ve heard along those lines which I’ve liked was when people have gone on to conceive shortly after their miscarriage and had a successful pregnancy, they are then more accepting of their pain because without it, their current child wouldn’t exist. I can understand that.

Some flowers have just arrived at my door from a lovely friend of mine (the only friend I had told) which has made me smile a bit after such an awful couple of days 🌸❤
 
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I feel the same about special occasions, I was due Christmas week. I normally love Christmas but it just makes me so sad now when I think about the run up to it without the excitement of a baby being due. I feel like I’m going to be a misery the entire time.

I still can’t get it out my mind and it’s been 9 weeks. I feel like everywhere I look there are babies or pregnant people. And then I feel guilty for wishing it were me instead.

The 1 in 4 statistic is horrific - it happens to so many, yet it still something that isn’t really spoken about enough. The statistic also doesn’t make you feel any better when it happens to you. Because you just think “why am I one of the unlucky ones?”

I have good days and bad days. Even on good days I have bad moments where I feel like I can’t breathe and the grief is too much. But those first few days after, I didn’t think the tears would ever stop. And they did. Even though my heart still aches for what I lost 🤍
 
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Wow, I just read on the NHS website that if you are under 30 your chance of miscarrying is only 1 in 10. Rather than making me feel like it’s less likely to happen again, it’s probably made me more worried that something is wrong with me given I had a 90% chance of it not happening.

I wish I could stop googling but just feel like I want answers or reassurance or just something.
 
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Wow, I just read on the NHS website that if you are under 30 your chance of miscarrying is only 1 in 10. Rather than making me feel like it’s less likely to happen again, it’s probably made me more worried that something is wrong with me given I had a 90% chance of it not happening.

I wish I could stop googling but just feel like I want answers or reassurance or just something.
The odds of miscarrying again are actually really low, so the odds will be in your favour when you fall pregnant again. I had a mmc 3 years ago which was found at the 12 week scan, i had already told all my family and started buying little things and we even picked names, I felt so stupid and turned my phone off for 4 days as everyone knew I was heading for my scan and I just couldn’t bring myself to tell them the news. I did get pregnant a few months later though and now have my daughter. I was so anxious throughout and was constantly ‘waiting’ for something to go wrong, i still feel kind of sad I couldn’t enjoy that pregnancy. I now and again still think about the baby I lost and if it would have been a boy or girl etc but the pain definitely gets easier over time. Also the week I found out I was pregnant with my daughter I seen rainbows in the sky every single day, and I took great comfort in that it was my lost baby telling me things would be ok this time ❤
I wish you all the best and take care of yourself for the next few months xx
 
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The odds of miscarrying again are actually really low, so the odds will be in your favour when you fall pregnant again. I had a mmc 3 years ago which was found at the 12 week scan, i had already told all my family and started buying little things and we even picked names, I felt so stupid and turned my phone off for 4 days as everyone knew I was heading for my scan and I just couldn’t bring myself to tell them the news. I did get pregnant a few months later though and now have my daughter. I was so anxious throughout and was constantly ‘waiting’ for something to go wrong, i still feel kind of sad I couldn’t enjoy that pregnancy. I now and again still think about the baby I lost and if it would have been a boy or girl etc but the pain definitely gets easier over time. Also the week I found out I was pregnant with my daughter I seen rainbows in the sky every single day, and I took great comfort in that it was my lost baby telling me things would be ok this time ❤
I wish you all the best and take care of yourself for the next few months xx
Thankyou for posting this. My mc was found at my 12 week scan too and it just felt like my world stopped. I will never forget the moment they told me there was no heartbeat 😞 and having to tell people who knew I was going to my scan was heartbreaking. I am so worried about if I am ever lucky enough to fall pregnant again, how will I ever get through the anxiety of something happening again. But your story gives me some hope 😊
 
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Thankyou for posting this. My mc was found at my 12 week scan too and it just felt like my world stopped. I will never forget the moment they told me there was no heartbeat 😞 and having to tell people who knew I was going to my scan was heartbreaking. I am so worried about if I am ever lucky enough to fall pregnant again, how will I ever get through the anxiety of something happening again. But your story gives me some hope 😊
Wishing you all the luck and I hope you get your rainbow baby soon xxx
 
The odds of miscarrying again are actually really low, so the odds will be in your favour when you fall pregnant again. I had a mmc 3 years ago which was found at the 12 week scan, i had already told all my family and started buying little things and we even picked names, I felt so stupid and turned my phone off for 4 days as everyone knew I was heading for my scan and I just couldn’t bring myself to tell them the news. I did get pregnant a few months later though and now have my daughter. I was so anxious throughout and was constantly ‘waiting’ for something to go wrong, i still feel kind of sad I couldn’t enjoy that pregnancy. I now and again still think about the baby I lost and if it would have been a boy or girl etc but the pain definitely gets easier over time. Also the week I found out I was pregnant with my daughter I seen rainbows in the sky every single day, and I took great comfort in that it was my lost baby telling me things would be ok this time ❤
I wish you all the best and take care of yourself for the next few months xx
Thank you for posting this, really does give me hope ❤
 
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