That is really sad that you weren’t offered anything further. Do you feel the bereavement midwife should be involved more with support in going through a miscarriage?
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definetely
Thank you for sharing
Hello, apologies if this is in the wrong place, but there’s been a big….debate shall we say over in the pregnancy chat if discussion of anxiety surrounding loss is appropriate over there.
I’m 4+4 with my fourth pregnancy, never had a good outcome. 1 and 3 were early losses and number 2 was a mmc, heart stopped at 8+3, but diagnosed at 10 weeks. I just can’t seem to imagine any pregnancy of mine getting “off the ground” or ever being successful.
I’m finding myself getting irrationally cross with people who are super early talking about the things they’re buying, the people they’ve told. I think I’m just jealous of their ignorance and their blind optimism, it’s like they’re just assuming everything will be fine. And then I feel bad for not being hopeful….but how I can be after 3 losses in one year?
Has anyone had a successful pregnancy after recurrent loses and had these feelings or any tips to manage them?
My husband is being super cautious, day by day approach, try and not talk about it until we get further on. Part of me wants to be super optimistic and just pretend like my baby will be fine too like everyone else, but I did that with the second one after seeing a heartbeat at 8+1, and look what happened 2 days later. For other people it’s like a positive test guarantees them a baby at the end, and I know that’s not the case.
I’m 4+4 with my fourth pregnancy, never had a good outcome. 1 and 3 were early losses and number 2 was a mmc, heart stopped at 8+3, but diagnosed at 10 weeks. I just can’t seem to imagine any pregnancy of mine getting “off the ground” or ever being successful.
I’m finding myself getting irrationally cross with people who are super early talking about the things they’re buying, the people they’ve told. I think I’m just jealous of their ignorance and their blind optimism, it’s like they’re just assuming everything will be fine. And then I feel bad for not being hopeful….but how I can be after 3 losses in one year?
Has anyone had a successful pregnancy after recurrent loses and had these feelings or any tips to manage them?
My husband is being super cautious, day by day approach, try and not talk about it until we get further on. Part of me wants to be super optimistic and just pretend like my baby will be fine too like everyone else, but I did that with the second one after seeing a heartbeat at 8+1, and look what happened 2 days later. For other people it’s like a positive test guarantees them a baby at the end, and I know that’s not the case.
I think with pregnancy after loss there is always the little shadow of worry hanging over you and it’ll be hard to be optimistic after what happened in the past. I think if I were to get pregnant again after my recent loss I’d find it triggering to see people talking about buying things early on etc when I’d just be overcome with worry. It’s just something that’s out of your control I guess and can’t really help. I do send all my well wishes to you and hope you have a healthy pregnancy 🤍 the worry that comes with pregnancy is stressful enough, let alone with losses beforehand. Try and take every day, day by day. I know my response wasn’t much of an answer but I just wanted to respond with some well wishes
Thank you so much. Sending you lots of love.
I'm sorry for your losses.
I experienced my MMC a few months ago and cannot imagine the pain of going through it again. I'm hoping to conceive again soon but I was already anxious about my first pregnancy before it all happened so who knows what headspace I'll be in when it happens again.
I completely understand your feelings and it hurts seeing people being so naively optimistic when we've experienced the worst case scenario. I do think people should be able to have that optimism and no one should have to expect the worst. When I was pregnant I hadn't told anyone as I was waiting for that 3 month milestone where everything is OK. Unfortunately at my 12 week scan I found out I'd lost the baby. The approach of not telling people until 3 months just makes it more isolating if something does go wrong and next time I think I'd just tell everyone early because I'd need the support either way. We still made the phone calls at 3 months last time but we were just sharing our grief rather than joy.
Even though I don't have tips, I think it's important to remember your feelings matter and are valid. Taking it one day at a time is probably a good shout, whatever gets you through. If being cautious is the best approach for you then that's absolutely fine. If it's frustrating seeing others buying things so early then that's understandable and OK too.
I really hope you have a successful pregnancy this time, sending lots of love.
I had a miscarriage in February and that was hard enough, so to go through recurrent losses I feel for you, and hope you know how strong you are to keep going. I don't really have anything useful to add except I can see how it would be triggering, I've felt frustrated at people just assuming everything is going to be ok because they have had a positive test result, but part of me feels it's maybe envy that they haven't experienced that loss and have no reason to assume otherwise. So hard that to get what we want we have to open ourselves up that possibility again. Hoping you have a successful, happy and healthy pregnancy, thinking of you xx
Thank you, I’m so sorry for your loss and hope you get good news soon.
Thank you, I am actually pregnant again but the worry is so hard, I feel like until baby is here it won't go away, then it'll be a whole set of new worries, I'm sure I'm not alone there. Sending everyone love who needs it, keep going, one day at a time xx
sending lots of love and best wishes your way 🤍
I was but mine was a tfmr at 23 weeks, I was invited to hospital a few months later to discuss the tests they had done on the placenta, and also the chances of it happening again and to see how to handle future pregnancies. But I was already pregnant.
It’s so hard and only people who have gone through it can understand. I spent the 9 months of my pregnancy expecting to lose the baby as I had had previous miscarriages. I even kept an overnight bag in the boot in case I ended up in overnight for a D and C like I had done previously.
All I can advise is to do whatever you need to do in order to protect your heart. I didn’t have a baby shower or buy lots in advance even though friends and family were nagging me too.
I also asked for the overhead screens to be turned off during each scan until a heartbeat was confirmed. So as you can see, my anxiety was high and was history of miscarriage sadly dominated the pregnancy.
However, despite everything, I’m now the proud mum to a beautiful baby boy and he is worth every bit of pain and anxiety. I’m prove that you can be beat the odds and that there can be a happy ending. Wishing you all the best over the next few weeks and months xx
I'm so sorry, that's so unfair. I can't even imagine what you're going through. I hope you've got people in your life who can understand and you can talk to?
Does anyone here have experience of their period taking a long time to return after MC? My MC was at the start of April and still no period. My doctor has told me to wait another couple of months but that seems like ages! I was told that we're often more fertile after miscarriage and to crack on with trying again when my period returns but it's been nearly 3 months now and I'm climbing up the walls. Waiting until month 5 before further tests or scans really feels like ages.
I miscarried 4 weeks ago and my period is already back. It’s horrendous
I think how long it takes can depend on how far along you were when you miscarried. I hope it comes soon for you so you can start to try again 🫰
Thank you, I was 3 months along when it happened but it was a missed miscarriage at about 6 weeks. I'm sorry yours is awful, I've heard about a lot of people having a really heavy painful first period, as if you haven't been through enough.I miscarried 4 weeks ago and my period is already back. It’s horrendous
I would phone the GP if it’s still not arrived after 3
months, mine took around 8 weeks to return after a mc at 12 weeks but the hospital wanted to rescan me to make sure I had passed everything, I was still testing positive after 6 weeks though which felt very cruel.
Thanks, that's also my concern. I'm going to ring my doctor again next week and ask about a scan to check. It sometimes feels like you're not being taken seriously with these things. I've been testing negative since about 2 weeks after it happened so it does seem strange. Having the positive result for so long must have been really hard to see.